grrrrrr.
i've noticed, that 3/4 of the times that i am in placerville, i am in a bitchy mood. i think that's noteworthy. sometimes i really want to give my grandma a piece of my mind, but i can't of course. because then she always says, "sorry we're so boring, i thought we were doing you a favor by letting you stay here" but really they aren't. all of my relatives are willing to let me stay with them, i just chose here because it is the only place that allows me to have my own room (albeit with no space to put anything because every drawer, shelf, and cubby is leaking with random crap my grandparents seem to think is immensely important), a car, and not have to babysit as a form of rent. that is why i never live with my dad, nice as his house may be. well, that and the fact that my stepmom lives there. ugh, i am so sick of her. whenever i talk to her about anything she arrives at one conclusion, "well that was a mistake on your part, you're the only one who didn't know, are you retarded or something? you're very unsuccessful and are going nowhere - love you!buh-bye" who does she think she is that she can tell me every little thing i do wrong?! she is not part of my family! just like my weirdo "grandpa" bill isn't part of my family. i think it's interesting, all the similarities between bill and david, yet my gma fails to notice it all. they were both smokers in denial of their problems, they both have bad tempers, they both refuse to eat anything that could possibly be good for them, they both tell rediculously bad jokes that even i can't laugh at, and im a big fan of bad jokes. my gma always says, "oh if he keeps smoking i'm going to leave him" but it's like, why did you even marry him if he was smoking? that's what killed your last husband, he only quit a year before he died. so my gpa thinks he is like the sneakiest person ever, but is so stupid. he smokes in the bathroom, because i guess he thinks that since there's a fan, no one will smell it. my gma's nose totally doesn't work anymore so she never even notices the smell of smoke after he comes out, or the ashes on the floor. my gpa i guess thinks that we think he's just crapping a lot every day, because after he smokes, he sprays a ton of air-freshener, and puts mouthwash.. in the toilet. yeah, no one will notice that the toilet water is blue or that you go through a bottle of mouthwash a week. in reality, my gma knows, and is herself in denial of it because she knows she'll never do anything about it because she's so afraid to be alone, especially now that my mom is feeling better about herself and wants to start dating. i think before, in the beginning of the divorce, my gma was hoping that my mom would just be a spinster so that they could move in together again. ugh, i really detest my gma.
i've been feeling shitty all week, i don't know why, i just have. i was supposed to go to planned parenthood today to get my bc refilled and for a pap, so i was originally going to get up early to go the walk-in hours which started at 845. i was going to go to bed at 1030, but then my gma decides to just randomly come in, make herself comforable, and start talking about the most random crap that i don't even care about, even though i am sitting on my bed, in my pj's, and not paying attention - which a normal person would take to mean, ok, this person isn't interested, i'll leave now - but not my gma, nope, she has to stay for 20 more minutes. then, she has to wake me up at 7am to tell me they're leaving which i already knew and didn't care about. then 10 minutes later came back to remind me that they were taking the dog to be groomed, so i wouldnt need to worry about letting her out, which i also already knew!! i just really want to tell her to go away!! she makes me feel like i am such a hermit, because i never want to talk to her because then i will be there for an hour! uuugh. so annoying. i was so tired that i slept in til like 9 i think, got to planned parenthood around 1130, to find out that you are actually supposed to come before walk-in hours, to reserve a walk-in time, and that they were all filled... i don't get it. isn't the purpose of walk-in hours, that you don't need to reserve it??? plus, it didn't say this anywhere, not even on their phone service!! so i drove all the way to fucking roseville for no fucking reason!! even then, i couldn't get my birth control refilled because that counts as walk-in also, and i would need to get there before 1245 which is when they started taking names (which i also don't understand, because they don't let you wait in a line or anything) even though they wouldn't start taking people til after 2! santa cruz planned parenthood is so much better. i mean, you are seriously expected to waste an entire day at this place! to make matters worse, those stupid die-hard pro-life christians had blown up pics of babies that had obviously been aborted waaaaayyy after the 2nd trimester, i mean, they almost looked like dead premies, and probably were. but anyway, it made me wish i had rocks to throw at them. sometimes i wonder what they would do if one of their kids got raped, or raped someone. would they still be like "oh, its a gift from god! you must nourish and love it!" i doubt it. its such bullshit.
so basically, i'm just sick of placerville. never EVER coming here again for more than a week, even that might be pushing it, it's insane. i have one day off, and i can't even keep myself busy for that long, as much as i don't like my job because the girls are so friggin stuck up and bitchy. more than anything, i just hate my gparents because they make me grumpy all the time! so i'm in bad moods when friends call, or when my mom calls, and whenever i am a bitch to my gma she just says "shannon relax!" which just makes me even more angry, even though i've told her like over 10 times that it's her fault i'm going psycho because i never get any peace! and then they give me a hard time about wanting to see dylan a lot, and its like, are you joking? do i need to like, make a diagram for you. i seriously want to hurt them sometimes, i know its bad, but i dont act on it so whatever. sometimes i think my gparents know what they're doing, they know that they can say whatever the hell they want to, because, due to family hierarchy and shit, i can never really tell them off. i wonder if it would be better to stay with my mom for two weeks than to be here. at least then i would be away from their retarded dog, my gma's bad food, and my gpas bad jokes and smoking. besides, if i don't laugh at his stupid jokes, he thinks i'm ungrateful anyway. ooooh, and he decided to put a fucking american flag sticker on my uncle's car that i'm driving. didn't even ask me if i cared, or my uncle, he just fucking put it on there. i hate bumper stickers, ESPECIALLY of american flags because they always make me think of those stupid die-hard oblivious to everything americans that are like "This is the greatest country on the planet!", they're like those hardcore christian people that go and protest and planned parenthood. ugh. this sucks cause i have been so totally disinterested in what anyone else is doing because i am so pissed at my own situation. i dont know if anyone else ever has this. but it sucks. and i hate roseville planned parenthood now. and i am not giving them a donation next time i go because now i need to ask for yet another day off of work just to drive all the way down there in 100 degree weather. the thing i hate most about being here, is that it makes me hate all of my family, i don't even like to talk to my mom anymore. i just want to move away from them and never have to see them again :(
i've been feeling shitty all week, i don't know why, i just have. i was supposed to go to planned parenthood today to get my bc refilled and for a pap, so i was originally going to get up early to go the walk-in hours which started at 845. i was going to go to bed at 1030, but then my gma decides to just randomly come in, make herself comforable, and start talking about the most random crap that i don't even care about, even though i am sitting on my bed, in my pj's, and not paying attention - which a normal person would take to mean, ok, this person isn't interested, i'll leave now - but not my gma, nope, she has to stay for 20 more minutes. then, she has to wake me up at 7am to tell me they're leaving which i already knew and didn't care about. then 10 minutes later came back to remind me that they were taking the dog to be groomed, so i wouldnt need to worry about letting her out, which i also already knew!! i just really want to tell her to go away!! she makes me feel like i am such a hermit, because i never want to talk to her because then i will be there for an hour! uuugh. so annoying. i was so tired that i slept in til like 9 i think, got to planned parenthood around 1130, to find out that you are actually supposed to come before walk-in hours, to reserve a walk-in time, and that they were all filled... i don't get it. isn't the purpose of walk-in hours, that you don't need to reserve it??? plus, it didn't say this anywhere, not even on their phone service!! so i drove all the way to fucking roseville for no fucking reason!! even then, i couldn't get my birth control refilled because that counts as walk-in also, and i would need to get there before 1245 which is when they started taking names (which i also don't understand, because they don't let you wait in a line or anything) even though they wouldn't start taking people til after 2! santa cruz planned parenthood is so much better. i mean, you are seriously expected to waste an entire day at this place! to make matters worse, those stupid die-hard pro-life christians had blown up pics of babies that had obviously been aborted waaaaayyy after the 2nd trimester, i mean, they almost looked like dead premies, and probably were. but anyway, it made me wish i had rocks to throw at them. sometimes i wonder what they would do if one of their kids got raped, or raped someone. would they still be like "oh, its a gift from god! you must nourish and love it!" i doubt it. its such bullshit.
so basically, i'm just sick of placerville. never EVER coming here again for more than a week, even that might be pushing it, it's insane. i have one day off, and i can't even keep myself busy for that long, as much as i don't like my job because the girls are so friggin stuck up and bitchy. more than anything, i just hate my gparents because they make me grumpy all the time! so i'm in bad moods when friends call, or when my mom calls, and whenever i am a bitch to my gma she just says "shannon relax!" which just makes me even more angry, even though i've told her like over 10 times that it's her fault i'm going psycho because i never get any peace! and then they give me a hard time about wanting to see dylan a lot, and its like, are you joking? do i need to like, make a diagram for you. i seriously want to hurt them sometimes, i know its bad, but i dont act on it so whatever. sometimes i think my gparents know what they're doing, they know that they can say whatever the hell they want to, because, due to family hierarchy and shit, i can never really tell them off. i wonder if it would be better to stay with my mom for two weeks than to be here. at least then i would be away from their retarded dog, my gma's bad food, and my gpas bad jokes and smoking. besides, if i don't laugh at his stupid jokes, he thinks i'm ungrateful anyway. ooooh, and he decided to put a fucking american flag sticker on my uncle's car that i'm driving. didn't even ask me if i cared, or my uncle, he just fucking put it on there. i hate bumper stickers, ESPECIALLY of american flags because they always make me think of those stupid die-hard oblivious to everything americans that are like "This is the greatest country on the planet!", they're like those hardcore christian people that go and protest and planned parenthood. ugh. this sucks cause i have been so totally disinterested in what anyone else is doing because i am so pissed at my own situation. i dont know if anyone else ever has this. but it sucks. and i hate roseville planned parenthood now. and i am not giving them a donation next time i go because now i need to ask for yet another day off of work just to drive all the way down there in 100 degree weather. the thing i hate most about being here, is that it makes me hate all of my family, i don't even like to talk to my mom anymore. i just want to move away from them and never have to see them again :(