Fanfiction: The King of Queens', modern Cambridge AU, WIP (6/?)
Title: The King of Queens', Chapter Six
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: R now but will end up NC-17
Word count: This part 5,157. (About 25k in total so far)
Warnings: Some homophobia
Summary: Modern AU. Merlin has always dreamed of going to Cambridge University and is thrilled to win a place at Queens’ College. Whilst there he falls hopelessly in love with the JCR President, drinking society President, Lacrosse captain and all-round popular guy Arthur Pendragon. Arthur takes him under his wing until Merlin stands to be LGBT Rep on the JCR and Arthur realises that Merlin likes boys. Full of Cambridge slang, UST, Arthur being a knobhead with no knob, and eventual happy ending. I promise.
Previous parts: CHAPTER ONE; CHAPTER TWO; CHAPTER THREE; CHAPTER FOUR; CHAPTER FIVE
Hunith had worried about Merlin all the way to the station in Witham. 'Will you have enough smart clothes? Will you know what cutlery to use? Will you know how to act?'
'Mum, you're acting like I'm a debutante or something. I'll be fine,' he brushed her off. 'Anyway, I've seen Titanic so I know very well to just eat from the outside in.'
She laughed, brushed his air off his forehead. 'You're just very precious to me. A few months ago you were sitting in your room on your own every night. And now here you are, off to stay with a Lord.'
'It's like Cinderella, isn't it?' Merlin said sarcastically, even though he couldn't help himself brushing down his jeans (new) and shirt (Ralph Lauren by way of Oxfam).
'I just want you to be careful.'
'What do you mean, Mum?'
'I just don't want you to be bowled over by their way of life and lose sight of who you are,' she spat on her finger and rubbed at an imaginary piece of dirt on his cheek. He flinched away.
'I won't lose sight of who I am,' he caught her hand, pressed it to his cheek briefly. 'Okay?'
'Okay,' she sighed. 'Well, have a good time, and I'll see you on the 12th.'
'Yeah, see you,' he turned to go then reconsidered, bundled her up in a big hug and kissed the top of her head. 'I love you Mum.'
When he pulled away she was crying slightly. 'I love you too.'
***
The train journey itself was long and dull. It took 45 minutes to get to Liverpool Street, then he had the faff of topping up his Oyster card and heading all the way down to Wimbledon, which was where Arthur lived. It was one of three houses they owned, which made his mind boggle.
He spent most of the way there alternating between feelings of pure joy, and pure fear. Try as he might he couldn't shift his Mum's words. He was from a different class to these people and maybe it didn't matter to Arthur - or maybe he didn't really realise it - but Uther Pendragon would see right through him. Would see that his enunciation wasn't as good as it could be. That his clothes were from charity shops. That his Mum was a single parent. And worst of all he came from Essex for crying out loud, he could practically imagine the way Uther would look down his long, patrician nose and sniff at that.
Merlin called Arthur when he finally got to Wimbledon tube. It was pissing it down with rain.
'You at the station, mate?'
'Yeah, which way do I walk?'
'Fuck off you're walking, I'll drive you. See you in 5.'
Once he'd hung up, Merlin began to nervously pace the car-park. Everything felt wrong. His shirt felt too big, his jeans felt too creased, his trainers looked too scruffy. He wished again that he'd had a haircut. This weekend was going to be a disaster. He'd humiliate himself every day. He just knew it.
Beep beep. The honk of a horn startled Merlin out of his spiral of paranoia. A silver BMW had just pulled into the car-park. The window rolled down. Arthur was wearing aviators. In winter.
'Come on Emrys, don't stand there dawdling! We've got stuff to do!'
Merlin scurried over, hefting his rucksack over one shoulder.
'Alright mate, good to see you,' Arthur shook his hand as he got in, still wearing those ludicrous sunglasses.
'Good to see you too though... erm... why the shades?'
'Ah,' Arthur drummed his fingers on the wheel. 'I got into a fight. I got a black eye. It's not pretty and I don't want Dad to know. He'll go nuts.' He reversed out of the car-park, narrowly avoiding a pedestrian. 'Fucking people should look where they're going,' he swore.
'How did you get into a fight?' Merlin could picture it well enough. Arthur probably hit on someone's girlfriend, or sister, or got drunk and belligerent.
'It's pretty embarrassing,' Arthur said, finally, resolutely staring straight ahead at the road.
'Sounds like the kind of story I'd love to hear,' Merlin said.
'Yeah, well, I went out two nights ago to see a mate. Nothing heavy, just had a takeaway, watched Match of the Day. Decided, stupidly, to slum it and get a night-bus home rather than call a cab and... well.' He swallowed. 'I got punched by a girl.'
'You what?'
'Don't make me repeat it, Emrys, you bloody heard me.'
'But, but, how?'
'I was just standing downstairs minding my own business and these screaming teenage girls got on. They nicked my wallet as well. Stop laughing Merlin! It's not funny!'
'It's a bit funny,' Merlin pointed out.
'Fine, well maybe it is for you. The bus driver kicked them off and the next morning I wake up wallet-less with a fucking great shiner.' He pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Dad will go spare if he sees it. I don't know what would disappoint him more - thinking I got it from starting a fight, or hearing I got it when some little girls mugged me.'
'Guess you'll be wearing sunglasses for the foreseeable future?'
'Yeah, I guess so too.'
'Don't you have a stepsister though? She'll have make-up, right?'
'I'm not wearing make-up,' he hissed.
'It's either wear make-up or have your dad disinherit you,' Merlin pointed out, reasonably.
'Ugh, fine, make-up it is then. Dad's been away for the past few days so he wants to have a family dinner tonight.'
'Won't I be intruding?' Merlin asked.
'No, he's glad I'm 'behaving responsibly' and not going on the ski trip. Therefore he's had to bite his tongue about me having a mate to stay. I guess he's a bit interested to meet you, too. You're not like my normal friends.'
'Oh?' Merlin thought about the class thing again, fiddled with his cuffs.
'Nah, I've told him that you're not massively into sports and drinking and stuff like Leon and Perce are. I told him you work hard. He likes that.'
'Oh,' Merlin said, again, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. 'Do I have to wear a suit for dinner or anything like that?'
Arthur took his eyes off the road momentarily to look at Merlin and laugh. 'What the fuck? It's not like you're staying at The Savoy, dickhead. Just wear what you're wearing now. Trust me, after Morgana went through her goth phase, nothing anyone wears in our house could shock my dad.'
Merlin laughed a bit then, mostly at himself for getting so worried. It was still Arthur, Arthur who he knew far better than anyone else did. Arthur who, truth be told, was probably his closest friend. Apart from the whole 'secretly being in love with him' and 'hiding my sexuality in case he shuns me', Merlin told Arthur everything. And Arthur did the same with him. He didn't know why he was nervous.
'I figured we'd eat with the family, then me and you could go to the local pub. Have a couple of pints and they do an awesome quiz on a Tuesday.'
'I'm trying not to drink too much,' Merlin said. 'I feel like I should go to rehab, honestly Pendragon, you've been such a bad influence on me.'
Arthur laughed smugly as he turned down a leafy road. 'We'll just have a couple - you'll need your wits about you, mate, their quiz is hard. Here we are then.' He pulled up in front of a gorgeous house. It was dark brick, and sprawling, and tucked behind imposing iron gates. All of the houses down the road were equally nice.
'Fuck me, Pendragon, this is sweet,' Merlin whistled.
'Yeah, it's pretty nice,' Arthur leaned out and put a code in that made the gates open. 'Got a tennis court out the back and dad gave in and let us get a hot tub put in on the patio. Pretty chavvy I know but it's a great seduction tool.'
'Ugh, you're such a twat,' Merlin huffed, grabbing his bag and getting out of the car.
'I know,' Arthur grinned. 'But you love me for it.'
The house was just as impressive inside, all subtle cream tones of paint, exposed wooden beams, and highly polished wooden floors covered in expensive-looking rugs. There was a beautiful girl on the bottom step. She had long, dark hair, pale skin and was wearing the kind of clothes that look ordinary until you get up close and realise just how well-tailored they are.
'Arthur, this must be your friend,' she said, and Merlin clocked that she was Irish.
'Yeah, Morgana this is Merlin, Merlin this is Morgana.' He shut the door, finally taking his sunglasses off. 'When's Dad back?'
'You've got a couple of hours yet. Merlin, nice to meet you,' she strode over and kissed him on each cheek which left Merlin feeling flushed and a bit breathless. She was just so glamorous.
'Air kissing Morgana, really?' Arthur rolled his eyes, which looked weird when one of them was swollen and purple. He leaned in to Merlin, 'She's been interning at The Telegraph and it's made her put on all sorts of airs and graces.'
'Watch it you,' Morgana said, a smile playing around her lips. 'Or I'll poke you in the eye.' She leaned in, grabbing hold of his face so she could examine it properly. 'Uther will go nuts.' She turned to Merlin, 'Have you heard how he did it?'
'Mugged by a five-year-old, that's how I heard it,' Merlin lied.
He was rewarded with a laugh from Morgana and an elbow in the ribs from Arthur, 'Fuck off Merlin, you're my friend remember!'
'I like this one,' Morgana smiled, her teeth very white against her lipstick. She squeezed Merlin's arm, 'I think we'll be friends.'
'You like anyone who makes fun of me,' Arthur glowered.
'Yes, I do,' she said, simply. 'I think you'd be a much nicer boy if more people rinsed you on a regular basis. The rest of your friends look up to you far too much to do it. I'm glad Merlin here has more sense.' She patted him on the shoulder with a smile.
Merlin grinned at her, 'We need to borrow some of your make-up to put on Arthur by the way. Not,' he said hastily, 'because he's taken up cross-dressing, but we've got to hide his eye.'
Morgana laughed wickedly, 'I have just the stuff, come on up.'
***
Dinner was stilted and formal. Uther was every bit as terrifying as Merlin had imagined. In his perfectly cut suit and with his bearing he made Merlin feel like a grubby little peasant.
'What do you think of the food?' Morgana asked Uther, twirling more spaghetti round her fork. 'I spent ages making it.' She hadn't. Merlin had cooked the pasta and the sauce had come out of a jar.
'Delicious, Morgana. You are such a sweet child,' he smiled fondly at her before his eyes slid over to Arthur who was slumping, elbows on the table, every part the recalcitrant teenager even though he was twenty-two. They'd done a great job with the foundation and concealer - and held Morgana back from applying mascara and eye-shadow too - and all you could notice was a slight puffiness about his eye.
'Arthur, do sit up. We have a guest.' He indicated Merlin with his head, who was trying his hardest not to spill spaghetti all over himself and the table-cloth. He bloody hated trying to wind the stuff around his fork and was not making much progress with his plate.
'So, Merlin, have you given any thought to future careers?' Uther asked.
Merlin took a deep breath and pushed his shoulders back, 'At the moment I'm considering the Civil Service,' he said. 'But I want to keep my options open. I'm going to see the careers counsellor next term to discuss work experience and internships. I chose to study history because it seems to offer a lot of transferable skills, so I could certainly go into say... law, or politics, or the public sector.'
Uther nodded approvingly, 'I suppose it is a sensible degree. I had wanted Arthur to read PPE at Oxford like I did but the boy is willful and had settled on Cambridge. It was where his mother went, so I gave in. Sentimental of me.' He chuckled, shaking his head.
Merlin snuck a glance at Arthur who was frowning mutinously at one of his meatballs and stabbing it hard with his fork.
'This is delicious, Morgana,' Merlin smiled at her, more for something to say than for any other reason.
'That's kind of you, Merlin,' she smiled sweetly, sipping at her wine. 'Father, Merlin was telling me earlier that Arthur's been working very hard this term.' She eyeballed Arthur meaningfully, as if to say 'I have given you an opening into a pleasant conversation - please use it.' Arthur didn't.
'Oh really? Well, that makes a change,' Uther sniffed.
'His dissertation is fascinating,' Merlin jumped in. 'Our Director of Studies was telling me about it when we were discussing Part II of Tripos. He told me that Arthur's dissertation is original and eloquent, and that I could certainly learn from it.'
'Oh,' Uther smiled at Arthur. 'Well done, I'm pleased with you.'
Arthur's shoulders straightened almost imperceptibly. He chanced a look at his father, 'I'm really enjoying the research, Dad. It's been really rewarding writing on something that no one else has investigated before.'
'Well let's just keep everything crossed for a first then, Arthur. Come July we'll need to get you a researcher post. I think the Treasury would suit you very well, and it's a good stepping stone for a political career.'
Arthur's face closed down again, 'Hmm,' was all he said.
Morgana noticed the awkwardness as much as Merlin did and changed the subject to a story about a disastrous day she had had at her new internship, when she had fallen down the stairs in front of her favourite columnist.
'The things you get up to, Morgana,' Uther had chuckled indulgently, finishing his plate and opening the port. Arthur had rolled his eyes and Merlin wanted to tell him not to be ungrateful, that it was obvious that Morgana cared about him and was trying to steer attention away from the tension between Arthur and his father. But he didn't. Not until after dinner, at least.
'Come on then,' Arthur said, shrugging on his gilet. 'We're going to the pub remember.'
'Is Morgana coming?' Merlin asked. She had mentioned it earlier that evening.
'Nah, wouldn't want to ruin the love-in between her and my Dad. He treats her far better than he does me,' Arthur's lips thinned with irritation.
'She was trying to make stuff less awkward,' Merlin pointed out. 'She could tell your Dad was pissing you off, that's all.'
'Yeah, well he's always pissed me off. I don't even want to go into politics! I have no interest in economics, or the Treasury, or becoming a speech-writer for some Tory twat! I know what I want to do but there's no way he'll even consider it.'
'What do you want to do?'
'I'm going to apply for an MA next term,' Arthur said. 'And then I want to do a PhD. He's going to kick off when he finds out but I can't help it, alright, I've loved doing my dissertation and I want to carry on studying, maybe become a lecturer myself one day.'
Merlin smiled then, patted Arthur on the shoulder. 'I think you'll be great at that. I do.'
'I'll be disinherited. Dad will go absolutely ape-shit. But I've been thinking about it all holiday, my mind ticking over and over and I just can't do what he wants. It might make him happy but it will make me unhappy.'
'I'm coming with you, Arthur,' Morgana joined them at the front door, a fur-coat thrown over her Prada jeans and Chanel cardigan.
'Fur Morgana, really?' Arthur snapped.
'It's Wimbledon Village, Arthur, it's not like we have animal rights activists here.' Her stare was withering. 'And anyway, it's fake. Now come on, I've left Uther in the study with a brandy and I don't want him to get maudlin and insist we keep him company.'
Arthur huffed and puffed but let her come with them to The Red Lion. It was one of those Sloaney pubs that pretends to be countrified but is in actuality full of rich people who drive 4x4s but really, really don't need to do so. A few had overexcited labradors under their tables with them, and the only papers they had were the Guardian, Times and Telegraph. No tabloids in sight.
'God I hate this place,' Morgana muttered as they found a seat at an artfully distressed oak table. 'It's full of twats.'
'It's my favourite pub,' Arthur glowered.
'Proving my point,' Morgana said, archly.
'Hey, shall I get some drinks in?' Merlin interrupted them before it turned into a full-blown argument. 'I thought we could share a bottle of red? I'm not up for a big one.'
'Yeah, sure,' Morgana said. 'And pick up the quiz papers whilst you're at it.' She gave him a tenner and a wink. 'I hope you come up with a good team name.'
Oh fuck, Merlin hadn't even thought of that.
Fifteen minutes later, having racked his brains helplessly for anything that sounded vaguely witty he had presented Morgana and Arthur with two options. 'Quizzy Rascals or Les Quizerables,' he suggested, pouring them all a large glass of wine.
'They're both terrible,' Arthur groaned.
'Bloody hell, good punning,' Morgana said. 'Have you thought of a career writing headlines for The Sun?'
Merlin laughed, 'I hadn't, but maybe it's an untapped career path for me.'
'Speaking of career paths,' Morgana looked at Arthur over the rim of her wineglass. 'When are you going to tell Uther you don't want to follow him into politics.'
'When he's very far away,' Arthur said. 'Maybe on a visit to India or something like that. Somewhere he can't get back from quickly. It's hard to fully annihilate someone over a dodgy phone-line.' He swilled the wine in his glass absentmindedly, not looking at either of them.
'You've got to tell him, the longer you put it off the worse it will be,' she pointed out.
'Don't you think I know that?' he snapped. 'But there's no point me telling him until I find out if I'm accepted onto the MA programme. So if I do get accepted I'll tell him, alright?'
'You will get accepted,' Merlin said. 'They'd be idiots not to take you. Your dissertation's brilliant, Arthur. It's so smart, so insightful. Honestly Morgana, you should read it.'
'Maybe I will,' she said. 'But are you sure you're not just coming up with an excuse, Arthur? You'll always be able to find a reason to put off telling him and before you know it you'll end up an accidental politician, always looking baffled as to how you got there.'
Merlin sniggered slightly at the idea, unable to help himself.
'Leave it out, Morgana, I'll tell him, alright. Now let's concentrate on the quiz, yeah?'
She rolled her eyes, 'You're such a secret loser, Arthur. A pub quiz fan, who knew?'
The first round was sport, which Arthur completely dominated. The second was Arts and Literature which Morgana and Merlin found that they knew a lot about.
'You're so uncultured, Arthur,' Morgana taunted, as he admitted that he had no idea who had won the Booker the previous year. 'Everyone has read Wolf Hall.'
'Obviously not everyone,' Arthur pointed out. 'It looked a load of bollocks to me. I get enough history from my course, I don't need a fiction book about it as well.'
But he'd come into his own during the food and drink round. 'It's years of greed, guys, that's what's done it. If you eat and drink as much as I do you start to learn a few things.'
Merlin had laughed then, finding himself strangely intoxicated by the surroundings, and the atmosphere, and the relationship between the two step-siblings who were so beautiful and confident and everything he had ever dreamed of being. Morgana grinned at him, 'He's going to hit thirty and his metabolism will catch up with him. He's going to end up fat, and no one will ever have sex with him again.'
'Fuck off Morgana,' Arthur sniggered. 'I'll never have a shortage of willing partners, eh Merlin?'
Merlin jumped then, because he had been re-living the moment Arthur had hugged him and how hard his body had felt in Merlin's arms. 'Um, as long as there are impressionable young women around who fancy men who dress head-to-toe in Jack Wills then you'll never run short of partners.'
Morgana laughed and Arthur frowned, kicked him. Merlin could feel Morgana's eyes on him but he didn't know why, lowered his head over the answer-paper and doodled around their team-name, refusing to look up.
The fourth round was famous lines of books. They were hard questions, all of them admitted, Morgana fiddling with her hair and biting her pen. 'I swear I've heard it before I just can't place it. Is it Austen?'
'No I'm sure it's George Eliot,' Merlin said, scrunching up his brow. 'Middlemarch maybe?'
'You're such a girl, reading shit like that,' Arthur said, stretching his legs out under the table so they bumped Merlin's.
'Excuse me for taking pride in stretching my mind and not just reading sporting autobiographies. I'm sure it's fascinating and all to read what Ashley Cole thinks about stuff, but I'd rather read Austen.'
'Hmmph,' Arthur snorted.
'Question ten,' the compere announced, studying his sheet of paper. He had been reading them all in a very theatrical voice. Merlin suspected he was a failed actor. 'The quote is: He told no one, and finally broke down and had to be removed from school. During the convalescence he found himself falling in love with a cousin who walked by his bath chair, a young married man. It was hopeless, he was damned.'
Merlin closed his eyes suddenly, remembering the feelings when he had first read the book. 'It's Maurice,' he said. 'E.M. Forster.'
'Never heard of it,' Arthur shrugged.
'Unsurprisingly,' Morgana said, acidly. 'It's not that famous, is it Merlin? Howards End or A Room With A View are more famous. It's a beautiful book though, isn't it?'
'Yes,' Merlin felt hot all of a sudden.
'It's set in the early 1900s,' Morgana continued, lecturing Arthur. 'It's about a man named Maurice who is secretly homosexual. He tries to cure himself of his homosexuality but can't, and falls in love with a gamekeeper called Scudder.'
'Sounds shit,' Arthur scoffed, knocking his wine back.
'It's really beautiful,' Morgana insisted, flicking Arthur on the nose. 'They fall in love and end up resolved to stay together, no matter what society might think.'
'Gross,' Arthur wrinkled his nose. 'I have no desire to read about two men being in love and shagging one another. Two women on the other hand,' he winked at Merlin. 'Am I right?'
'I really liked Maurice,' Merlin said quietly. He'd read it when he was sixteen and it had had a profound effect on him. He'd no longer felt like such a freak - other people had the same feelings that he did. And it proved that love could find a way, no matter what.
'Be careful saying that kind of shit, Merlin,' Arthur warned with a smirk. 'My Dad would kick you out of the house.'
'Oh shut up Arthur,' Morgana flushed angrily. 'Uther is an old bigot and his beliefs have no place in modern society. You should know better. You're not around your hooray Henry buddies any more, you don't have to pretend to be horrified by the idea of men having feelings for one another, alright? It's normal, and natural, and the book is a beautiful love story.'
'Whatever,' Arthur rolled his eyes. 'I'm going for a slash.'
There was silence for a moment after he left. Merlin found himself unable to say anything until Morgana covered his hands with her own.
'You're in love with him, aren't you?' she said, gently.
'No,' his mouth was dry.
'It's alright,' she said kindly, 'I'm not going to tell him. I just feel bad for you.'
'I'm not in love with him,' Merlin stuttered, not meeting her eyes.
'You are,' she said. 'I can tell. Are you ever going to tell him you're gay?'
'I don't know,' Merlin admitted. 'I really like him, you know? We've become really close friends, and I like the side of him I get to see, but how can I like someone who's a homophobe?'
'He's not,' Morgana said. 'He's just been brought up by someone who's a bigot, and gone to a public school which specialises in bigots, and he's never had anyone bring him up short and tell him he's a twat.' She stroked his knuckles. 'I can see how much he cares about you. He's never brought a girlfriend home before, and he's had friends to stay after parties and stuff but he's never had a friend home, just him.'
Merlin bit his lip, looked up at her through sooty lashes. 'I have to tell him I'm gay, don't I?'
'It's not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do,' she said. 'But I think you'll feel better if you're honest with him. If he doesn't want to be your friend any more then he was never worthy of your friendship. But I don't think that'll happen. Honestly, he cares about you, you can really see it.'
'Thanks,' Merlin said. 'I appreciate your advice.'
She pinched his cheek, 'You're too adorable, I can't bear it. I want the two of you to stay friends. I think you're good for him.'
'Let's just hope he agrees,' Merlin said, dryly.
'Shh, they're about to read the results,' Arthur came hurrying back from the urinals. 'I bet we've won.'
They hadn't.
They came second in the quiz and won a bottle of champagne and a dinner for two. 'Guess I'll be taking some lucky young lady,' Arthur said, snatching the voucher off Merlin.
Morgana rolled her eyes, 'Or how about you take Merlin? Seeing as he got 90% of the answers right.'
'A romantic dinner with Merlin?' Arthur mimed vomiting until Merlin kicked him. Hard. 'Ow, fucking hell, alright, I'll take you out for dinner. Wine you, dine you,' he took Merlin's hand and kissed it. 'Enchante.'
Merlin laughed, a huff of breath out. 'You're such a dick.'
Arthur winked, 'You love it. Now come on, let's head home.'
***
They spent the next few days playing Playstation, playing Fifa, sitting in the hot tub even though it was freezing outside, and raiding Uther's expensive wine collection.
Sometimes Merlin would feel Morgana's eyes on him, an unspoken question there. He felt the weight of her stare heavily on his shoulders, decided that he had to tell Arthur. But not then. Not when their days were so full of laughter and camaraderie and sometimes Merlin felt so happy he might burst.
They went on their dinner on the last night. Arthur jokingly bought Merlin a rose. Merlin blushed, and tried his hardest not to simper, to play along as if it was a joke. To pretend it was funny when Arthur ordered for him, and listened intently to what he had to say.
'How loaded is your Dad?' he asked, when they were lying in bed on the last night, the lights all off. The spare bed in Arthur's room was massive. The room itself was bigger than the downstairs of Merlin's house. It felt oddly intimate lying there in the dark, like they could say anything and it wouldn't matter.
'Fucking loaded,' Arthur said. 'He inherited most of the money from his Dad, who was another politician. I bet he cuts me out when I tell him about my studies,' he said, glumly.
'He's your Dad, he loves you: he'll come round.'
'I don't know... What about your Mum?'
'She's proud of me whatever I do,' Merlin said. 'I had a shit time at school. It was a crappy, crappy comprehensive and I used to get the shit kicked out of me every single day. But I still made it to Cambridge.'
'People used to beat you up?' Arthur sounded shocked.
'Yeah, all the time. Shut me in bins, burn me, push me over, kick me. I had my wrist broken once.'
There was silence for a moment then Arthur said, 'Those bastards. If I ever met them I'd destroy them, alright? I'd fucking take them apart, make them wish they'd never laid a finger on you. How dare they.' His voice was low with intent. Merlin shivered.
'It's alright, I'm over it now,' he said lightly.
'It's not alright, Merlin,' Arthur sat up switched his lamp on, the room filled with its warm glow. 'You're, you're,' he ran a hand through his hair, he looked lost for words. 'You're the best friend I've ever had, alright? You're the nicest guy I've met. How dare they do it. Why did they do it?'
Merlin swallowed. 'Does it matter?'
'No, I just. I want to know.' Arthur looked angrier than Merlin had ever seen him.
'Because they thought I was gay,' Merlin said, finally, staring at Arthur like a challenge. 'They burned 'faggot' into my arm once.' He held it up so Arthur could see. Arthur got out of bed, scruffy in his boxers and an old T-shirt, his hair rumpled by his pillow. He knelt by the bed and gingerly took Merlin's arm. There it was. Faded now, but you could still see the scars from the letters. Arthur's touch on his skin burned him far more than that ever had. It was such an intimate gesture, looking so closely, that Merlin couldn't bear to watch. Bit his lip, looked away.
'You're not, are you?' he said, eventually, getting up and climbing back into his own bed.
It broke the moment. Merlin stuttered, 'I-I-I.' He swallowed. 'I've never done anything with a guy,' he settled on eventually, feeling sick suddenly.
'Good night, Merlin,' was all Arthur said in response. And he switched the light off.
The darkness didn't feel intimate then. It felt oppressive. And Merlin knew then that he had to tell Arthur the truth. Even if it destroyed everything. To keep lying was a special kind of deception that Merlin just didn't have the stomach for. He'd do it next term, he resolved. He had to. Because he wouldn't respect himself any longer if he didn't.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: R now but will end up NC-17
Word count: This part 5,157. (About 25k in total so far)
Warnings: Some homophobia
Summary: Modern AU. Merlin has always dreamed of going to Cambridge University and is thrilled to win a place at Queens’ College. Whilst there he falls hopelessly in love with the JCR President, drinking society President, Lacrosse captain and all-round popular guy Arthur Pendragon. Arthur takes him under his wing until Merlin stands to be LGBT Rep on the JCR and Arthur realises that Merlin likes boys. Full of Cambridge slang, UST, Arthur being a knobhead with no knob, and eventual happy ending. I promise.
Previous parts: CHAPTER ONE; CHAPTER TWO; CHAPTER THREE; CHAPTER FOUR; CHAPTER FIVE
Hunith had worried about Merlin all the way to the station in Witham. 'Will you have enough smart clothes? Will you know what cutlery to use? Will you know how to act?'
'Mum, you're acting like I'm a debutante or something. I'll be fine,' he brushed her off. 'Anyway, I've seen Titanic so I know very well to just eat from the outside in.'
She laughed, brushed his air off his forehead. 'You're just very precious to me. A few months ago you were sitting in your room on your own every night. And now here you are, off to stay with a Lord.'
'It's like Cinderella, isn't it?' Merlin said sarcastically, even though he couldn't help himself brushing down his jeans (new) and shirt (Ralph Lauren by way of Oxfam).
'I just want you to be careful.'
'What do you mean, Mum?'
'I just don't want you to be bowled over by their way of life and lose sight of who you are,' she spat on her finger and rubbed at an imaginary piece of dirt on his cheek. He flinched away.
'I won't lose sight of who I am,' he caught her hand, pressed it to his cheek briefly. 'Okay?'
'Okay,' she sighed. 'Well, have a good time, and I'll see you on the 12th.'
'Yeah, see you,' he turned to go then reconsidered, bundled her up in a big hug and kissed the top of her head. 'I love you Mum.'
When he pulled away she was crying slightly. 'I love you too.'
***
The train journey itself was long and dull. It took 45 minutes to get to Liverpool Street, then he had the faff of topping up his Oyster card and heading all the way down to Wimbledon, which was where Arthur lived. It was one of three houses they owned, which made his mind boggle.
He spent most of the way there alternating between feelings of pure joy, and pure fear. Try as he might he couldn't shift his Mum's words. He was from a different class to these people and maybe it didn't matter to Arthur - or maybe he didn't really realise it - but Uther Pendragon would see right through him. Would see that his enunciation wasn't as good as it could be. That his clothes were from charity shops. That his Mum was a single parent. And worst of all he came from Essex for crying out loud, he could practically imagine the way Uther would look down his long, patrician nose and sniff at that.
Merlin called Arthur when he finally got to Wimbledon tube. It was pissing it down with rain.
'You at the station, mate?'
'Yeah, which way do I walk?'
'Fuck off you're walking, I'll drive you. See you in 5.'
Once he'd hung up, Merlin began to nervously pace the car-park. Everything felt wrong. His shirt felt too big, his jeans felt too creased, his trainers looked too scruffy. He wished again that he'd had a haircut. This weekend was going to be a disaster. He'd humiliate himself every day. He just knew it.
Beep beep. The honk of a horn startled Merlin out of his spiral of paranoia. A silver BMW had just pulled into the car-park. The window rolled down. Arthur was wearing aviators. In winter.
'Come on Emrys, don't stand there dawdling! We've got stuff to do!'
Merlin scurried over, hefting his rucksack over one shoulder.
'Alright mate, good to see you,' Arthur shook his hand as he got in, still wearing those ludicrous sunglasses.
'Good to see you too though... erm... why the shades?'
'Ah,' Arthur drummed his fingers on the wheel. 'I got into a fight. I got a black eye. It's not pretty and I don't want Dad to know. He'll go nuts.' He reversed out of the car-park, narrowly avoiding a pedestrian. 'Fucking people should look where they're going,' he swore.
'How did you get into a fight?' Merlin could picture it well enough. Arthur probably hit on someone's girlfriend, or sister, or got drunk and belligerent.
'It's pretty embarrassing,' Arthur said, finally, resolutely staring straight ahead at the road.
'Sounds like the kind of story I'd love to hear,' Merlin said.
'Yeah, well, I went out two nights ago to see a mate. Nothing heavy, just had a takeaway, watched Match of the Day. Decided, stupidly, to slum it and get a night-bus home rather than call a cab and... well.' He swallowed. 'I got punched by a girl.'
'You what?'
'Don't make me repeat it, Emrys, you bloody heard me.'
'But, but, how?'
'I was just standing downstairs minding my own business and these screaming teenage girls got on. They nicked my wallet as well. Stop laughing Merlin! It's not funny!'
'It's a bit funny,' Merlin pointed out.
'Fine, well maybe it is for you. The bus driver kicked them off and the next morning I wake up wallet-less with a fucking great shiner.' He pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Dad will go spare if he sees it. I don't know what would disappoint him more - thinking I got it from starting a fight, or hearing I got it when some little girls mugged me.'
'Guess you'll be wearing sunglasses for the foreseeable future?'
'Yeah, I guess so too.'
'Don't you have a stepsister though? She'll have make-up, right?'
'I'm not wearing make-up,' he hissed.
'It's either wear make-up or have your dad disinherit you,' Merlin pointed out, reasonably.
'Ugh, fine, make-up it is then. Dad's been away for the past few days so he wants to have a family dinner tonight.'
'Won't I be intruding?' Merlin asked.
'No, he's glad I'm 'behaving responsibly' and not going on the ski trip. Therefore he's had to bite his tongue about me having a mate to stay. I guess he's a bit interested to meet you, too. You're not like my normal friends.'
'Oh?' Merlin thought about the class thing again, fiddled with his cuffs.
'Nah, I've told him that you're not massively into sports and drinking and stuff like Leon and Perce are. I told him you work hard. He likes that.'
'Oh,' Merlin said, again, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. 'Do I have to wear a suit for dinner or anything like that?'
Arthur took his eyes off the road momentarily to look at Merlin and laugh. 'What the fuck? It's not like you're staying at The Savoy, dickhead. Just wear what you're wearing now. Trust me, after Morgana went through her goth phase, nothing anyone wears in our house could shock my dad.'
Merlin laughed a bit then, mostly at himself for getting so worried. It was still Arthur, Arthur who he knew far better than anyone else did. Arthur who, truth be told, was probably his closest friend. Apart from the whole 'secretly being in love with him' and 'hiding my sexuality in case he shuns me', Merlin told Arthur everything. And Arthur did the same with him. He didn't know why he was nervous.
'I figured we'd eat with the family, then me and you could go to the local pub. Have a couple of pints and they do an awesome quiz on a Tuesday.'
'I'm trying not to drink too much,' Merlin said. 'I feel like I should go to rehab, honestly Pendragon, you've been such a bad influence on me.'
Arthur laughed smugly as he turned down a leafy road. 'We'll just have a couple - you'll need your wits about you, mate, their quiz is hard. Here we are then.' He pulled up in front of a gorgeous house. It was dark brick, and sprawling, and tucked behind imposing iron gates. All of the houses down the road were equally nice.
'Fuck me, Pendragon, this is sweet,' Merlin whistled.
'Yeah, it's pretty nice,' Arthur leaned out and put a code in that made the gates open. 'Got a tennis court out the back and dad gave in and let us get a hot tub put in on the patio. Pretty chavvy I know but it's a great seduction tool.'
'Ugh, you're such a twat,' Merlin huffed, grabbing his bag and getting out of the car.
'I know,' Arthur grinned. 'But you love me for it.'
The house was just as impressive inside, all subtle cream tones of paint, exposed wooden beams, and highly polished wooden floors covered in expensive-looking rugs. There was a beautiful girl on the bottom step. She had long, dark hair, pale skin and was wearing the kind of clothes that look ordinary until you get up close and realise just how well-tailored they are.
'Arthur, this must be your friend,' she said, and Merlin clocked that she was Irish.
'Yeah, Morgana this is Merlin, Merlin this is Morgana.' He shut the door, finally taking his sunglasses off. 'When's Dad back?'
'You've got a couple of hours yet. Merlin, nice to meet you,' she strode over and kissed him on each cheek which left Merlin feeling flushed and a bit breathless. She was just so glamorous.
'Air kissing Morgana, really?' Arthur rolled his eyes, which looked weird when one of them was swollen and purple. He leaned in to Merlin, 'She's been interning at The Telegraph and it's made her put on all sorts of airs and graces.'
'Watch it you,' Morgana said, a smile playing around her lips. 'Or I'll poke you in the eye.' She leaned in, grabbing hold of his face so she could examine it properly. 'Uther will go nuts.' She turned to Merlin, 'Have you heard how he did it?'
'Mugged by a five-year-old, that's how I heard it,' Merlin lied.
He was rewarded with a laugh from Morgana and an elbow in the ribs from Arthur, 'Fuck off Merlin, you're my friend remember!'
'I like this one,' Morgana smiled, her teeth very white against her lipstick. She squeezed Merlin's arm, 'I think we'll be friends.'
'You like anyone who makes fun of me,' Arthur glowered.
'Yes, I do,' she said, simply. 'I think you'd be a much nicer boy if more people rinsed you on a regular basis. The rest of your friends look up to you far too much to do it. I'm glad Merlin here has more sense.' She patted him on the shoulder with a smile.
Merlin grinned at her, 'We need to borrow some of your make-up to put on Arthur by the way. Not,' he said hastily, 'because he's taken up cross-dressing, but we've got to hide his eye.'
Morgana laughed wickedly, 'I have just the stuff, come on up.'
***
Dinner was stilted and formal. Uther was every bit as terrifying as Merlin had imagined. In his perfectly cut suit and with his bearing he made Merlin feel like a grubby little peasant.
'What do you think of the food?' Morgana asked Uther, twirling more spaghetti round her fork. 'I spent ages making it.' She hadn't. Merlin had cooked the pasta and the sauce had come out of a jar.
'Delicious, Morgana. You are such a sweet child,' he smiled fondly at her before his eyes slid over to Arthur who was slumping, elbows on the table, every part the recalcitrant teenager even though he was twenty-two. They'd done a great job with the foundation and concealer - and held Morgana back from applying mascara and eye-shadow too - and all you could notice was a slight puffiness about his eye.
'Arthur, do sit up. We have a guest.' He indicated Merlin with his head, who was trying his hardest not to spill spaghetti all over himself and the table-cloth. He bloody hated trying to wind the stuff around his fork and was not making much progress with his plate.
'So, Merlin, have you given any thought to future careers?' Uther asked.
Merlin took a deep breath and pushed his shoulders back, 'At the moment I'm considering the Civil Service,' he said. 'But I want to keep my options open. I'm going to see the careers counsellor next term to discuss work experience and internships. I chose to study history because it seems to offer a lot of transferable skills, so I could certainly go into say... law, or politics, or the public sector.'
Uther nodded approvingly, 'I suppose it is a sensible degree. I had wanted Arthur to read PPE at Oxford like I did but the boy is willful and had settled on Cambridge. It was where his mother went, so I gave in. Sentimental of me.' He chuckled, shaking his head.
Merlin snuck a glance at Arthur who was frowning mutinously at one of his meatballs and stabbing it hard with his fork.
'This is delicious, Morgana,' Merlin smiled at her, more for something to say than for any other reason.
'That's kind of you, Merlin,' she smiled sweetly, sipping at her wine. 'Father, Merlin was telling me earlier that Arthur's been working very hard this term.' She eyeballed Arthur meaningfully, as if to say 'I have given you an opening into a pleasant conversation - please use it.' Arthur didn't.
'Oh really? Well, that makes a change,' Uther sniffed.
'His dissertation is fascinating,' Merlin jumped in. 'Our Director of Studies was telling me about it when we were discussing Part II of Tripos. He told me that Arthur's dissertation is original and eloquent, and that I could certainly learn from it.'
'Oh,' Uther smiled at Arthur. 'Well done, I'm pleased with you.'
Arthur's shoulders straightened almost imperceptibly. He chanced a look at his father, 'I'm really enjoying the research, Dad. It's been really rewarding writing on something that no one else has investigated before.'
'Well let's just keep everything crossed for a first then, Arthur. Come July we'll need to get you a researcher post. I think the Treasury would suit you very well, and it's a good stepping stone for a political career.'
Arthur's face closed down again, 'Hmm,' was all he said.
Morgana noticed the awkwardness as much as Merlin did and changed the subject to a story about a disastrous day she had had at her new internship, when she had fallen down the stairs in front of her favourite columnist.
'The things you get up to, Morgana,' Uther had chuckled indulgently, finishing his plate and opening the port. Arthur had rolled his eyes and Merlin wanted to tell him not to be ungrateful, that it was obvious that Morgana cared about him and was trying to steer attention away from the tension between Arthur and his father. But he didn't. Not until after dinner, at least.
'Come on then,' Arthur said, shrugging on his gilet. 'We're going to the pub remember.'
'Is Morgana coming?' Merlin asked. She had mentioned it earlier that evening.
'Nah, wouldn't want to ruin the love-in between her and my Dad. He treats her far better than he does me,' Arthur's lips thinned with irritation.
'She was trying to make stuff less awkward,' Merlin pointed out. 'She could tell your Dad was pissing you off, that's all.'
'Yeah, well he's always pissed me off. I don't even want to go into politics! I have no interest in economics, or the Treasury, or becoming a speech-writer for some Tory twat! I know what I want to do but there's no way he'll even consider it.'
'What do you want to do?'
'I'm going to apply for an MA next term,' Arthur said. 'And then I want to do a PhD. He's going to kick off when he finds out but I can't help it, alright, I've loved doing my dissertation and I want to carry on studying, maybe become a lecturer myself one day.'
Merlin smiled then, patted Arthur on the shoulder. 'I think you'll be great at that. I do.'
'I'll be disinherited. Dad will go absolutely ape-shit. But I've been thinking about it all holiday, my mind ticking over and over and I just can't do what he wants. It might make him happy but it will make me unhappy.'
'I'm coming with you, Arthur,' Morgana joined them at the front door, a fur-coat thrown over her Prada jeans and Chanel cardigan.
'Fur Morgana, really?' Arthur snapped.
'It's Wimbledon Village, Arthur, it's not like we have animal rights activists here.' Her stare was withering. 'And anyway, it's fake. Now come on, I've left Uther in the study with a brandy and I don't want him to get maudlin and insist we keep him company.'
Arthur huffed and puffed but let her come with them to The Red Lion. It was one of those Sloaney pubs that pretends to be countrified but is in actuality full of rich people who drive 4x4s but really, really don't need to do so. A few had overexcited labradors under their tables with them, and the only papers they had were the Guardian, Times and Telegraph. No tabloids in sight.
'God I hate this place,' Morgana muttered as they found a seat at an artfully distressed oak table. 'It's full of twats.'
'It's my favourite pub,' Arthur glowered.
'Proving my point,' Morgana said, archly.
'Hey, shall I get some drinks in?' Merlin interrupted them before it turned into a full-blown argument. 'I thought we could share a bottle of red? I'm not up for a big one.'
'Yeah, sure,' Morgana said. 'And pick up the quiz papers whilst you're at it.' She gave him a tenner and a wink. 'I hope you come up with a good team name.'
Oh fuck, Merlin hadn't even thought of that.
Fifteen minutes later, having racked his brains helplessly for anything that sounded vaguely witty he had presented Morgana and Arthur with two options. 'Quizzy Rascals or Les Quizerables,' he suggested, pouring them all a large glass of wine.
'They're both terrible,' Arthur groaned.
'Bloody hell, good punning,' Morgana said. 'Have you thought of a career writing headlines for The Sun?'
Merlin laughed, 'I hadn't, but maybe it's an untapped career path for me.'
'Speaking of career paths,' Morgana looked at Arthur over the rim of her wineglass. 'When are you going to tell Uther you don't want to follow him into politics.'
'When he's very far away,' Arthur said. 'Maybe on a visit to India or something like that. Somewhere he can't get back from quickly. It's hard to fully annihilate someone over a dodgy phone-line.' He swilled the wine in his glass absentmindedly, not looking at either of them.
'You've got to tell him, the longer you put it off the worse it will be,' she pointed out.
'Don't you think I know that?' he snapped. 'But there's no point me telling him until I find out if I'm accepted onto the MA programme. So if I do get accepted I'll tell him, alright?'
'You will get accepted,' Merlin said. 'They'd be idiots not to take you. Your dissertation's brilliant, Arthur. It's so smart, so insightful. Honestly Morgana, you should read it.'
'Maybe I will,' she said. 'But are you sure you're not just coming up with an excuse, Arthur? You'll always be able to find a reason to put off telling him and before you know it you'll end up an accidental politician, always looking baffled as to how you got there.'
Merlin sniggered slightly at the idea, unable to help himself.
'Leave it out, Morgana, I'll tell him, alright. Now let's concentrate on the quiz, yeah?'
She rolled her eyes, 'You're such a secret loser, Arthur. A pub quiz fan, who knew?'
The first round was sport, which Arthur completely dominated. The second was Arts and Literature which Morgana and Merlin found that they knew a lot about.
'You're so uncultured, Arthur,' Morgana taunted, as he admitted that he had no idea who had won the Booker the previous year. 'Everyone has read Wolf Hall.'
'Obviously not everyone,' Arthur pointed out. 'It looked a load of bollocks to me. I get enough history from my course, I don't need a fiction book about it as well.'
But he'd come into his own during the food and drink round. 'It's years of greed, guys, that's what's done it. If you eat and drink as much as I do you start to learn a few things.'
Merlin had laughed then, finding himself strangely intoxicated by the surroundings, and the atmosphere, and the relationship between the two step-siblings who were so beautiful and confident and everything he had ever dreamed of being. Morgana grinned at him, 'He's going to hit thirty and his metabolism will catch up with him. He's going to end up fat, and no one will ever have sex with him again.'
'Fuck off Morgana,' Arthur sniggered. 'I'll never have a shortage of willing partners, eh Merlin?'
Merlin jumped then, because he had been re-living the moment Arthur had hugged him and how hard his body had felt in Merlin's arms. 'Um, as long as there are impressionable young women around who fancy men who dress head-to-toe in Jack Wills then you'll never run short of partners.'
Morgana laughed and Arthur frowned, kicked him. Merlin could feel Morgana's eyes on him but he didn't know why, lowered his head over the answer-paper and doodled around their team-name, refusing to look up.
The fourth round was famous lines of books. They were hard questions, all of them admitted, Morgana fiddling with her hair and biting her pen. 'I swear I've heard it before I just can't place it. Is it Austen?'
'No I'm sure it's George Eliot,' Merlin said, scrunching up his brow. 'Middlemarch maybe?'
'You're such a girl, reading shit like that,' Arthur said, stretching his legs out under the table so they bumped Merlin's.
'Excuse me for taking pride in stretching my mind and not just reading sporting autobiographies. I'm sure it's fascinating and all to read what Ashley Cole thinks about stuff, but I'd rather read Austen.'
'Hmmph,' Arthur snorted.
'Question ten,' the compere announced, studying his sheet of paper. He had been reading them all in a very theatrical voice. Merlin suspected he was a failed actor. 'The quote is: He told no one, and finally broke down and had to be removed from school. During the convalescence he found himself falling in love with a cousin who walked by his bath chair, a young married man. It was hopeless, he was damned.'
Merlin closed his eyes suddenly, remembering the feelings when he had first read the book. 'It's Maurice,' he said. 'E.M. Forster.'
'Never heard of it,' Arthur shrugged.
'Unsurprisingly,' Morgana said, acidly. 'It's not that famous, is it Merlin? Howards End or A Room With A View are more famous. It's a beautiful book though, isn't it?'
'Yes,' Merlin felt hot all of a sudden.
'It's set in the early 1900s,' Morgana continued, lecturing Arthur. 'It's about a man named Maurice who is secretly homosexual. He tries to cure himself of his homosexuality but can't, and falls in love with a gamekeeper called Scudder.'
'Sounds shit,' Arthur scoffed, knocking his wine back.
'It's really beautiful,' Morgana insisted, flicking Arthur on the nose. 'They fall in love and end up resolved to stay together, no matter what society might think.'
'Gross,' Arthur wrinkled his nose. 'I have no desire to read about two men being in love and shagging one another. Two women on the other hand,' he winked at Merlin. 'Am I right?'
'I really liked Maurice,' Merlin said quietly. He'd read it when he was sixteen and it had had a profound effect on him. He'd no longer felt like such a freak - other people had the same feelings that he did. And it proved that love could find a way, no matter what.
'Be careful saying that kind of shit, Merlin,' Arthur warned with a smirk. 'My Dad would kick you out of the house.'
'Oh shut up Arthur,' Morgana flushed angrily. 'Uther is an old bigot and his beliefs have no place in modern society. You should know better. You're not around your hooray Henry buddies any more, you don't have to pretend to be horrified by the idea of men having feelings for one another, alright? It's normal, and natural, and the book is a beautiful love story.'
'Whatever,' Arthur rolled his eyes. 'I'm going for a slash.'
There was silence for a moment after he left. Merlin found himself unable to say anything until Morgana covered his hands with her own.
'You're in love with him, aren't you?' she said, gently.
'No,' his mouth was dry.
'It's alright,' she said kindly, 'I'm not going to tell him. I just feel bad for you.'
'I'm not in love with him,' Merlin stuttered, not meeting her eyes.
'You are,' she said. 'I can tell. Are you ever going to tell him you're gay?'
'I don't know,' Merlin admitted. 'I really like him, you know? We've become really close friends, and I like the side of him I get to see, but how can I like someone who's a homophobe?'
'He's not,' Morgana said. 'He's just been brought up by someone who's a bigot, and gone to a public school which specialises in bigots, and he's never had anyone bring him up short and tell him he's a twat.' She stroked his knuckles. 'I can see how much he cares about you. He's never brought a girlfriend home before, and he's had friends to stay after parties and stuff but he's never had a friend home, just him.'
Merlin bit his lip, looked up at her through sooty lashes. 'I have to tell him I'm gay, don't I?'
'It's not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do,' she said. 'But I think you'll feel better if you're honest with him. If he doesn't want to be your friend any more then he was never worthy of your friendship. But I don't think that'll happen. Honestly, he cares about you, you can really see it.'
'Thanks,' Merlin said. 'I appreciate your advice.'
She pinched his cheek, 'You're too adorable, I can't bear it. I want the two of you to stay friends. I think you're good for him.'
'Let's just hope he agrees,' Merlin said, dryly.
'Shh, they're about to read the results,' Arthur came hurrying back from the urinals. 'I bet we've won.'
They hadn't.
They came second in the quiz and won a bottle of champagne and a dinner for two. 'Guess I'll be taking some lucky young lady,' Arthur said, snatching the voucher off Merlin.
Morgana rolled her eyes, 'Or how about you take Merlin? Seeing as he got 90% of the answers right.'
'A romantic dinner with Merlin?' Arthur mimed vomiting until Merlin kicked him. Hard. 'Ow, fucking hell, alright, I'll take you out for dinner. Wine you, dine you,' he took Merlin's hand and kissed it. 'Enchante.'
Merlin laughed, a huff of breath out. 'You're such a dick.'
Arthur winked, 'You love it. Now come on, let's head home.'
***
They spent the next few days playing Playstation, playing Fifa, sitting in the hot tub even though it was freezing outside, and raiding Uther's expensive wine collection.
Sometimes Merlin would feel Morgana's eyes on him, an unspoken question there. He felt the weight of her stare heavily on his shoulders, decided that he had to tell Arthur. But not then. Not when their days were so full of laughter and camaraderie and sometimes Merlin felt so happy he might burst.
They went on their dinner on the last night. Arthur jokingly bought Merlin a rose. Merlin blushed, and tried his hardest not to simper, to play along as if it was a joke. To pretend it was funny when Arthur ordered for him, and listened intently to what he had to say.
'How loaded is your Dad?' he asked, when they were lying in bed on the last night, the lights all off. The spare bed in Arthur's room was massive. The room itself was bigger than the downstairs of Merlin's house. It felt oddly intimate lying there in the dark, like they could say anything and it wouldn't matter.
'Fucking loaded,' Arthur said. 'He inherited most of the money from his Dad, who was another politician. I bet he cuts me out when I tell him about my studies,' he said, glumly.
'He's your Dad, he loves you: he'll come round.'
'I don't know... What about your Mum?'
'She's proud of me whatever I do,' Merlin said. 'I had a shit time at school. It was a crappy, crappy comprehensive and I used to get the shit kicked out of me every single day. But I still made it to Cambridge.'
'People used to beat you up?' Arthur sounded shocked.
'Yeah, all the time. Shut me in bins, burn me, push me over, kick me. I had my wrist broken once.'
There was silence for a moment then Arthur said, 'Those bastards. If I ever met them I'd destroy them, alright? I'd fucking take them apart, make them wish they'd never laid a finger on you. How dare they.' His voice was low with intent. Merlin shivered.
'It's alright, I'm over it now,' he said lightly.
'It's not alright, Merlin,' Arthur sat up switched his lamp on, the room filled with its warm glow. 'You're, you're,' he ran a hand through his hair, he looked lost for words. 'You're the best friend I've ever had, alright? You're the nicest guy I've met. How dare they do it. Why did they do it?'
Merlin swallowed. 'Does it matter?'
'No, I just. I want to know.' Arthur looked angrier than Merlin had ever seen him.
'Because they thought I was gay,' Merlin said, finally, staring at Arthur like a challenge. 'They burned 'faggot' into my arm once.' He held it up so Arthur could see. Arthur got out of bed, scruffy in his boxers and an old T-shirt, his hair rumpled by his pillow. He knelt by the bed and gingerly took Merlin's arm. There it was. Faded now, but you could still see the scars from the letters. Arthur's touch on his skin burned him far more than that ever had. It was such an intimate gesture, looking so closely, that Merlin couldn't bear to watch. Bit his lip, looked away.
'You're not, are you?' he said, eventually, getting up and climbing back into his own bed.
It broke the moment. Merlin stuttered, 'I-I-I.' He swallowed. 'I've never done anything with a guy,' he settled on eventually, feeling sick suddenly.
'Good night, Merlin,' was all Arthur said in response. And he switched the light off.
The darkness didn't feel intimate then. It felt oppressive. And Merlin knew then that he had to tell Arthur the truth. Even if it destroyed everything. To keep lying was a special kind of deception that Merlin just didn't have the stomach for. He'd do it next term, he resolved. He had to. Because he wouldn't respect himself any longer if he didn't.
CHAPTER SEVEN