All I hear is twisting metal..
Wow. 16 weeks since I have posted. I really thought I would return to many comments..come to find none. It seems that everyone disappeared around the same time I did. I was in a car accident. I was hit by a drunk driver. It put a lot of things in perspective for me. How many times have I gotton behind the wheel right after I threw a handful of percocet in my mouth? Dont ask me to count..because I couldnt. How am I supposed to be mad at someone who almost took my life when I am guilty of almost the same exact thing? The worst part..is that it still isn't enough for me to get clean. Can you imagine the medicine they have me on right now? It's pathetic how excited I am by the amount of great pills and patches I have set in front of me. Of course Im in pain..but Im over-medicating. 24 hours after I got home from the hospital I started fasting...im a fucking mess. I gained 8 pounds while I was there due to a feeding tube and not being able to even walk. I could feel the pounds adding up on my stomach and thighs...and that makes me ridiculous. There were so many other things I needed to have my mind on..and I just couldnt do it. I couldnt stop the obsessive thoughts. Do you think that says something about us? In the face of death we are concerned with losing weight..and thats it? Come on.
I don't remember much of the last 16 weeks, and oh how I love that feeling. As quickly as life can pass for me the better. I don't remember much of the accident except in the night terrors I have been having. All I see and hear is the crunching of metal and the shattering of glass. I see blood..and then it's black. Everything is black. Even before the accident my biggest fear in life was dying in a car accident..and now that it's happend..im even more terrified. Even in a drug-induced comatose state..i don't sleep. Im semi-concious the entire time. It's tormenting my life and making everything worse. I take the medicine they give me, for the night terrors. I have had them my whole life, and was diagnosed when I was 4 but they have never ever been this bad...ever. Im exhausted just by writing this..but I wont sleep. Not even for a second.
I hope you girls come back soon...I need you more than ever right now <3
I don't remember much of the last 16 weeks, and oh how I love that feeling. As quickly as life can pass for me the better. I don't remember much of the accident except in the night terrors I have been having. All I see and hear is the crunching of metal and the shattering of glass. I see blood..and then it's black. Everything is black. Even before the accident my biggest fear in life was dying in a car accident..and now that it's happend..im even more terrified. Even in a drug-induced comatose state..i don't sleep. Im semi-concious the entire time. It's tormenting my life and making everything worse. I take the medicine they give me, for the night terrors. I have had them my whole life, and was diagnosed when I was 4 but they have never ever been this bad...ever. Im exhausted just by writing this..but I wont sleep. Not even for a second.
I hope you girls come back soon...I need you more than ever right now <3