I'm baaaaack!
ZOMG, how long has it been? LJ has, once again, taken a back seat to Real Life, as has the rest of the internet in recent months. *two minute break already while Patch brews her green tea* Okay, the green tea is now brewed, iced and ready to be sweetened with a hint of organic pineapple juice OMMA-NOM. So what the hell have I been doing with my life for the last few months? Let's list it, because, you know, I gots it like that:
*Working. OMG, this job takes up 98.9% of my life, but wow do I love it. Great people, great money, great conditions, etc. I'm not allowed to go into too much detail - I work for the government, I'm basically a cop but not, and that's pretty much all I'm allowed to say. No I'm not a spy, no it has nothing to to with terrorists, no it's nothing that would make a cool action movie, but it's hard to explain without breaking confidentiality agreements, so that will have to do. Suffice to say, it's a cool job, and my career is now set for the next 40 years, so that's a plus :)
*The Boy. Yeah, look, I've been putting off seeing him again, because I'm starting to feel like I'm just over it, y'know? He's a great guy, we're good friends, we have great sex (except last night, but more on that later), but it's not going anywhere and I'm getting bored. I mean, not that I want it to go anywhere, with him or anyone else (almost anyone else ... more on that later too), but if I want to talk to a friend, I can meet him for coffee, if I want sex, there's a Calla Lily Dual Action battery operated device in the nightstand, and if I want to indulge in my passion for not giving a fuck, I can sort of ... you know ... stop this whole thing. I don't know, I'll see what happens, but I'm just sort of over the situation right now.
*Bad sex. Last night. Yeah, I don't know what the hell happened there, but that was not cool. I wasn't totally in the mood to begin with, but even so, the chemistry just wasn't there last night. Usually it's not until after the main event that I start lusting after my pjs and box set dvds, but last night I was actually wishing for my new Peter Alexanders and season 3 of Bones during, and that's just not right.
*New house. I've moved to a stylin' inner city pad, and I'm in big, big love with this house. It's a rambling old mansion divided into smaller flats, and it's so whimsically gorgeous that I find myself wishing for neighbours who are elderly, British, retired burlesque dancers and a Ukrainian circus performer who trains mice. Lovely overgrown garden full of roses and archways, intricate ironwork everywhere, oddly shaped rooms. This place is Nirvana. Also, I'm such a fussy, house-proud little old lady now - as soon as I got rid of The Boy last night, I couldn't focus on anything else until I'd straightened the cushions, fixed the rumpled bedding (meh, not worth it!) and lit a candle to eliminate the smell of boy shoes in the living room. Men are messy creatures.
*Shopping. The Body Shop, Lush, T2 (an Aussie tea store, google them if you haven't already because they ship internationally and are hellz tasty), Glasshouse (Aussie scented candles, buy one now, thank me later), Peter Alexander (Aussie pyjama king - he's a beautiful gay man who worships dachshunds and makes fancy-pants pjs, and therefore we love him from now until the end of time), Villainess (old-timey-gothic-inspired bath products), Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (old-timey-gothic-inspired perfumes), Amazon (ermahgerd, BERKS) and ebay (home of discontinued and only-available-in-the-USA Body Shop Products) should probably just send a representative to take my paycheck directly from my employer every fortnight, because, seriously. When did STUFF get so cool?
*Frankie magazine and its website. So cute, so hipster (yeah, I know what it means now, and I think maybe I kind of am one - I mean, it was an accident, I'm not trying for it or anything, but I seem to have unwittingly ticked most of the major boxes), so much less irritating than HelloGiggles (I'm sorry Zooey, I love you dearly, but c'mon) and so tempting - there are now more items on my Things Patch Must Buy, Like, For Serious list. Custom made, hand sewn dress from vintage material HELLO!
*Television. Shows got cool. I'm behind on everything because of work, but that's just what rainy Tuesday afternoons are for! And OMG True Blood season 5 BluRay is out in three weeks, and the new series starts not long after! I've still got two bottles of TruBlood left - one for the BluRay marathon (with character commentary), and one for the season 6 premiere. I know I've said it before, but I really am going to try to avoid both ONTD communities this year - they're both so annoying and the season hasn't even started yet. The negativity, the tweenage whining, the self-important attitudes, the total lack of self-awareness and ludicrous misconceptions that anyone gives the merest of fucks about their teensy little opinions - I just can't handle those people anymore.
*The ex-friend. She did indeed do something rather illegal and very, very immoral. It's looking like she may be clear due to a couple of technicalities, but there's still a chance that she also might not be - if the wrong person says the wrong things, she's in BIG trouble. I know a bit more than I should because of work (it's not exactly the same employer as such, but the two fields overlap enough that I have some inside info), and there's a reason she's cleaning houses and living with her parents. I hope she likes it too, because that's all she'll be doing for a long, long time. Karma. It's awesome.
*The Famous Boy. We've exchanged a couple of phone calls, and look, I'm not stupid enough to think this could ever be a thing - I'm not even interested in the concept, to be honest. But it's fun.
*The Girl. Got a Facebook email from her a couple of weeks ago about how much she misses me. Saw her a couple of months back while I was travelling interstate (and she was travelling overseas - who the hell put America all the way over there? Did they not realise they were keeping the hot girls REALLY FAR away from me?) and there was nakedness and there were strange looks from the hotel staff. Fun, fun weekend :)
*I'm going to South Africa! Not for a few months yet, but it will be awesome. I have friends who own a B&B there, but I've never been, and I'm so excited!
*My grandma gave me some dresses she used to wear when she was my age - vintage-y goodness!
*My parents bought a puppy and my friend bought a puppy, and I get to look after them both this week! Puppysitting x 2, this will be Cuteness.
*I saw a woman I used to work with when I was at the supermarket yesterday. She commented on my car (sportscar, 2 seater, convertible - it's a sexy bitch) and was all "OMG, how will you ever fit a carseat into THAT?" Reiterated the conversation we'd had a million times about how I don't want kids because I hate the things, and she said "Oh, I thought you'd have changed your mind by now!" GAHHHH. She also spotted a Lush bag on the front seat and said "I don't know how you can buy that stuff - it's too expensive!" See, NO. It's not "too expensive" - it's just too expensive for you. I spent $124.90 (which I earned by doing my job) on scrummy hair/face/body products. You also have $124.90 (some of which you earned, most of which came from your child support payments and government parenting payments), but you spent it on school sport trackies, a 12 pack of chocolate YoGo, the Foxtel channel which broadcasts Dora the Explorer, and a pack of Big Kids Dry Nites for your little bedwetter. That means if you want hair/face/body products, you have to scrounge some coins together and get the two-for-a-dollar specials at The Reject Shop, because six years ago, you decided that spawning was more important to you than spending. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you really want, but it's too late to change your mind. You spent your money on your choices, I spent my money on mine. There's no point criticising me now because you don't like the results. WTF, single moos.
*Chocolate. Lindt have released two new flavours of those awesome truffle ball things - peanut butter, and caramel. Omma. NOM.
*Movies. Have just bought "Les Miserables" on BluRay, love it unconditionally and have not been able to stop myself singing "Master Of The House" at all hours of the day. Want to see "Paranorman" next.
That's probably about it for now, hopefully I'll get back here more frequently - if not in the next couple of weeks, definitely by June for the next season of True Blood Thoughts! Yeah, that's still happening. Sorry, y'all.
Edit: Right, well, that would be why I wasn't in the mood then - the painters and decorator are in. Seriously, cramps are such BULLSHIT. I'm not ever getting pregnant, therefore I do not need my uterus nor its monthly bitchfit. You hear that, vestigial female organ? You are useless to me, so either quit with the crampy nonsense, or you're a goner. I'm usually okay after some chocolate and a couple of Panadol, but the combination of Tired plus last night's bad!sex have obviously done a number on me. I just called work and told them I'm skipping out tomorrow - it happens to be a day they don't really meed me anyway, so that works out okay. I'm going to spend the day sleeping, watching haul videos on youtube, catching up on Criminal Minds and NCIS, and snuggling with stuffed toys which I don't care that I'm too old to own. Fuck off, world. Fuck right off.
*Working. OMG, this job takes up 98.9% of my life, but wow do I love it. Great people, great money, great conditions, etc. I'm not allowed to go into too much detail - I work for the government, I'm basically a cop but not, and that's pretty much all I'm allowed to say. No I'm not a spy, no it has nothing to to with terrorists, no it's nothing that would make a cool action movie, but it's hard to explain without breaking confidentiality agreements, so that will have to do. Suffice to say, it's a cool job, and my career is now set for the next 40 years, so that's a plus :)
*The Boy. Yeah, look, I've been putting off seeing him again, because I'm starting to feel like I'm just over it, y'know? He's a great guy, we're good friends, we have great sex (except last night, but more on that later), but it's not going anywhere and I'm getting bored. I mean, not that I want it to go anywhere, with him or anyone else (almost anyone else ... more on that later too), but if I want to talk to a friend, I can meet him for coffee, if I want sex, there's a Calla Lily Dual Action battery operated device in the nightstand, and if I want to indulge in my passion for not giving a fuck, I can sort of ... you know ... stop this whole thing. I don't know, I'll see what happens, but I'm just sort of over the situation right now.
*Bad sex. Last night. Yeah, I don't know what the hell happened there, but that was not cool. I wasn't totally in the mood to begin with, but even so, the chemistry just wasn't there last night. Usually it's not until after the main event that I start lusting after my pjs and box set dvds, but last night I was actually wishing for my new Peter Alexanders and season 3 of Bones during, and that's just not right.
*New house. I've moved to a stylin' inner city pad, and I'm in big, big love with this house. It's a rambling old mansion divided into smaller flats, and it's so whimsically gorgeous that I find myself wishing for neighbours who are elderly, British, retired burlesque dancers and a Ukrainian circus performer who trains mice. Lovely overgrown garden full of roses and archways, intricate ironwork everywhere, oddly shaped rooms. This place is Nirvana. Also, I'm such a fussy, house-proud little old lady now - as soon as I got rid of The Boy last night, I couldn't focus on anything else until I'd straightened the cushions, fixed the rumpled bedding (meh, not worth it!) and lit a candle to eliminate the smell of boy shoes in the living room. Men are messy creatures.
*Shopping. The Body Shop, Lush, T2 (an Aussie tea store, google them if you haven't already because they ship internationally and are hellz tasty), Glasshouse (Aussie scented candles, buy one now, thank me later), Peter Alexander (Aussie pyjama king - he's a beautiful gay man who worships dachshunds and makes fancy-pants pjs, and therefore we love him from now until the end of time), Villainess (old-timey-gothic-inspired bath products), Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (old-timey-gothic-inspired perfumes), Amazon (ermahgerd, BERKS) and ebay (home of discontinued and only-available-in-the-USA Body Shop Products) should probably just send a representative to take my paycheck directly from my employer every fortnight, because, seriously. When did STUFF get so cool?
*Frankie magazine and its website. So cute, so hipster (yeah, I know what it means now, and I think maybe I kind of am one - I mean, it was an accident, I'm not trying for it or anything, but I seem to have unwittingly ticked most of the major boxes), so much less irritating than HelloGiggles (I'm sorry Zooey, I love you dearly, but c'mon) and so tempting - there are now more items on my Things Patch Must Buy, Like, For Serious list. Custom made, hand sewn dress from vintage material HELLO!
*Television. Shows got cool. I'm behind on everything because of work, but that's just what rainy Tuesday afternoons are for! And OMG True Blood season 5 BluRay is out in three weeks, and the new series starts not long after! I've still got two bottles of TruBlood left - one for the BluRay marathon (with character commentary), and one for the season 6 premiere. I know I've said it before, but I really am going to try to avoid both ONTD communities this year - they're both so annoying and the season hasn't even started yet. The negativity, the tweenage whining, the self-important attitudes, the total lack of self-awareness and ludicrous misconceptions that anyone gives the merest of fucks about their teensy little opinions - I just can't handle those people anymore.
*The ex-friend. She did indeed do something rather illegal and very, very immoral. It's looking like she may be clear due to a couple of technicalities, but there's still a chance that she also might not be - if the wrong person says the wrong things, she's in BIG trouble. I know a bit more than I should because of work (it's not exactly the same employer as such, but the two fields overlap enough that I have some inside info), and there's a reason she's cleaning houses and living with her parents. I hope she likes it too, because that's all she'll be doing for a long, long time. Karma. It's awesome.
*The Famous Boy. We've exchanged a couple of phone calls, and look, I'm not stupid enough to think this could ever be a thing - I'm not even interested in the concept, to be honest. But it's fun.
*The Girl. Got a Facebook email from her a couple of weeks ago about how much she misses me. Saw her a couple of months back while I was travelling interstate (and she was travelling overseas - who the hell put America all the way over there? Did they not realise they were keeping the hot girls REALLY FAR away from me?) and there was nakedness and there were strange looks from the hotel staff. Fun, fun weekend :)
*I'm going to South Africa! Not for a few months yet, but it will be awesome. I have friends who own a B&B there, but I've never been, and I'm so excited!
*My grandma gave me some dresses she used to wear when she was my age - vintage-y goodness!
*My parents bought a puppy and my friend bought a puppy, and I get to look after them both this week! Puppysitting x 2, this will be Cuteness.
*I saw a woman I used to work with when I was at the supermarket yesterday. She commented on my car (sportscar, 2 seater, convertible - it's a sexy bitch) and was all "OMG, how will you ever fit a carseat into THAT?" Reiterated the conversation we'd had a million times about how I don't want kids because I hate the things, and she said "Oh, I thought you'd have changed your mind by now!" GAHHHH. She also spotted a Lush bag on the front seat and said "I don't know how you can buy that stuff - it's too expensive!" See, NO. It's not "too expensive" - it's just too expensive for you. I spent $124.90 (which I earned by doing my job) on scrummy hair/face/body products. You also have $124.90 (some of which you earned, most of which came from your child support payments and government parenting payments), but you spent it on school sport trackies, a 12 pack of chocolate YoGo, the Foxtel channel which broadcasts Dora the Explorer, and a pack of Big Kids Dry Nites for your little bedwetter. That means if you want hair/face/body products, you have to scrounge some coins together and get the two-for-a-dollar specials at The Reject Shop, because six years ago, you decided that spawning was more important to you than spending. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you really want, but it's too late to change your mind. You spent your money on your choices, I spent my money on mine. There's no point criticising me now because you don't like the results. WTF, single moos.
*Chocolate. Lindt have released two new flavours of those awesome truffle ball things - peanut butter, and caramel. Omma. NOM.
*Movies. Have just bought "Les Miserables" on BluRay, love it unconditionally and have not been able to stop myself singing "Master Of The House" at all hours of the day. Want to see "Paranorman" next.
That's probably about it for now, hopefully I'll get back here more frequently - if not in the next couple of weeks, definitely by June for the next season of True Blood Thoughts! Yeah, that's still happening. Sorry, y'all.
Edit: Right, well, that would be why I wasn't in the mood then - the painters and decorator are in. Seriously, cramps are such BULLSHIT. I'm not ever getting pregnant, therefore I do not need my uterus nor its monthly bitchfit. You hear that, vestigial female organ? You are useless to me, so either quit with the crampy nonsense, or you're a goner. I'm usually okay after some chocolate and a couple of Panadol, but the combination of Tired plus last night's bad!sex have obviously done a number on me. I just called work and told them I'm skipping out tomorrow - it happens to be a day they don't really meed me anyway, so that works out okay. I'm going to spend the day sleeping, watching haul videos on youtube, catching up on Criminal Minds and NCIS, and snuggling with stuffed toys which I don't care that I'm too old to own. Fuck off, world. Fuck right off.