JE/NewS/KAT-TUN- "Five Ways NewS Tries to Fix KAT-TUN with the Power of Member-Ai"
Title: Five Ways NewS Tries to Fix KAT-TUN with the Power of Member-Ai
Universe: JE/NewS/KAT-TUN
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, KAT-TUN
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, stupidity. RPF.
Word Count: 4,393
Summary: KAT-TUN is no longer musically in synch. NewS tries to fix it with the power of member-ai.
Dedication: Ann. LOL I reread her fic "10 Explanations for Kat-tun's First Performance of Yorokobi no Uta on Music Station" (which is about why the KAT-TUN MS performance sucked) and I wanted to do an aftermath fic. XD
A/N: I have had writer’s block for like, a month now. So I forced myself to write this (well, most of this- the beginning was from before) yesterday. Thus it is kind of retarded and does not read well, but I think once I get something finished and put it up it will open the floodgates or something, and I can write other things afterwards. Though right now that’s just a theory. I WANT TO WRITE BLEACH AND ONE PIECE OMG.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
Prologue
“Today is Music Station!” Yamapi announced happily as he bounced into the practice room that afternoon, pumping his fists in the air.
“Yay!” his group echoed. Then they all pumped their fists too, because when one person in NewS was happy it was not hard for the rest of them to be happy as well, even if they did not really understand what the first person was happy about in the first place. Ryo called it a disturbing mob mentality and said that they were lucky that none of them were serial killers (as far as they knew), because then they would probably all end up doing that together as well, pumping their fists like morons the entire time.
But still. NewS liked being happy together, and there was no crime in that. So far, anyway.
Shige, in the meantime, was the first one to snap out of the smile-daze. “But we’re not going on Music Station today,” he reminded their leader gently.
Yamapi grinned. “But KAT-TUN is! Yay!”
“Yay!” everyone else said again, by rote. Even Shige.
“I really like their new song,” Yamapi explained, and tapped the side of his temple knowingly. “I don’t know what does it, but there’s something about that song that makes you happy.” He smiled then, and it was so bright that Shige did not even make a comment about how that was not a very astute observation, all things considered.
“You’re a moron,” Ryo supplied to Yamapi for Shige, though when Ryo said it Yamapi only grinned broader and wrapped his arms around Ryo. He rested his head on Ryo’s shoulder. “Let’s watch them perform, ne? All of us together? I haven’t gotten to hear Jin perform live in a long time!”
Ryo sighed.
“Okay!” everyone else agreed, readily. Really, it couldn’t be helped when Yamapi was this adamant about something.
And so, later that day, all of NewS gathered around the couch in front of the TV when it was time for Music Station to air. As they sat and waited, the entire group could feel Yamapi’s excited energy buzzing in the air around them, and they all fed off of it just like they did when they were the ones on stage performing. They looked forward to a very good show from their friends.
Then, after the intros and the talk, KAT-TUN’s live stage began.
Koyama was the first to react; he choked.
Shige was next; he stared at the screen with wide eyes while mechanically patting the coughing Koyama’s back.
As the performance continued, everyone eventually turned to look at Yamapi worriedly. They didn’t quite know what to say.
Except for Ryo, who leaned back, crossed his arms, and declared: “Wow they suck.”
Tegoshi laughed awkwardly at Ryo’s straightforwardness. “Maybe Akanishi and Kamenashi have colds?” he suggested.
Massu blinked. “They were fine when I saw them this morning.” Then, on Tegoshi’s significant look, “Er, that is….maybe they have colds.”
Everyone sighed. Massu wasn’t very good at being comforting sometimes.
But luckily, Yamapi didn’t notice his groupmates’ attempts to rationalize the situation for his sake. Instead, his brow furrowed as he studied the television screen. Everyone could tell just by looking at him that he was clearly deep in thought.
The rest of NewS waited anxiously for his diagnosis.
Then, after KAT-TUN was almost done with their performance, Yamapi finally declared: “I think something is wrong here.”
Everyone sighed again. Yamapi wasn’t very good at making observations sometimes.
But then Yamapi held up his hand to continue. “So they must be fighting!” he concluded.
“Eh?” Koyama said.
“Eh?” everyone else echoed right after, because Koyama was always the fastest talker in the group.
Yamapi made a fist with one hand and hit it against the palm of his other. “Akanishi and Kamenashi are fighting. That’s why their harmony is no good.”
Everyone thought about this for a while. Most of the members looked doubtful.
Except for Tegoshi, who said, “I think Yamapi is right.”
Everyone blinked at him.
“Ha… er, what makes you say that?” Koyama asked, when no one else did.
Tegoshi crossed his arms cutely, like the answer should be obvious. “Because when our producers say I harmonize well with everyone, I tell them that it’s because everyone is so nice to me, I have to try extra hard for all their sakes.”
Everyone thought that Tegoshi was unbelievably cute. Koyama hugged him on instinct. “I love you, Tegoshi,” Koyama said.
Tegoshi beamed. “I love Kei-chan too!” he said back. But then he frowned and looked at his groupmates with big, sad eyes. “Does this mean Akanishi and Kamenashi don’t like each other anymore? That must be it, ne?”
When he saw that depressed look on Tegoshi’s face, Ryo sighed at what a dumb conclusion it was and blamed its inception entirely on Yamapi. But he reached out to ruffle Tegoshi’s hair anyway. “Maybe,” he allowed, gruffly.
“That’s too bad,” Massu sympathized around a mouthful of popcorn. Koyama and Shige nodded.
There was a moment of silence as they all thought about what this meant.
After a minute or two, Koyama, ever positive, was about to say, “I’m sure they’ll get over whatever it is soon!”
But before he could, Yamapi declared: “Yosh! We have to fix it. It’s our duty!”
Silence.
Then Koyama said: “E-eh?!”
The rest of NewS-as always- was right behind him.
1. Yamapi Demonstrates the Logic Inherent in Member-Ai
“This is idiotic,” Ryo said the next morning, upon the official commencement of what Yamapi was now calling “Akame-ai Daisakusen.”
Yamapi just smiled back at him and gave him a thumbs-up as they staked out KAT-TUN’s practice floor, like he had heard the words “This is a great idea!” come out of Ryo’s mouth instead. “It’s like car batteries, ne?” he told his friend.
Normally a statement like that would not have made sense, but sadly, it did now, if only because Yamapi had been nattering on for hours already about how NewS just needed to transfer some of their abundant member-ai to Jin and Kame to get their member-ai restarted. “Like what people do when their cars break down in the middle of the highway and nice strangers pull over to help them with their jumper-cables of kindness!” had been Yamapi’s explanation.
Ryo-as he’d just stated- thought it was all pretty idiotic.
But then again, Ryo supposed that in Idiot Land-where Yamapi lived- being idiotic was a good thing. Which probably meant that somehow, somehow Yamapi’s retarded plan about explaining the logic behind member-ai would make perfect sense to a pair of morons like Kamenashi and Akanishi. At least Ryo hoped it did, he was sick of hearing everyone’s dumb ideas about how to make Jin and Kame reconcile like it mattered to NewS either way. Even more, he was sick of being roped into helping.
“Oi, here they come!” Yamapi hissed suddenly, gesturing vaguely in Ryo’s direction when he saw the members of KAT-TUN beginning to exit their rehearsal room. Then, when the time was just right, Yamapi grabbed Ryo’s arm and very casually dragged him around the corner with him.
Yamapi cleared his throat once they were in position. “It makes perfect sense!” he declared suddenly, using an unnaturally loud voice as Jin and Kame were about to pass them in the hallway.
Silence.
Yamapi elbowed Ryo.
Ryo made a face. Sighed. “No, I disagree. It doesn’t make sense,” he recited, mechanically.
Yamapi did not notice his bandmate’s lackluster acting because he was too keyed up on his own performance. He scoffed with exaggerated flair and then turned to Jin. “Akanishi! Kamenashi!” he said, “What a coincidence to see you here outside of your practice room! Ryo-chan and I were just talking and we want your opinions. Please tell me if this makes sense.”
Jin blinked. Kame looked wary. Yamapi didn’t give either of them time to decline (or to ask why the hell they were on KAT-TUN’s floor in the first place).
“I,” Yamapi began quickly, “am good friends with Ryo-chan.” He gestured to his right towards Ryo as he said this, like the two KAT-TUN members needed a visual aid to understand what was going on here.
Ryo rolled his eyes.
Yamapi continued. “And I am also good friends with Koyama.” He gestured to the empty space on his left next, as if telling Jin and Kame to please insert Koyama there in their imaginations. “So, if I am friends with Ryo and I am friends with Koyama, then that means Ryo should be friends with Koyama too, right?” Yamapi took a step backwards and pushed Ryo towards where imaginary Koyama was standing, so that if Koyama had indeed been there, he and Ryo would now be standing side-by-side without Yamapi between them.
A beat.
“Not necessarily,” Kame said after a minute, cautiously.
Jin just blinked again. “Aren’t Ryo-chan and Koyama already friends?”
“That is not the point!” Yamapi said to Jin. “The point is,” he paused and turned to Kame, “if I am friends with one person and I am friends with another person, then those two people should be friends with each other too, because they clearly like the same kind of people, ne? They are compatible. Even if they do fight sometimes. Which is completely natural. But their friendship will triumph in the end because of their compatibility.”
Kame thought about it for a little bit. He looked doubtful. “But that only works under the assumption that the first person you are friends with and the second person you are friends with are the same kind of people as you, because that is the only way they would definitely like each other if they liked you. If they’re not the same, then that doesn’t mean they would automatically like each other just because they like you. They might both like you but hate the kind of person the other person is. Does that make sense?”
Yamapi stared at Kame without blinking.
After a moment of no response, Kame waved a hand in front of Yamapi’s face. “Yamapi? Hello?”
Nothing. Ryo suspected logic overload. Yamapi did not have enough connected wires in his brain to process that sort of information all at once. It might take a day or two.
Jin scowled at Kame when Yamapi did not react and swatted the younger man’s hand away from Pi’s face. “You broke him!” he accused his bandmate angrily, before grabbing his best friend’s shoulders and shaking hard. “PI DON’T LISTEN TO HIM. IT MAKES SENSE TO ME.”
Still no reaction. Ryo wondered if he could learn how to do that so he could shut Yamapi up in the future too.
Naturally, Jin was less calm than Ryo was about the whole thing and made a distressed noise in the back of his throat before taking Yamapi by the arm. He pulled Yamapi back down the hall frantically. “Good going, Kame,” he sulked over his shoulder, “now I have to fix him! Does anyone have any watermelon?”
Kame frowned as he watched the two friends retreat down the corridor together. “I was just explaining why…”
Ryo didn’t care.
Ryo left.
When he got back to his own floor, the rest of NewS was waiting anxiously by the door for any, well, news.
Ryo waved his hand in front of his face, like he smelled something offensive. “No good,” he reported. “The idiot made it worse.”
Everyone looked disappointed. Then, Shige realized something and asked: “Where’s Yamapi?”
“Broken,” Ryo explained. Then he went to go get a snack from the vending machines.
“Eh?!” Koyama shrieked.
Everyone else felt exactly the same as Koyama. Such was the power of their member-ai.
2. Masuda Knows that the way to a Man’s Heart is through his Stomach
Massu’s plan for fixing Kame and Jin’s relationship was not much better than Yamapi’s. That, Ryo thought, said a lot about exactly how bad a plan it was.
“You made a sandwich,” he said to Massu, just in case Massu had not yet noticed it himself (which Ryo thought was entirely possible, all things considered). “A giant sandwich. With like, three pounds of meat in it.”
“Yes,” Massu responded. And then he cut the sandwich in half. “And now there are two pieces.”
Ryo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Great. And where did this brilliant idea come from?”
Massu pouted at Ryo’s tone. “Because once I gave half of one of my sandwiches to Tegoshi and Tegoshi said ‘waah, Massu must really love me!’ when I did. So I thought…”
Ryo stopped listening. He knew all he needed to know now.
“Great,” he said. “You might as well try it. It’s probably better than whatever lame-brained ideas Shige and Koyama are coming up with.”
He looked over towards the corner then, where Shige and Koyama were yelling at each other in very loud whispers and occasionally getting sidetracked and swatting each other with couch cushions whenever they got bored with trying to come up with plans of their own for Akame-ai Daisakusen.
“This will work. You’ll see,” Massu said, before he picked up his sandwich plate and headed out the doors towards the elevators. Tegoshi happily wished him luck. Yamapi said that his sandwich looked A+ delicious.
How a sandwich had anything to do with an A+ remained a mystery.
Approximately ten minutes later, Masuda returned to NewS’s floor with an empty sandwich plate and a big smile on his face.
Everyone ran up to greet him: “Did it work, did it work? Ne, did it work?”
“No!” Masuda said, happily.
Koyama blinked. “Then… what happened? Why are you so happy?”
Masuda scratched his head thoughtfully. “Well, I went up. And I offered Jin the sandwich first, and since it was so big I thought…for sure he’d offer half to Kame. But then Jin said he was on a diet because America makes you fat. So he didn’t want it at all-not even half! Then I tried to ask Kame to take it after that but apparently Kame is on a diet too, just because he said he doesn’t like having cheeks all of a sudden, after not having them for so long. So he said I should eat the sandwich myself, since I looked like I wanted to anyway.”
Silence.
Koyama laughed nervously. “And so then…”
Massu’s grin broadened. “I ate it.”
“Right,” Ryo sighed, and wasn’t really surprised at anything anymore.
He went to take a nap.
3. Koyama Employs the Tried and True Method of Many an Asian Drama
When Ryo woke up, he headed downstairs to meet everyone for their group costume fitting like the schedule said to. There, he found the rest of NewS crouched in one of the corners down the hall from the wardrobe department. They were all whispering to each other and watching the closet door at the end of the corridor intently. From inside that closet Ryo thought that he could hear things that sounded a lot like shrieks and pounding and perhaps even crying.
“What’s going on?” he asked, though he was pretty sure he didn’t want to know.
“I locked Kame and Jin in that closet together,” Koyama reported smugly. “I saw this on a drama once. They’ll definitely have to make up with each other while they’re in there.”
Ryo blinked. “How long have they been in there?”
“Ten minutes,” Yamapi said.
“Oh.” Ryo gave it five more minutes.
Five minutes later, Ryo was right.
The pounding and the shrieks and the crying suddenly stopped. Then, there was a pop and a rush of air and Jin was suddenly running out of the closet shouting: “OH THANK GOD.”
Kame came out of the closet a few seconds after Jin, looking ruffled and annoyed. “I was trying to tell you that they all unlock from the inside,” he sighed, and then whirled around and headed to the bathroom to fix his hair. Jin made a face after his younger groupmate before turning around and marching off in the opposite direction.
Meanwhile, down the hall, NewS stared.
“What happened?!” Koyama sputtered. “I know I locked the door!”
“From what Kame was saying, I guess the closets all open from the inside,” Shige surmised, correctly.
“What? Since when?”
“Since the finance department decided that there should be less bad touch lawsuits here,” Ryo explained. “Don’t you idiots know anything?”
Everyone took a moment to think about that.
Eventually, they supposed that even though Koyama’s plan had failed, they could not hold it against anyone if that was the cause.
In fact, most of them wished that it was a measure that had been put into place back when they had been juniors. Well, everyone except for Tegoshi, who just blinked and asked: “What bad touch?”
The rest of NewS was sort of glad that Tegoshi had joined late. And that he used to be an awkward looking kid.
“Right,” Koyama said after a minute, and cleared his throat. “Shige’s turn is next.”
Then they headed to their costume fittings without another word.
Tegoshi pouted after them. Seriously, they never told him anything interesting.
4. Shige Comes to the Conclusion that all Jin and Kame Need is some Healthy Competition
“Jin and Kame both hate to lose, right?” Shige theorized the next day.
Everyone nodded.
“Just like everyone here doesn’t like to lose. Except for Koyama.”
Everyone nodded again. Except for Koyama, who pouted and said: “I don’t like to lose; I’m just bad at winning.”
Shige ignored him. “So,” he continued, “for people who don’t like to lose, what’s the most motivating thing in the world?”
Blank stares.
He waved his hands encouragingly. “Competition!”
“Right!” everyone agreed. “Shige is so smart.”
Then, more silence.
Yamapi eventually blinked. “So. What’s your idea, Shige?”
Shige sighed. Despite all of the leading he was doing, it seemed as though he was still on this page alone. He gave up trying to be subtle. “My idea is to give Kame and Jin some competition so that they’ll have to work together to overcome whatever obstacles they’re facing,” he explained slowly.
Tegoshi beamed. “It sounds like camp.”
“A teamwork exercise!” Yamapi agreed.
Massu cheered. “Fun!”
“But how are you going to give them a competition?” Koyama asked. “KAT-TUN hasn’t come on Ya-Ya-Yah for a long time. I think if we asked them to do a relay race for no reason they would think it’s weird.” Pause. “And then maybe they would call us names.”
“Koyama’s right.” Yamapi agreed, grimly. “We can’t do a relay.”
Tegoshi and Masuda deflated a little.
“Maybe tug-of-war would be better,” Yamapi suggested next, and then got very excited about the prospect. “Shige, is your plan to challenge Jin and Kame to a tug-of-war battle of love? I’ll be on your team!!”
Shige rubbed his temples. “Not that kind of competition,” he told them, patiently. “And besides, I’m not even going to be the one who challenges them at all.”
“You’re not?”
“Nope.”
Now everyone was really confused.
Shige pointed at Tegoshi and Masuda. “They are.”
“E-eh?!” Tegoshi and Masuda said (in harmony). For once, they were even faster than Koyama.
Ryo, in the meantime, had to admit that out of all the idiotic plans everyone had come up with so far, this was probably by far the one that made the most actual sense. But then again, he’d always believed that pissing someone off was the best way to get them to act.
So it was decided, and during their next rehearsal break, Shige sent Massu and Tegoshi to KAT-TUN’s floor with a planned story and everything. “Relax and just sing,” he told the two soloists confidently. “Move them with music.”
“Right!” Tegoshi said, and was pumped up by Shige’s words of encouragement.
“Okay,” Massu said after Tegoshi, though he was more realistic. He brought another sandwich with him for backup, just in case Shige’s plan didn’t work.
When they showed up in KAT-TUN’s break lounge that afternoon, the other group went silent for a moment. Then Koki snorted and said: “Does NewS keep getting lost or something?”
Maru was more cheerful, and said, “Hi!” to Massu, because they were friends. Then he said “Hi!” to Tegoshi too, because Tegoshi was cute.
“What do you guys need?” Kame asked, and eyed Massu’s sandwich warily. “We already have food.”
“Oh,” Massu said. He smiled at his sandwich. “I guess I’ll just have to eat it myself, then.”
“We uh, we need your advice!” Tegoshi cut in, before Massu could eat his sandwich and ruin Shige’s plan.
“For what?” Jin asked. “If it’s about asking girls out you’re better off talking to me and not the rest of these guys.”
“Hey!” the others said (except for Ueda, who didn’t care, and Junno, who just laughed).
“We’re preparing a medley for Shounen Club,” Tegoshi recited. “The theme is happiness. We’re going to sing your new song for part of it.”
Silence. Well, except for Maru’s nervous laughter. “You two are going to sing our song, huh?” he said. “I see, I see.”
“Yup,” Massu said. “We’ve been practicing it.”
The room got a little bit colder.
Tegoshi hid behind Massu on instinct. “So…uh… please listen and tell us if this sounds okay!”
He nudged Massu then, and counted three beats with his hand before they burst into song.
Some time later, Massu and Tegoshi both returned to the NewS floor. Massu’s sandwich plate was, once again, empty.
“Well?” Shige asked when the duo walked through the door. “It was brilliant, right?”
A moment.
Then Tegoshi started crying.
Shige was baffled.
Massu patted Tegoshi’s back with one hand while he licked bread crumbs off of the fingers of his other hand. “I don’t think it worked,” he replied in Tegoshi’s stead, helpfully.
“Ah…what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Koyama clucked worriedly. He wrung his hands and looked at Tegoshi “They didn’t hit you, did they?”
Ryo sighed and sidestepped the fussing Koyama to grab Tegoshi’s shoulder and shake him a little. “Oi, what happened?” he asked impatiently, though he didn’t resist outright when Tegoshi just whimpered and buried his face in the crook of Ryo’s neck.
“They said we’re never allowed to sing their songs in public again. Especially if it’s a song they’re still singing live,” the youngest member sniffled. “I guess we just sounded too awful, because they didn’t even try to sing with each other at all! But I really tried my best!”
Ryo sighed and pet Tegoshi’s hair until he calmed down. In the meantime, Koyama and Shige looked at each other nervously. “You guys sounded…really bad, huh?” they said, and laughed awkwardly. “The two of you. Tegoshi and Massu. Eheh. Heh.”
“I’m sorry I messed up your plan,” Tegoshi said to Shige. “I guess we didn’t give them enough competition to motivate them.” His eyes were huge and wet and completely sincere as he apologized. Because he did not know what KAT-TUN had really been yelling at him about at all, and even if it was kind of stupid to still not be able to realize it at this point, Ryo had to admit that it was one of the points he really did like about Tegoshi.
Massu however, sensed that something was wrong with the younger boy’s conclusion and cocked his head sideways. He looked a little confused. “But it was weird. I thought we sounded good.”
“Haha…ha…” Koyama managed, because he couldn’t say, “KAT-TUN hates to lose” at a time like this.
Shige just waved placatingly at the duo. “Right. Don’t think about it anymore. I’m sorry. It was probably a bad idea after all.” He knew that it was his own fault for not realizing that 'competition' was different from 'utter defeat'.
“I told you we should have gone with the tug-of-war,” Yamapi said, and tsked knowingly. “It’s not too late, though! Who’s got rope?”
Ryo felt the stirrings of a headache. “Alright,” he said, as Tegoshi sniffed and hiccupped pathetically against his shirt, “all of you idiots are officially relieved. Tomorrow, I’m taking care of this by myself.”
Silence.
Then everyone promptly ruined the dramatic atmosphere by marveling at how manly Ryo-tan was.
Ryo ignored them and went to change his shirt.
5. Ryo Uses His Own Special Form of Member-Ai
They’d made Tegoshi cry yesterday, and while Ryo did see a certain cute (and widely marketable) charm in the kid’s tears, something in his cold, cold heart also stirred into cold, cold fury whenever he saw Tegoshi sad. Especially when he knew that Tegoshi’s tears had been caused by morons.
So the next morning he went to the KAT-TUN lounge. He got there before the other group and when they walked through the door a few minutes after him looking groggy or sleepy or hung over or all of the above, Ryo ignored proper morning greetings and told them: “You guys sound a lot like Arashi lately.”
Then he turned around and walked out. He thought he’d go have a nice breakfast at the coffee shop down the street now, since he was still officially early to work and they didn’t pay him nearly enough to deal with all the shit he had to deal with as the only one with any real brains in his group.
Though, he supposed it wasn’t all that bad sometimes.
For instance, when he heard Jin’s indignant shrieks from down the hallway a few minutes later, he even smiled.
Epilogue
“Hey, that’s a lot better!” Yamapi cheered a week later, when KAT-TUN had another live performance of Yorokobi no Uta.
“They still suck,” Ryo felt the need to point out from his spot on the couch, “but they suck more like themselves now,” he admitted, grudgingly.
“At the very least, they must have put aside their differences for the live shows,” Shige agreed. Then, becoming slightly suspicious as something occurred to him, he turned to look at Ryo. “What exactly did you tell them that day, anyway?”
Ryo just smirked and didn’t say anything. The expression on his face made Shige scoot backwards on instinct.
“Ryo-tan has his own special kind of member-ai,” Tegoshi replied in Ryo’s stead, and smiled obliviously up at the older boy from where his head was resting in his lap. “Ne, Ryo-tan?”
Ryo nodded and ruffled Tegoshi’s hair fondly. “Yeah.”
END
EDITS SO NEEDED.
Universe: JE/NewS/KAT-TUN
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, KAT-TUN
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, stupidity. RPF.
Word Count: 4,393
Summary: KAT-TUN is no longer musically in synch. NewS tries to fix it with the power of member-ai.
Dedication: Ann. LOL I reread her fic "10 Explanations for Kat-tun's First Performance of Yorokobi no Uta on Music Station" (which is about why the KAT-TUN MS performance sucked) and I wanted to do an aftermath fic. XD
A/N: I have had writer’s block for like, a month now. So I forced myself to write this (well, most of this- the beginning was from before) yesterday. Thus it is kind of retarded and does not read well, but I think once I get something finished and put it up it will open the floodgates or something, and I can write other things afterwards. Though right now that’s just a theory. I WANT TO WRITE BLEACH AND ONE PIECE OMG.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
Prologue
“Today is Music Station!” Yamapi announced happily as he bounced into the practice room that afternoon, pumping his fists in the air.
“Yay!” his group echoed. Then they all pumped their fists too, because when one person in NewS was happy it was not hard for the rest of them to be happy as well, even if they did not really understand what the first person was happy about in the first place. Ryo called it a disturbing mob mentality and said that they were lucky that none of them were serial killers (as far as they knew), because then they would probably all end up doing that together as well, pumping their fists like morons the entire time.
But still. NewS liked being happy together, and there was no crime in that. So far, anyway.
Shige, in the meantime, was the first one to snap out of the smile-daze. “But we’re not going on Music Station today,” he reminded their leader gently.
Yamapi grinned. “But KAT-TUN is! Yay!”
“Yay!” everyone else said again, by rote. Even Shige.
“I really like their new song,” Yamapi explained, and tapped the side of his temple knowingly. “I don’t know what does it, but there’s something about that song that makes you happy.” He smiled then, and it was so bright that Shige did not even make a comment about how that was not a very astute observation, all things considered.
“You’re a moron,” Ryo supplied to Yamapi for Shige, though when Ryo said it Yamapi only grinned broader and wrapped his arms around Ryo. He rested his head on Ryo’s shoulder. “Let’s watch them perform, ne? All of us together? I haven’t gotten to hear Jin perform live in a long time!”
Ryo sighed.
“Okay!” everyone else agreed, readily. Really, it couldn’t be helped when Yamapi was this adamant about something.
And so, later that day, all of NewS gathered around the couch in front of the TV when it was time for Music Station to air. As they sat and waited, the entire group could feel Yamapi’s excited energy buzzing in the air around them, and they all fed off of it just like they did when they were the ones on stage performing. They looked forward to a very good show from their friends.
Then, after the intros and the talk, KAT-TUN’s live stage began.
Koyama was the first to react; he choked.
Shige was next; he stared at the screen with wide eyes while mechanically patting the coughing Koyama’s back.
As the performance continued, everyone eventually turned to look at Yamapi worriedly. They didn’t quite know what to say.
Except for Ryo, who leaned back, crossed his arms, and declared: “Wow they suck.”
Tegoshi laughed awkwardly at Ryo’s straightforwardness. “Maybe Akanishi and Kamenashi have colds?” he suggested.
Massu blinked. “They were fine when I saw them this morning.” Then, on Tegoshi’s significant look, “Er, that is….maybe they have colds.”
Everyone sighed. Massu wasn’t very good at being comforting sometimes.
But luckily, Yamapi didn’t notice his groupmates’ attempts to rationalize the situation for his sake. Instead, his brow furrowed as he studied the television screen. Everyone could tell just by looking at him that he was clearly deep in thought.
The rest of NewS waited anxiously for his diagnosis.
Then, after KAT-TUN was almost done with their performance, Yamapi finally declared: “I think something is wrong here.”
Everyone sighed again. Yamapi wasn’t very good at making observations sometimes.
But then Yamapi held up his hand to continue. “So they must be fighting!” he concluded.
“Eh?” Koyama said.
“Eh?” everyone else echoed right after, because Koyama was always the fastest talker in the group.
Yamapi made a fist with one hand and hit it against the palm of his other. “Akanishi and Kamenashi are fighting. That’s why their harmony is no good.”
Everyone thought about this for a while. Most of the members looked doubtful.
Except for Tegoshi, who said, “I think Yamapi is right.”
Everyone blinked at him.
“Ha… er, what makes you say that?” Koyama asked, when no one else did.
Tegoshi crossed his arms cutely, like the answer should be obvious. “Because when our producers say I harmonize well with everyone, I tell them that it’s because everyone is so nice to me, I have to try extra hard for all their sakes.”
Everyone thought that Tegoshi was unbelievably cute. Koyama hugged him on instinct. “I love you, Tegoshi,” Koyama said.
Tegoshi beamed. “I love Kei-chan too!” he said back. But then he frowned and looked at his groupmates with big, sad eyes. “Does this mean Akanishi and Kamenashi don’t like each other anymore? That must be it, ne?”
When he saw that depressed look on Tegoshi’s face, Ryo sighed at what a dumb conclusion it was and blamed its inception entirely on Yamapi. But he reached out to ruffle Tegoshi’s hair anyway. “Maybe,” he allowed, gruffly.
“That’s too bad,” Massu sympathized around a mouthful of popcorn. Koyama and Shige nodded.
There was a moment of silence as they all thought about what this meant.
After a minute or two, Koyama, ever positive, was about to say, “I’m sure they’ll get over whatever it is soon!”
But before he could, Yamapi declared: “Yosh! We have to fix it. It’s our duty!”
Silence.
Then Koyama said: “E-eh?!”
The rest of NewS-as always- was right behind him.
1. Yamapi Demonstrates the Logic Inherent in Member-Ai
“This is idiotic,” Ryo said the next morning, upon the official commencement of what Yamapi was now calling “Akame-ai Daisakusen.”
Yamapi just smiled back at him and gave him a thumbs-up as they staked out KAT-TUN’s practice floor, like he had heard the words “This is a great idea!” come out of Ryo’s mouth instead. “It’s like car batteries, ne?” he told his friend.
Normally a statement like that would not have made sense, but sadly, it did now, if only because Yamapi had been nattering on for hours already about how NewS just needed to transfer some of their abundant member-ai to Jin and Kame to get their member-ai restarted. “Like what people do when their cars break down in the middle of the highway and nice strangers pull over to help them with their jumper-cables of kindness!” had been Yamapi’s explanation.
Ryo-as he’d just stated- thought it was all pretty idiotic.
But then again, Ryo supposed that in Idiot Land-where Yamapi lived- being idiotic was a good thing. Which probably meant that somehow, somehow Yamapi’s retarded plan about explaining the logic behind member-ai would make perfect sense to a pair of morons like Kamenashi and Akanishi. At least Ryo hoped it did, he was sick of hearing everyone’s dumb ideas about how to make Jin and Kame reconcile like it mattered to NewS either way. Even more, he was sick of being roped into helping.
“Oi, here they come!” Yamapi hissed suddenly, gesturing vaguely in Ryo’s direction when he saw the members of KAT-TUN beginning to exit their rehearsal room. Then, when the time was just right, Yamapi grabbed Ryo’s arm and very casually dragged him around the corner with him.
Yamapi cleared his throat once they were in position. “It makes perfect sense!” he declared suddenly, using an unnaturally loud voice as Jin and Kame were about to pass them in the hallway.
Silence.
Yamapi elbowed Ryo.
Ryo made a face. Sighed. “No, I disagree. It doesn’t make sense,” he recited, mechanically.
Yamapi did not notice his bandmate’s lackluster acting because he was too keyed up on his own performance. He scoffed with exaggerated flair and then turned to Jin. “Akanishi! Kamenashi!” he said, “What a coincidence to see you here outside of your practice room! Ryo-chan and I were just talking and we want your opinions. Please tell me if this makes sense.”
Jin blinked. Kame looked wary. Yamapi didn’t give either of them time to decline (or to ask why the hell they were on KAT-TUN’s floor in the first place).
“I,” Yamapi began quickly, “am good friends with Ryo-chan.” He gestured to his right towards Ryo as he said this, like the two KAT-TUN members needed a visual aid to understand what was going on here.
Ryo rolled his eyes.
Yamapi continued. “And I am also good friends with Koyama.” He gestured to the empty space on his left next, as if telling Jin and Kame to please insert Koyama there in their imaginations. “So, if I am friends with Ryo and I am friends with Koyama, then that means Ryo should be friends with Koyama too, right?” Yamapi took a step backwards and pushed Ryo towards where imaginary Koyama was standing, so that if Koyama had indeed been there, he and Ryo would now be standing side-by-side without Yamapi between them.
A beat.
“Not necessarily,” Kame said after a minute, cautiously.
Jin just blinked again. “Aren’t Ryo-chan and Koyama already friends?”
“That is not the point!” Yamapi said to Jin. “The point is,” he paused and turned to Kame, “if I am friends with one person and I am friends with another person, then those two people should be friends with each other too, because they clearly like the same kind of people, ne? They are compatible. Even if they do fight sometimes. Which is completely natural. But their friendship will triumph in the end because of their compatibility.”
Kame thought about it for a little bit. He looked doubtful. “But that only works under the assumption that the first person you are friends with and the second person you are friends with are the same kind of people as you, because that is the only way they would definitely like each other if they liked you. If they’re not the same, then that doesn’t mean they would automatically like each other just because they like you. They might both like you but hate the kind of person the other person is. Does that make sense?”
Yamapi stared at Kame without blinking.
After a moment of no response, Kame waved a hand in front of Yamapi’s face. “Yamapi? Hello?”
Nothing. Ryo suspected logic overload. Yamapi did not have enough connected wires in his brain to process that sort of information all at once. It might take a day or two.
Jin scowled at Kame when Yamapi did not react and swatted the younger man’s hand away from Pi’s face. “You broke him!” he accused his bandmate angrily, before grabbing his best friend’s shoulders and shaking hard. “PI DON’T LISTEN TO HIM. IT MAKES SENSE TO ME.”
Still no reaction. Ryo wondered if he could learn how to do that so he could shut Yamapi up in the future too.
Naturally, Jin was less calm than Ryo was about the whole thing and made a distressed noise in the back of his throat before taking Yamapi by the arm. He pulled Yamapi back down the hall frantically. “Good going, Kame,” he sulked over his shoulder, “now I have to fix him! Does anyone have any watermelon?”
Kame frowned as he watched the two friends retreat down the corridor together. “I was just explaining why…”
Ryo didn’t care.
Ryo left.
When he got back to his own floor, the rest of NewS was waiting anxiously by the door for any, well, news.
Ryo waved his hand in front of his face, like he smelled something offensive. “No good,” he reported. “The idiot made it worse.”
Everyone looked disappointed. Then, Shige realized something and asked: “Where’s Yamapi?”
“Broken,” Ryo explained. Then he went to go get a snack from the vending machines.
“Eh?!” Koyama shrieked.
Everyone else felt exactly the same as Koyama. Such was the power of their member-ai.
2. Masuda Knows that the way to a Man’s Heart is through his Stomach
Massu’s plan for fixing Kame and Jin’s relationship was not much better than Yamapi’s. That, Ryo thought, said a lot about exactly how bad a plan it was.
“You made a sandwich,” he said to Massu, just in case Massu had not yet noticed it himself (which Ryo thought was entirely possible, all things considered). “A giant sandwich. With like, three pounds of meat in it.”
“Yes,” Massu responded. And then he cut the sandwich in half. “And now there are two pieces.”
Ryo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Great. And where did this brilliant idea come from?”
Massu pouted at Ryo’s tone. “Because once I gave half of one of my sandwiches to Tegoshi and Tegoshi said ‘waah, Massu must really love me!’ when I did. So I thought…”
Ryo stopped listening. He knew all he needed to know now.
“Great,” he said. “You might as well try it. It’s probably better than whatever lame-brained ideas Shige and Koyama are coming up with.”
He looked over towards the corner then, where Shige and Koyama were yelling at each other in very loud whispers and occasionally getting sidetracked and swatting each other with couch cushions whenever they got bored with trying to come up with plans of their own for Akame-ai Daisakusen.
“This will work. You’ll see,” Massu said, before he picked up his sandwich plate and headed out the doors towards the elevators. Tegoshi happily wished him luck. Yamapi said that his sandwich looked A+ delicious.
How a sandwich had anything to do with an A+ remained a mystery.
Approximately ten minutes later, Masuda returned to NewS’s floor with an empty sandwich plate and a big smile on his face.
Everyone ran up to greet him: “Did it work, did it work? Ne, did it work?”
“No!” Masuda said, happily.
Koyama blinked. “Then… what happened? Why are you so happy?”
Masuda scratched his head thoughtfully. “Well, I went up. And I offered Jin the sandwich first, and since it was so big I thought…for sure he’d offer half to Kame. But then Jin said he was on a diet because America makes you fat. So he didn’t want it at all-not even half! Then I tried to ask Kame to take it after that but apparently Kame is on a diet too, just because he said he doesn’t like having cheeks all of a sudden, after not having them for so long. So he said I should eat the sandwich myself, since I looked like I wanted to anyway.”
Silence.
Koyama laughed nervously. “And so then…”
Massu’s grin broadened. “I ate it.”
“Right,” Ryo sighed, and wasn’t really surprised at anything anymore.
He went to take a nap.
3. Koyama Employs the Tried and True Method of Many an Asian Drama
When Ryo woke up, he headed downstairs to meet everyone for their group costume fitting like the schedule said to. There, he found the rest of NewS crouched in one of the corners down the hall from the wardrobe department. They were all whispering to each other and watching the closet door at the end of the corridor intently. From inside that closet Ryo thought that he could hear things that sounded a lot like shrieks and pounding and perhaps even crying.
“What’s going on?” he asked, though he was pretty sure he didn’t want to know.
“I locked Kame and Jin in that closet together,” Koyama reported smugly. “I saw this on a drama once. They’ll definitely have to make up with each other while they’re in there.”
Ryo blinked. “How long have they been in there?”
“Ten minutes,” Yamapi said.
“Oh.” Ryo gave it five more minutes.
Five minutes later, Ryo was right.
The pounding and the shrieks and the crying suddenly stopped. Then, there was a pop and a rush of air and Jin was suddenly running out of the closet shouting: “OH THANK GOD.”
Kame came out of the closet a few seconds after Jin, looking ruffled and annoyed. “I was trying to tell you that they all unlock from the inside,” he sighed, and then whirled around and headed to the bathroom to fix his hair. Jin made a face after his younger groupmate before turning around and marching off in the opposite direction.
Meanwhile, down the hall, NewS stared.
“What happened?!” Koyama sputtered. “I know I locked the door!”
“From what Kame was saying, I guess the closets all open from the inside,” Shige surmised, correctly.
“What? Since when?”
“Since the finance department decided that there should be less bad touch lawsuits here,” Ryo explained. “Don’t you idiots know anything?”
Everyone took a moment to think about that.
Eventually, they supposed that even though Koyama’s plan had failed, they could not hold it against anyone if that was the cause.
In fact, most of them wished that it was a measure that had been put into place back when they had been juniors. Well, everyone except for Tegoshi, who just blinked and asked: “What bad touch?”
The rest of NewS was sort of glad that Tegoshi had joined late. And that he used to be an awkward looking kid.
“Right,” Koyama said after a minute, and cleared his throat. “Shige’s turn is next.”
Then they headed to their costume fittings without another word.
Tegoshi pouted after them. Seriously, they never told him anything interesting.
4. Shige Comes to the Conclusion that all Jin and Kame Need is some Healthy Competition
“Jin and Kame both hate to lose, right?” Shige theorized the next day.
Everyone nodded.
“Just like everyone here doesn’t like to lose. Except for Koyama.”
Everyone nodded again. Except for Koyama, who pouted and said: “I don’t like to lose; I’m just bad at winning.”
Shige ignored him. “So,” he continued, “for people who don’t like to lose, what’s the most motivating thing in the world?”
Blank stares.
He waved his hands encouragingly. “Competition!”
“Right!” everyone agreed. “Shige is so smart.”
Then, more silence.
Yamapi eventually blinked. “So. What’s your idea, Shige?”
Shige sighed. Despite all of the leading he was doing, it seemed as though he was still on this page alone. He gave up trying to be subtle. “My idea is to give Kame and Jin some competition so that they’ll have to work together to overcome whatever obstacles they’re facing,” he explained slowly.
Tegoshi beamed. “It sounds like camp.”
“A teamwork exercise!” Yamapi agreed.
Massu cheered. “Fun!”
“But how are you going to give them a competition?” Koyama asked. “KAT-TUN hasn’t come on Ya-Ya-Yah for a long time. I think if we asked them to do a relay race for no reason they would think it’s weird.” Pause. “And then maybe they would call us names.”
“Koyama’s right.” Yamapi agreed, grimly. “We can’t do a relay.”
Tegoshi and Masuda deflated a little.
“Maybe tug-of-war would be better,” Yamapi suggested next, and then got very excited about the prospect. “Shige, is your plan to challenge Jin and Kame to a tug-of-war battle of love? I’ll be on your team!!”
Shige rubbed his temples. “Not that kind of competition,” he told them, patiently. “And besides, I’m not even going to be the one who challenges them at all.”
“You’re not?”
“Nope.”
Now everyone was really confused.
Shige pointed at Tegoshi and Masuda. “They are.”
“E-eh?!” Tegoshi and Masuda said (in harmony). For once, they were even faster than Koyama.
Ryo, in the meantime, had to admit that out of all the idiotic plans everyone had come up with so far, this was probably by far the one that made the most actual sense. But then again, he’d always believed that pissing someone off was the best way to get them to act.
So it was decided, and during their next rehearsal break, Shige sent Massu and Tegoshi to KAT-TUN’s floor with a planned story and everything. “Relax and just sing,” he told the two soloists confidently. “Move them with music.”
“Right!” Tegoshi said, and was pumped up by Shige’s words of encouragement.
“Okay,” Massu said after Tegoshi, though he was more realistic. He brought another sandwich with him for backup, just in case Shige’s plan didn’t work.
When they showed up in KAT-TUN’s break lounge that afternoon, the other group went silent for a moment. Then Koki snorted and said: “Does NewS keep getting lost or something?”
Maru was more cheerful, and said, “Hi!” to Massu, because they were friends. Then he said “Hi!” to Tegoshi too, because Tegoshi was cute.
“What do you guys need?” Kame asked, and eyed Massu’s sandwich warily. “We already have food.”
“Oh,” Massu said. He smiled at his sandwich. “I guess I’ll just have to eat it myself, then.”
“We uh, we need your advice!” Tegoshi cut in, before Massu could eat his sandwich and ruin Shige’s plan.
“For what?” Jin asked. “If it’s about asking girls out you’re better off talking to me and not the rest of these guys.”
“Hey!” the others said (except for Ueda, who didn’t care, and Junno, who just laughed).
“We’re preparing a medley for Shounen Club,” Tegoshi recited. “The theme is happiness. We’re going to sing your new song for part of it.”
Silence. Well, except for Maru’s nervous laughter. “You two are going to sing our song, huh?” he said. “I see, I see.”
“Yup,” Massu said. “We’ve been practicing it.”
The room got a little bit colder.
Tegoshi hid behind Massu on instinct. “So…uh… please listen and tell us if this sounds okay!”
He nudged Massu then, and counted three beats with his hand before they burst into song.
Some time later, Massu and Tegoshi both returned to the NewS floor. Massu’s sandwich plate was, once again, empty.
“Well?” Shige asked when the duo walked through the door. “It was brilliant, right?”
A moment.
Then Tegoshi started crying.
Shige was baffled.
Massu patted Tegoshi’s back with one hand while he licked bread crumbs off of the fingers of his other hand. “I don’t think it worked,” he replied in Tegoshi’s stead, helpfully.
“Ah…what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Koyama clucked worriedly. He wrung his hands and looked at Tegoshi “They didn’t hit you, did they?”
Ryo sighed and sidestepped the fussing Koyama to grab Tegoshi’s shoulder and shake him a little. “Oi, what happened?” he asked impatiently, though he didn’t resist outright when Tegoshi just whimpered and buried his face in the crook of Ryo’s neck.
“They said we’re never allowed to sing their songs in public again. Especially if it’s a song they’re still singing live,” the youngest member sniffled. “I guess we just sounded too awful, because they didn’t even try to sing with each other at all! But I really tried my best!”
Ryo sighed and pet Tegoshi’s hair until he calmed down. In the meantime, Koyama and Shige looked at each other nervously. “You guys sounded…really bad, huh?” they said, and laughed awkwardly. “The two of you. Tegoshi and Massu. Eheh. Heh.”
“I’m sorry I messed up your plan,” Tegoshi said to Shige. “I guess we didn’t give them enough competition to motivate them.” His eyes were huge and wet and completely sincere as he apologized. Because he did not know what KAT-TUN had really been yelling at him about at all, and even if it was kind of stupid to still not be able to realize it at this point, Ryo had to admit that it was one of the points he really did like about Tegoshi.
Massu however, sensed that something was wrong with the younger boy’s conclusion and cocked his head sideways. He looked a little confused. “But it was weird. I thought we sounded good.”
“Haha…ha…” Koyama managed, because he couldn’t say, “KAT-TUN hates to lose” at a time like this.
Shige just waved placatingly at the duo. “Right. Don’t think about it anymore. I’m sorry. It was probably a bad idea after all.” He knew that it was his own fault for not realizing that 'competition' was different from 'utter defeat'.
“I told you we should have gone with the tug-of-war,” Yamapi said, and tsked knowingly. “It’s not too late, though! Who’s got rope?”
Ryo felt the stirrings of a headache. “Alright,” he said, as Tegoshi sniffed and hiccupped pathetically against his shirt, “all of you idiots are officially relieved. Tomorrow, I’m taking care of this by myself.”
Silence.
Then everyone promptly ruined the dramatic atmosphere by marveling at how manly Ryo-tan was.
Ryo ignored them and went to change his shirt.
5. Ryo Uses His Own Special Form of Member-Ai
They’d made Tegoshi cry yesterday, and while Ryo did see a certain cute (and widely marketable) charm in the kid’s tears, something in his cold, cold heart also stirred into cold, cold fury whenever he saw Tegoshi sad. Especially when he knew that Tegoshi’s tears had been caused by morons.
So the next morning he went to the KAT-TUN lounge. He got there before the other group and when they walked through the door a few minutes after him looking groggy or sleepy or hung over or all of the above, Ryo ignored proper morning greetings and told them: “You guys sound a lot like Arashi lately.”
Then he turned around and walked out. He thought he’d go have a nice breakfast at the coffee shop down the street now, since he was still officially early to work and they didn’t pay him nearly enough to deal with all the shit he had to deal with as the only one with any real brains in his group.
Though, he supposed it wasn’t all that bad sometimes.
For instance, when he heard Jin’s indignant shrieks from down the hallway a few minutes later, he even smiled.
Epilogue
“Hey, that’s a lot better!” Yamapi cheered a week later, when KAT-TUN had another live performance of Yorokobi no Uta.
“They still suck,” Ryo felt the need to point out from his spot on the couch, “but they suck more like themselves now,” he admitted, grudgingly.
“At the very least, they must have put aside their differences for the live shows,” Shige agreed. Then, becoming slightly suspicious as something occurred to him, he turned to look at Ryo. “What exactly did you tell them that day, anyway?”
Ryo just smirked and didn’t say anything. The expression on his face made Shige scoot backwards on instinct.
“Ryo-tan has his own special kind of member-ai,” Tegoshi replied in Ryo’s stead, and smiled obliviously up at the older boy from where his head was resting in his lap. “Ne, Ryo-tan?”
Ryo nodded and ruffled Tegoshi’s hair fondly. “Yeah.”
END
EDITS SO NEEDED.