Does it Really Make the World Go 'Round?
So Sunday morning I woke up with a jolt of crippling fear and anxiety deep in my stomach as I suddenly realized just how much money I have spent in the last three weeks. It was one of those mind-numbing, gut-wrenching moments that can take you from perfectly relaxed, half asleep, dreaming about Shah Rukh Khan (and unfortunately I am not kidding about that) to wide awake with heart palpitations.
Now I know that I have spent some money lately. I needed clothes, for one, so I went out and bought some very nice ones that are designed to last me a while. I also went to that store in Islin where I ended up spending more than I had planned on some beautiful shalwar kameez suits that I will only wear if I'm feeling very, very brave (although one is now my PJs). But that didn't actually amount to anything worthy of giving me a heart-attack. No, what has disturbed me from my particularly warm-fuzzy dreams about SRK is all of the "little" purchases I have made that have added up. Like the times I have gone to Target for paper towels and motor oil and ended up spending close to $100. And I should really not be allowed anywhere near eBay. I will allow myself the DVD purchases because I have a tendency to actually watch movies over and over, or at least my favorite parts of them. That being said, I still have to buy Don, but I can't bring myself to spend the $15 to do it right now. And over the weekend I bought a new shelving unit. That was what tipped me over the edge. Granted, I love putting together shelves and now my living room looks a thousand times neater. But it cost money.
I knew that I was going to be spending money this summer. I had actually planned for it by using my tax return to pay off the one credit card. Which is not paid off anymore. But still, I have a love/hate relationship with spending money. I love to spend money. I hate to pay for things. Mostly I can't take the guilt of knowing how much debt I have. Of course, ironically enough, I once added up all of my debt and compared it to the national average, and I am well, well below the amount most Americans owe. Not counting student loans (which genuinely don't count in these sorts of studies) I owe less than $10k. Considerably less. The average American owes about $40-$50k I think? Something like that? And that's not taking into account my investments. Someday down the road my investment dollars will overtake my debt and I'll finally be able to breathe easy. But for a while there this Spring the whole magical, mystical phrase "Debt Free" seemed a real possibility. The light at the end of that tunnel is dimmer now. It's still there though.
Ah, Debt Free. To me those are the two most magical words in the English language. (Whereas "Zindagi" and "Dil" are the most magical words in the Hindi language to me. =D) Someday I plan to get there. Imagine the things you can do when you don't owe anything! I could travel for a change or buy a house (which I'm not convinced I want to do actually) or take people out to dinner all the time. That's it. I just have to win the lottery or marry a rich man. But seriously, for me money is not an end in itself, it is a means to some other really great ends. I don't care so much about having it as I do about not lacking it. Someday it will all work out, I'm sure. Hopefully I won't be too old to enjoy it at that point.
Now I know that I have spent some money lately. I needed clothes, for one, so I went out and bought some very nice ones that are designed to last me a while. I also went to that store in Islin where I ended up spending more than I had planned on some beautiful shalwar kameez suits that I will only wear if I'm feeling very, very brave (although one is now my PJs). But that didn't actually amount to anything worthy of giving me a heart-attack. No, what has disturbed me from my particularly warm-fuzzy dreams about SRK is all of the "little" purchases I have made that have added up. Like the times I have gone to Target for paper towels and motor oil and ended up spending close to $100. And I should really not be allowed anywhere near eBay. I will allow myself the DVD purchases because I have a tendency to actually watch movies over and over, or at least my favorite parts of them. That being said, I still have to buy Don, but I can't bring myself to spend the $15 to do it right now. And over the weekend I bought a new shelving unit. That was what tipped me over the edge. Granted, I love putting together shelves and now my living room looks a thousand times neater. But it cost money.
I knew that I was going to be spending money this summer. I had actually planned for it by using my tax return to pay off the one credit card. Which is not paid off anymore. But still, I have a love/hate relationship with spending money. I love to spend money. I hate to pay for things. Mostly I can't take the guilt of knowing how much debt I have. Of course, ironically enough, I once added up all of my debt and compared it to the national average, and I am well, well below the amount most Americans owe. Not counting student loans (which genuinely don't count in these sorts of studies) I owe less than $10k. Considerably less. The average American owes about $40-$50k I think? Something like that? And that's not taking into account my investments. Someday down the road my investment dollars will overtake my debt and I'll finally be able to breathe easy. But for a while there this Spring the whole magical, mystical phrase "Debt Free" seemed a real possibility. The light at the end of that tunnel is dimmer now. It's still there though.
Ah, Debt Free. To me those are the two most magical words in the English language. (Whereas "Zindagi" and "Dil" are the most magical words in the Hindi language to me. =D) Someday I plan to get there. Imagine the things you can do when you don't owe anything! I could travel for a change or buy a house (which I'm not convinced I want to do actually) or take people out to dinner all the time. That's it. I just have to win the lottery or marry a rich man. But seriously, for me money is not an end in itself, it is a means to some other really great ends. I don't care so much about having it as I do about not lacking it. Someday it will all work out, I'm sure. Hopefully I won't be too old to enjoy it at that point.