True Blood Thoughts 6.01!

Jun 21, 2013 00:33

My show is back! I love the season premiere when there's all new True Blood to be had :) The thoughts will be somewhat shorter and less detailed this time, due purely to my own laziness ... although, now that I've just typed that, you know what? I don't see any reason why a rewatch can't be done right now and the Thoughts done at the same time, do you? No? Lovely.

*two minute break whilst Patch dicks around with the USB port on the TV and the laptop charger*

*Previouslies, several of. The thing being though, that people aren't going to just start watching this show 6 seasons in - the only people really watching at this stage are the fans, which means they've seen all this shit multiple times, watched the DVDs with the buttload of features, etc. So, the reminder, while thoughtful, is kind of unneccessary.

*Authority HQ. Everything is all red and skeevy as we open on Bill's perspective. Eric and Sookie follow his last-season directive to "RUUUUNNNN!", and is it just me, or would they have better luck if Eric were to vamp-speed and carry Sookie? They wind up in the elevator, but Billith is fucking with the switchboard and the power goes out.

*Jason is still shooting shit whilst the vampire girls stand there rather uselessly. Nora compliment's Jason's trigger skills, but he's dumb enough to snark at her, which she handballs back before ordering everyone to get moving. Pam wants to know just who in the royal fuck Nora thinks she is to tell them all what to do, and Nora is all angry but patient aunt as she "Pamela"s her and repeats the get the fuck out of there order.

*Sam is dragging Luna out of the danger zone as Emma is mommy-mommy-mommying around, which I guess means she de-wolfed herself okay after being scare-pupped by Newlin for so long. Sam and Luna have that conversation that everyone in every TV show has ever had about "just take my daughter and go"/"No I'm not leaving you!"/"Please, you're all she has left now" etc. Sam agrees, Luna dies, we would be sadder if Luna was as hot as Papi from The L Word, but we have Ricki and her rack now, so whatevs. An Authority guard kicks Luna's corpse and is like "it's dead", which, hi, MEAN.

*Explosion at the HQ. Everyone who isn't Nora wants to go back for Eric and Sookie, Nora tells them to hurry up and move, but then Eric whirls an SUV around the corner and they're off as the building explodes some more. Jessica is sad over Billith, Nora tells Eric to stop so they can see Billith approaching them, Pam realises that this is one of the more retarded moves they've ever had and tells Eric to get them the fuck out of there. Eric floors it, Billith flies away, and now CREDITS. We have some different names accompanying our stripper ass this season.

*Jason utters the line "naked evil superman", and we know that our show is definitely back. We all kibitz a little over what Bills deal is now that he is or isn't Billith and we listen to the radio where the Governor of Louisiana is talking about how he likes vampires and all except not really and ERRBODY GO BUY YOSELF A GUN. We cut to watching this nasty little guy talk about new vamp curfews in his John Lennon wannabe glasses. Some little Vamp rights activist with liberal-arts-student dip dyed hair throws some blood at him, so that's fun.

*Jason decides that now is the perfect time to talk about how great it is that somebody is finally fucking the vamps over. Dude, know your audience. Nora is all, well hey, we bombed the factories and everything, so our bad, maybe? Her and Pam get in a bit of a verbal scuffle and Eric is all "Dammit don't make me turn this car around." They stop the car, Pam has a whine about Eric not telling her about Nora being his sister, and Eric tells her to get over it because this is seriously not the time. He's right, but he has no reason to be such a cock to Pam now that they've reconciled - and because this is my second viewing, I know he's going to do it again soon, and I really hate him at the moment. None of this is her fault, but he's being cruel. I almost don't care if the rumours are true and he DOES die this season.

*Tara comments on what an asshole Eric is. Eric and Nora argue about the book of Lilith and if there's anything in there that could explain Bill and his current level of dicketry. Jessica cracks the sads again and runs away. Sookie tells Jason to go and talk to her, he refuses. Meanwhile, Pam has also cracked the sads. Tara goes over to talk to her, Pam tells Tara to fuck off but it's in no way convincing or scary so Tara goes right ahead and ignores her. Pam hates the beach because "sand in your cooch", hee. Tara is all sweet and supportive and gives Pam a hug. Pam cries on Tara's shoulder and did I mention that I hate Eric?

*Jessica is crying by the water's edge and washing her blood tears away in the waves. Sookie comes to talk to her and they're both scared of Bill, and they both love Bill, and he's probably not Bill anymore, so that sucks. Poor little Jess is worried that she's all alone now, but Sookie will not be having with that and holds the gingerbaby's hand, aww.

*Eric snits about Jason never having read a book and therefore not being of any help, but Nora and Jason both know about Warlow and Eric doesn't, which Nora helpfully points out. She accosts Jason and wants answers, but he's all YOU FIRST, which is dumb because she can and does glamour him. Jason gives up the goods, then snaps out of his trance and has a tanty about being "brain-raped" again, which, LOL. Nora tells him that she doesn't know Warlow personally, but he's in the book of Lilith, so hey, there that is. Jason gets a bit killy, but Sookie puts the kibosh on that and won't let him kill Nora. Jason calls Tara "fanger", and dude, THE FUCK. SERIOUSLY. Then he's all mean and tells Sookie she's as dead to him as the vampires are. He runs away, and Tara is a bit lovely as she puts a hand on Sookie's shoulder and tells her to let him cool off. Maybe this is the season where they become okay again?

*Ruh-roh. Jessica is freaking out and being summoned by Bill, but it hurts like a motherfucker this time because he's Billith and he's a bloodmonster. She wants to go to him, Eric stops her, so she vomits blood on him. Jess is in all kinds of pain, so Sookie is all like "fuck ALL y'all, I'm taking her to Bill". Tara wants to go with (yay Tara!) but Eric is all, nope, fuck that, Pam, take Tara home, Nora and I have got this. Pam tries to talk Eric out of this shit and once again he's the meanest he could possibly be. He's honestly acting like he just doesn't care at all about her anymore, and it's obviously cutting her to the bone. He's awful, and right now I can't believe I ever liked him.

*Wolves are getting all eaty and limb-chewy. Alcide's dad tells him to nom on some arm, so he chomps off a piece, but doesn't even wolf out first, which EW. Martha is dispensing grandmotherly advice to Ricki about how the vamp blood will wear off Alcide, but the power might not. We start to worry that Alcide may turn into sort of a dick, and that just can't happen because Eric has already filled up this week's quota. Some naked were chick is all "anything I can do for you, master, just say the word", and Alcide isn't entirely opposed to that idea. Ricki kind of side-eyes them, but doesn't lose her shit. I get that Alcide is even more unf-able now that he's the big boss man, but this chick ("Danielle") is just a poor-man's Ricki. Don't go out for a burger when you have steak at home, Alcide. Everyone goes for a run in doggy form while Martha and Ricki stand there and contemplate what possible new hell this is.

*Arlene is all shitty because the "alien babies" won't stop crying and vomiting sparkly light or spit-up or whatever, but Andy is sitting outside doing sweet fuck all because he's convinced he'll be no good at this parenting malarky. Arlene tells him that when "you put your Mister Happy inside someone's hoo-haa without a raincoat on, babies come out!", which, thank you for that. Andy is all "Hog-tits, Arlene, I can't do this", and I'm glad the writers are still going to town with Andy's vocab this year. "Jesus tits and god America" is still my favourite though :) Arlene talks Andy around and he decides to have a go at being papa to the babyfae.  Terry and Arlene overload him with baby info as he introduces himself to one of the babies as "Sherriff Andy Bellfluer".

*Sam carries Emma into Merlottes then freaks out as his Sammy-sense detects someone there.  He arms himself with a pool cue, but it's just Lafayette drinking all the good tequila.  Lafayette wants to now wtf is up with all the blood, oh and bee-tee-dub, he saw Luna all Newlined up on TV - it was the sickest shit he's ever seen, and he watches Dance Moms, bahahahahaha.  Emma sidles up and Lafayette is instantly adorable with her, all "hey there, Shortie-pop, what's cookin'?"  Emma tells him that her mother is dead and she's hungry, and  Lafayette offers to make her something deep-fried, smothered with sugar, then deep fried all over again.  Sam could obviously use a minute to get his head together, so Lafayette ushers Emma out the back all "come with Lala, we gon' do something with your hair too."  I love him.  Sam wants to make sure Lafayette won't tell anyone they were there, but as always, Lala has everyone's back.

*Jason tries to hitch-hike and gets in the car with the skeeviest of old dudes who is so obviously Warlow that it is physically painful to watch, but naturally Jason is stupid times twelve and is not getting it.  He chats away obliviously.

*Jessica stumbles all blood-pukey into Bills' house with Sookie propping her up.  Nora and Eric are nowhere to be seen, like thanks for the protective detail, thousand-year old vamps.  There's some powdery-looking redness on the floor, is that Bill?  Nope, because he's sitting out on the balcony like nothing's wrong.  He just wants to talk, but Nora and Eric choose now to ambush him, so he throws Nora, tries to strangle Eric, and Sookie stakes him - but all that does is a hell of a lot of nothing.  He'd like to talk now, please.  He tries to tell them he's no threat - he's "something more" than Bill, but he's still Bill.  He's sorry for scaring/hurting Jessica.  She's buying it, but nobody else is.  Sookie tries to tell him to fuck right off out of their lives, but Jessica Does Not Want.  She tells everyone else to fuck right off instead, her and her Daddy will be staying in for the night.  Bill is like, well, you heard her.  One ally seems to be all he needed.

*Some factory.  That creepy governor chats to a woman in a suit about turning said factory into a temporary TruBlood factory.  Okay, sure.

*Wolves, Alcide arse (hey!), Danielle's boobies.  Her and Alcide start making out, Ricki and her rack turn up and pretend not to care.  Alcide and Danelle both apologise, but Ricki decides to make out with Alcide instead of getting mad.  She then earns herself the title of coolest girlfriend ever as she summons Danielle back and turns this situation interesting.  Danielle may not be in the same league as the other two, but this is still a party I'd join any day.  Ricki tells Alcide that she's his number one bitch, and I like her way of thinking here.  It's not cheating if you share.

*Fangtasia.  Tara is lecturing Pam about how she doesn't have to be Eric's punching bag anymore, and Pam is bitching that Tara wouldn't have the first clue what it's like to be in a 100 year old relationship.  They're both right - Eric is being SO FREAKING MEAN  right now, Tara loves Pam and doesn't want to see her treated like that.  Pam knows that it's so much bigger than that and she can't just stop loving Eric.  She snarks that her and Tara are not going to be some epic fucking love story if that's what Tara was thinking, but Tara knows enough to see through the bullshit and tells Pam it's time to give the two of them a chance.  Pam tells Tara that she will NEVER replace Eric, so, ouch.  Some SWAT guys bust in with laser-y looking guns to shut down the bar.  Pam tries to talk her way out of it, Tara tries to yell her way out of it, and gets shot with what I'm guessing is silver.

*Eric walks Sookie home and they have a deep and meaningful about Sookie's life and what it means and blahcakes.  They go inside, Eric gives Sookie her house back, and she rewards him by kicking him out of it.  He says goodnight to her, then bickers with Nora over what they're going to do about Bill, whether he's in love with Sookie, etc.

*Um, well ... the babyfae are now toddlerfae, and they're all giggly and "HI DADDY" which scares the shit out of Andy, Arlene, Terry and the rest of us.

*Jessica is all snuggled up in bed, Bill knocks on the door because he's got a glass of warm TruBlood for her.  She's still nervous about this whole thing, but she just wants her Daddy back.  I'm not sure if we trust Bill or not - I think there's still some Bill in there, so I guess we part-way trust him, because he seems like he isn't quite sure about this whole being-half-an-evil-vamp-god thing himself.  Jessica accidentally knocks the glass over, Bill stops it mid-fall and magics the contents back into it out of thin air.   Jess is creeped, and so is Bill (or at least, so he claims), because he didn't even know he could do that.  He says he wants her help - he doesn't want to go mad with this new power, so he wants her to keep him grounded.  She agrees to it, but says he might not like it, but he's okay with that because Jessica is the only one he can trust.  Something is hinky here, but Jessica is just so desperate for him to be her dad again and to love her, so I think she's choosing not to see it.  She throws her arms around his neck, he cuddles her then tucks her into bed, which would be sweet if he was still the real Bill.

*Jason is still talking himself into even more trouble because his butt, it is dumb.  He says Michelle and Corbett are kind of racist and scary now that they're ghostly apparitions, and they just sit siliently in the back seat, like, WTF boy.  Warlow outs himself, Jason shoots him, Warlow vanishes just in time and O SHIT the car is careening towards a tree.

*Bill is reading the Book Of Lilith, and being tormented by some scary mental images.  Voices are talking to him, they call him into the next room, and all of a sudden there's Lilith and will someone just give her a Brazillian already, but OH NOES because Lilith has two blood-soaked buddies, like WTF there's three of them now, and they all rush at him and possess him, so that sucks.  CREDITS.

television, true blood

Previous post Next post
Up