numb
I don't know how to deal with myself anymore. If I were to die right now, I'd be so satisfied with my life. I had a job where I was happy and I had a hot boss. I never knew if he liked me, but it wouldn't matter because in my head, before I died, he would. I'd have a paycheck coming so that my family could pay off my credit cards. They could have a yard sale for everything left in my room. Chris could have my phone and laptop. I could honestly say that I lived a happy life. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. What am I supposed to wake up to? A boring day of sitting around the house? Celebrating another birthday? I'm so sick of living, It's all the same shit everyday. I'm tired of it all. All of the bullshit, the drama. The being single, the being lonely. I know I'm not the only one. He doesn't even notice me. He doesn't even care. My medicine can only do so much for me, and I'm in so much pain. I feel miserable. I don't want to go through it anymore. I can't control who I like. If I could, trust me, I would. If it's something I will learn later in life, then that part needs to hurry up and happen or my life needs to end here and now.