The following was on a friend's blog, and is far too good to be kept secret

The geek way to tire your child out:

Let him type a message in Skype to Daddy. Make him run to Daddy's laptop to make sure it got there. Repeat ad infinitum.

May the 4th be with you.

I'd love to be a ventriloquist-I'd go to a lot of funerals.
-quote from ventriloquist's dummy on tonight's Late Show

Whatever you do, don't party with these people.

Once there was a guy from Atlanta whose limericks were indistinguishable from prose. Elliott Moreton

Little girl about 3 or 4 years old, coming out of Gardens New World Supermarket yesterday afternoon with (presumably) her father, screws up up her nose and says, "What's that smell?"

Father looks into café and exclaims suddenly, "There's Grandma!"

"The baking soda is for on the house! The pig will sting you!"