OVER
I wish I could just hold him against me one last time. I just I could see him just once more. Meet his eyes. Kiss him. One last time.
I knew it was the last time. But still.
It hurts like a bitch. I'm tired but I can't sleep. I'm too bored too even play drums, sing or dance. I have loads of shit to do. Later. Just a bit later. I'll do it. I don't want him to think I'm weak.
I still can't stop thinking about him. I haven't really cried yet. I miss him so much, even more now that I know.. that.. it's.. over.
It's over.
300 tears
30 thoughts
3 words
It-is-over.
Listening to Tryo. Shaking like hell. Pain is starting to come through my walls. Can't help it. I'm not going that well. Really. I'll survive but not as easily as I first thought. I'm afraid of him coming online. I'll probably crack at that point.
I thought.. I.. maybe after all that shit maybe I deserved this mix of pain and joy instead of pain and emptiness. I guess I was mistaken. How the hell will I survive? HOW?
I love you.
Stupid truth, why can't you be untrue?
Where is Kass? Where is Audrey? Where is Koro? Where is Mako? Where is.. everyone? Why the hell am I here, alone, when my FUCKING GODDAMN WORLD IS FALLING APART?
I don't wanna cry. I've been blocking the tears out for hours. I'm afraid of when I'll crack. I'm afraid of everything. I was afraid of this moment for the past 5 months and now it's happening and I'm falling... so fast.. I can't grasp reality anymore... If reality exists, anyway..
I thought I wasn't loving him as much anymore and now is when I realize how false and illusionary all of it was... I.. hate this life.. I hate everything.. Damn I know I sound like I'm 13 years old again.. I FEEL like I'm 13 years old again..
I knew it was the last time. But still.
It hurts like a bitch. I'm tired but I can't sleep. I'm too bored too even play drums, sing or dance. I have loads of shit to do. Later. Just a bit later. I'll do it. I don't want him to think I'm weak.
I still can't stop thinking about him. I haven't really cried yet. I miss him so much, even more now that I know.. that.. it's.. over.
It's over.
300 tears
30 thoughts
3 words
It-is-over.
Listening to Tryo. Shaking like hell. Pain is starting to come through my walls. Can't help it. I'm not going that well. Really. I'll survive but not as easily as I first thought. I'm afraid of him coming online. I'll probably crack at that point.
I thought.. I.. maybe after all that shit maybe I deserved this mix of pain and joy instead of pain and emptiness. I guess I was mistaken. How the hell will I survive? HOW?
I love you.
Stupid truth, why can't you be untrue?
Where is Kass? Where is Audrey? Where is Koro? Where is Mako? Where is.. everyone? Why the hell am I here, alone, when my FUCKING GODDAMN WORLD IS FALLING APART?
I don't wanna cry. I've been blocking the tears out for hours. I'm afraid of when I'll crack. I'm afraid of everything. I was afraid of this moment for the past 5 months and now it's happening and I'm falling... so fast.. I can't grasp reality anymore... If reality exists, anyway..
I thought I wasn't loving him as much anymore and now is when I realize how false and illusionary all of it was... I.. hate this life.. I hate everything.. Damn I know I sound like I'm 13 years old again.. I FEEL like I'm 13 years old again..