(no subject)
today felt like a complete waste of a day..as is every other fucking day of my life that i live. today i realized that every single thing i do every single day has no meaning or point. if i sound emo, depressing, or just plain annoying i dont mean to, just expressing how i really feel about all this. life.
i honestly feel left out lately, just lately, since like today...dont really know why for sure, but eh, i have an idea...i hope things get better soon, its getting pretty fucking hopeless around here.
some CRAZZZZYYYYY shit!! my brother, the little bastard who i have tried to kill since he was born, and i had a very very long and in depth conversation last night, which lasted for about three hours, dont really know how we got into it either, it just kinda happened. i mean really in depth too, never ever in my life have i had a conversation even near that with my bro. and deep down i realized i do love him so much, hes my little bro, hes the only other person in the world who lives kinda like i do, the only other person in the world besides me who was my mothers child and knows what im going through. we talked about that, and much much much more. we talked about anything and everything. we even cried. i found out alot of things as well and so did he, i admitted all the things i stole from my dad and he in turn told me all the things he took, so just in case he turns on me (which he hasnt so far, and last night was just too real for him to be not serious) i know just as much about him so i know everyhting will be kept quiet. but i also realized that alot of the things that i actually manage to keep quiet inside my head, my brother knows and understands. i guess something snapped, or the gods and goddesses of the universe are finally on my side, steve is on my side, hes helping me with alot of stuff and we are getting along now. and after all those years of hate and anger, it only took minutes to hours to completely change all that.
i honestly feel left out lately, just lately, since like today...dont really know why for sure, but eh, i have an idea...i hope things get better soon, its getting pretty fucking hopeless around here.
some CRAZZZZYYYYY shit!! my brother, the little bastard who i have tried to kill since he was born, and i had a very very long and in depth conversation last night, which lasted for about three hours, dont really know how we got into it either, it just kinda happened. i mean really in depth too, never ever in my life have i had a conversation even near that with my bro. and deep down i realized i do love him so much, hes my little bro, hes the only other person in the world who lives kinda like i do, the only other person in the world besides me who was my mothers child and knows what im going through. we talked about that, and much much much more. we talked about anything and everything. we even cried. i found out alot of things as well and so did he, i admitted all the things i stole from my dad and he in turn told me all the things he took, so just in case he turns on me (which he hasnt so far, and last night was just too real for him to be not serious) i know just as much about him so i know everyhting will be kept quiet. but i also realized that alot of the things that i actually manage to keep quiet inside my head, my brother knows and understands. i guess something snapped, or the gods and goddesses of the universe are finally on my side, steve is on my side, hes helping me with alot of stuff and we are getting along now. and after all those years of hate and anger, it only took minutes to hours to completely change all that.