[Ryoda] To Hold You Again - Part 1
Title: To Hold You Again
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryoda, past Akame
Summary: It's been two years since Ryo and Tatsuya broke up. How was Ryo coping up? And where is Tatsuya all these time?
Disclaimer: None of them are mine although I wish I could tuck Tatsuya in my purse. Any similarities to actual events are just products of my overactive imagination.
A/N: I want to write angst but I'm not sure if it turned out that way. I want to make it sad but I guess it's not as sad as I hope it would be. I'm planning to make it a long one-shot but I blanked out halfway through so I guess I'll post the first half first. That way andy14 won't be pouting at me for not posting her request. Honey, here you go, hope this will pass your scrutiny. ^_^ And thank you to jubelcinta for giving it a once over. See, I still miss out a sentence or two.
CHAPTER 1Next Chapter
A window facing east welcomed the morning and let the sunshine into a square room. A sliver of morning light crept slowly towards the king-sized bed at the far end of the room. It casted a golden glow on the dark blue sheets until it touched a tanned skin. The sleeping figure of a man shifted as if he felt the touch of the sun. The scene looked both enchanting and peaceful.
The alarm clock shrilled nastily breaking whatever spell that was casted on the room. The man growled as he blindly reached out for the alarm clock. He moved towards the sound which made him fall from the bed into the cold wooden floor waking him up effectively.
Since he’s finally awake, he decided to get up or else he would be late. Like clockwork, he took a shower, fixed himself a quick breakfast before leaving for work. It was just like any day. After the morning preparation, he fought his way through the crowd to catch his train. And just like any day, he had to call clients, argue with some of them, accomplish paper works, and make a draft for an ad he’s currently handling. Just like every weekend, Koyama from HR would drop by his cubicle to ask if he would like to go out and drink with them. As usual, he would refuse making up a reason from having to finish a project or already having plans for tonight. But just like every time, he would just go home.
He was not like that before. He used to be outgoing and friendly. He used to be the life of the party. But ever since that day, two years ago, it seemed like life has been sucked out of him-to be specific, his reason for living disappeared.
He was on his way home when he remembered that he forgot to stock up his kitchen and would have nothing to cook for dinner. He passed by the convenience store a few blocks away from his apartment. It’s been two years since the last time he shopped here. He shook his head trying to erase the memories that the place evokes. He grabbed the things he would need to fix a quick dinner, paid up and left the store.
‘It’s been two years, I should be over it. It should be okay to remember things. I have moved on, right? Like he did,’ he thought.
As he passed by a park, all the memories that he’s been trying to suppress for the past two years came out. It felt like a dam broke and the rampage of the water cannot be held back.
*Flashback*
Five years ago in a park, two men were standing face to face. One of them, a copper-haired one was looking at the other with a guarded expression. He is not sure what to expect from this conversation. The shorter of the two, looking both sheepish and nervous, was speaking.
“…For a long time, I am nothing but an asshole, the biggest jerk in the planet. I’ve teased you, fought with you and made you cry. The universe must have been really mad at me for what I have done because I was given the biggest punishment I could ever receive. It’s funny how karma works. I used to hate you to the core that I thought I would die just seeing a strand of your hair. But now, I think I would die if I don’t see you even for just a second. Ueda Tatsuya, I am hopelessly and deeply in love with you. I promise that I would take care of you and the only tears you will shed are tears of happiness when you are with me. I will make up for all the tears that you have cried-that I have caused-all the hurts that I’ve inflicted on you may it be physical or emotional. I’m sorry and please accept me. I will…”
Nishikido Ryo was not able to finish the speech he took a month to think of when the air was knocked out of him. Tatsuya hugged him tight. He returned the hug, burying his head on the crook of the older man’s neck. After a few minutes, the two of them disentangled their limbs and looked into each other’s eyes. The younger one broke the silence first.
“Tatsuya, I…” Again he was cut off when one delicate finger touched his lips. Tatsuya was looking at him with both amusement and irritation.
“You talk too much. Just shut up and kiss me already,” Tatsuya said.
Ryo smiled and obeyed.
*End of Flashback*
That was how Ryo and Tatsuya got together. They used to hate each other. Back in the university, they are always up against each other in getting the top marks and in excelling in sports. Their rivalry heated up when they pursued the same guy who happened to be straight thus turning both of them down. Their last few months in the university marked the beginning of them getting along. Their best friends got together and they were unwillingly thrown into the mess. They have to put up with each other’s company for the sake of their friends’ relationship to the point of working together to reconcile the two when they fight. It was a year after that when Ryo confessed in the park. They moved in together a few months later.
Ryo’s hands started to shake when he remembered how he confessed. He promised that he would never hurt Tatsuya or make him cry. But in the end, he broke that promise which led to Tatsuya leaving him.
Without realizing it, Ryo found himself at the front door of his apartment. The apartment he used to share with Tatsuya. When Tatsuya left two years ago, he didn’t give up the place because of the hope that maybe one day he would be forgiven and the love of his life will come back. He doesn’t want to leave the place that holds all their memories.
With a trembling hand, he inserted the key and stepped into the genkan. He was still reeling from the onslaught of memories and was half expecting that Tatsuya would pop his head from the kitchen with his warm smile welcoming him home. He went to the kitchen to drop of his groceries but he was only reminded of how his hime prances around the kitchen wearing a baby blue apron and boxers looking both hot and innocent while cooking. Tears started to well up when he remember how he would come home everyday to an appetizing aroma and would be welcomed with a kiss.
For the past two years, he thought he was already used to living alone. He wakes up every morning in a cold bed and cook meals for one. He started going out with his best friends again and would not flinch at the mention of Tatsuya’s name. He would even talk about him once in a while. He really thought he was over him. Or at least he can now function. He doesn’t know why a sudden visit at the convenience they used to frequent to will cause all those memories to come back. Or why they are affecting him this much. It was like a part of him never wanted to let go.
Losing his appetite, he went to the bedroom with the hope of just sleeping it off. But the bedroom brought back more memories. It was the bedroom he shared with Tatsuya for almost three years. Most of their intimate moments happened in the confines of those four walls. Feeling weak on his knees, he slumped by the door hugging his knees while his body shook with his sobs.
He cried harder as memory after memory flash in his mind. Tatsuya flushed and naked writhing underneath him. A moaning Tatsuya while he explored every inch of his hime’s body. Tatsuya screaming his name as they become one. Waking up in the morning with his beloved in his arms. Tatsuya looking at him with a loving smile giving him a peck on the nose every morning.
Tatsuya was his love-his life-but he took it for granted thinking he would always be there. Because Tatsuya loves him so much. He was not aware that he was hurting him too much it would come to a point he will wake up one morning with only a letter telling him it’s over.
*Flashback*
He got home later than usual. He went out with his officemates for a drink and it got a bit late. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it’s already 2 am. It’s no longer late night. It’s already early morning. Tatsuya rushed to his side as soon as he opened the door.
“Have you had dinner? Or would you like a bath?” Tatsuya asked in concern.
“Could you shut up?! I’m tired! Leave me alone!” He shoved Tatsuya aside and wobbled into the apartment stripping down as he walk to the bedroom. He slumped on the bed in just his boxers and was immediately asleep.
Tatsuya’s lips trembled but held back his tears. He picked up Ryo’s clothes and started the wash. He put the leftover food in the fridge and cleaned the kitchen. He hung the clothes to dry before going to bed. Ryo wrapped his arms around his waist as soon as he lied down and he can’t stop a tear from escaping.
He doesn’t know what happened. They used to have a good relationship. There were no secrets between them and they get along just fine. But a few months after their second year anniversary, Ryo has been irritable. At first, he thought it was because of work so he tried to be more understanding. But as weeks passed, he noticed that Ryo has been treating him coldly. He stop being sweet and caring. He tried to work things out and save their relationship because he loves Ryo so much. But it seems like Ryo was the one who doesn’t want to work for the relationship and he can’t fight alone. He tried to fight for their love for the past year but it’s hard.
He looked at the clock on their bedside table and it shows it’s already 4 am. He disentangled himself from Ryo carefully so as not to wake him up. He looked at the face of the only man he will love and kissed him tenderly. He got dressed while tears flow. Once dressed, he pulled out a travelling bag from under the bed. He gave a final look in their room and a last kiss on Ryo’s forehead before heading out of the room.
He took out the meal he prepared last night and placed it on the table. Beside it, he placed a letter. He looked around the apartment he called home for the past three years. With a final tear, he walked out of the house into the cold early morning.
Ryo was still half-asleep as he reaches out beside him for his hime and find only an empty space. ‘I guess he’s cooking breakfast already,’ he thought. He loves Tatsuya; no doubt about that. But he guessed they’ve been together so long that the spark is not as bright as before. He knows he owes his boyfriend a lot for how he acted in the past few months. He has decided that he will make it up to Tatsuya and he will go back to being the same old sweet boyfriend that he is. He smiled at the thought. Today is a weekend. Maybe they can go out on a date like a movie and a walk in the park. They can visit the park where he confessed and he would say sorry to Tatsuya. He took a quick shower and went out of the room.
He noticed that it’s awfully quiet. Tatsuya usually hums while cooking and there’s no sound of someone cooking in the kitchen. None of the appetizing aroma either. It was only when he sat on the dining table that he noticed the food. He smiled to himself. ‘Maybe he went out for an errand,’ he thought. He picked up the food to be reheated when he noticed the letter underneath it.
It was addressed to him in Tatsuya’s handwriting. With a trembling hand, he opened the letter and read:
Ryo,
Do you remember the day you confessed? That was the happiest day of my life since my parents passed away. Being with you brought me happiness and I felt loved. I promised my self then that I would do anything to return the same amount of affection you’ve given me if not more. And I’ve kept that promise.
I could say we did pretty well in handling our relationship considering we both have volatile temperaments. We’ve been through a lot, ne? That’s why I hate for things to end this way. I don’t know if you will be shocked or you have been expecting this all along. What happened to us Ryo? Why did we end up like this? We used to talk about everything and resolve everything together. But right now, I feel like I’m the only one who wants this relationship. I don’t want to think you stopped loving me. Call me stupid but I still feel you love me. Even if it was not the same as before if I would base it on how you are lately. I don’t know if you don’t break up with me because you don’t know how or there are things that you are not sure of yet. But it’s been a year. Shouldn’t you have stopped figuring things out long ago? And it’s hard to fight for a relationship alone. I’m sorry but I have to stop here.
I love you. I really do. I always have and always will but it has to end here. I don’t hate you nor resent you. I just think we have grown apart and we just have to take a journey separately from now on. Maybe in the future, when we meet again and we are better person, and if you still love me then, maybe-just maybe, there’s still a chance for us. But for now, let’s give it a break.
Take care of yourself. Don’t forget to take your vitamins. I got you an extra bottle. It’s in the medicine cabinet right beside the cough syrup. It’s a weekend and you’re probably too lazy to move around so I’ve prepared your meals for you. Just heat them up, ne? Don’t skip meals.
Thank you for loving me-for everything. I will never regret loving you.
Always,
Tatsuya
Ryo looked at the food that was on the table. He has lost his appetite but it would be the last time he would taste Tatsuya’s cooking. He forced himself to eat while crying.
*End of Flashback*
Ryo curled himself into a smaller ball, hugging himself tight. He had never felt so alone and so helpless. He cried harder wishing Tatsuya would be there to make him feel better. And that’s how his best friends Jin and Yamapi found him.
The two rang the doorbell but didn’t get any response so they let themselves in using the spare key kept in the eave of the door frame. They heard the sobs even before they call for Ryo so they rushed to the bedroom to see what has happened.
“Ryo?! What’s wrong dude?” Yamapi said kneeling beside Ryo. Jin was standing by the door looking both confused and surprised. He’d never seen Ryo in this state. He’d known Ryo to be cool and collected not letting anything get a glimpse of his vulnerable side. But the Ryo in front of him looks so… broken.
Yamapi who was there when Ryo and Tatsuya broke up-or more specifically, when Tatsuya left Ryo-knew that this must be about Tatsuya. The last time he’d seen Ryo looking so devastated was more than two years ago when Tatsuya left.
“I miss him, Pi. I miss him so much. I thought I was strong enough-that I’m over him but I guess I’m wrong,” Ryo said in between his hiccups. They tried to drag Ryo to the bed but he just cried harder.
“I think this place reminds him too much of Tat-chan,” Jin said. “Let’s bring him over at my place.”
Jin prepared an overnight bag for Ryo while Yamapi tried to calm him down. They drove off to Jin’s apartment and settled on the couch with Ryo seated in between Yamapi and Jin.
“Now, Ryo, tell me what’s wrong? It’s been two years and you were doing fine. Why are suddenly bawling like a little kid?” Yamapi asked.
“I thought I was too. Then I happened to drop by the convenience store we used to go for late night snacks, and then passed by the park where I confessed. Before I knew it, all memories came rushing back and I feel like I was punched in the gut when I was reminded of how I was treating him the past months before he left,” Ryo explained with a teary eyes. He was able to keep his emotions in control for a bit. He wasn’t sobbing anymore but sadness and regret can still be heard from his voice.
“You know, you haven’t really told us what happened. I was in New York when Pi told me he was over at your place and that Tat-chan left you. I wanted to be with you but I’m in the middle of an important transaction. When I came back a few months later, you were somewhat yourself again but you never wanted that topic brought up,” Jin said.
Ryo sighed. He admits that during the past two years, he was not himself. He was in autopilot. He ate, talked, slept-all activities that normal people do-but he doesn’t remember anything that has happened in the past two years except that Tatsuya is no longer in his life. He feels guilty that he didn’t share these things to his best friends although they can read him like a book. They’ve been friends for a long time that sometimes, words are enough to explain everything. This time, they have to know what happened so that they can help him find his Tatsuya. He needs to have him back.
“You can say I got too complacent that Tatsuya would never leave me and I took him for granted. That’s the short side of the story. But it’s worst when the details are told,” Ryo started. He paused and sighed. The day his princess left him, he recalled the last year that the two of them were together and came up with nothing but fights-mostly him getting mad at Tatsuya about petty things and Tatsuya being quiet letting him vent it out-or cold treatments.
“I’m not sure how it started or what triggered it. But one day, I just lost interest in him. I got mad at simple things that he did or did not do. I come home late and leave early. None of those affections I used to shower him but still expect him to be the same. But I can’t make myself break up with him. I still love him but…” Ryo sighed again and gave a sad smile.
“I was such a jerk and stupid. Not being able to realize that everything I have ever wanted is already there. And what did I do? I pushed my only reason for living away. I tried to look for him but Maru and his friends don’t know where he is. He made Maru in-charge of his business and was just checking on it every now and then. They have no idea where he’s staying or if he’s in the country.”
“Have you asked Kame?” Yamapi asked.
“He can’t,” Jin said. Both Yamapi and Ryo looked at him with confusion. “We broke up before I left for New York because I told him I can’t promise to be faithful. After a lot of push and pull, he finally relented. But he left the country shortly after that. Either they are together somewhere in the globe or only the two of them know the whereabouts of the other.”
“We’ll help you look for Tat-chan and Kazu-chan but we’re leaving for California in two days. We don’t want to leave you like this. Come with us, Ryo,” Yamapi said. Jin and Yamapi are cousins and are currently handling the family business that they took over a few years after finishing university. There is a merger in negotiation with a big firm in US that will help launch their company into the international stream.
“I can’t. I have a big project proposal coming up in a few days. I have to be there even if I am the son of the owner. I don’t want other people think I got the position just because who my father is. I’d be fine. I promise to use the head on my shoulders and not do anything rash. I’ll keep the two of you posted on whatever it is that I will find out. Is that enough for the two of you to stop mothering me?” Ryo said with mock annoyance. He knows his best friends care for him and are just concerned of his well-being.
“Fine. But you’re driving us to the airport,” Jin said which earned a groan from Ryo. After that, the atmosphere lightened up considerably. They spent the night drinking and sharing stories of what they have been up to lately.
A couple of days later, Ryo shooed his friends away to board the plane. Jin was acting like an idiot as usual bawling like a little kid left by parents on the first day of school. Yamapi was just looking on at them with a grin on his face. Ryo acting like he’s irritated but actually he would miss his two best friends. Before the plane take off without his baka friends, Ryo was finally able to make Jin let go of him and promised that he would still be here when they come back.
As he was walking out of the airport, he saw a familiar figure standing by the curb with his luggages on a trolley beside him. He can’t believe that after two years, he would see him again. His eyes could be deceiving him so to make sure he approached the figure who seemed to be waiting for a cab.
END OF CHAPTER 1Next Chapter
Originally posted in pautami on 06.09.11
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryoda, past Akame
Summary: It's been two years since Ryo and Tatsuya broke up. How was Ryo coping up? And where is Tatsuya all these time?
Disclaimer: None of them are mine although I wish I could tuck Tatsuya in my purse. Any similarities to actual events are just products of my overactive imagination.
A/N: I want to write angst but I'm not sure if it turned out that way. I want to make it sad but I guess it's not as sad as I hope it would be. I'm planning to make it a long one-shot but I blanked out halfway through so I guess I'll post the first half first. That way andy14 won't be pouting at me for not posting her request. Honey, here you go, hope this will pass your scrutiny. ^_^ And thank you to jubelcinta for giving it a once over. See, I still miss out a sentence or two.
CHAPTER 1Next Chapter
A window facing east welcomed the morning and let the sunshine into a square room. A sliver of morning light crept slowly towards the king-sized bed at the far end of the room. It casted a golden glow on the dark blue sheets until it touched a tanned skin. The sleeping figure of a man shifted as if he felt the touch of the sun. The scene looked both enchanting and peaceful.
The alarm clock shrilled nastily breaking whatever spell that was casted on the room. The man growled as he blindly reached out for the alarm clock. He moved towards the sound which made him fall from the bed into the cold wooden floor waking him up effectively.
Since he’s finally awake, he decided to get up or else he would be late. Like clockwork, he took a shower, fixed himself a quick breakfast before leaving for work. It was just like any day. After the morning preparation, he fought his way through the crowd to catch his train. And just like any day, he had to call clients, argue with some of them, accomplish paper works, and make a draft for an ad he’s currently handling. Just like every weekend, Koyama from HR would drop by his cubicle to ask if he would like to go out and drink with them. As usual, he would refuse making up a reason from having to finish a project or already having plans for tonight. But just like every time, he would just go home.
He was not like that before. He used to be outgoing and friendly. He used to be the life of the party. But ever since that day, two years ago, it seemed like life has been sucked out of him-to be specific, his reason for living disappeared.
He was on his way home when he remembered that he forgot to stock up his kitchen and would have nothing to cook for dinner. He passed by the convenience store a few blocks away from his apartment. It’s been two years since the last time he shopped here. He shook his head trying to erase the memories that the place evokes. He grabbed the things he would need to fix a quick dinner, paid up and left the store.
‘It’s been two years, I should be over it. It should be okay to remember things. I have moved on, right? Like he did,’ he thought.
As he passed by a park, all the memories that he’s been trying to suppress for the past two years came out. It felt like a dam broke and the rampage of the water cannot be held back.
*Flashback*
Five years ago in a park, two men were standing face to face. One of them, a copper-haired one was looking at the other with a guarded expression. He is not sure what to expect from this conversation. The shorter of the two, looking both sheepish and nervous, was speaking.
“…For a long time, I am nothing but an asshole, the biggest jerk in the planet. I’ve teased you, fought with you and made you cry. The universe must have been really mad at me for what I have done because I was given the biggest punishment I could ever receive. It’s funny how karma works. I used to hate you to the core that I thought I would die just seeing a strand of your hair. But now, I think I would die if I don’t see you even for just a second. Ueda Tatsuya, I am hopelessly and deeply in love with you. I promise that I would take care of you and the only tears you will shed are tears of happiness when you are with me. I will make up for all the tears that you have cried-that I have caused-all the hurts that I’ve inflicted on you may it be physical or emotional. I’m sorry and please accept me. I will…”
Nishikido Ryo was not able to finish the speech he took a month to think of when the air was knocked out of him. Tatsuya hugged him tight. He returned the hug, burying his head on the crook of the older man’s neck. After a few minutes, the two of them disentangled their limbs and looked into each other’s eyes. The younger one broke the silence first.
“Tatsuya, I…” Again he was cut off when one delicate finger touched his lips. Tatsuya was looking at him with both amusement and irritation.
“You talk too much. Just shut up and kiss me already,” Tatsuya said.
Ryo smiled and obeyed.
*End of Flashback*
That was how Ryo and Tatsuya got together. They used to hate each other. Back in the university, they are always up against each other in getting the top marks and in excelling in sports. Their rivalry heated up when they pursued the same guy who happened to be straight thus turning both of them down. Their last few months in the university marked the beginning of them getting along. Their best friends got together and they were unwillingly thrown into the mess. They have to put up with each other’s company for the sake of their friends’ relationship to the point of working together to reconcile the two when they fight. It was a year after that when Ryo confessed in the park. They moved in together a few months later.
Ryo’s hands started to shake when he remembered how he confessed. He promised that he would never hurt Tatsuya or make him cry. But in the end, he broke that promise which led to Tatsuya leaving him.
Without realizing it, Ryo found himself at the front door of his apartment. The apartment he used to share with Tatsuya. When Tatsuya left two years ago, he didn’t give up the place because of the hope that maybe one day he would be forgiven and the love of his life will come back. He doesn’t want to leave the place that holds all their memories.
With a trembling hand, he inserted the key and stepped into the genkan. He was still reeling from the onslaught of memories and was half expecting that Tatsuya would pop his head from the kitchen with his warm smile welcoming him home. He went to the kitchen to drop of his groceries but he was only reminded of how his hime prances around the kitchen wearing a baby blue apron and boxers looking both hot and innocent while cooking. Tears started to well up when he remember how he would come home everyday to an appetizing aroma and would be welcomed with a kiss.
For the past two years, he thought he was already used to living alone. He wakes up every morning in a cold bed and cook meals for one. He started going out with his best friends again and would not flinch at the mention of Tatsuya’s name. He would even talk about him once in a while. He really thought he was over him. Or at least he can now function. He doesn’t know why a sudden visit at the convenience they used to frequent to will cause all those memories to come back. Or why they are affecting him this much. It was like a part of him never wanted to let go.
Losing his appetite, he went to the bedroom with the hope of just sleeping it off. But the bedroom brought back more memories. It was the bedroom he shared with Tatsuya for almost three years. Most of their intimate moments happened in the confines of those four walls. Feeling weak on his knees, he slumped by the door hugging his knees while his body shook with his sobs.
He cried harder as memory after memory flash in his mind. Tatsuya flushed and naked writhing underneath him. A moaning Tatsuya while he explored every inch of his hime’s body. Tatsuya screaming his name as they become one. Waking up in the morning with his beloved in his arms. Tatsuya looking at him with a loving smile giving him a peck on the nose every morning.
Tatsuya was his love-his life-but he took it for granted thinking he would always be there. Because Tatsuya loves him so much. He was not aware that he was hurting him too much it would come to a point he will wake up one morning with only a letter telling him it’s over.
*Flashback*
He got home later than usual. He went out with his officemates for a drink and it got a bit late. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it’s already 2 am. It’s no longer late night. It’s already early morning. Tatsuya rushed to his side as soon as he opened the door.
“Have you had dinner? Or would you like a bath?” Tatsuya asked in concern.
“Could you shut up?! I’m tired! Leave me alone!” He shoved Tatsuya aside and wobbled into the apartment stripping down as he walk to the bedroom. He slumped on the bed in just his boxers and was immediately asleep.
Tatsuya’s lips trembled but held back his tears. He picked up Ryo’s clothes and started the wash. He put the leftover food in the fridge and cleaned the kitchen. He hung the clothes to dry before going to bed. Ryo wrapped his arms around his waist as soon as he lied down and he can’t stop a tear from escaping.
He doesn’t know what happened. They used to have a good relationship. There were no secrets between them and they get along just fine. But a few months after their second year anniversary, Ryo has been irritable. At first, he thought it was because of work so he tried to be more understanding. But as weeks passed, he noticed that Ryo has been treating him coldly. He stop being sweet and caring. He tried to work things out and save their relationship because he loves Ryo so much. But it seems like Ryo was the one who doesn’t want to work for the relationship and he can’t fight alone. He tried to fight for their love for the past year but it’s hard.
He looked at the clock on their bedside table and it shows it’s already 4 am. He disentangled himself from Ryo carefully so as not to wake him up. He looked at the face of the only man he will love and kissed him tenderly. He got dressed while tears flow. Once dressed, he pulled out a travelling bag from under the bed. He gave a final look in their room and a last kiss on Ryo’s forehead before heading out of the room.
He took out the meal he prepared last night and placed it on the table. Beside it, he placed a letter. He looked around the apartment he called home for the past three years. With a final tear, he walked out of the house into the cold early morning.
Ryo was still half-asleep as he reaches out beside him for his hime and find only an empty space. ‘I guess he’s cooking breakfast already,’ he thought. He loves Tatsuya; no doubt about that. But he guessed they’ve been together so long that the spark is not as bright as before. He knows he owes his boyfriend a lot for how he acted in the past few months. He has decided that he will make it up to Tatsuya and he will go back to being the same old sweet boyfriend that he is. He smiled at the thought. Today is a weekend. Maybe they can go out on a date like a movie and a walk in the park. They can visit the park where he confessed and he would say sorry to Tatsuya. He took a quick shower and went out of the room.
He noticed that it’s awfully quiet. Tatsuya usually hums while cooking and there’s no sound of someone cooking in the kitchen. None of the appetizing aroma either. It was only when he sat on the dining table that he noticed the food. He smiled to himself. ‘Maybe he went out for an errand,’ he thought. He picked up the food to be reheated when he noticed the letter underneath it.
It was addressed to him in Tatsuya’s handwriting. With a trembling hand, he opened the letter and read:
Ryo,
Do you remember the day you confessed? That was the happiest day of my life since my parents passed away. Being with you brought me happiness and I felt loved. I promised my self then that I would do anything to return the same amount of affection you’ve given me if not more. And I’ve kept that promise.
I could say we did pretty well in handling our relationship considering we both have volatile temperaments. We’ve been through a lot, ne? That’s why I hate for things to end this way. I don’t know if you will be shocked or you have been expecting this all along. What happened to us Ryo? Why did we end up like this? We used to talk about everything and resolve everything together. But right now, I feel like I’m the only one who wants this relationship. I don’t want to think you stopped loving me. Call me stupid but I still feel you love me. Even if it was not the same as before if I would base it on how you are lately. I don’t know if you don’t break up with me because you don’t know how or there are things that you are not sure of yet. But it’s been a year. Shouldn’t you have stopped figuring things out long ago? And it’s hard to fight for a relationship alone. I’m sorry but I have to stop here.
I love you. I really do. I always have and always will but it has to end here. I don’t hate you nor resent you. I just think we have grown apart and we just have to take a journey separately from now on. Maybe in the future, when we meet again and we are better person, and if you still love me then, maybe-just maybe, there’s still a chance for us. But for now, let’s give it a break.
Take care of yourself. Don’t forget to take your vitamins. I got you an extra bottle. It’s in the medicine cabinet right beside the cough syrup. It’s a weekend and you’re probably too lazy to move around so I’ve prepared your meals for you. Just heat them up, ne? Don’t skip meals.
Thank you for loving me-for everything. I will never regret loving you.
Always,
Tatsuya
Ryo looked at the food that was on the table. He has lost his appetite but it would be the last time he would taste Tatsuya’s cooking. He forced himself to eat while crying.
*End of Flashback*
Ryo curled himself into a smaller ball, hugging himself tight. He had never felt so alone and so helpless. He cried harder wishing Tatsuya would be there to make him feel better. And that’s how his best friends Jin and Yamapi found him.
The two rang the doorbell but didn’t get any response so they let themselves in using the spare key kept in the eave of the door frame. They heard the sobs even before they call for Ryo so they rushed to the bedroom to see what has happened.
“Ryo?! What’s wrong dude?” Yamapi said kneeling beside Ryo. Jin was standing by the door looking both confused and surprised. He’d never seen Ryo in this state. He’d known Ryo to be cool and collected not letting anything get a glimpse of his vulnerable side. But the Ryo in front of him looks so… broken.
Yamapi who was there when Ryo and Tatsuya broke up-or more specifically, when Tatsuya left Ryo-knew that this must be about Tatsuya. The last time he’d seen Ryo looking so devastated was more than two years ago when Tatsuya left.
“I miss him, Pi. I miss him so much. I thought I was strong enough-that I’m over him but I guess I’m wrong,” Ryo said in between his hiccups. They tried to drag Ryo to the bed but he just cried harder.
“I think this place reminds him too much of Tat-chan,” Jin said. “Let’s bring him over at my place.”
Jin prepared an overnight bag for Ryo while Yamapi tried to calm him down. They drove off to Jin’s apartment and settled on the couch with Ryo seated in between Yamapi and Jin.
“Now, Ryo, tell me what’s wrong? It’s been two years and you were doing fine. Why are suddenly bawling like a little kid?” Yamapi asked.
“I thought I was too. Then I happened to drop by the convenience store we used to go for late night snacks, and then passed by the park where I confessed. Before I knew it, all memories came rushing back and I feel like I was punched in the gut when I was reminded of how I was treating him the past months before he left,” Ryo explained with a teary eyes. He was able to keep his emotions in control for a bit. He wasn’t sobbing anymore but sadness and regret can still be heard from his voice.
“You know, you haven’t really told us what happened. I was in New York when Pi told me he was over at your place and that Tat-chan left you. I wanted to be with you but I’m in the middle of an important transaction. When I came back a few months later, you were somewhat yourself again but you never wanted that topic brought up,” Jin said.
Ryo sighed. He admits that during the past two years, he was not himself. He was in autopilot. He ate, talked, slept-all activities that normal people do-but he doesn’t remember anything that has happened in the past two years except that Tatsuya is no longer in his life. He feels guilty that he didn’t share these things to his best friends although they can read him like a book. They’ve been friends for a long time that sometimes, words are enough to explain everything. This time, they have to know what happened so that they can help him find his Tatsuya. He needs to have him back.
“You can say I got too complacent that Tatsuya would never leave me and I took him for granted. That’s the short side of the story. But it’s worst when the details are told,” Ryo started. He paused and sighed. The day his princess left him, he recalled the last year that the two of them were together and came up with nothing but fights-mostly him getting mad at Tatsuya about petty things and Tatsuya being quiet letting him vent it out-or cold treatments.
“I’m not sure how it started or what triggered it. But one day, I just lost interest in him. I got mad at simple things that he did or did not do. I come home late and leave early. None of those affections I used to shower him but still expect him to be the same. But I can’t make myself break up with him. I still love him but…” Ryo sighed again and gave a sad smile.
“I was such a jerk and stupid. Not being able to realize that everything I have ever wanted is already there. And what did I do? I pushed my only reason for living away. I tried to look for him but Maru and his friends don’t know where he is. He made Maru in-charge of his business and was just checking on it every now and then. They have no idea where he’s staying or if he’s in the country.”
“Have you asked Kame?” Yamapi asked.
“He can’t,” Jin said. Both Yamapi and Ryo looked at him with confusion. “We broke up before I left for New York because I told him I can’t promise to be faithful. After a lot of push and pull, he finally relented. But he left the country shortly after that. Either they are together somewhere in the globe or only the two of them know the whereabouts of the other.”
“We’ll help you look for Tat-chan and Kazu-chan but we’re leaving for California in two days. We don’t want to leave you like this. Come with us, Ryo,” Yamapi said. Jin and Yamapi are cousins and are currently handling the family business that they took over a few years after finishing university. There is a merger in negotiation with a big firm in US that will help launch their company into the international stream.
“I can’t. I have a big project proposal coming up in a few days. I have to be there even if I am the son of the owner. I don’t want other people think I got the position just because who my father is. I’d be fine. I promise to use the head on my shoulders and not do anything rash. I’ll keep the two of you posted on whatever it is that I will find out. Is that enough for the two of you to stop mothering me?” Ryo said with mock annoyance. He knows his best friends care for him and are just concerned of his well-being.
“Fine. But you’re driving us to the airport,” Jin said which earned a groan from Ryo. After that, the atmosphere lightened up considerably. They spent the night drinking and sharing stories of what they have been up to lately.
A couple of days later, Ryo shooed his friends away to board the plane. Jin was acting like an idiot as usual bawling like a little kid left by parents on the first day of school. Yamapi was just looking on at them with a grin on his face. Ryo acting like he’s irritated but actually he would miss his two best friends. Before the plane take off without his baka friends, Ryo was finally able to make Jin let go of him and promised that he would still be here when they come back.
As he was walking out of the airport, he saw a familiar figure standing by the curb with his luggages on a trolley beside him. He can’t believe that after two years, he would see him again. His eyes could be deceiving him so to make sure he approached the figure who seemed to be waiting for a cab.
END OF CHAPTER 1Next Chapter
Originally posted in pautami on 06.09.11