Patch whines.
I need to rant. Feel free to skip reading it, as it's probably pretty irrelevant to everyone in my flist, but I need to vent about one of my best friends, and how she's driving me a little bit crazy.
We've known each other for years, and although we're very different, we've always been the best of friends. She doesn't understand my childfree status, but she respects it. I don't get her dislike of most animals, but I don't let it affect our friendship. She hates my taste in clothes, I hate her boyfriend, she thinks I'm weird and have strange interests, I think she's sometimes too girly and prissy - but we still love each other. That's just how it works - at least, it has up until now. See, the other day she made a comment, just a little throwaway comment that was really sexist - something about how she hates it when girls drink beer. She thinks it's gross for anyone to drink it, but "it's worse for girls". When someone called her on it, she said she thinks it's unladylike and disgusting.
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but she didn't used to be like that. Occasionally she'd tease me for drinking "man's drinks" if I had a beer, but it was all in jest. Now her viewpoint on everything is getting more and more warped. I've got to wonder how much her boyfriend has to do with it - and no, I'm not just the jealous best friend who wants her pal back, I really don't like the guy. He's pleasant most of the time, but he's got a very superficial, childish side to him, which I just can't deal with. We're civil to each other for her sake, but we'll never be friends, and that's always been ok with us.
It's not just sexism. Sometimes she'll make a thinly veiled racist comment, though it usually comes across as a joke. More and more frequently, she'll say something with homophobic connotations - and I know that's her boyfriend's doing. To them, Queer As Folk is called "Queer As Gay", which I think is just so immature - besides being not at all clever. Yes, correct, the show is about gay people. Their point?!?!?
I know I'm making her sound like a nazi-bitch of the highest order, and she's really not like that at all - like I said, the comments are very occasional, subtle, and don't seem to hurt anybody, it's just that I'm around her so much that I see it more than most people. She's honestly a lovely person, but lately for some reason the little jibes are really catching my attention. When my other friend called her on the sexism, she went on the defensive saying "so what? I'm allowed to have my opinion. I can think that if I want to.." I didn't want to create a huge conflict over one tiny comment, but I really felt like saying to her: "Well, actually. . . no you can't. This isn't the 1950s, it's not okay to think like that anymore."
I know I sound like a wimp for not speaking my mind, but like I said, it's only a small thing, I don't want to criticise her entire world view based only on my suspicion that she's becoming more narrowminded. We're too close for me to want to risk a huge dispute over what may be nothing.
She's not prejudiced to the extent that she'd ever be rude or cruel to people - we've both got lots of friends who aren't caucasian, I myself am bisexual, she doesn't think men should be allowed to beat their wives, etc. It's just a slight thing, and I might be the only one who's even noticed. She's not a KKK sympathiser, she's just a little misguided, she needs to grow up a little, and realise her boyfriend needs to grow up a lot.
Still, it's annoyed me. I'm a real "love not war" type, I'd be perfectly at home in a 24/7 mardi-gras parade, I love people's individuality, quirks, differences. In many ways so does she - that's why I don't like it when she says shit like that.
*Sigh* Okay, I'm done now. I'll post a fic later to counteract this whining!
We've known each other for years, and although we're very different, we've always been the best of friends. She doesn't understand my childfree status, but she respects it. I don't get her dislike of most animals, but I don't let it affect our friendship. She hates my taste in clothes, I hate her boyfriend, she thinks I'm weird and have strange interests, I think she's sometimes too girly and prissy - but we still love each other. That's just how it works - at least, it has up until now. See, the other day she made a comment, just a little throwaway comment that was really sexist - something about how she hates it when girls drink beer. She thinks it's gross for anyone to drink it, but "it's worse for girls". When someone called her on it, she said she thinks it's unladylike and disgusting.
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but she didn't used to be like that. Occasionally she'd tease me for drinking "man's drinks" if I had a beer, but it was all in jest. Now her viewpoint on everything is getting more and more warped. I've got to wonder how much her boyfriend has to do with it - and no, I'm not just the jealous best friend who wants her pal back, I really don't like the guy. He's pleasant most of the time, but he's got a very superficial, childish side to him, which I just can't deal with. We're civil to each other for her sake, but we'll never be friends, and that's always been ok with us.
It's not just sexism. Sometimes she'll make a thinly veiled racist comment, though it usually comes across as a joke. More and more frequently, she'll say something with homophobic connotations - and I know that's her boyfriend's doing. To them, Queer As Folk is called "Queer As Gay", which I think is just so immature - besides being not at all clever. Yes, correct, the show is about gay people. Their point?!?!?
I know I'm making her sound like a nazi-bitch of the highest order, and she's really not like that at all - like I said, the comments are very occasional, subtle, and don't seem to hurt anybody, it's just that I'm around her so much that I see it more than most people. She's honestly a lovely person, but lately for some reason the little jibes are really catching my attention. When my other friend called her on the sexism, she went on the defensive saying "so what? I'm allowed to have my opinion. I can think that if I want to.." I didn't want to create a huge conflict over one tiny comment, but I really felt like saying to her: "Well, actually. . . no you can't. This isn't the 1950s, it's not okay to think like that anymore."
I know I sound like a wimp for not speaking my mind, but like I said, it's only a small thing, I don't want to criticise her entire world view based only on my suspicion that she's becoming more narrowminded. We're too close for me to want to risk a huge dispute over what may be nothing.
She's not prejudiced to the extent that she'd ever be rude or cruel to people - we've both got lots of friends who aren't caucasian, I myself am bisexual, she doesn't think men should be allowed to beat their wives, etc. It's just a slight thing, and I might be the only one who's even noticed. She's not a KKK sympathiser, she's just a little misguided, she needs to grow up a little, and realise her boyfriend needs to grow up a lot.
Still, it's annoyed me. I'm a real "love not war" type, I'd be perfectly at home in a 24/7 mardi-gras parade, I love people's individuality, quirks, differences. In many ways so does she - that's why I don't like it when she says shit like that.
*Sigh* Okay, I'm done now. I'll post a fic later to counteract this whining!