I've joined a forum by mistake. Are you the moderator?

[petrichor_fizz]

 How DARE they? Of course Withnail is a homosexual! Can anybody truly be this obtuse?

I don't care how much trivia you know, nor how many locations you've visited; if you can't pick up on such simple subtext then you're no true fan.

Oh God.  I hate things. NO MORE WINE.

PS. OH JESUS GOD, OF FUCKING COURSE HE'S A MEMBER. OF COURSE HE WOULD BE. OH SHIT

Comments

[apiphile]

Y HALO THAR NUMBER ONE REASON I NEVER GET INVOLVED IN ACTUAL FANDOMS. :D

Come and have some of my wine. It is happy wine and it makes Stephen Fry appear on TV (don't argue, I speak the truth).

[petrichor_fizz]

I BELIEVE YOU AND I WILL PARTAKE OF YOUR WINE.

I'm Getting Involved now. I can't help it. Is it stalking to secretly be on the same forum as your ex without necessarily revealing your identity? Does that count? If you don't do anything sinister, just talk about things? You should join too. Give me some fucking moral support. I'm "Fizz".

He hasn't posted for fucking ages anyway. He's probably died.

Oh God.

[apiphile]

*brandishes a bottle* I get the feeling you're going to need this if you keep stalking conversing with your ex like that.

Get involved? Get involved? Somewhere where people are still questioning Withnail's obsessive and damaging infatuation with Marwood? I think not, the stupid would probably kill me. I'd have an aneurysm as I tried to figure out WTF was happening in their little brains.

Er, seriously. Don't keep prodding old wounds. It makes them go all manky.

[petrichor_fizz]

I'M NOT CONVERSING WITH HIM. I'M CONVERSING NEAR HIM.

Please, for god's sake, don't leave me alone with these people.

I like my wound. It's a good wound.

[apiphile]

YOU'LL STILL GET EX COOTIES ON YOU. DO YOU WANT THAT? THEY'LL BREED, THEY'LL MAKE YOUR VAGINA ALL ITCHY, IT'LL BE TERRIBLE AND EMBARRASSING AND YOU'LL HAVE TO GO ON TV GOD I'M DRUNK.

Flee from them! Flee! We have Livejournal for a reason! It's so that, uh. Um. We can prevent idiots from trying to communicate with us through the handy ban_set command!

Yeah, but it's old and green and pus-filled and it's starting to smell and it's time you got some new disgusting wounds. Or something.

[petrichor_fizz]

WHAT ABOUT MY VAGINA?

I can't help it he's real again now he was just a memory for so long and now he's a person and I oh God I don't know maybe I'm only in love with the memory after all not the person but either way I'm in love with something and he has it and I want it oh fuuuuuuuuck.

THAT TERRIBLE CUNT.

[apiphile]

... DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? oh, well

But you don't love him because he's a cock. I have no idea what he's like but he's a COCK because, um, I said so and he's not making you deliriously happy. Ergo, COCK. Or a terrible cunt.

... returning to the wound analogy, seriously. Think of all the other stab wounds you could have! Different ones! Exciting ones! WHOLE NEW WAYS OF BEING MISERABLE!

[petrichor_fizz]

But there's nobody else who makes me feel the wa... oh, God, I'm drifting into the arena of the unwell.

He IS a cock. That's the thing. A terrible cock. He's pathetic and unattractive and he's totally wasted his considerable potential and he thinks his alcoholism and depression dignifiy him, which they don't. It's just the only time I've known happiness that wasn't fleeting was when I was with him. I don't know what else to say about it. And he probably doesn't even remember my NAME. BASTARD BASTARD.

[apiphile]

There will be other people who make you feel better. FACT. Provable with science and capslock.

he thinks his alcoholism and depression dignifiy him

Oh sweet Jesus O'Flannerty, one of those. Ughhhhh. Also, yo, I hate to sound like a self-help manual and I hated it when people said this to me and I'm going to say it anyway and you will quite rightly think I am a stupid bitch but I can't help that: It's just the only time I've known happiness that wasn't fleeting was when I was with him.

-- There WILL. WILL. Be better than that. There will be awesome that makes you look back on him and think "oh, what the shit was the big deal?" I mean, you might still love him, eight years down the line (cf. me and the Gordon Creature), but it will be in a "hey, that was occasionally nice" way, and everything ELSE that's happening will be incomparably cooler. My vocabulary sucks today and I sound like I should be in a pulpit, but you get the idea.

[petrichor_fizz]

It's possible, it's possible. On the other hand, there are no guarantees in life.

I feel like Florentino Ariza here. Give it 47 years.

What you say may be true, but what I'm feeling RIGHT NOW is sort of my priority, you know? I'm expressing myself badly. It was some extremely distressing news.

[apiphile]

:P Well, at least give us the chance to try, eh?

And totally understood, apologies for sounding like an overbearing cuntwaffle on the subject - I may be slightly too determined to make you happy.

[petrichor_fizz]

Fear not, old cuntwaffle, I'll be happy. I promise. It may require an heroic dose, though.

[apiphile]

A heroic dose? Fortunately, chez Des Anges is well-stocked.

[petrichor_fizz]

Ugh. I may have to polish off my whiskey, which is unfortunate. But I can't be bothered going on a quest at this time of night, and I don't want to pilfer any of the narrsty vodka that my flatmates almost certainly have lying around the place. I suppose I could NOT drink my problems into oblivion, but it's not as though I have to be up.

[apiphile]

You know you can un-nasty vodka with a Brita water filter? Helpful hints for student living number bajillion, that.

I suppose I could NOT drink my problems into oblivion,

... It's a theory, but it's not one I endorse.

[petrichor_fizz]

Oh, how I long for a Brita water filter. We don't even have a toaster. And the ignition's gone on the oven. We have two fridges though. Except the door of one of them opens into the side of the other, so you have to open it really wide, walk around it, get your food out and then reverse the polarity.

THIS IS THE FUCKING LIFE, OH YES.