On the subject of friends...

[phxjohn]

With the wedding coming up, and lists being made, and an intervention with a friend who is struggling with friendship like I did when I was his age, the subject of friendship has been fresh on my mind

Comments

[daniyella]

It's interesting because this summer my family and I went on a trip back home to the East Coast. We ended up visiting two families who were our very best "family friends" growing up. We did everything from basically birth until we moved when I was 13. I kept in touch with both girls in each family who were my age for awhile, and then sporadically as we all got older, either via Friendster or Myspace or the like. So anyway, we visited each family. And I have a rich, rich history with each girl. Some of the best times growing up has been spend with either one. I went into the re-meeting with an open mind, and thought that perhaps there would be something new to talk about or do. But unfortunately we spent all evening reminiscing and looking back, with little talk about the here and now, other than small talk. it was extremely disappointing to me, even though I tried to set myself up to be open to it all. Although these girls and their families will be at my wedding, that is only for the sake of history and it is too weird to

[xswingkidx]

I was going through this same thing right about the first time I met you John. My best friend had just moved away and my other friends and I were going through different routes in life. I didn't really have anything in common with them anymore and was just staying friends with them for the sake that I had spent the last 7-8 years exclusively being part of that little group. Finally one night after a series of interactions I realized that I honestly had nothing in common with these people and also did not approve of anything that they were doing. I tried to hangout with them for a bit longer and sporadically kept in touch with them and finally decided to say "fuck it" because it was just obvious that we had nothing in common anymore and couldn't even be in the same room without one of us getting frustrated with the other. The memories of the good times are nice to have but knowing when to call it quits is equally important

[the_butler]

sometimes you just need a break from people. you may come back better friends. Matt from Landmine and I didn't talk for a long time due to some bullshit and I think we came back later as better friends. The same thing happened with him and Mike Emo. They didn't talk for two years! And then sometimes you just have people in your life who pull bullshit with you and it's just not worth it to stay friends. Who knows, you may become friends again, but sticking around someone who is toxic just may not be worth it. Amy just went through that with an old friend. They stopped talking for two years and now they're rekindling things.

[ericalorraine]

this is something that has been on my mind a lot lately too. My life is in transition and it's crazy. It's reaaally hard for me to let go of friendships when nothing but growing apart happened. But as I've gotten older, I've learned to expect it and deal with it. My best friend from college and I grew apart the last year or year and a half of college. He just found a niche in a different group of people, but he is someone I know that even if we don't talk for 10 years (which I doubt this will happen), we could fall right back into it. But with other friendships, I've kind of thought that I just need to accept that things are not as they were, especially during big transitions (HS to college then college to life). I've met so many great people since I moved here 4 years ago, and have already had to let go of the friendship. Anyway, in some cases, no matter what direction two people go in, they are friends for life. That just happens naturally and mutually. Struggling to hold on to something that only one person cares about is useless

[phxjohn]

No it totally does.
I think I have friends that even though we don't talk for years we're still really tight. and that's why it's hard for me to just say "if you grow apart from someone, just let it go". However, there are friends that if we stopped talking, that would be fine too and I wouldn't consider us friends really anymore.

[bedroom_eyes_]

if the friendship is not there, it's not there. i think though that it just naturally happens. i don't think you have to make a day of it. 'today is the day i cut so and so out of my life, just cause we're really not friends anymore.' it'll happen naturally, and i don't think you should hassle yourself to keep something that isn't working, there. i think it's better to keep the history, keep good memories before they turn into bad ones and ruin all of the good stuff.