(no subject)
The only thing I ever have left to say anymore is, "It figures." No matter what my circumstance. I just had the fucking time of my life, with a bunch of girls I really care about, and still I find myself packing in a good three hours of sleep under my eyes, while listening to a sad song and wondering how I could have changed it. Still, I know, I couldn't have changed it. I just want to figure him the fuck out. I need to fucking understand someone before I fucking shrivel up. How can I figure things out without always messing it up? Turning it inside out, and searching high and low through the gray area? What is really left? It can't all be lies. I don't really understand how it could be. The male persuasion can't be lying to themselves. Boys don't sit in their rooms writing poetry trying to figure out certain ways to make themselves romantic or charming, only to find themselves on top of a drunk girl the next night, forgetting about her the next day, and so the cycle goes. How can you write a fucking haiku about that, I ask? How is that real? What are the feelings in that person? Where does that great art come from? So, really where is that truth? Is there truth? There are hundreds of those kinds of people. Manipulators. Fakers. Liars. What the fuck do they want from us besides sex? Why do they try so hard for something they can accomplish themselves? In turn, don't they know what it feels like to be hurt, and worse, to have their heart shattered? To have to pick themselves up and try again? How can someone be so simplistic? Do they not think enough into what they are doing? Why would you want to put someone through that? And for what? A millisecond orgasm. Now, I've got my head spinning in circles, wondering if that's what the fucking world comes down to. Orgasms. I don't think people ever stop being pathetic. Is that what guys minds really work of? Sex, food, entertainment? It just feels like some big scandal, or sick joke. Through out our whole lives do we ever stop to breathe, and just let the people we care about really honestly care for us? If we don't, Why? There are the boys that don't care, and the girls that just care way too much. If we just had a fucking equal amount of caring here, we wouldn't have these kind of problems. Maybe what I'm saying only makes sense to me, because of my lack of sleep, and my mass amount of confusion about the male sex, and human race in general. I just feel really let down. That's all.