2015, You Have Been Really Fucked UP!
I find working in retail to be fun in a lot of ways and I don't mind having a wacky schedule that is forever changing but it makes hanging out with friends who work Monday-Friday very difficult. Usually I work at least two days of the weekend if not all three, and it seems like any time I get off work early or have a day off on the weekend day, no one is available to hang out. :/ Today I got sent home from work early because I was at 43 hrs (yea, overtime!) and I was super excited to have free time to hang with friends, but everyone seems to be busy with other things. So here I am finally coming to vent about life and the significant events in my life since my last entry.
I have been putting this off because it's been hard for me to cope with, and I guess I wanted to avoid reliving these feelings, but I think writing about it will be a therapeutic in a way.
My sister, Angie, is one of my closest friends; I love her to the moon and back. She got married a little over a year and a half ago to her high school sweetheart, John. Angie wanted to get pregnant immediately because all she has ever wanted is to be a mother. It took her about a year to get pregnant; she was so excited when she found out, yet she was hesitant to tell the whole family right away. On Easter she decided to announce the news to the rest of our siblings that she was expecting. The baby's due date was predicted to be in October which was neat because most of my family members have October birthdays. Once they found out the baby would be a girl Angie and John started thinking about names. For sure the middle name would be Rose after our maternal grandmother, but the first name was still up in the air. On July 22nd Angie had a little bit of spotting so she made an appointment with the doctor for the next day. At her appointment she mentioned the baby being less active; the doctor said the baby's heart rate was slow and the amniotic fluid was low so they sent her to the hospital for an emergency cesarean section. Angie and John named their tiny little girl Kennedy Rose, she weighed 1 lb 2 oz, just big enough to fill an adult hand. Kennedy was three months premature which meant she was scheduled to live in the NICU until her due date. She was given surfactant, an agent produced in the lungs which prevents the lungs from collapsing, in addition to the surfactant she was put on a ventilator to help her breath since her lungs were not yet fully developed. Kennedy was doing very well for being so early; she was so tiny and red and we were all so excited to meet her. Two weeks later I woke up to the worst news I could ever imagine; little Kennedy passed away on August 5th.
My sweet sister and her husband were completely devastated, and I was too. I don't think I have ever cried more in my life than I did the month of August. Kennedy was my first niece, and my sister's first baby; thinking about how hard this is for her made me hurt so much more, then thinking about her having the physical pain of being cut open to deliver her, and having a scar to remind her every day of what happened... I've never experience something this sad in my life.
We buried Kennedy Rose on August 12th, her casket was closed, and so small that it was the size of a flower arrangement that you would see placed on top of an average adult sized casket.
One week after the burial, my dear Aunt Rosemary whom had been in the hospital battling congestive heart failure took a turn for the worse, was moved to Hospice and passed away. Too much. This was too much all at once. I still can't really believe she is gone. Our Aunt Rosemary was one of the kindest, selfless people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, always doing for others. We spent a lot of time with her as kids, going over to her house on the weekends and making crafts, baking delicious treats, and playing outside. Every Easter we would dye eggs, buy candy and make bunny shaped cinnamon rolls, then assemble little Easter Baskets and deliver them to elderly/invalid members of our parish. I'll never forget my Aunt Rosemary's example of being kind and generous to others, and to always cherish our time with loved ones, because we really never know what will happen and when. <3
I have been putting this off because it's been hard for me to cope with, and I guess I wanted to avoid reliving these feelings, but I think writing about it will be a therapeutic in a way.
My sister, Angie, is one of my closest friends; I love her to the moon and back. She got married a little over a year and a half ago to her high school sweetheart, John. Angie wanted to get pregnant immediately because all she has ever wanted is to be a mother. It took her about a year to get pregnant; she was so excited when she found out, yet she was hesitant to tell the whole family right away. On Easter she decided to announce the news to the rest of our siblings that she was expecting. The baby's due date was predicted to be in October which was neat because most of my family members have October birthdays. Once they found out the baby would be a girl Angie and John started thinking about names. For sure the middle name would be Rose after our maternal grandmother, but the first name was still up in the air. On July 22nd Angie had a little bit of spotting so she made an appointment with the doctor for the next day. At her appointment she mentioned the baby being less active; the doctor said the baby's heart rate was slow and the amniotic fluid was low so they sent her to the hospital for an emergency cesarean section. Angie and John named their tiny little girl Kennedy Rose, she weighed 1 lb 2 oz, just big enough to fill an adult hand. Kennedy was three months premature which meant she was scheduled to live in the NICU until her due date. She was given surfactant, an agent produced in the lungs which prevents the lungs from collapsing, in addition to the surfactant she was put on a ventilator to help her breath since her lungs were not yet fully developed. Kennedy was doing very well for being so early; she was so tiny and red and we were all so excited to meet her. Two weeks later I woke up to the worst news I could ever imagine; little Kennedy passed away on August 5th.
My sweet sister and her husband were completely devastated, and I was too. I don't think I have ever cried more in my life than I did the month of August. Kennedy was my first niece, and my sister's first baby; thinking about how hard this is for her made me hurt so much more, then thinking about her having the physical pain of being cut open to deliver her, and having a scar to remind her every day of what happened... I've never experience something this sad in my life.
We buried Kennedy Rose on August 12th, her casket was closed, and so small that it was the size of a flower arrangement that you would see placed on top of an average adult sized casket.
One week after the burial, my dear Aunt Rosemary whom had been in the hospital battling congestive heart failure took a turn for the worse, was moved to Hospice and passed away. Too much. This was too much all at once. I still can't really believe she is gone. Our Aunt Rosemary was one of the kindest, selfless people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, always doing for others. We spent a lot of time with her as kids, going over to her house on the weekends and making crafts, baking delicious treats, and playing outside. Every Easter we would dye eggs, buy candy and make bunny shaped cinnamon rolls, then assemble little Easter Baskets and deliver them to elderly/invalid members of our parish. I'll never forget my Aunt Rosemary's example of being kind and generous to others, and to always cherish our time with loved ones, because we really never know what will happen and when. <3