It really sucks being fake
So Gio and Matt are thinking about separating temporarily. I can't even imagine how my parents are going to react. We both had the same thought: it would be nice if we had parents that were supportive instead of judgmental.
I'm just indifferent about the parents. It feels so terrible to just not care. I don't care about my mom's business and the thousandth client that pissed her off. I don't care about my dad's awful habits and constant snacking and poor health and his temper tantrums. I just don't care about any of that. I know that if I just had time away from them I would care a lot more.
But for now I don't give a rat's ass. And I'm training myself to not feel so goddamned guilty about it.
It's always depressing to talk to Gio about the parents. We never have anything positive to say and I'm pretty sure all of us will end up going to therapy at some point. We all have so much anger built up over years and years of suppressing emotions and grudges.
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I was invited to two Halloween parties and I was quickly reminded why I deleted my facebook in the first place. Both of these people don't know me very well. The last time I spoke to either of them was senior year of high school, nearly 5 years ago. Cause this is how facebook works. You're one of many so-called "friends" that are treated like a tag rather than an acquaintances and things are simply automatically given to you without much thought from the sender. They just want others to see how many people were invited and how many are going. That's it.
I really miss formal invitations. I miss receiving mail especially for me and seeing my name on an invitation that took time to create. It's a really nice feeling and I would be much more inclined to go because they clearly actually want me there. You click next to the names you want at the party and hit send. Hell, based on these invitations I'm sure they just hit "check all" and sent them to everyone.
No one actually wants 497 people at a Halloween party. It's just a product of facebook.
And then what do I do? If I ignore it I'll feel bad because I actually care about the two of them. If I say I might be there I'll let them down and I'm being fake. Of course I won't be there, I would like to spend that weekend with friends and the boyfriend. I don't want to seem rude but I don't want to lie.
ARG! DECISIONS!
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I don't want to appear cynical but there is a fine line between being a cynic and a realist. I can't ignore sexism anywhere-- in commercials, films, tv shows, books, and life. I can't pretend that there is so much evil going on in the world that it's all overwhelming and I get angry when others don't express the same passion I feel.
But in order to keep smiling I have to do just that-- keep smiling. I have to ignore such things. I have to keep my mouth shut when I pass a sexist billboard or I'm a cynic. I have to bite my lip when someone says something incorrectly in English or I'm a know-it-all. I have to smile politely at ignorance and look away from injustice or I'll drive myself crazy.
It really sucks being fake.
I'm just indifferent about the parents. It feels so terrible to just not care. I don't care about my mom's business and the thousandth client that pissed her off. I don't care about my dad's awful habits and constant snacking and poor health and his temper tantrums. I just don't care about any of that. I know that if I just had time away from them I would care a lot more.
But for now I don't give a rat's ass. And I'm training myself to not feel so goddamned guilty about it.
It's always depressing to talk to Gio about the parents. We never have anything positive to say and I'm pretty sure all of us will end up going to therapy at some point. We all have so much anger built up over years and years of suppressing emotions and grudges.
**********************************************************************
I was invited to two Halloween parties and I was quickly reminded why I deleted my facebook in the first place. Both of these people don't know me very well. The last time I spoke to either of them was senior year of high school, nearly 5 years ago. Cause this is how facebook works. You're one of many so-called "friends" that are treated like a tag rather than an acquaintances and things are simply automatically given to you without much thought from the sender. They just want others to see how many people were invited and how many are going. That's it.
I really miss formal invitations. I miss receiving mail especially for me and seeing my name on an invitation that took time to create. It's a really nice feeling and I would be much more inclined to go because they clearly actually want me there. You click next to the names you want at the party and hit send. Hell, based on these invitations I'm sure they just hit "check all" and sent them to everyone.
No one actually wants 497 people at a Halloween party. It's just a product of facebook.
And then what do I do? If I ignore it I'll feel bad because I actually care about the two of them. If I say I might be there I'll let them down and I'm being fake. Of course I won't be there, I would like to spend that weekend with friends and the boyfriend. I don't want to seem rude but I don't want to lie.
ARG! DECISIONS!
***********************************************************************
I don't want to appear cynical but there is a fine line between being a cynic and a realist. I can't ignore sexism anywhere-- in commercials, films, tv shows, books, and life. I can't pretend that there is so much evil going on in the world that it's all overwhelming and I get angry when others don't express the same passion I feel.
But in order to keep smiling I have to do just that-- keep smiling. I have to ignore such things. I have to keep my mouth shut when I pass a sexist billboard or I'm a cynic. I have to bite my lip when someone says something incorrectly in English or I'm a know-it-all. I have to smile politely at ignorance and look away from injustice or I'll drive myself crazy.
It really sucks being fake.