JE/NewS- "NewS Gets Mono"
Title: NewS Gets Mono
Universe: JE/NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (with mention of KAT-TUN)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, stupidity. RPF.
Word Count: 1,967
Summary: As the title says.
Dedication: Vinnie- You know why.
A/N: I BLAME NICOLE AND VINNIE FOR THIS. Vinnie unintentionally. Nicole because we talked about it. At least we don’t share food mouth-to-mouth, right? Right! XD But yeah. Wrote this while at work. SERIOUSLY. I DON’T DO ANYTHING THERE.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
Yamapi is the first to get sick.
He stumbles in the middle of dance practice one day and by the end of the hour he looks so bad that the rest of the group unanimously votes to send him home even though he insists that he’s fine and can finish rehearsals alongside everyone. “All of us together!” he tries to say, and pumps his fist. But all that comes out is “All urrrgh.”
Ryo scoffs at him dispassionately. “What we mean by ‘go home’ is ‘go somewhere else before you get everyone else sick,’ you idiot,” Ryo says, and doesn’t even try to sound gentle even a little bit. “If you want to dance until you die that’s fine, but don’t expose me to whatever it is you have while you’re doing it.”
Yamapi doesn’t like the idea of being contagious, so when he hears Ryo’s reasoning he eventually apologizes and leaves. “Ryo-chan really cares about others, ne?” he says on his way out the door. Ryo calls him a moron.
At home Yamapi wills himself to get better, though all he really does at first is sleep a lot and feel like shit.
Koyama gets sick the next morning and everyone figures that that’s only natural. Koyama has the immune system of a six-year-old girl and Ryo always says that the way he fawns over Yamapi is unnatural and weird, so of course Koyama would get sick from constantly trying to breathe in the same airspace as Yamapi.
Right after Koyama gets sick Shige gets sick too, which also makes a sort of weird sense, if only for all the time the two of them spend together, dancing at the back of the formations behind everyone else. Even still, the remaining members are all starting to get really worried that this is some kind of epidemic and they’re going to be the one who falls next. Well, all of the remaining members except for Ryo, because he doesn’t have anything to do with Shige outside of work when he can help it, and figures that that makes him safe if Yamapi and Koyama were unable to get him sick first.
But then Ryo gets sick that very same day.
Everyone thinks that that doesn’t make any sense at all given that Ryo tries not to be in the same vicinity as Shige or Koyama as often as possible because they annoy him with their ugliness.
“Maybe Yamapi gave it to you first?” Masuda theorizes, and is glad Tegoshi isn’t here because Tegoshi gets sick easily. Luckily Tegoshi is in Guyana right now, doing something about a waterfall. Massu would have gone with him, except he heard there might be bugs involved and so he decided to stay behind, opting to ask Tegoshi for a souvenir from Guyana instead (to which Tegoshi had readily agreed, and happily promised to bring back something nice for everyone).
Now, as he watches Ryo hobble out the door cursing, Massu kind of regrets not going along with Tegoshi after all.
During the late afternoon of the day that Ryo gets sick, Yamapi messages them all from his cell phone. The text says: “I went to the hospital today! I have mono!”
He adds a heart icon at the end of the mail to show that there are no hard feelings. Then he copies it over to his nikki and soon, the whole world knows. It makes Ryo fight past his own nausea to call Yamapi and yell at him. “Why are you posting to your blog about this?!” Ryo demands from bed, annoyed.
“Because I got medicine and now I don’t feel as bad,” Yamapi says brightly. “You guys should get tested too, ne.” Pause. “I wonder who I got it from.”
Ryo sighs. “There are about fifty possibilities I can think of right now, but the number is only that low because of the pain. Maybe in the future you will learn to be more selective about who you rub up against for fun.”
“Ah, but I love everyone!” Yamapi complains.
Ryo promptly hangs up on him and makes a doctor’s appointment.
By the time Masuda starts feeling sick, everyone pretty much knows it’s mono and feels crappy about it.
~~~~~
For the next few days after that no one is allowed in NewS’ practice room except for NewS members, and Jin text-messages all of them from the floor KAT-TUN is on to berate them for being such ho-bags. It’s not fair to him that they all decided to get sick, he writes. He wants to visit the NewS floor because his bandmates are boring but now-thanks to their promiscuity- he can’t. “Think of other people before you decide to just go off and sleep around like that, you playboys!” are the last words of his message. Everyone wonders if Jin even knows what mono really is.
Probably not.
Then they get a very generic sounding “get better soon” message from Kame (Jin is right, he is kind of boring), and that is, somehow, even more embarrassing than Akanishi Jin accusing them of being sluts.
“Great,” Shige murmurs, as he deletes the message. “Everyone in the company knows that we have the kissing disease now.” He clearly blames Yamapi for his lack of discretion and cell phone-happy fingers.
“The what disease?” Ryo snaps irritably, mad because now that they have medication and stuff all they can do is wait out the 3 to 4 weeks it will take for them to get better. In the meantime, they still have to get their work done. This means of course, that Ryo has to spend time with the four morons who gave this stupid virus to him in the first place. While he still has it. He’s not happy about that, and snarls at Shige. “Are you making up idiotic names for this disease to go with your own stupid name or something?”
Shige frowns at him. “I’m not making it up. It’s really called the kissing disease. Because it’s transmitted through saliva,” he explains. “Not…what Jin thinks it’s transmitted by.”
Everyone blinks.
Shige sighs when he sees the blank looks on their faces. It figures that he’s the only one who actually looked up anything on the virus that they all have. “We probably all shared something or another over the past few weeks, and whoever had it first gave it to the rest of us that way,” he explains. Slowly.
“Huh,” Koyama murmurs.
Then there is a beat of silence as they all try to recall something that the five of them have shared over the past few weeks.
A minute or two later, they get it.
“Tegoshi,” they say.
Yamapi laughs, because they all say it at the same time and in harmony. “Yappari, our member-ai is strong.”
Ryo is less amused than Yamapi is. “Goddammit, Tegoshi,” he curses.
~~~~~
In the following days-as the quarantine continues- the five of them can’t help but wonder if Tegoshi is okay too. He’s in the jungle right now, after all. Koyama hopes he isn’t showing any symptoms because the rainforest is already dangerous enough as it is. Ryo hopes Tegoshi doesn’t die (so that when the idiot gets back, he can kill him with his own two hands). Yamapi just thinks: “la, la, la, waterfalls must be fun.”
After a few more days, Tegoshi finally gets back from Guyana. He has weird jungle souvenirs for all of them (mostly phallic scary-looking things carved out of heavy wood) and a guilty look on his face.
“I have something to tell you all,” he admits after he hands out the gifts and sees each member turning it around in his hands with a furrowed brow. Tegoshi looks down at the ground in embarrassment and takes a deep breath.
They all watch him expectantly, and hope that he has a thoughtful apology planned, because the past few weeks have been pretty grueling on the five of them. And all because Tegoshi hadn’t been able to keep his dirty, dirty saliva to himself.
Under their collective gazes, Tegoshi flushes and worries his bottom lip between his teeth uncomfortably. Some of them feel their irritation starting to dissipate a little when they see this, because even if he is an unintentionally promiscuous teenager who has a transmittable disease that he decided to share with all of his friends, Tegoshi is still very cute when he makes that face.
“I uh… I actually gave you all something…” Tegoshi starts, “something not very nice.”
Ryo puts his statue-thing on the table so he can cross his arms and look properly menacing. “Yeah, you did,” he snaps, getting impatient with the kid’s wobbly apology. As far as Ryo is concerned, Tegoshi should be on his knees begging for his life by now.
Koyama notices that when Ryo says this, he is not looking at Tegoshi or his pouty bottom lip at all. It’s a good strategy.
Tegoshi blinks at Ryo’s outburst before deflating all over again. He looks very, very repentant. “I… I… that is… I…”
“You gave us mono,” Ryo finishes for him. “If you can’t even say it then I’m not accepting your apology. Repent for a thousand years first and then come back and see me again.”
Tegoshi stares. “E-eh? M-mono?”
Silence.
Tegoshi looks at each of them in turn. “You… you all have… mono?”
More silence.
When no one answers Tegoshi for the second time, Yamapi throws his arms in the air and very helpfully says: “Yes, we do!”
Tegoshi is genuinely boggled. “E-eh? Really?”
“Wait… so, you don’t have it?” Koyama asks.
Tegoshi shakes his head. “No! I don’t! I mean… nothing showed up on the physical I had before I left the country.”
A beat.
Everyone stares.
Eventually, what Tegoshi is telling them manages to sink in.
Shige frowns. “Then…just now… what were you trying to…”
Tegoshi laughs nervously and points to the phallic statues he got them. “I thought these were so cool when I saw them in the market! I swear that I didn’t know at first,” he begins, guiltily. “But apparently these are supposed to be cursed statues? I wouldn’t have given them to you, but after I bought them the guide we were with said that it would be bad luck for me to just throw them away! He said that after I bought them they were fated to go to you guys!”
Ryo slaps a hand to his forehead when he hears this, because only Tegoshi (and maybe Yamapi) would believe some stupid tourist-trap type story like that.
Everyone apparently feels the same as Ryo right about now. Well, except for Massu and Yamapi, who are freaking out about the curse.
The sad thing is, the rest of them can’t even be properly annoyed at Tegoshi for misleading them because the look on his face right now is so ridiculously earnest in its distress.
“So…” Tegoshi finishes after a moment of awkward quiet, “I just wanted to apologize, because even though I promised everyone I’d bring them back something nice from my trip…I didn’t. I hope the curse isn’t too bad.”
Silence.
“The end?” Koyama asks-slack jawed- after a moment, just to be sure.
Tegoshi nods. “The end.”
Shige still can’t believe it. “That’s it?”
Tegoshi nods again. “That’s it.”
No one knows what to say.
Except for Ryo, who screams, “Then who started this whole stupid thing?!”
It is a question they would all like to know the answer to.
~~~~~
The answer comes the following week, when KAT-TUN also has to be quarantined.
After that, everything starts to make sense.
“You,” Ryo growls at Yamapi when they hear the news, “are a total slut.”
Yamapi winces. “But I love everyone!” he explains, fervently.
Ryo smacks him.
END
EDITS PLZ.
Universe: JE/NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (with mention of KAT-TUN)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, stupidity. RPF.
Word Count: 1,967
Summary: As the title says.
Dedication: Vinnie- You know why.
A/N: I BLAME NICOLE AND VINNIE FOR THIS. Vinnie unintentionally. Nicole because we talked about it. At least we don’t share food mouth-to-mouth, right? Right! XD But yeah. Wrote this while at work. SERIOUSLY. I DON’T DO ANYTHING THERE.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
Yamapi is the first to get sick.
He stumbles in the middle of dance practice one day and by the end of the hour he looks so bad that the rest of the group unanimously votes to send him home even though he insists that he’s fine and can finish rehearsals alongside everyone. “All of us together!” he tries to say, and pumps his fist. But all that comes out is “All urrrgh.”
Ryo scoffs at him dispassionately. “What we mean by ‘go home’ is ‘go somewhere else before you get everyone else sick,’ you idiot,” Ryo says, and doesn’t even try to sound gentle even a little bit. “If you want to dance until you die that’s fine, but don’t expose me to whatever it is you have while you’re doing it.”
Yamapi doesn’t like the idea of being contagious, so when he hears Ryo’s reasoning he eventually apologizes and leaves. “Ryo-chan really cares about others, ne?” he says on his way out the door. Ryo calls him a moron.
At home Yamapi wills himself to get better, though all he really does at first is sleep a lot and feel like shit.
Koyama gets sick the next morning and everyone figures that that’s only natural. Koyama has the immune system of a six-year-old girl and Ryo always says that the way he fawns over Yamapi is unnatural and weird, so of course Koyama would get sick from constantly trying to breathe in the same airspace as Yamapi.
Right after Koyama gets sick Shige gets sick too, which also makes a sort of weird sense, if only for all the time the two of them spend together, dancing at the back of the formations behind everyone else. Even still, the remaining members are all starting to get really worried that this is some kind of epidemic and they’re going to be the one who falls next. Well, all of the remaining members except for Ryo, because he doesn’t have anything to do with Shige outside of work when he can help it, and figures that that makes him safe if Yamapi and Koyama were unable to get him sick first.
But then Ryo gets sick that very same day.
Everyone thinks that that doesn’t make any sense at all given that Ryo tries not to be in the same vicinity as Shige or Koyama as often as possible because they annoy him with their ugliness.
“Maybe Yamapi gave it to you first?” Masuda theorizes, and is glad Tegoshi isn’t here because Tegoshi gets sick easily. Luckily Tegoshi is in Guyana right now, doing something about a waterfall. Massu would have gone with him, except he heard there might be bugs involved and so he decided to stay behind, opting to ask Tegoshi for a souvenir from Guyana instead (to which Tegoshi had readily agreed, and happily promised to bring back something nice for everyone).
Now, as he watches Ryo hobble out the door cursing, Massu kind of regrets not going along with Tegoshi after all.
During the late afternoon of the day that Ryo gets sick, Yamapi messages them all from his cell phone. The text says: “I went to the hospital today! I have mono!”
He adds a heart icon at the end of the mail to show that there are no hard feelings. Then he copies it over to his nikki and soon, the whole world knows. It makes Ryo fight past his own nausea to call Yamapi and yell at him. “Why are you posting to your blog about this?!” Ryo demands from bed, annoyed.
“Because I got medicine and now I don’t feel as bad,” Yamapi says brightly. “You guys should get tested too, ne.” Pause. “I wonder who I got it from.”
Ryo sighs. “There are about fifty possibilities I can think of right now, but the number is only that low because of the pain. Maybe in the future you will learn to be more selective about who you rub up against for fun.”
“Ah, but I love everyone!” Yamapi complains.
Ryo promptly hangs up on him and makes a doctor’s appointment.
By the time Masuda starts feeling sick, everyone pretty much knows it’s mono and feels crappy about it.
~~~~~
For the next few days after that no one is allowed in NewS’ practice room except for NewS members, and Jin text-messages all of them from the floor KAT-TUN is on to berate them for being such ho-bags. It’s not fair to him that they all decided to get sick, he writes. He wants to visit the NewS floor because his bandmates are boring but now-thanks to their promiscuity- he can’t. “Think of other people before you decide to just go off and sleep around like that, you playboys!” are the last words of his message. Everyone wonders if Jin even knows what mono really is.
Probably not.
Then they get a very generic sounding “get better soon” message from Kame (Jin is right, he is kind of boring), and that is, somehow, even more embarrassing than Akanishi Jin accusing them of being sluts.
“Great,” Shige murmurs, as he deletes the message. “Everyone in the company knows that we have the kissing disease now.” He clearly blames Yamapi for his lack of discretion and cell phone-happy fingers.
“The what disease?” Ryo snaps irritably, mad because now that they have medication and stuff all they can do is wait out the 3 to 4 weeks it will take for them to get better. In the meantime, they still have to get their work done. This means of course, that Ryo has to spend time with the four morons who gave this stupid virus to him in the first place. While he still has it. He’s not happy about that, and snarls at Shige. “Are you making up idiotic names for this disease to go with your own stupid name or something?”
Shige frowns at him. “I’m not making it up. It’s really called the kissing disease. Because it’s transmitted through saliva,” he explains. “Not…what Jin thinks it’s transmitted by.”
Everyone blinks.
Shige sighs when he sees the blank looks on their faces. It figures that he’s the only one who actually looked up anything on the virus that they all have. “We probably all shared something or another over the past few weeks, and whoever had it first gave it to the rest of us that way,” he explains. Slowly.
“Huh,” Koyama murmurs.
Then there is a beat of silence as they all try to recall something that the five of them have shared over the past few weeks.
A minute or two later, they get it.
“Tegoshi,” they say.
Yamapi laughs, because they all say it at the same time and in harmony. “Yappari, our member-ai is strong.”
Ryo is less amused than Yamapi is. “Goddammit, Tegoshi,” he curses.
~~~~~
In the following days-as the quarantine continues- the five of them can’t help but wonder if Tegoshi is okay too. He’s in the jungle right now, after all. Koyama hopes he isn’t showing any symptoms because the rainforest is already dangerous enough as it is. Ryo hopes Tegoshi doesn’t die (so that when the idiot gets back, he can kill him with his own two hands). Yamapi just thinks: “la, la, la, waterfalls must be fun.”
After a few more days, Tegoshi finally gets back from Guyana. He has weird jungle souvenirs for all of them (mostly phallic scary-looking things carved out of heavy wood) and a guilty look on his face.
“I have something to tell you all,” he admits after he hands out the gifts and sees each member turning it around in his hands with a furrowed brow. Tegoshi looks down at the ground in embarrassment and takes a deep breath.
They all watch him expectantly, and hope that he has a thoughtful apology planned, because the past few weeks have been pretty grueling on the five of them. And all because Tegoshi hadn’t been able to keep his dirty, dirty saliva to himself.
Under their collective gazes, Tegoshi flushes and worries his bottom lip between his teeth uncomfortably. Some of them feel their irritation starting to dissipate a little when they see this, because even if he is an unintentionally promiscuous teenager who has a transmittable disease that he decided to share with all of his friends, Tegoshi is still very cute when he makes that face.
“I uh… I actually gave you all something…” Tegoshi starts, “something not very nice.”
Ryo puts his statue-thing on the table so he can cross his arms and look properly menacing. “Yeah, you did,” he snaps, getting impatient with the kid’s wobbly apology. As far as Ryo is concerned, Tegoshi should be on his knees begging for his life by now.
Koyama notices that when Ryo says this, he is not looking at Tegoshi or his pouty bottom lip at all. It’s a good strategy.
Tegoshi blinks at Ryo’s outburst before deflating all over again. He looks very, very repentant. “I… I… that is… I…”
“You gave us mono,” Ryo finishes for him. “If you can’t even say it then I’m not accepting your apology. Repent for a thousand years first and then come back and see me again.”
Tegoshi stares. “E-eh? M-mono?”
Silence.
Tegoshi looks at each of them in turn. “You… you all have… mono?”
More silence.
When no one answers Tegoshi for the second time, Yamapi throws his arms in the air and very helpfully says: “Yes, we do!”
Tegoshi is genuinely boggled. “E-eh? Really?”
“Wait… so, you don’t have it?” Koyama asks.
Tegoshi shakes his head. “No! I don’t! I mean… nothing showed up on the physical I had before I left the country.”
A beat.
Everyone stares.
Eventually, what Tegoshi is telling them manages to sink in.
Shige frowns. “Then…just now… what were you trying to…”
Tegoshi laughs nervously and points to the phallic statues he got them. “I thought these were so cool when I saw them in the market! I swear that I didn’t know at first,” he begins, guiltily. “But apparently these are supposed to be cursed statues? I wouldn’t have given them to you, but after I bought them the guide we were with said that it would be bad luck for me to just throw them away! He said that after I bought them they were fated to go to you guys!”
Ryo slaps a hand to his forehead when he hears this, because only Tegoshi (and maybe Yamapi) would believe some stupid tourist-trap type story like that.
Everyone apparently feels the same as Ryo right about now. Well, except for Massu and Yamapi, who are freaking out about the curse.
The sad thing is, the rest of them can’t even be properly annoyed at Tegoshi for misleading them because the look on his face right now is so ridiculously earnest in its distress.
“So…” Tegoshi finishes after a moment of awkward quiet, “I just wanted to apologize, because even though I promised everyone I’d bring them back something nice from my trip…I didn’t. I hope the curse isn’t too bad.”
Silence.
“The end?” Koyama asks-slack jawed- after a moment, just to be sure.
Tegoshi nods. “The end.”
Shige still can’t believe it. “That’s it?”
Tegoshi nods again. “That’s it.”
No one knows what to say.
Except for Ryo, who screams, “Then who started this whole stupid thing?!”
It is a question they would all like to know the answer to.
~~~~~
The answer comes the following week, when KAT-TUN also has to be quarantined.
After that, everything starts to make sense.
“You,” Ryo growls at Yamapi when they hear the news, “are a total slut.”
Yamapi winces. “But I love everyone!” he explains, fervently.
Ryo smacks him.
END
EDITS PLZ.