don't explain
so school issues are finally settled. i'm taking microecon, precalc, and psychological anthro, which is really boring so far. i am thinking a lot about going to nursing school after i graduate, but it will mean four more years - or close to that - of school, and i know my dad is going to be bullying me to stay with him and will probably offer me no support if i refuse to stay with him. i feel fairly certain about this whole nursing thing though, i guess that isn't anything unusual, i mean, i've felt fairly certain in almost everything i THOUGHT i wanted to do. i wish i could just pick something and do it. i feel like i've really been neglecting myself lately. so this is going to be very random probably. i haven't had the time or interest in updating any journals, even my private one for a long time, but even these online journals do something for me, and i don't really want to do any more reading for school tonight, so i might as well be productive for myself. i'm sort of haphazardly trying to be a better person, not you're stereotypical better person, but bett for me, that could be bad i guess cause it means i'm not lying down for people anymore, and in some cases, that pisses people off, because they're used to lyer downers. i try to still be generally nice to people, but i get apprehensive around strangers and if they show signs of meanness, i write them off, and i don't care, because i think i am most times very courteous to strangers, that's my assumption i guess. i just hate how it doesn't have to be a two way street. even if you're nice to some people, they will still just walk on you, or ignore your niceness cause they don't care or for whatever reason. i ran into so many people like this on monday. like when i was leaving the bus, this guy didn't hold the door open, so it slammed on my legs, like between the doors. i don't really care, but i mean, i always look behind me to make sure the next person's got the door ok, it doesn't have anything to do with being a guy. this sounds so stupid. things with dylan are ok to good i guess. it's a little weird because we've been having kind of a lot of talks about going on a break or breaking up and that sort of thing, not for rightnow, but for this summer, since he's graduating, and i'm not. there's this part of me that still sees him falling in love with nicole. i don't understand how some people are just not attracted to each other, no matter how similar they are, or hwo complimentary, i guess is a better word. so now we are "Starting a new stage" and i just don't know. i really want for things to work but i worry that i won't see the signs if things stop working, just because i'm blinded by how i want things to be, and i like to be able to trust to things. so we'll see. as bad as it sounds, i am really glad i saw him cry, because as much as he said he loved me before, i never understood it til then, til he thought we were falling apart right then and there. i can't really explain it.
i'm also taking a p.e. class, "total body condition" it's really hard, and i'm very sore after only 1 day, but i guess it will be good, since i'm bad about going to the gym on my own. i tried to get into concert choir, but since i auditioned a week after the quarter started, he didn't have any room for sopranos, and i think i'm ok with not singing. i mean, it would be nice but it would also make for really long days. he said if i wanted, i could sing alto. but i think i will maybe just go to watch the concert this winter. i was knd of bothered by the class because i think mrs. tb was a much better musical director, so it makes me miss choir and theatre and the friends/atmosphere. what else...
this quarter i just feel really nervous about doing badly, i don't know if it's a sign, or just silly, but it's how i feel. i'm kind of jealous of dylan because he has such a wide circle of friends, where as mine is pretty little. i must be going about meeting people the wrong way, or just not enough so i meet the wrong people and stop looking and give up. well, i'm going to go look at other stuff online or something. goodnight little livejournal face.
i'm also taking a p.e. class, "total body condition" it's really hard, and i'm very sore after only 1 day, but i guess it will be good, since i'm bad about going to the gym on my own. i tried to get into concert choir, but since i auditioned a week after the quarter started, he didn't have any room for sopranos, and i think i'm ok with not singing. i mean, it would be nice but it would also make for really long days. he said if i wanted, i could sing alto. but i think i will maybe just go to watch the concert this winter. i was knd of bothered by the class because i think mrs. tb was a much better musical director, so it makes me miss choir and theatre and the friends/atmosphere. what else...
this quarter i just feel really nervous about doing badly, i don't know if it's a sign, or just silly, but it's how i feel. i'm kind of jealous of dylan because he has such a wide circle of friends, where as mine is pretty little. i must be going about meeting people the wrong way, or just not enough so i meet the wrong people and stop looking and give up. well, i'm going to go look at other stuff online or something. goodnight little livejournal face.