The world keeps spinning, even when I stop
So... I haven't really done a REAL updated in a few months... ok, more like a year... But I have found that I like to stay a mystery... No possible to a few people, but still...
I talked to Jerry for an hour the other day... He mentioned that there are more jobs in anchorage then there are in fairbanks... my heart just stopped and I kept telling him he wasn't allowed to live here... I could totally deal with him far away, never see him, or talk to him... but to be forced to live near him, I might die... I love him to much to be rejected by him on a regular basis... *sigh*
Living on my own is a lot easier then I thought it would be... I never realized how much I spend on nothing... It's amazing... gerr though... I've been in such turmoil lately... and I don't think anyone has noticed...
I've been reading alot lately, and I feel different... I've been acting differently too... I can see it... I try to act the same... but I'm changing... I'm all cunfused all the time, and I always feel defencive.. and I'm always on the verg of tears... Life is changing for me... I'm not to sure how... but it's changing with or without me... I'm really opposed to change... but I see it, around me... something is different in the air... I don't know really how to describe it... like I awoke one morning and find my eyes opened... things seem different... I can tell its from the kind of books I'm reading... and I dont know what to do or say right now...
I voted for Bush... and how dare anyone tell me I was wrong... why did I vote for him? He's opposed to gay marriges... I'm opposed to gay marriges... I don't care what you say about it... my faith tells me I'm right... And how dare ANYONE try and tell me that my oppoinon is worng cause I don't believe the same way as other people do... I have a right (because of the country I live in) to vote the way I want to vote, to think the way I want to think, and to worship the way I want, and say the things I want.. and NOONE can tell me different... GOD!!! How DARE anyone say that I'm wrong my MY OWN oppoinion
I don't want to have kids... Don't tell me I'm too young to know what I want... there are to many drugs and to much hate and NOT not enough of God in the world... I don't even want to be apart of this world anymore... I feel dirty and wasted here... So why am I still here??? What 'greater' porpuos can I serve??? I don't know... and right now I don't care... I need to find my own place... I still feel the need to go off on some crazy missionary trip... but what good will that do??? Make me feel better??? for what reason???
*ugh* my time is up... I have to get back to work...
Look for part two...
Confused
I talked to Jerry for an hour the other day... He mentioned that there are more jobs in anchorage then there are in fairbanks... my heart just stopped and I kept telling him he wasn't allowed to live here... I could totally deal with him far away, never see him, or talk to him... but to be forced to live near him, I might die... I love him to much to be rejected by him on a regular basis... *sigh*
Living on my own is a lot easier then I thought it would be... I never realized how much I spend on nothing... It's amazing... gerr though... I've been in such turmoil lately... and I don't think anyone has noticed...
I've been reading alot lately, and I feel different... I've been acting differently too... I can see it... I try to act the same... but I'm changing... I'm all cunfused all the time, and I always feel defencive.. and I'm always on the verg of tears... Life is changing for me... I'm not to sure how... but it's changing with or without me... I'm really opposed to change... but I see it, around me... something is different in the air... I don't know really how to describe it... like I awoke one morning and find my eyes opened... things seem different... I can tell its from the kind of books I'm reading... and I dont know what to do or say right now...
I voted for Bush... and how dare anyone tell me I was wrong... why did I vote for him? He's opposed to gay marriges... I'm opposed to gay marriges... I don't care what you say about it... my faith tells me I'm right... And how dare ANYONE try and tell me that my oppoinon is worng cause I don't believe the same way as other people do... I have a right (because of the country I live in) to vote the way I want to vote, to think the way I want to think, and to worship the way I want, and say the things I want.. and NOONE can tell me different... GOD!!! How DARE anyone say that I'm wrong my MY OWN oppoinion
I don't want to have kids... Don't tell me I'm too young to know what I want... there are to many drugs and to much hate and NOT not enough of God in the world... I don't even want to be apart of this world anymore... I feel dirty and wasted here... So why am I still here??? What 'greater' porpuos can I serve??? I don't know... and right now I don't care... I need to find my own place... I still feel the need to go off on some crazy missionary trip... but what good will that do??? Make me feel better??? for what reason???
*ugh* my time is up... I have to get back to work...
Look for part two...
Confused