Too Much Community?
So I'm taking this ceramics/pottery class at The Academy as part of The Academy Summer Institute and I'm having a super fabulous time! But it's a bit of a stretch because the class starts at 6:30 in Bryn Athyn and I don't get out of work in Ft. Washington until 5:30. It's been a challenge to figure out how to eat ... and quite unexpectedly it's been difficult to sleep because I've been so overstimulated by the time I get around to going to bed. Last night I mentioned something to the effect of being so busy to Normandy (who is teaching the class). She made the comment that it's incredible how busy people are in Bryn Athyn. If it's not one event/hobby/class/gathering it's another. Every night of the week. She says it's not like that at all when she's home (i.e. not in Bryn Athyn). Yeah.
It made me think. Because I've also heard other people complaining that there is a party every week, some sort of class, activity, or what-have-you all the time. I can't live without at least one night a week just to sit around and breathe. I have always been in morbid awe of all these people who have their time so scheduled that they are busy ever night of the week. How can you guys do that? You know, there's got to be such a thing as too much community. I know that people in Bryn Athyn like their strong, STRONG sense of community identity, but I often wonder what the price of all that togetherness is. On the one hand, there's the simple, obvious state of exhaustion that doing so many things all the time lends itself to. Maybe it's the New Church idea of Use that drives people to need to be doing something all the time. But I think it still falls within the realm of Use to take time out for yourself and your family if you're lucky enough to have one so that you can keep your sanity. Maybe that's just my Introvert speaking (Meyers-Briggs) but gosh, folks, slow down! I don't watch TV anymore, but it can't be all that bad to veg out over House now and then. I watch at least 3 two-hour Bollywood movies a week to depressurize.
But I think there's another element to whole too much community thing that constantly gets under my skin at least. And I was having this conversation with someone earlier this week. Honestly, frankly, Bryn Athyn is not very good about accepting diversity of opinion. Now, some people might balk at this suggestion and claim that there is a wide spectrum of people types within Bryn Athyn and that with so many creative people and with an international college right smack in the middle of town how can you not have diversity. Diversity of opinion. Even the critics of the statement that I just made will have to admit that there are certain pushes in the Bryn Athyn society. The Conservities and Liberalees alike seem to have this opinion that everyone should get married in their early twenties if at all possible and have a bunch of kids. I've discussed this topic at length with people. I am turning 35 on Monday and I'm not married ... and boy do I feel a strong undercurrent of criticism coming from people in the BA community. As if I did something wrong or, dare I say, bucked the system. It's a thought pattern. I don't subscribe to that thought pattern. *LOL* I had an incident the other day where I was talking to a woman a couple of years younger than me who was shuffling her baby around in her arms and talking about how difficult it was to find time to do anything, with or without a baby in tow. I smiled and said "That's one of the advantages of being single in your 30s". And she looked at me as if I had grown another head. I also had a discussion with a woman in the church over the weekend who just has one child. She and her husband have made the conscious decision to just have one child. And she says that people are all the heck over her about having more children and "why do you only have one child" and stuff like that. I was surprised. I've also talked to a married woman with several children who said that she was upset because her entire identity as an individual disappeared in the eyes of the community. Is that right?
I was thinking about it from a man's perspective too. There are only certain jobs that it is OK for a man to have in the Bryn Athyn system it seems. It's OK to go into business, to be a minister or a teacher, or to do some sort of white-collar job. It's also OK to do landscaping or construction if you own the business or work for someone in the church. But heaven forbid that a man would do any sort of worker-bee job. How many plumbers or mechanics or pool-cleaning guys are there in the church? Maybe part of the reason I don't think of many of them as living in Bryn Athyn is because it's so bloody expensive to actually live in BA. But I also think it's the narrowness of options that are discussed with us in high school at The Academy. I don't ever remember any sort of trade school or classes like that associated with the school. I do remember a HUGE emphasis on scoring good grades. I graduated with a 94 average in the middle of my class. I don't think that's normal.
Anyhow, it's getting late and I'm starting to ramble too much. The point is, community is a wonderful thing if it's there for support. But I don't think our community is supposed to be our sole identity. And I think all too often within Bryn Athyn people look around to see what everyone else is doing and feel pressured into doing the same thing. That's why I don't live in BA anymore, nor will I ever live within the borough if I can help it. And maybe it's just me. Maybe I sprouted some serious wings and I like the places they've taken me to. Maybe there are people who can't thrive without the boundaries. For me they chafe. But all this diversity is what makes the world perfect. =D
It made me think. Because I've also heard other people complaining that there is a party every week, some sort of class, activity, or what-have-you all the time. I can't live without at least one night a week just to sit around and breathe. I have always been in morbid awe of all these people who have their time so scheduled that they are busy ever night of the week. How can you guys do that? You know, there's got to be such a thing as too much community. I know that people in Bryn Athyn like their strong, STRONG sense of community identity, but I often wonder what the price of all that togetherness is. On the one hand, there's the simple, obvious state of exhaustion that doing so many things all the time lends itself to. Maybe it's the New Church idea of Use that drives people to need to be doing something all the time. But I think it still falls within the realm of Use to take time out for yourself and your family if you're lucky enough to have one so that you can keep your sanity. Maybe that's just my Introvert speaking (Meyers-Briggs) but gosh, folks, slow down! I don't watch TV anymore, but it can't be all that bad to veg out over House now and then. I watch at least 3 two-hour Bollywood movies a week to depressurize.
But I think there's another element to whole too much community thing that constantly gets under my skin at least. And I was having this conversation with someone earlier this week. Honestly, frankly, Bryn Athyn is not very good about accepting diversity of opinion. Now, some people might balk at this suggestion and claim that there is a wide spectrum of people types within Bryn Athyn and that with so many creative people and with an international college right smack in the middle of town how can you not have diversity. Diversity of opinion. Even the critics of the statement that I just made will have to admit that there are certain pushes in the Bryn Athyn society. The Conservities and Liberalees alike seem to have this opinion that everyone should get married in their early twenties if at all possible and have a bunch of kids. I've discussed this topic at length with people. I am turning 35 on Monday and I'm not married ... and boy do I feel a strong undercurrent of criticism coming from people in the BA community. As if I did something wrong or, dare I say, bucked the system. It's a thought pattern. I don't subscribe to that thought pattern. *LOL* I had an incident the other day where I was talking to a woman a couple of years younger than me who was shuffling her baby around in her arms and talking about how difficult it was to find time to do anything, with or without a baby in tow. I smiled and said "That's one of the advantages of being single in your 30s". And she looked at me as if I had grown another head. I also had a discussion with a woman in the church over the weekend who just has one child. She and her husband have made the conscious decision to just have one child. And she says that people are all the heck over her about having more children and "why do you only have one child" and stuff like that. I was surprised. I've also talked to a married woman with several children who said that she was upset because her entire identity as an individual disappeared in the eyes of the community. Is that right?
I was thinking about it from a man's perspective too. There are only certain jobs that it is OK for a man to have in the Bryn Athyn system it seems. It's OK to go into business, to be a minister or a teacher, or to do some sort of white-collar job. It's also OK to do landscaping or construction if you own the business or work for someone in the church. But heaven forbid that a man would do any sort of worker-bee job. How many plumbers or mechanics or pool-cleaning guys are there in the church? Maybe part of the reason I don't think of many of them as living in Bryn Athyn is because it's so bloody expensive to actually live in BA. But I also think it's the narrowness of options that are discussed with us in high school at The Academy. I don't ever remember any sort of trade school or classes like that associated with the school. I do remember a HUGE emphasis on scoring good grades. I graduated with a 94 average in the middle of my class. I don't think that's normal.
Anyhow, it's getting late and I'm starting to ramble too much. The point is, community is a wonderful thing if it's there for support. But I don't think our community is supposed to be our sole identity. And I think all too often within Bryn Athyn people look around to see what everyone else is doing and feel pressured into doing the same thing. That's why I don't live in BA anymore, nor will I ever live within the borough if I can help it. And maybe it's just me. Maybe I sprouted some serious wings and I like the places they've taken me to. Maybe there are people who can't thrive without the boundaries. For me they chafe. But all this diversity is what makes the world perfect. =D