The End
He has someone else.
He changed his msn nickname.
I knew this was coming; it hurts nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with "Memorial Address" strolling in my mind. From there on, I knew something was wrong. Sayonara ne... I just had to check my msn to know it all. I knew the end was coming. But no matter what I said, it felt like an atomic bomb had fell on my head. I was falling straight back to my oblivion, an oblivion I knew just a bit too well, judging by my quick reflexes: Broken hearted msn nickname, tearing off his picture from my locker at Cégep, and so on.
I even brought my laptop here to listen to music on the way back home because I know I won't survive without it.
Someone remind me to wash my wool jacket and my black halter top when I get home, ne?
Don't worry guys, I'll survive. It's just a bit chaotic in my mind right now, not to say, completely hectic. But I'll make through, I always do. Actually... It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I guess for once I'm lucky that I'm not on depressive side anymore. I hated it the minute I switched to manic but now I'm kind of thankful.
Thank you, bipolar disorder.
I don't wanna make him feel bad, but I'll do it anyways, just because it's me. Once I'm done writing this post and cross-posting it to blogspot, I'll write him a final email.
Maybe it's the last time I talk about him here. And it's terrible in a way because...
How could I put that.. I started this blog with Cégep. And I started knowing him more with Cégep. Charles ended with Cégep. The beginning of the changes in my life all came with this.
I wish I could say "I feel so empty" but it's not true. Something hurts like shit deep down inside. A constant, brutal pain, the kind you get when someone breaks your heart, and only then, really. Fucking pain. I feel like he tore off a part of me. And it's true.
I'm incomplete without you.
I shoukd be heading back home but I don't want to linger in my room when the reason I've been in my room so much these days is the fact I wouldn't get off msn just in case he'd go online.
I know it's not really my fault. That I did my best at what I'm worst at (romance). But I still feel like the stupidest shitty little girl ever. I don't know what to do. What the hell will I do when I get home? Play my Wii? Go over to Place Rosemère? Everything single fucking little thing reminds me of him.
I can't even cut myself or do drugs because I know he'd think it's pathetic. I hate how even after it has ended, everything I decide is function of him.
Mathieu, I hate you.
.... The worst part being I don't wanna stop loving him just in case... Just in case...
I HATE MYSELF.
Life's a bitch
PS: Danny said he was sorry for not showing up yesterday. I guess I forgive him.
PS2: My french class will be amazing. I'm so getting amazing grades this semester. I swear.
PS3: I'm strong. I'll be strong. Don't worry for me guys. I'll survive. Trust me.
He changed his msn nickname.
I knew this was coming; it hurts nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with "Memorial Address" strolling in my mind. From there on, I knew something was wrong. Sayonara ne... I just had to check my msn to know it all. I knew the end was coming. But no matter what I said, it felt like an atomic bomb had fell on my head. I was falling straight back to my oblivion, an oblivion I knew just a bit too well, judging by my quick reflexes: Broken hearted msn nickname, tearing off his picture from my locker at Cégep, and so on.
I even brought my laptop here to listen to music on the way back home because I know I won't survive without it.
Someone remind me to wash my wool jacket and my black halter top when I get home, ne?
Don't worry guys, I'll survive. It's just a bit chaotic in my mind right now, not to say, completely hectic. But I'll make through, I always do. Actually... It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I guess for once I'm lucky that I'm not on depressive side anymore. I hated it the minute I switched to manic but now I'm kind of thankful.
Thank you, bipolar disorder.
I don't wanna make him feel bad, but I'll do it anyways, just because it's me. Once I'm done writing this post and cross-posting it to blogspot, I'll write him a final email.
Maybe it's the last time I talk about him here. And it's terrible in a way because...
How could I put that.. I started this blog with Cégep. And I started knowing him more with Cégep. Charles ended with Cégep. The beginning of the changes in my life all came with this.
I wish I could say "I feel so empty" but it's not true. Something hurts like shit deep down inside. A constant, brutal pain, the kind you get when someone breaks your heart, and only then, really. Fucking pain. I feel like he tore off a part of me. And it's true.
I'm incomplete without you.
I shoukd be heading back home but I don't want to linger in my room when the reason I've been in my room so much these days is the fact I wouldn't get off msn just in case he'd go online.
I know it's not really my fault. That I did my best at what I'm worst at (romance). But I still feel like the stupidest shitty little girl ever. I don't know what to do. What the hell will I do when I get home? Play my Wii? Go over to Place Rosemère? Everything single fucking little thing reminds me of him.
I can't even cut myself or do drugs because I know he'd think it's pathetic. I hate how even after it has ended, everything I decide is function of him.
Mathieu, I hate you.
.... The worst part being I don't wanna stop loving him just in case... Just in case...
I HATE MYSELF.
Life's a bitch
PS: Danny said he was sorry for not showing up yesterday. I guess I forgive him.
PS2: My french class will be amazing. I'm so getting amazing grades this semester. I swear.
PS3: I'm strong. I'll be strong. Don't worry for me guys. I'll survive. Trust me.