Birthday Blues
The Christmas season has stolen my birthday thunder my entire life, and it's pretty fucking depressing this year. I'm in no way trying to claim my birthday is more important than Christmas, but there are always so many various things going on durning the month that most people have conflicting schedules (work, holiday parties, family visiting from out of town, etc.) and are unable to celebrate the day of my existence with me. It's upsetting. The logical side of my brain understands that this is just the way things are and there are some things we cannot control in life; the emotional side of my brain is crying because people did not make a mental memory of my birthday and prioritize potential birthday plans with me... I don't know if that makes me irrational, or crazy but I really do feel like I'm just not valued as a friend because of it. I am really not a complicated person. I don't ever expect gifts or favors from anybody (except Daniel!) but I do expect to celebrate my birthday with my friends! And I guess that's where the problem lies. Expectations. I try to be that friend that is always there to help out no matter what, and I always try to make people feel special on their birthday, so I hope that sentiment is mutual. Unfortunately (for me) it does not seem to be. Last year I didn't really do anything to celebrate my birthday because I didn't want to feel this way. I tried to have the mindset of "don't have expectations and you cannot be let down." I'm really not sure why I didn't stick with that same mentality this year. I guess since I'm turning 30 I thought people might actually remember and want to celebrate a milestone birthday with me. It doesn't look like that's going to happen.
Oh also, just the fact that I'm turning 30. I know, I know, "it's just a number" and I still get carded because I look young, however, the inevitable "I haven't done shit with my life!? Where the fuck did the time go?!" feelings are super heavy...
TLDR; I just want to feel like my friends give a shit about me.
Oh also, just the fact that I'm turning 30. I know, I know, "it's just a number" and I still get carded because I look young, however, the inevitable "I haven't done shit with my life!? Where the fuck did the time go?!" feelings are super heavy...
TLDR; I just want to feel like my friends give a shit about me.