(no subject)
well, people said that i'd grow a lot by coming out here, and if hardship is the basis for growth, then i'm gonna be a god damn giant. no money, not even enough for half a tank of gas, no job, though hopefully that'll change soon. our gas is turned off, so i either get a hot shower at skyler and danny's place or a cold one here, roommates who have been caught stealing shit which has me keeping anything of value, besides my laptop, over at skyler and danny's, an apartment that never seems to be lacking in drama, and the bare minimum when it comes to food. i have to wonder if i knew it was going to be like this if i would've come at all. i'm trying to focus on the bright side, a couple months down the line when we all have jobs and the house is done and i can have my own room in a nice house again. hopefully i'll have the perfect schedule at the two jobs i'm hoping for, complete w/ benefits and a 401k. my car won't be filthy anymore and i can afford a full tank of gas w/o a second thought. i can go to a chiropractor! i won't be getting bitten by bed bugs more and more every night, w/ the little bastards biting my face now. hopefully very little drama in the house, at least w/ the roomies. i know i get along and can live w/ skyler and danny just fine. the homesickness will have faded by then, and the desire to just get in my car and drive back to california constantly plaguing me. i talked to my nephew on the phone the other day, and i swear the only thing that kept me from driving back right there and then was the idea of having to pack up my car. and now i can't even afford the gas to get back, so there's another incentive. i swear, the only time i remember why i came out here is when i'm w/ skyler. i'm just waiting for it to not be so hard, and it's just not happening. i've been out here 2 weeks now and it feels like it's been two months. time just takes so long, probably because i'm stuck waiting to get a job, hell, an interview! i'm looking into working at tmobile, mostly for the benefits and something to bring in a paycheck. i have hopes for cheesecake factory this coming week, and macaroni grill in 2 weeks if i can't get something sooner. my account is about to, if it hasn't already, go negative which will leave me fucked if i don't get a job soon, or if one of my friends who loves me doesn't get a paycheck soon. pretty much, i'm talking about freddy there. he's a sweetheart, he's gonna be starting a job next week that will have him fairly well paid, so he's going to take care of my portion of the rent so that i can help skyler and danny come up w/ the 6000 bucks they'll need for the closing costs of the house. not only that, but he's giving up his commission checks he'll get in the 2 months before the house is done to skyler to help w/ the cost. he truly is an amazing, selfless guy. i wish i could come home, i really do. i think that's the impatient, miserable side talking. i'm sure if i leave now i'll always wonder, and i've always said i'd rather regret something i did than something i didn't do, but it's just so hard. i want to be surrounded by my cali friends, sipping a beer at paul's w/ the beach just a few miles away. i swear, i'm getting depressed. it's just so hard. i didn't know it would be this hard.