(no subject)
I could look up some words in the dictionary and try to sound like more of an intellect. I could tell you about how I feel with words not even I understand, so you can only partly grasp how I really feel. Most of the time I don't even know what I want to say. Most of the time I feel like a fucking clone of everyone else. I feel predictable. What the hell is to love about predictable? Maybe that's why I have this luck. I used to feel as if I had the right to aim high. Not the ability, the right. But I make the wrong choices, only to fall short of what I had in the first place. A possible friendship? If I could even handle that. I kill myself day in and day out for something everyone else already has. I think of regrettable and impossible options. I dream things only to wake up to the boring reality of a life that seems to replay day in and day out like some kind of worn-out recording. Predictable. See, there's always a way to catorgorize things. I see people all the time, believing themselves all to be some sort of repetition, or set. They all believe in something, they all have interests, some have morals, some want to be there, some live it day by day, some of them probably don't even know where they are half of the time. The point is, they all have friends, and their friends get along with them for one of many reasons, because they have the same beliefs, they have the same interests, morals, GPA, or they like to go in on bags of pot together. Whatever it is, there's a reason, and that's good enough for them, so why isn't it good enough for me? For right now, I just feel like being dramatic, because there's always tomorrow, and tomorrow, maybe I will wake up from a wonderful dream and it will be ten degrees warmer and I will be surprisingly refreshed and my problems that seem so big right now will be tiny particles of yesterday. This feeling will subside and I will be myself again. Who knows, maybe it will be one of those days that I will look back on and find myself saying a couple months from now, "Boy, those were the days." I will get this feeling in my heart, and this feeling in my head that's unexplainable. Like a picture perfect snap shot, and the world stands still for a moment and let's you remember those times where you were having the fucking time of your life and you were listening to the same song you are listening to right now, or smelling the same smell of freshly cut grass or something equal to that effect. It's so much to take in, it's like an explosion but I'm confident it's the most amazing feeling that you'll ever feel. Maybe tomorrow but for now I'll just try to sleep.