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I hate when I like guys and they use me to get whatever they want. It's cool because at least Josh wears the watch I bought him and uses the wallet. He did say thanks whenever I bought him stuff. It's just that I guess I feel like since I've bought him something, he should get me something in return. I know he let me borrow his ps3, but it just feels like something else is missing. I still like him. He told me that he didn't like me today because I'm not his type and that I'm too short. He tried to say that I was too young. I don't know if he was being serious or not. As he was leaving he told me to be strong. Whatever that's supposed to mean after you tell a depressed person that likes you that you don't like them back. I wanted to cry so bad. My voice kept cracking. I feel like I've done something wrong. I know he isn't for me because I'm now crying. Why is it so hard to get over guys? Why do I even like them? Why can't I control who I like? Who in their right mind would let themselves like their manager?
I don't want to be his good friend. I want it to be out of my mind that I ever liked him. I hate myself for this. It isn't fair to me. He told me that I was being selfish for finding him a gf because I needed to get over him. He doesn't realize how much I hurt right now. I even told him that I get rejected a lot. He asked me if it made me feel better. I told him no. It's the truth. It hurts so bad because when I like a guy, I really like them. When they tell me they don't like me, it helps me realize that I have no chance with them and makes me get over them. I'll be okay in like a month. I guess. I hope I am. I just want it to be over. I hate hurting like this. How many more times do I have to go through with it? What will it take for me to finally get a boyfriend? Or realize that I'm meant to be single so that I can stop liking guys? These writings don't help me at all. I just don't know what to do. I just want to crawl into a little cave and die. Maybe I really should just kill myself. I don't know why I'm here anymore. I'm useless. I don't go to school, I'm a fat blob. I have no friends, I don't do anything. What's the point of me living? To take up space? Someone else could be using what I have. Someone that actually wanted to go to school could be where I am now. WHY ME?
I don't want to be his good friend. I want it to be out of my mind that I ever liked him. I hate myself for this. It isn't fair to me. He told me that I was being selfish for finding him a gf because I needed to get over him. He doesn't realize how much I hurt right now. I even told him that I get rejected a lot. He asked me if it made me feel better. I told him no. It's the truth. It hurts so bad because when I like a guy, I really like them. When they tell me they don't like me, it helps me realize that I have no chance with them and makes me get over them. I'll be okay in like a month. I guess. I hope I am. I just want it to be over. I hate hurting like this. How many more times do I have to go through with it? What will it take for me to finally get a boyfriend? Or realize that I'm meant to be single so that I can stop liking guys? These writings don't help me at all. I just don't know what to do. I just want to crawl into a little cave and die. Maybe I really should just kill myself. I don't know why I'm here anymore. I'm useless. I don't go to school, I'm a fat blob. I have no friends, I don't do anything. What's the point of me living? To take up space? Someone else could be using what I have. Someone that actually wanted to go to school could be where I am now. WHY ME?