I look back
So we already know how I've been so terrible lately, and now I've paid for it. I've been so depressed lately because I am so sick of putting up with all this stupid shit that everyone is throwing at me. And to me there was only one way to fix it...DRUGS.
For the past 4 days I've been drunk and high. And yesturday I went to Billy's house and I have no idea what the hell he gave me. But I had a really BAD trip. It was horrible, and I was lost down on G street. I was with Kristina and Andrew and we all were freaking out. We had no idea where we were and we were seeing things. Finally Kristina found some loose change and we called Bre to come pick us up. I am NEVER smoking with Billy again! Nor em I smoking Tex's weed. I swear, it was laced with something...it was BAD BAD BAD!!!
So, we all know I am an unhappy child. What with covering up my feeling with drugs and alcohol..again. This so reminds me of freshman year. I was such a junkie last year, catholic school was drug central. I really don't want to become that again. I've through so much in the past 2 years, way too much for a sixteen year old. And I am afraid of becoming that thing I was before. I don't want to become the old me. The old me: drinking all the time, smoking all the time, cutting my poor arms all the time. Crying and dreaming of suicide. I DO NOT want that again. I've grown over the past few months and I know I can be something much better than that. I just...
"I look back and see the twisted road"- I've been traveling down it alone, and I need some reasurrence. I just need some help, I thought I could do it all on my own, but I can't. I just don't want to cry alone. Its like I want that HIM thing, " Come share you pain with me and we can witness it all go wrong" I know its not going to get better anytime soon. In fact my family problems are getting much worse. I just need someone by my side, just for a few moments. Is that to much to ask?
--I guess so...
For the past 4 days I've been drunk and high. And yesturday I went to Billy's house and I have no idea what the hell he gave me. But I had a really BAD trip. It was horrible, and I was lost down on G street. I was with Kristina and Andrew and we all were freaking out. We had no idea where we were and we were seeing things. Finally Kristina found some loose change and we called Bre to come pick us up. I am NEVER smoking with Billy again! Nor em I smoking Tex's weed. I swear, it was laced with something...it was BAD BAD BAD!!!
So, we all know I am an unhappy child. What with covering up my feeling with drugs and alcohol..again. This so reminds me of freshman year. I was such a junkie last year, catholic school was drug central. I really don't want to become that again. I've through so much in the past 2 years, way too much for a sixteen year old. And I am afraid of becoming that thing I was before. I don't want to become the old me. The old me: drinking all the time, smoking all the time, cutting my poor arms all the time. Crying and dreaming of suicide. I DO NOT want that again. I've grown over the past few months and I know I can be something much better than that. I just...
"I look back and see the twisted road"- I've been traveling down it alone, and I need some reasurrence. I just need some help, I thought I could do it all on my own, but I can't. I just don't want to cry alone. Its like I want that HIM thing, " Come share you pain with me and we can witness it all go wrong" I know its not going to get better anytime soon. In fact my family problems are getting much worse. I just need someone by my side, just for a few moments. Is that to much to ask?
--I guess so...