WTF, seriously.
This is some bullshit, y'all. So, normally I can't go two days without The Boy texting me being all "Hi babe, hope you had a good day, what you up to tonight? I miss you ;)" which is code for "Sex nao plz?" My answer can be anything from "Meh, why not", which is code for "Hellz yeah", or "I'm at work", which is code for "I was at work, now I'm home in flannel PJs watching L Word reruns SO FUCK OFF". Tonight I got in from work and thought, y'know what? I'm kind of up for it. So I texted him and was all "So, how are you? I just got in from work, I miss you", which is usually enough for him to get the hint. His reply was "Hey, I'm good, how are you? I miss you, we should catch up soon. Just finishing watching a movie, chillin at home. What are your plans tomorrow night?"
Seriously, what a dumbass. My plans for tomorrow night are work, followed by whatever the fuck I feel ilke doing (read: probably flannel pjs and L Word reruns). My plans tonight are the plans that should interest him, because I can guarun-damn-tee that I could be much more interesting than any movie. Now, I'm not suggesting that he should be and my beck and call or anything, because, hi, gross. But seriously? Dude, it's a Saturday night. You're watching a movie. Press pause, come over and do naughty things, and watch the rest tomorrow, for fuck's sake.
Now, of course it has occurred to me that "watching a movie" is code for "I'm with another girl who texted me an hour earlier than you did while you were busy getting your red wine fix", which would make perfect sense and would be more than fair. I'm not suggesting either that he shouldn't get a lil sumthin sumthin elsewhere, hell, in fact I encourage it (and he could totally bring her, if she'd be into that). But timing is a serious bitch tonight.
I was also thinking of texting a lady who shall henceforth be referred to as The Girl, but a quick scan of facebook reveals that while she's back from her New Year's family camping trip, she has her kid with her this weekend because ex-husband decided to have a poker night with his buddies. Timing, you guys. It's a bitch. I mean, I have the morning off work tomorrow, there's chilled Prosecco in the fridge, and things around here have potential to get interesting, y'know? But instead everyone else is firmly entrenched in the mundane, and there's not even the distraction of the girl I like on chaturbate because she's been AWOL for a few days.
Timing. It's a bitch.
Okay, edit. I just texted him again (who the hell does this man-bitch think he is, making me chase him? Gah) and basically said "Okay, I'll text you tomorrow after work [I totally won't but he doesn't need to know that]. Call me later if you want to drink wine with me tonight", which is code for "I AM HOME. I AM DRINKING SOMETHING THAT WILL LOWER MY INHIBITIONS ENOUGH THAT I WILL LET YOU DO THINGS TO ME THAT ARE SLIGHTLY SKANKIER THAN THE THINGS I WOULD NORMALLY ALLOW. PAUSE YOUR FUCKING MOVIE, YOU COLLOSAL MORON". Let's see if he responds.
Edit, two minutes after posting this entry: Response. "Awesome, I'll totally come over and drink with you! See you soon?" which is code for "Fuck yeah I want to get laid". A quick scan of his brother's facebook reveals that he really was watching a movie (and that I should probably be really offended, because I was getting passed over for The Karate Kid, of all things. Also, I appear to be turning into one of those girls I hate. This must stop). I replied "Sure, see you whenever", to which he said "Okay, just got to have a shower then I'll be over", which HA. BUSTED. He's totally just kicked out whichever girl he was watching The Karate Kid with (yeah, I know they weren't really watching The Karate Kid. No, I don't care, I just want to know if she's hot - if so, I will congratulate him. If not, I will tease him mercilessly), and he wants to wash the stank off before he sees me. I think I'm supposed to give a shit or be offended or something, but instead I'm LOLing just a little. The only way I'd be offended is if it's ex-friend, because her husband called me earlier and said he's leaving her because she's a bitch from hell, and I know she still wants The Boy, and The Boy thinks with his penis and might just be dumb enough to go there. But you know what, even then I'd laugh hysterically, because he's coming over here which means that if she's there, he's kicking her out to come and see me. Aw. That's almost sweet.
Seriously, what a dumbass. My plans for tomorrow night are work, followed by whatever the fuck I feel ilke doing (read: probably flannel pjs and L Word reruns). My plans tonight are the plans that should interest him, because I can guarun-damn-tee that I could be much more interesting than any movie. Now, I'm not suggesting that he should be and my beck and call or anything, because, hi, gross. But seriously? Dude, it's a Saturday night. You're watching a movie. Press pause, come over and do naughty things, and watch the rest tomorrow, for fuck's sake.
Now, of course it has occurred to me that "watching a movie" is code for "I'm with another girl who texted me an hour earlier than you did while you were busy getting your red wine fix", which would make perfect sense and would be more than fair. I'm not suggesting either that he shouldn't get a lil sumthin sumthin elsewhere, hell, in fact I encourage it (and he could totally bring her, if she'd be into that). But timing is a serious bitch tonight.
I was also thinking of texting a lady who shall henceforth be referred to as The Girl, but a quick scan of facebook reveals that while she's back from her New Year's family camping trip, she has her kid with her this weekend because ex-husband decided to have a poker night with his buddies. Timing, you guys. It's a bitch. I mean, I have the morning off work tomorrow, there's chilled Prosecco in the fridge, and things around here have potential to get interesting, y'know? But instead everyone else is firmly entrenched in the mundane, and there's not even the distraction of the girl I like on chaturbate because she's been AWOL for a few days.
Timing. It's a bitch.
Okay, edit. I just texted him again (who the hell does this man-bitch think he is, making me chase him? Gah) and basically said "Okay, I'll text you tomorrow after work [I totally won't but he doesn't need to know that]. Call me later if you want to drink wine with me tonight", which is code for "I AM HOME. I AM DRINKING SOMETHING THAT WILL LOWER MY INHIBITIONS ENOUGH THAT I WILL LET YOU DO THINGS TO ME THAT ARE SLIGHTLY SKANKIER THAN THE THINGS I WOULD NORMALLY ALLOW. PAUSE YOUR FUCKING MOVIE, YOU COLLOSAL MORON". Let's see if he responds.
Edit, two minutes after posting this entry: Response. "Awesome, I'll totally come over and drink with you! See you soon?" which is code for "Fuck yeah I want to get laid". A quick scan of his brother's facebook reveals that he really was watching a movie (and that I should probably be really offended, because I was getting passed over for The Karate Kid, of all things. Also, I appear to be turning into one of those girls I hate. This must stop). I replied "Sure, see you whenever", to which he said "Okay, just got to have a shower then I'll be over", which HA. BUSTED. He's totally just kicked out whichever girl he was watching The Karate Kid with (yeah, I know they weren't really watching The Karate Kid. No, I don't care, I just want to know if she's hot - if so, I will congratulate him. If not, I will tease him mercilessly), and he wants to wash the stank off before he sees me. I think I'm supposed to give a shit or be offended or something, but instead I'm LOLing just a little. The only way I'd be offended is if it's ex-friend, because her husband called me earlier and said he's leaving her because she's a bitch from hell, and I know she still wants The Boy, and The Boy thinks with his penis and might just be dumb enough to go there. But you know what, even then I'd laugh hysterically, because he's coming over here which means that if she's there, he's kicking her out to come and see me. Aw. That's almost sweet.