Family dinner tonight. My family... Well it's complicated ( Read more... )

Two years, no evidence of disease.

It's been a good while now that I've been wanting to hurt myself. I keep coming up with reasons not to, which is great. But hell, it would be even fucking greater if I didn't have to think about it or want to do it at all. Fuck feeling out of control.

2 years ago today I went to the emergency room in excruciating pain. Drs thought I had internal bleeding. Found out a week later it was cancer ( Read more... )

Called the doctor in crisis a few weeks ago, asked for an increase in one of my meds because I was to the point of wanting to hurt myself daily and thinking about suicide. I was able to see her a few days later and her advice was, "This seems situational," and "You still have your daughter, right?"

Thanks so much for the validation and waste of my ( Read more... )

8/1/2020- Early AM, 12 CM tumor with ruptured mass- Gary the grapefruit- removed with left ovary ( Read more... )

Well, I guess that's over ( Read more... )

I wish I felt like it mattered that I didn't do a damn thing today. But does it? I feel so fucking useless. I want to hurt myself every damn day, but don't, because I can't let the kid see that. Don't wanna make her more f'ed up than she already is. I just... Feel like no one cares. And why should they? I've done nothing with myself but become a ( Read more... )

I've been wanting to hurt myself. My emotions are spilling over. I'm not dealing with life in any sort of constructive way. Fuck this bullshit. Fibro flares are hell on earth and I'm over it. Being strong is hard.

I'm still here. That counts for something right?