I see you drivin' round town with the girl I love ...
Lately it seems like everyone's been getting engaged. I'm happy for them ... but at the same time I'm just frustrated. It seems like every time I try to start something, it never works out. They always end up dating someone else, or very politely turning me down. Most of the time dating someone else.
I've heard many times that when you stop looking, love finds you. But for the longest time, I thought you had to make love, that you had convinced yourself that love was a decision you were making and when that choice didn't work out, you had to re-evaluate your decision-making process. It's turning out that love isn't something that you decide on, but rather something that decides on you. Something that doesn't work the first time, or the second, or the third. Something that has to hit just right, with both people, just so. And my person hasn't come along yet. Or one of my people.
It's like an equation where I'm x, and x + 1 = relationship. I keep designating whatever boy I find as boy = 1, but the problem is that the equation is wrong in the first place. It actually looks like x + y = relationship, and y is someone out there who is not a constant, but a continuously changing being just like myself, and maybe one day I'd love him, and the next I wouldn't give him the time of day. The equation only works for certain values of x and y, and maybe today x = 0 and y = 1, because I've stopped looking. Maybe tomorrow x = 1 and y = 0, because they've stopped looking.
Sometimes I get tired of being that variable, and I just want the equation to be solved by someone else, and I'll look at it and go, "Oh. Of course. That's what y is. That's what y has to be." But that would take all the fun out, wouldn't it?
Retaking Mechanics next semester. My fault. Can't do problems fast enough. Not enough confidence in my self. Other classes will be fine.
Excited to see old friends over the holiday. Probably will play Ultimate, and die running.
Time for bed.
I've heard many times that when you stop looking, love finds you. But for the longest time, I thought you had to make love, that you had convinced yourself that love was a decision you were making and when that choice didn't work out, you had to re-evaluate your decision-making process. It's turning out that love isn't something that you decide on, but rather something that decides on you. Something that doesn't work the first time, or the second, or the third. Something that has to hit just right, with both people, just so. And my person hasn't come along yet. Or one of my people.
It's like an equation where I'm x, and x + 1 = relationship. I keep designating whatever boy I find as boy = 1, but the problem is that the equation is wrong in the first place. It actually looks like x + y = relationship, and y is someone out there who is not a constant, but a continuously changing being just like myself, and maybe one day I'd love him, and the next I wouldn't give him the time of day. The equation only works for certain values of x and y, and maybe today x = 0 and y = 1, because I've stopped looking. Maybe tomorrow x = 1 and y = 0, because they've stopped looking.
Sometimes I get tired of being that variable, and I just want the equation to be solved by someone else, and I'll look at it and go, "Oh. Of course. That's what y is. That's what y has to be." But that would take all the fun out, wouldn't it?
Retaking Mechanics next semester. My fault. Can't do problems fast enough. Not enough confidence in my self. Other classes will be fine.
Excited to see old friends over the holiday. Probably will play Ultimate, and die running.
Time for bed.