should be exciting but cant stop crying
well tomorrow about 12pm well know what the baby is..very exciting kinda i was more excited yesterday then today i feel like im just gonna be disappointed again...
Another thing im not sure about me n todd i love him dearly with everything but latly hes been kinda bog..like i got 60 dollars from my mom and i had a 40 dollar money order well that equals to 100 dollars well lets see he didnt take me shopping at first..out of the 60 bucks.
$5 went to him for big lots
$5 for taco bell for me n lillian
$6 dollars for my shampoo and conditioner
$7 bucks for t shirts for me
$13 dollars for him so he could get 2 packs of shirts
$11 for wendys
$13 rallys
i wouldnt really mind that i spent it on him or us but i really needed clothes n he knew that, and he said hed buy me clothes but i knew he was full of shit..he just said that to make me believe he cared..
and he said hed help give some bck since my mom gave me 60 dollars to buy clothes and first thing i did was give him what he wanted..and so he never gave me a dime so i took 50 dollars out of the baby money, so that means i had 90 dollars all together...i spent $50 on clothes $15 on a bra that means i had 25 dollars left, so if i kept that 50 dollars my mom oringinaly gave me i would have 25 left but then first thing todd says whens ur mom gonna give u the money back and all i can think of it what money she gave me 50 dollars oringinly and i mostly spent it on junk and ur helping me zero and u said uu would so thats fucked up..and yesterday he took 15 dollars out of the baby money for pizza and never put it back i have 35 dollars of the money now so ill get 15 more from my mom...but again i guess another lesson learned, not to give to him cuz he dont give back..he seems to only do stuff whyen its for him and it makes me want to cry, he alwys says u never pock what us for us to do i said cuz everything i say isnt good enought he says becuz its lwys boring like lets go hang out with so n so but its ok if he wants to go hang out with so n so and me be the follower,like christines mom wants me to come over n so she can knit me something and i need to pick out everything but i know thats to boring for todd so im gonna have my mom bring me this weekend to go over there..i can tell where this relationship is going..his input no ones elses and if my input is putout its not good enough so y say anything..and its depressing me i barly even want to be around him anymore thats how i bad i hate it..he bough hitch today and the girl in it has played a movie where she was naked something iv heard 40000 times well todd went into all these celebrities being nude in movies and hes like guess what reese witherspoon was naked in a movie and i guess cameron diaz and lucy lue was naked in stuff to and nicole kidman and sean wanted to see and guess what todd had in his favorites all this naked stuff well ill just say it just got there in the last week..and im thinking a few days ago he never went n took a shower at his house cuz he knew i was gonna go threw his computer and find the stuff and yeah i think of him sexually and honestly it makes me not feel good im going right back how i was with damien..i dont care if he looks at it jerks to it just dont touch me but i know that evenwhen he touchs me he goes to it and it just makes me cry and it dont help much that iv gained 15lbs 7 months pretgnant and i feel gross enough well hes just building on it..i honestly dont want him touching me cuz i feel like if he does ill cry and i cant cry y cuz my boyfriend is obsessed with porn and he cant say hes not cuz it was funny we were watching this playboy thing on tv and it was showing everything hes like this is my new favorite channel well after a few minutes he changed it well i was getting tired so i took out my contacts well guess where he headed at right aft5er i took them out and i could tell cuz he was flipping fast since he knew where he was going..nd we just did something like 10 minutes b4....where do i find these guys man im not partying doing drugs not off line ( i meet him online after i knew him lol) so y do i keep going to the same ones..its like their similar in alot of ways and its like oo god im back to this..only thing i like better about damien..honestly he would rather me have something and him go without, he might of broke my heart 79808 times and hurt me but most of it was good so out of 7 years, 2 1/2 years were bad but rest i was treatly like a princess and i wasnt shy or scareed or anything to ask him for anything cuz i knew he didnt mind, like taking me shopping lol i would shop when we got up till we went to bed and he didnt mind only cuz everything i tryed on he wanted to see what it looked like becuz some stuff id say no only cuz i thought he wouldnt like it, and hed tell me if he liked it..but when i notice things like that is when i want to give some1 my all..and i want to give that to todd but i alwys feel deep down he dont care for me like he says and i just feel like he will brake my heart he just seems like that kind of guy to me, and i just feel like i was supposed to be the girl he fucked then left but then i got pregnant very soon after so it was kinda hard to leave cuz he knows deep down this child is his..but i can tell his attitude about things, his bossiness, his controlitive self, his alwys talking about every girl everywhere, getting drunk is gonna get in the way of us and tear us apart..ud think if drinking bugged me that much he wouldnt do it thts another thing i loved about damien he knew i hated drinking n drugs well he didnt do it till i was out of the picture and i thank him for that
just got off the phone with todd he calls every 2 hrs even less then that and if i dont answer he'll call over n over n over till i do, to tell me hes got another delivery and hes stuck at a train..like yesterday he was supposed to get off at 10pm wel he calls at 10:21pm cuz i looked right at my clock hes like i got to take gus home then ill be right there im like ookk..well gus is the boss then at 10:24pm he says ok im on my way..and honestly i think hes full of it i think he was at someones house and he was just leaving and now im balling for what have no idea, i think cuz all i think about is i hate really hate being pregnant by someone that i know its not gonna work and i keep asking myself if i know its not gonna work y am i sticking around and its becuz i do love him and i want it to work..ok i gotta go n clean up my face b4 he gets here and he can tell..ooo one more thing he says that now on for summer vitos is gonna stay open till 1am..so it will go from 10pm to 1am yeah right..and he told me yesterday..sarahs mom ordered pizza from there and they said it would take a hr so she said shed go get it then and he said he left in a hurry just so he wouldnt have to see her..i think thats a lie..and so he brought it up today saying i cant believe she did that, what the fuck ever buddy, its been almost a year i think he should get over everything, everytime he drives to his house its like 5 streets away from him that she lives he looks down the block every time i pertend i didnt see him do it uz he looks at me right after he does it and i pertend i didnt see him do it..but dont forget he dont care..hes so damn confusing , going on 21 and cant still make up his mind
Another thing im not sure about me n todd i love him dearly with everything but latly hes been kinda bog..like i got 60 dollars from my mom and i had a 40 dollar money order well that equals to 100 dollars well lets see he didnt take me shopping at first..out of the 60 bucks.
$5 went to him for big lots
$5 for taco bell for me n lillian
$6 dollars for my shampoo and conditioner
$7 bucks for t shirts for me
$13 dollars for him so he could get 2 packs of shirts
$11 for wendys
$13 rallys
i wouldnt really mind that i spent it on him or us but i really needed clothes n he knew that, and he said hed buy me clothes but i knew he was full of shit..he just said that to make me believe he cared..
and he said hed help give some bck since my mom gave me 60 dollars to buy clothes and first thing i did was give him what he wanted..and so he never gave me a dime so i took 50 dollars out of the baby money, so that means i had 90 dollars all together...i spent $50 on clothes $15 on a bra that means i had 25 dollars left, so if i kept that 50 dollars my mom oringinaly gave me i would have 25 left but then first thing todd says whens ur mom gonna give u the money back and all i can think of it what money she gave me 50 dollars oringinly and i mostly spent it on junk and ur helping me zero and u said uu would so thats fucked up..and yesterday he took 15 dollars out of the baby money for pizza and never put it back i have 35 dollars of the money now so ill get 15 more from my mom...but again i guess another lesson learned, not to give to him cuz he dont give back..he seems to only do stuff whyen its for him and it makes me want to cry, he alwys says u never pock what us for us to do i said cuz everything i say isnt good enought he says becuz its lwys boring like lets go hang out with so n so but its ok if he wants to go hang out with so n so and me be the follower,like christines mom wants me to come over n so she can knit me something and i need to pick out everything but i know thats to boring for todd so im gonna have my mom bring me this weekend to go over there..i can tell where this relationship is going..his input no ones elses and if my input is putout its not good enough so y say anything..and its depressing me i barly even want to be around him anymore thats how i bad i hate it..he bough hitch today and the girl in it has played a movie where she was naked something iv heard 40000 times well todd went into all these celebrities being nude in movies and hes like guess what reese witherspoon was naked in a movie and i guess cameron diaz and lucy lue was naked in stuff to and nicole kidman and sean wanted to see and guess what todd had in his favorites all this naked stuff well ill just say it just got there in the last week..and im thinking a few days ago he never went n took a shower at his house cuz he knew i was gonna go threw his computer and find the stuff and yeah i think of him sexually and honestly it makes me not feel good im going right back how i was with damien..i dont care if he looks at it jerks to it just dont touch me but i know that evenwhen he touchs me he goes to it and it just makes me cry and it dont help much that iv gained 15lbs 7 months pretgnant and i feel gross enough well hes just building on it..i honestly dont want him touching me cuz i feel like if he does ill cry and i cant cry y cuz my boyfriend is obsessed with porn and he cant say hes not cuz it was funny we were watching this playboy thing on tv and it was showing everything hes like this is my new favorite channel well after a few minutes he changed it well i was getting tired so i took out my contacts well guess where he headed at right aft5er i took them out and i could tell cuz he was flipping fast since he knew where he was going..nd we just did something like 10 minutes b4....where do i find these guys man im not partying doing drugs not off line ( i meet him online after i knew him lol) so y do i keep going to the same ones..its like their similar in alot of ways and its like oo god im back to this..only thing i like better about damien..honestly he would rather me have something and him go without, he might of broke my heart 79808 times and hurt me but most of it was good so out of 7 years, 2 1/2 years were bad but rest i was treatly like a princess and i wasnt shy or scareed or anything to ask him for anything cuz i knew he didnt mind, like taking me shopping lol i would shop when we got up till we went to bed and he didnt mind only cuz everything i tryed on he wanted to see what it looked like becuz some stuff id say no only cuz i thought he wouldnt like it, and hed tell me if he liked it..but when i notice things like that is when i want to give some1 my all..and i want to give that to todd but i alwys feel deep down he dont care for me like he says and i just feel like he will brake my heart he just seems like that kind of guy to me, and i just feel like i was supposed to be the girl he fucked then left but then i got pregnant very soon after so it was kinda hard to leave cuz he knows deep down this child is his..but i can tell his attitude about things, his bossiness, his controlitive self, his alwys talking about every girl everywhere, getting drunk is gonna get in the way of us and tear us apart..ud think if drinking bugged me that much he wouldnt do it thts another thing i loved about damien he knew i hated drinking n drugs well he didnt do it till i was out of the picture and i thank him for that
just got off the phone with todd he calls every 2 hrs even less then that and if i dont answer he'll call over n over n over till i do, to tell me hes got another delivery and hes stuck at a train..like yesterday he was supposed to get off at 10pm wel he calls at 10:21pm cuz i looked right at my clock hes like i got to take gus home then ill be right there im like ookk..well gus is the boss then at 10:24pm he says ok im on my way..and honestly i think hes full of it i think he was at someones house and he was just leaving and now im balling for what have no idea, i think cuz all i think about is i hate really hate being pregnant by someone that i know its not gonna work and i keep asking myself if i know its not gonna work y am i sticking around and its becuz i do love him and i want it to work..ok i gotta go n clean up my face b4 he gets here and he can tell..ooo one more thing he says that now on for summer vitos is gonna stay open till 1am..so it will go from 10pm to 1am yeah right..and he told me yesterday..sarahs mom ordered pizza from there and they said it would take a hr so she said shed go get it then and he said he left in a hurry just so he wouldnt have to see her..i think thats a lie..and so he brought it up today saying i cant believe she did that, what the fuck ever buddy, its been almost a year i think he should get over everything, everytime he drives to his house its like 5 streets away from him that she lives he looks down the block every time i pertend i didnt see him do it uz he looks at me right after he does it and i pertend i didnt see him do it..but dont forget he dont care..hes so damn confusing , going on 21 and cant still make up his mind