If it isn't sweet, it's Sugarfree! - 03/?
Title: If it isn't sweet, it's Sugarfree!
Chapters: 03/?
Author: paranoiascreams
Genre: fluff, romance, slight angst
Warning: unbeta'd
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Kai x Tao, Kris x Tao
Synopsis: They say that when you graduate, you start a new beginning in your life. For Yifan and Tao, it's about growing up, and unfortunately, growing separately.
Disclaimer: All the stories here are connected oneshots all based on random songs by an awesome (but now disbanded) Filipino band, SUGARFREE. This chapter based on HARI NG SABLAY and KWARTO Lyrics are of my own translations.
[01-When are you...?] [02-Prom] [03-Room]
HARI NG SABLAY
Ang puso kong kawawa may pag-asa pa ba?
Is there hope for this pitiful heart of mine?
Ayoko nang mag-sorry sawa na 'kong magsisi
I don’t want to apologize anymore, I’m sick of having regrets…
Pasensya ka na, mabilis lang akong mataranta
I’m sorry that I panic easily…
Ako ang hari ng sablay,
I am the king failure…
Hinding-hindi makasabay, sabay sa hangin ng aking buhay
And I can never keep up, never keep up to where my life is going…
KWARTO
Maglilinis ako ng aking kwarto na punong-puno ng galit at damit…
I’m going to clean my room filled with rage and clothes…
Mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan
Things I won’t be needing anymore…
Nakaraang hindi na pwedeng pagpaliban
The past that cannot be postponed…
Mga liham ng nilihim kong pag-ibig at litrato ng kahapong maligalig
The letters of my secret affection and pictures of the troublesome past…
Dahan-dahan kong inipon
I gather them slowly
Ngunit ngayo’y kailangan nang itapon
But now I have to throw them all away…
Ala-ala ng lumuluhang kahapon
Memories of a tearful past…
Dahan-dahan ko na ring kinakahon
I’m slowly storing them all away…
Natagpuan ko na ang tunay kong ligaya
I finally found my true happiness…
Lumabas ako ng kwarto’t naroon siya
When I got out of the room and s/he was there…
Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo ang aking kwarto
My room will say goodbye to you now…
Tao was 11 when Yifan first met him on his way home from school. Their family just moved into town and he was tall and awkward for his age. He’s a teenager with massive acne breakouts and really tanned skin due to playing basketball all the time when he was still in Canada.
“Excuse me, gege. You think you can climb that tree? My kitten won’t come down…” A meek voice stops him from walking home and finds a boy pouting in front of him. Yifan raises an eyebrow because said boy has long legs and is obviously on the tall side, too. “Please, gege…”
Yifan sighs because if he’s got a weakness, it’s aegyo from younger kids. “Fine. Take care of my stuff” Yifan hands his backpack to the kid before he starts climbing the tree. “GO GEGE!!!!” The kid cheers on from below as he struggles to climb. When he finally makes it to the top, the kitten starts hissing at him angrily. “KID, YOUR KITTEN IS MURDEROUS.”
“Don’t say that! That kitty is my best friend!!!” The younger kid yells with tears in his eyes, Yifan sighs and tries to slowly get near the kitten, the animal hisses and jumps at Yifan. "PANDA! DON'T HURT GEGE!"
Yifan struggles with the battle between him and the inappropriately named kitten, the animal keeps scratching him as he tries to grab a steady hold on the cat - which proves to be a bad idea when you're at least 10 feet high and said animal does not give any kind of fuck. Long story short, one Yifan can never describe even upto this day, he falls from the tree but manages to save the cat, not his bones.
"PANDA!!!" The younger boy calls out and grabs the kitten from where it's tucked in Yifan's chest. "GEGE THANK YOU!"
"Kid... call an ambulance..." Is all Yifan says before he passes out.
When Yifan wakes up, he is indeed in a hospital. His leg is propped up in a cast and when he turns to his side, there's a mop of black hair right next to him. "Kid?"
The 'kid' wakes up immediately and jumps at Yifan, "Gege!!! I'm so sorry!"
"Kid... you... you're killing me again!" Yifan tries to remove the younger boy from his death grip on him, and thankfully he does. When the other faces him, the kid is crying.
"I'm so sorry. Mama and Papa said I should wait for you to wake up and apologize properly. I didn't know Panda will attack you like that or you'll fall from the tree!" The kid keeps crying and Yifan finds it cute. Being an only son has always been lonely and he longed to care and protect someone younger.
"It's okay, kid. I'm alive. How's Panda?"
The boy's lips tremble and starts crying again, "Papa took Panda back to the shelter!!! I don't have a bestfriend anymore!!!! Wahhhhhhhh!!!!"
Yifan ruffles the other's hair and chuckles, "I'm Wu Yifan, I can be your bestfriend."
The other boy stops crying and blinks rapidly at Yifan, "A....are you sure?"
"Yes, kid. I'm sure."
Tao beams and it's the happiest kind of smile Yifan has ever seen on another boy, but only for a brief moment because the younger is suddenly hugging him again. "I'M HUANG ZITAO. I WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND TOO!"
Yifan hugs the other boy back and tells himself that he likes the boy already.
-----
Yifan is already a senior in high school and Zitao in his first year when the younger starts questioning his sexual preferences.
They are hanging out inside Yifan's room with the older studying for his entrance exams while Zitao is reading comic books on his bed. "Ge... Can I talk to you?"
"You're talking to me now." Is Yifan's only response without turning away from his laptop. Zitao sits up and turns to his best friend. "Ge, this is important. Look at me."
Yifan sighs and turns his attention to the younger, "What is it?"
"We've known each other for a while and you're the only person I can trust 100%. This has been bugging me for a long time."
Yifan is alarmed so he stands up from his chair and moves to the bed where he faces Zitao, "Tell me what's wrong."
"Gege, I think I'm sick." Zitao's lips tremble but continues on, "I don't find girls attractive but I think some boys are cute. Gege..." Tao sobs, "Gege, I think I'm gay."
Yifan reacts how he should and hugs his bestfriend, "You're not sick. So you're gay, but so what? Don't worry. Nothing will change between us."
"Gege..." Zitao hugs him tighter and Yifan, a person also questioning his own identity finally gets his answer.
"Thank god, you're not my type." Tao mumbles and Yifan's world stops for a bit, "Or this will be very awkward between us."
Yifan pulls back and smiles at Tao, "Yeah. Good thing, right?"
"Help me come out to my parents?"
"Of course."
-----
When Yifan admits that he's gay after he graduated high school, his mother abandons him - a complete 180-degree from when Zitao was accepted with open arms a few months back.
That's why he finds himself alone in China, suddenly living with the Huangs for the summer.
"Don't worry, Yifan. Your mother will come back. She just needs time to accept that her only son won't give her grandchildren." Tao's mother pats him on the back as she serves their dinner, "Thank you, auntie. I hope she's as understanding as you and uncle."
"Well, our Zitao has always been soft and effeminate. We weren't surprised anymore. I've talked to her about this in the past and we agreed that we'll just have to wait until he confesses on his own." Tao's father tells Yifan without looking away from the newspaper he's reading. The conversation ends when a sleepy Zitao walks into the kitchen and is surprised to find Yifan eating breakfast with his parents so early in the morning. "Why are you here?" He asks and Yifan tells the truth.
"You woke up and she's gone?" Tao asks as he takes a bite of his toast, Yifan nods. "Then, sorry to greet you late, but welcome home."
He smiles at Zitao and his best friend smiles back. He recalls the memory of last night when he admitted to his mother that he's gay. He shouldn't have said he's gay per se. He should have said he's gay for Huang Zitao and maybe she would understand better.
The first few weeks of their summer is spent on the both of them driving to the beach. Yifan thinks that his mother left the car for this reason and he's thankful he already has his license or else his mother will just find more reason to murder him.
It must have been their 3rd trip to the beach and the both of them are watching the sunset when Zitao asks from next to him, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
Tao shrugs and leans back using his elbows to keep himself up as he looks over the horizon, "You just haven't talked to me about this incident. I mean, you already told me you're gay too but you should have told me you were planning to come out to auntie. You were there for me, and I would have been there for you, too."
Yifan turns his head to look at Zitao and sighs, "You know my mother. She has too much pride for a short woman. I kind of had a feeling she will react this way and I didn't want you to see that. It's embarrassing."
"She reacted normally. I would have appreciated a reaction like that, too. My parents accepted me, but I know they don't approve of this. I heard my mother crying a month after I confessed that she doesn't know how she will react if I bring a boy over as a lover. My father... my father blames himself for not teaching me more on how to be a man. Whatever that means."
"We're still messed up." Yifan groans and lies on the sand. Tao wraps an arm on Yifan's waist, "We'll be okay."
"For a 14 year old you sure are mature."
"Ge. I came out on my birthday. It's a rebirth. You should have came out on your birthday, too. Maybe auntie wont abandon you."
"Cant wait until November."
"We'll get out of here. We'll go somewhere better."
Yifan looks at Tao who's falling asleep next to him. He thinks that wherever Tao wants to go, he'll be there. This kid, no matter the 3-year gap, has lodged himself inside his heart and Yifan thinks he'll never kick him out. He stares at Tao, and he embeds to himself that he is in fact, in love with the boy. He decides not to say anything yet due to Zitao's young age. He decides he'll wait some more.
-----
Their escape comes 3 years later. Yifan is a third year Economics major studying in a small community college in town - living with his mother who came back home half a year after she left - when Zitao bursts into his room 2 months before his best friend graduates.
"WE GOT IN!"
"Zitao. How many times have I told you? Knock!"
"Details! Gege! Look! We got in!!!"
Yifan finally takes notice of the paper Zitao's been waving in front of him. His eyes widen when he realizes it's the exchange student program he took with Zitao on a whim just because the younger keeps insisting he doesn't want to study college in China.
"Wait. I got in, too?" Yifan asks and Tao nods, "I didn't even take the exam seriously. I think I bombed the initial interview, too."
"It doesn't matter! We leave in 3 months."
"ZITAO, I GRADUATE NEXT YEAR!"
Tao crosses his arms across his chest with a pout on his lips, "Then why did you take the exam with me?"
"Because you said you can't take the exam alone. I didn't think I'll end up getting it."
Tao sits on Yifan's lap and glares at the older, "This is a lifetime opportunity. We wont have to spend anything and when we graduate, we can stay in South Korea. Gege, remember I told you we'll leave this town. This is our chance."
"First of all, get off. You're heavy." Yifan pushes Tao and the younger jumps off of him, "Seriously? You want me to halt my studies here to join you?"
"YES!"
"Oh god. You are dead set on this, aren't you?"
"YES!"
Yifan stares at Tao. The same boy from 6 years ago telling him to leave the country together. "WU YIFAN. I am serious about this. You will come with me. We will change our lives together."
Yifan smiles because how can he say no when Zitao is standing by this decision with so much conviction? He sighs and slumps his shoulders in defeat, "Alright. Fine."
"OH MY GOD!" Tao runs to him and hugs him so tight he barely breathes, "I love you, gege!"
Yifan knows this isn't the kind of love he wants from Zitao, but when he responds with a quiet, 'I love you, too.' He means it the way he really does.
-----
"Hey, you're turning 23 this year, right?" Tao asks after he gets home from a date with Jongin. Yifan turns from his laptop and looks at his best friend. It's been a week since the annual ball and to tell the truth, Yifan's been hoping that Zitao and Jongin breaks up already.
"Yeah. Soon. Why?"
Tao fidgets from where he's standing and bites his lower lip, "Well, we graduate next week and... I'm already 20..."
"Get to the point, Zitao."
Tao walks to Yifan's bed and sits across the older. He takes both Yifan's hands and stares at their hands locked together, "You see... I... I'm moving out."
"What?" Yifan retracts his hands and stares at the younger dumbfoundedly, "Did I hear you right?"
Tao nods and looks at Yifan, "Jongin and I are moving to Apgujeong. He says he has an offer there to become a dance instructor and it's a business district. It won't be hard for me to look for a job there."
"You're moving together? When were you planning to tell me this?"
"I... I'm telling you now."
Yifan can't believe this. His most precious person is being taken away by that alien and he's taking him away to Apgujeong which is a bit of a stretch from where they are now in Hongdae. As in it is literally on the other side of the river.
"We already found an apartment and I will move out after graduation next week."
"I... okay. Whatever you want. I... need to take a walk." Yifan stands and grabs his jacket before leaving the apartment he's shared with Tao for nearly 4 years in Seoul.
He takes a walk outside and calls Luhan to meet him out for a drink. When there's Luhan, he's sure there's Minseok so he doesn't bother calling his other friend.
True enough, Luhan arrives with Minseok in tow. The duo plop themselves across Yifan who's already downed a beer and is now halfway with his second, "Something happened?" Luhan asks and Yifan nods. "What gives?" Minseok asks after he orders 2 bottles of beer to join their grieving friend, "Did you find out you aren't graduating with us next week?"
"Tao is moving in with Jongin. Kim Fucking Jongin is taking him away from me."
"Oh. Wow. That.... That was expected, man. Truly and undeniably expected." Minseok tells him and Yifan flips him the bird. Minseok laughs and smirks at Yifan, "You didn't man up enough to tell him you love him and now you're surprised that he's moving in with his boyfriend?"
"God. They say good things come to those who wait, I've waited and look what it's done to me."
"We really can't say anything that will make the situation better because unfortunately, we don't want you to break them apart. Tao is in love with Jongin, you can see that. You should know that." Luhan tells Yifan and the latter uncharacteristically cries in his hands. Minseok would have laughed but he didn't. Not when he was like this before when he and Kyungsoo broke up. Luhan on the other hand is always the calm and decent person in their group and just pats Yifan's back to try and comfort the man.
"I can't give him up. 9 years I've been with him. All those years with him, and I let all my chances pass me by without confessing. I said I'll wait until I'm sure but I don't even know when I fell for him, must be when I fell from that tree when I saved that stupid kitten, Panda. I should confess to Zitao. I should tell him I've been in love with him for years."
"There, there, Yifan. Things will get better. If the two of them are moving in together, it just means they're taking the next step in their relationship, as your friends, we forbid you to ruin that relationship. Maybe you should date, too. You should give it up..."
"Damn it." Yifan curls into a ball and keeps drinking. Luhan and Minseok agree to not get drunk lest they have to drag Yifan back home. "Too many times I could have told him I love him, you know? I don't want him to leave. If anything, I want to keep him next to me forever."
Luhan comforts him whille Minseok puts this day to "Drunk-like-hell night for Yifan" on his calendar. He celebrates his DLHNFM(inseok) every February 14 because Kyungsoo decided it's fine to break up with him on Valentine's Day. But enough about him, Minseok looks up at Yifan and the table. His friend has consumed at least 10 bottles of beer already and even for him (who for the record drank 15 bottles according to Luhan's account), this is enough. Yifan isn't that much of a fan of alcohol anyway.
"We should take him home, Luhan. Any more beer and he might get poisoned. I wont be carrying a 6-foot-2 corpse around Hongdae."
Luhan agrees and he asks for the bill. He pays by taking money from Yifan's wallet before him and Minseok are cursing their way back to Yifan and Tao's apartment carrying a passed out Yifan. Minseok knocks on the door and Tao opens the door for him. The youngest is shocked and immediately helps the other two to carry Yifan on his bed. When his best friend is finally settled on the bed, Tao faces the other two, "What... what happened?"
Minseok reaches up and ruffles Tao's hair playfully, "You gave him quite a shock, kiddo."
Tao bites his lower lip and stutters a bit, "I...Is he... Is he angry at me?"
Luhan shakes his head and smiles at the younger, "He isn't mad. As previously said, he was shocked. He'll be fine. Just talk to him tomorrow when he's sober."
Tao nods and the duo waves him goodbye. He returns beside Yifan's bed and stares at him, "Why did you mess yourself like this?" Tao sighs and walks towards the bathroom. He runs the water and prepares the things he'll need to clean his bestfriend that due to all the noise, he doesn't hear the silent whispers coming from Yifan's lips.
'Zitao... I love you... Only you...
-----
Yifan wakes up with the massive hangover Minseok warned him about and he screams in pain the next morning. "Feeling alive?"
Yifan turns to his side to find Tao staring at him from the other bed. Yifan shrugs and Tao sighs, "There's some meds on your table. I'm gonna grab us breakfast and when I come back, please talk to me." Tao stands and heads out of the room. Yifan takes the medicine and lies back down on the bed. He vaguely remembers getting home and he immediately checks his phone and finds a message from both Luhan and Minseok.
From: Minseok
Sent: 8:45 am
YOU ARE NOT THE LIGHTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, DAMN IT. I THINK MY ARM WENT NUMB.
That said, talk to Zitao. He doesn't deserve awkwardness between you and him just because he's gonna be with Jongin. He never knew how you feel and he doesn't need to know anymore.
From: Luhan
Sent: 9:05 am
You are ugly when you cry. But we're good friends so we didn't record your literal ugly sobbing. Tao was so worried about you last night and you need to apologize. But don't you dare confess, we will kick your sorry ass back to China if you break their relationship. Or just your relationship with Tao, for that matter.
I can hear you thinking, and no. He will not choose you if he won't know. You had your chances.
Yifan puts down his phone and doesn't bother to reply on both messages. He lies back on the bed, stares at the ceiling and thinks of the things he wants to tell Tao. Sobering up reminds him that confessing is out of the list but regretting not to will be on top. He also wills himself to get up 10 minutes later and walks to the bathroom to freshen up. He reeks of alcohol and he feels like hell. When he gets out 15 minutes later, Tao is back and sitting on the floor between their beds. Yifan sighs and joins him.
Tao silently offers him his usual sandwich and coffee while the younger eats his pancakes. The silence is dreadfully awful and Yifan realizes that Tao and him never really seriously fought, and if this is how awkward it feels, he doesn't want it.
Yifan clears his throat and Tao immediately looks him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Zitao. I made you worry."
"... I should apologize, too."
Yifan shakes his head but Tao continues on, "I dragged you to Seoul almost 4 years ago because I wanted you to be here with me, and despite being a year short before your graduation, you came. Even at the expense of auntie getting angry at you again, you joined me here. And what do I do to repay you? I leave you."
Yifan shakes his head and Tao waits for him to speak, he sighs and starts, "I was surprised last night, I admit that. Was a little angry but today I realized you're a grown man. You have a boyfriend and you have your own life. You and Jongin moving in together is to be expected, I just didn't think it would be this soon."
"Will I still be your favorite brat even if we don't live together anymore?"
Yifan reaches out and pinches both of Tao's cheeks, "You're my only brat."
Tao bites his lower lip and cries. Yifan hates it when his best friend cries so he immediately gathers the younger in his arms and hugs him. "I thought you'd hate me. I don't want you to ever hate me, gege. I love you. We've been friends for a long time and I want more years with you by my side!!!"
Yifan sighs and wraps his arms tighter around Tao. He pulls him in a little closer, thinking that if this is the last time he can hold Tao like this, he can be a little selfish. It still isn't the kind of 'I love you' he wants from Tao, but he'll take what Tao has given. "You're my favorite person, Zitao. I will always be here for you, you know that. I love you, remember?"
And Yifan has always been a perpetual liar with what his 'I love you's' truly mean.
-----
The following days, Yifan watches as Tao packs his belongings into boxes, he watches as Jongin comes to take the boxes with him, until only a few days worth of clothes are left, including Tao's clothes for graduation and his toga. There are nights he waits for Tao to come home, falls asleep still waiting, and wakes up with the other bed empty.
Yifan wonders how he managed to perfect the art of faking a smile at Tao without the younger even realizing it.
"Your tie is crooked." Tao reminds him and the younger invades his personal space without warning to fix his tie. The moment is silent and is done a minute later. "... I won't be here to fix your tie anymore, gege."
"Should I start looking for someone to replace you?"
Tao chuckles and hits Yifan's chest before going back to fixing his own tie, "You'll never find someone to replace me."
"Don't be full of yourself." Yifan chuckles then takes his toga. He stuffs his phone and wallet in his pockets then walks towards the door when his arm is grabbed by Tao, "Gege."
"Yeah?"
"I... Jongin and I are moving to our new apartment tonight."
"I know. You told me last week."
"I... I'll come back to get the rest of my things, okay?"
Yifan smiles down at Tao and pinches the younger's cheek, "Of course."
Tao hugs him briefly before the younger takes his wallet and phone. He joins Yifan as they walk to the older's car and they drive off to their university.
"Hey, Tao...?" Yifan starts after a few minutes of silence inside the car, the younger hums in response and Yifan continues, "I just noticed how you started calling me gege again. You've been calling me with just my name since we entered university."
"No reason. I guess I just missed calling you that."
"Alright."
"Don't you like it?"
Yifan chuckles and shakes his head, "I don't dislike it. I was a bit surprised, but it's okay. It's nostalgic. Takes me back to the snot-nosed Zitao I've met when we were kids."
"You idiot." Tao giggles and keeps his head turned away from Yifan as he watches the road by the window. Yifan sighs and continues driving on.
The graduation ceremony lasted almost 3 hours but it felt too short for Yifan. As they hug their classmates goodbye, Yifan watches as Tao gives his well-wishes to the people they've known for the past 4 years they've stayed in the university. Luhan and Minseok gives him a pat on the back as the three of them looks where Yifan is looking, "It's not the end of the world, Yifan." Luhan starts and the tallest of the three just nods. "You're still the best of friends and this situation... it's just anew beginning for the both of you." Minseok adds and Yifan claps him on the shoulder. Yifan smiles at both his friends and sighs, "We were never apart ever since we became best friends. And it surprises me how much he has grown without me realizing it. He has learned how to stand and walk on his own, and as he grows, our roles have reversed. I need him more now than he does me."
"That's reality. You can't hold on to him forever." Luhan tells him before he runs towards Tao to give the younger a hug. Minseok wraps an arm around his shoulder, albeit awkwardly due to height differences but it it never stopped Minseok anyway, "The future is uncertain. Who knows? Nothing is set in stone. I thought Kyungsoo was the love of my life since we were childhood friends, too, turns out I was wrong." The older tells him and then waves at the guy a few feet across from them, "I'm happy with Jongdae, Yifan. He came at the right time. Everything in its right time."
"Congratulations to us!" Jongdae exclaims and hugs Yifan first before kissing Minseok lightly on the lips. "Will you be celebrating with Tao or something?" Jongdae asks and Yifan shakes his head, "I don't think so. Jongin and him are officially moving in their apartment in Apgujeong tonight."
"Wow. What a celebration that will be for those two." Jongdae comments and Minseok laughs awkwardly while Yifan just mumbles a silent 'yeah.'
Tao walks over to where the three of them are standing with Jongin, Luhan, and Sehun trailing behind him, "Aren't you gonna give me a hug? We made it!"
"I was saving the best for last." Yifan smiles and hugs his best friend into a hug so tight, Tao yelps. The younger smiles and hugs Yifan back. "Thank you for everything, Yifan-ge. I never would have made it this far without you."
"I know. You're a clumsy idiot." Yifan tells him and Tao smacks him in the head before releasing himself from the hug. "Well, it's quite a drive to our new apartment. Jongin and I have to bail, but once we've completely settled down, we'll be sure to throw a small party!"
"Will there be booze?" Sehun asks and Jongin laughs, "There will be, of course." He tells the younger before he walks in front of Yifan, he bows and then looks at the older straight in the eyes, "I never formally asked permission from you, and since you're the closest to Tao as being his family, let me assure you that I will love your best friend with all my heart. Will take care of him and hopefully, never make him cry."
Yifan smiles and hugs Jongin, "I'm relieved to know that he'll be in capable hands. He's truly a handful and if you need some tips on how to handle him, feel free to call me."
Jongin claps Yifan on the back before cutting the hug, "Will do."
"Go now, you two." Yifan tells the couple before Jongin and Tao wave them goodbye. Yifan sighs and just tells his own farewells at his friends before he drives back home, alone.
-----
Yifan is sorting out stuff in the apartment a week after Tao has left their place. He looks under the younger's pillows and pulls out a sweater. Yifan chuckles as he remembers this particular ugly sweater that Tao has loved sleeping in so much, this green and grey sweater that has a tacky design of a dragon that he actually owns. He smells the garment and it doesn't smell dirty at all, it smells like Tao, and he knows that no matter how much he tries to wash the sweater, Tao's scent will linger.
Walking around the room, he finds little pieces of memories Tao has left behind - a few polaroids, Yifan's used hanky for when Tao cried for Chanyeol and the love story between them that could have happened, used clothes, toiletries. Yifan stuffs them all in a small box he assigned for Tao's left over things while he walks back to his side of the bedroom and looks inside his desk again and when he reaches to the very back of the drawer, he pulls out a folded paper that has turned yellow over time. When he unfolds the paper, it surprises even himself that 2 years ago, he actually attempted to write a love letter of confession to Zitao. In which of course, the younger never read, just by the fact that the letter is back in his hands. Yifan sighs and tosses the letter inside one of the boxes inside the room.
He scans the room and makes sure that every thing is clean and in its place. He grabs a towel and heads to the shower to clean his grimy self. When he gets out of the shower, he puts on his clean clothes and puts the used ones inside one of the boxes again. He's drying out his hair when there's a knock on the door. Yifan opens it to find Tao on the other side, "Hi. I came as soon as I got your message, what's up?" The younger asks but stops by the doorway when he finds at least 5 boxes inside the apartment, not to mention that the room is currently bare of their - Yifan's - stuff.
"A... Are you moving out, too?"
Yifan nods and Tao turns to him in complete shock, "WHERE?! And when were you planning to tell me this?"
"I found an apartment in Samcheong, this room is too big on my own and the rent will kill me since we've graduated already and the university won't pay for my stay anymore, besides, I already found a job in that area."
"That fast?! I'm still sending out my resumés! You're really great Yifan."
"Yeah. Well, I called you here because I need you to help me load the boxes to my car and also," Yifan points to one box on top of what used to be Tao's bed, "That's the rest of your stuff."
"Oh." Tao walks over to his box and finds bits and pieces of his things, "Your sweater. Are you giving this to me now?!"
"Zitao, I never got to use it properly ever since you started claiming it as yours, anyway."
"Thank you." Tao closes his box and gets a box from Yifan's bed, "Come on, it's almost rush hour. Your 20-minute drive might turn into hours."
"Yeah."
The both of them move Yifan's boxes from the apartment into the older's car. They do this at least thrice until the only box they have is Tao's own. The both of them stares at the room left with empty cabinets and drawers, the beds are back with their default white sheets and lonely pillows. The orange hue from outside gives the room a rather sad atmosphere, "It looks like how we first got it years ago..." Tao comments and Yifan agrees, "But we have to say goodbye to it now."
"Yeah. Thanks for the memories." Tao smiles and waves at the room before he walks ahead of the older. Yifan looks at Tao's retreating back then to the apartment, he sighs and whispers into the air, "I can't live in the past and living here will make me insane... Goodbye, room 305. Thank you."
Yifan closes the door and walks towards the hallway. He keeps thinking that maybe in Samcheong, he can meet someone new someone who can turn his life around, someone who can make him happy.
"You sure took your time." Tao greets him while leaning against Yifan's car, "You owe me coffee and maybe dinner."
Yifan chuckles, 'Who am I kidding...? My only true happiness is smiling in front of me.' he thinks before responding, "Sure. Coffee and dinner. And if you're nicer, I'll even drive you to the station."
"You are really the best." Tao smiles and walks around the car and sits on the passenger seat, Yifan takes a deep breath before joining him, 'I am really messed up.'
------------------
Author's Notes: Here is chapter 03. I quite loved writing this just because I like torturing Yifan, just a little. Thank you for taking time to read this. I love you all.
Chapters: 03/?
Author: paranoiascreams
Genre: fluff, romance, slight angst
Warning: unbeta'd
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Kai x Tao, Kris x Tao
Synopsis: They say that when you graduate, you start a new beginning in your life. For Yifan and Tao, it's about growing up, and unfortunately, growing separately.
Disclaimer: All the stories here are connected oneshots all based on random songs by an awesome (but now disbanded) Filipino band, SUGARFREE. This chapter based on HARI NG SABLAY and KWARTO Lyrics are of my own translations.
[01-When are you...?] [02-Prom] [03-Room]
HARI NG SABLAY
Ang puso kong kawawa may pag-asa pa ba?
Is there hope for this pitiful heart of mine?
Ayoko nang mag-sorry sawa na 'kong magsisi
I don’t want to apologize anymore, I’m sick of having regrets…
Pasensya ka na, mabilis lang akong mataranta
I’m sorry that I panic easily…
Ako ang hari ng sablay,
I am the king failure…
Hinding-hindi makasabay, sabay sa hangin ng aking buhay
And I can never keep up, never keep up to where my life is going…
KWARTO
Maglilinis ako ng aking kwarto na punong-puno ng galit at damit…
I’m going to clean my room filled with rage and clothes…
Mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan
Things I won’t be needing anymore…
Nakaraang hindi na pwedeng pagpaliban
The past that cannot be postponed…
Mga liham ng nilihim kong pag-ibig at litrato ng kahapong maligalig
The letters of my secret affection and pictures of the troublesome past…
Dahan-dahan kong inipon
I gather them slowly
Ngunit ngayo’y kailangan nang itapon
But now I have to throw them all away…
Ala-ala ng lumuluhang kahapon
Memories of a tearful past…
Dahan-dahan ko na ring kinakahon
I’m slowly storing them all away…
Natagpuan ko na ang tunay kong ligaya
I finally found my true happiness…
Lumabas ako ng kwarto’t naroon siya
When I got out of the room and s/he was there…
Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo ang aking kwarto
My room will say goodbye to you now…
Tao was 11 when Yifan first met him on his way home from school. Their family just moved into town and he was tall and awkward for his age. He’s a teenager with massive acne breakouts and really tanned skin due to playing basketball all the time when he was still in Canada.
“Excuse me, gege. You think you can climb that tree? My kitten won’t come down…” A meek voice stops him from walking home and finds a boy pouting in front of him. Yifan raises an eyebrow because said boy has long legs and is obviously on the tall side, too. “Please, gege…”
Yifan sighs because if he’s got a weakness, it’s aegyo from younger kids. “Fine. Take care of my stuff” Yifan hands his backpack to the kid before he starts climbing the tree. “GO GEGE!!!!” The kid cheers on from below as he struggles to climb. When he finally makes it to the top, the kitten starts hissing at him angrily. “KID, YOUR KITTEN IS MURDEROUS.”
“Don’t say that! That kitty is my best friend!!!” The younger kid yells with tears in his eyes, Yifan sighs and tries to slowly get near the kitten, the animal hisses and jumps at Yifan. "PANDA! DON'T HURT GEGE!"
Yifan struggles with the battle between him and the inappropriately named kitten, the animal keeps scratching him as he tries to grab a steady hold on the cat - which proves to be a bad idea when you're at least 10 feet high and said animal does not give any kind of fuck. Long story short, one Yifan can never describe even upto this day, he falls from the tree but manages to save the cat, not his bones.
"PANDA!!!" The younger boy calls out and grabs the kitten from where it's tucked in Yifan's chest. "GEGE THANK YOU!"
"Kid... call an ambulance..." Is all Yifan says before he passes out.
When Yifan wakes up, he is indeed in a hospital. His leg is propped up in a cast and when he turns to his side, there's a mop of black hair right next to him. "Kid?"
The 'kid' wakes up immediately and jumps at Yifan, "Gege!!! I'm so sorry!"
"Kid... you... you're killing me again!" Yifan tries to remove the younger boy from his death grip on him, and thankfully he does. When the other faces him, the kid is crying.
"I'm so sorry. Mama and Papa said I should wait for you to wake up and apologize properly. I didn't know Panda will attack you like that or you'll fall from the tree!" The kid keeps crying and Yifan finds it cute. Being an only son has always been lonely and he longed to care and protect someone younger.
"It's okay, kid. I'm alive. How's Panda?"
The boy's lips tremble and starts crying again, "Papa took Panda back to the shelter!!! I don't have a bestfriend anymore!!!! Wahhhhhhhh!!!!"
Yifan ruffles the other's hair and chuckles, "I'm Wu Yifan, I can be your bestfriend."
The other boy stops crying and blinks rapidly at Yifan, "A....are you sure?"
"Yes, kid. I'm sure."
Tao beams and it's the happiest kind of smile Yifan has ever seen on another boy, but only for a brief moment because the younger is suddenly hugging him again. "I'M HUANG ZITAO. I WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND TOO!"
Yifan hugs the other boy back and tells himself that he likes the boy already.
-----
Yifan is already a senior in high school and Zitao in his first year when the younger starts questioning his sexual preferences.
They are hanging out inside Yifan's room with the older studying for his entrance exams while Zitao is reading comic books on his bed. "Ge... Can I talk to you?"
"You're talking to me now." Is Yifan's only response without turning away from his laptop. Zitao sits up and turns to his best friend. "Ge, this is important. Look at me."
Yifan sighs and turns his attention to the younger, "What is it?"
"We've known each other for a while and you're the only person I can trust 100%. This has been bugging me for a long time."
Yifan is alarmed so he stands up from his chair and moves to the bed where he faces Zitao, "Tell me what's wrong."
"Gege, I think I'm sick." Zitao's lips tremble but continues on, "I don't find girls attractive but I think some boys are cute. Gege..." Tao sobs, "Gege, I think I'm gay."
Yifan reacts how he should and hugs his bestfriend, "You're not sick. So you're gay, but so what? Don't worry. Nothing will change between us."
"Gege..." Zitao hugs him tighter and Yifan, a person also questioning his own identity finally gets his answer.
"Thank god, you're not my type." Tao mumbles and Yifan's world stops for a bit, "Or this will be very awkward between us."
Yifan pulls back and smiles at Tao, "Yeah. Good thing, right?"
"Help me come out to my parents?"
"Of course."
-----
When Yifan admits that he's gay after he graduated high school, his mother abandons him - a complete 180-degree from when Zitao was accepted with open arms a few months back.
That's why he finds himself alone in China, suddenly living with the Huangs for the summer.
"Don't worry, Yifan. Your mother will come back. She just needs time to accept that her only son won't give her grandchildren." Tao's mother pats him on the back as she serves their dinner, "Thank you, auntie. I hope she's as understanding as you and uncle."
"Well, our Zitao has always been soft and effeminate. We weren't surprised anymore. I've talked to her about this in the past and we agreed that we'll just have to wait until he confesses on his own." Tao's father tells Yifan without looking away from the newspaper he's reading. The conversation ends when a sleepy Zitao walks into the kitchen and is surprised to find Yifan eating breakfast with his parents so early in the morning. "Why are you here?" He asks and Yifan tells the truth.
"You woke up and she's gone?" Tao asks as he takes a bite of his toast, Yifan nods. "Then, sorry to greet you late, but welcome home."
He smiles at Zitao and his best friend smiles back. He recalls the memory of last night when he admitted to his mother that he's gay. He shouldn't have said he's gay per se. He should have said he's gay for Huang Zitao and maybe she would understand better.
The first few weeks of their summer is spent on the both of them driving to the beach. Yifan thinks that his mother left the car for this reason and he's thankful he already has his license or else his mother will just find more reason to murder him.
It must have been their 3rd trip to the beach and the both of them are watching the sunset when Zitao asks from next to him, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
Tao shrugs and leans back using his elbows to keep himself up as he looks over the horizon, "You just haven't talked to me about this incident. I mean, you already told me you're gay too but you should have told me you were planning to come out to auntie. You were there for me, and I would have been there for you, too."
Yifan turns his head to look at Zitao and sighs, "You know my mother. She has too much pride for a short woman. I kind of had a feeling she will react this way and I didn't want you to see that. It's embarrassing."
"She reacted normally. I would have appreciated a reaction like that, too. My parents accepted me, but I know they don't approve of this. I heard my mother crying a month after I confessed that she doesn't know how she will react if I bring a boy over as a lover. My father... my father blames himself for not teaching me more on how to be a man. Whatever that means."
"We're still messed up." Yifan groans and lies on the sand. Tao wraps an arm on Yifan's waist, "We'll be okay."
"For a 14 year old you sure are mature."
"Ge. I came out on my birthday. It's a rebirth. You should have came out on your birthday, too. Maybe auntie wont abandon you."
"Cant wait until November."
"We'll get out of here. We'll go somewhere better."
Yifan looks at Tao who's falling asleep next to him. He thinks that wherever Tao wants to go, he'll be there. This kid, no matter the 3-year gap, has lodged himself inside his heart and Yifan thinks he'll never kick him out. He stares at Tao, and he embeds to himself that he is in fact, in love with the boy. He decides not to say anything yet due to Zitao's young age. He decides he'll wait some more.
-----
Their escape comes 3 years later. Yifan is a third year Economics major studying in a small community college in town - living with his mother who came back home half a year after she left - when Zitao bursts into his room 2 months before his best friend graduates.
"WE GOT IN!"
"Zitao. How many times have I told you? Knock!"
"Details! Gege! Look! We got in!!!"
Yifan finally takes notice of the paper Zitao's been waving in front of him. His eyes widen when he realizes it's the exchange student program he took with Zitao on a whim just because the younger keeps insisting he doesn't want to study college in China.
"Wait. I got in, too?" Yifan asks and Tao nods, "I didn't even take the exam seriously. I think I bombed the initial interview, too."
"It doesn't matter! We leave in 3 months."
"ZITAO, I GRADUATE NEXT YEAR!"
Tao crosses his arms across his chest with a pout on his lips, "Then why did you take the exam with me?"
"Because you said you can't take the exam alone. I didn't think I'll end up getting it."
Tao sits on Yifan's lap and glares at the older, "This is a lifetime opportunity. We wont have to spend anything and when we graduate, we can stay in South Korea. Gege, remember I told you we'll leave this town. This is our chance."
"First of all, get off. You're heavy." Yifan pushes Tao and the younger jumps off of him, "Seriously? You want me to halt my studies here to join you?"
"YES!"
"Oh god. You are dead set on this, aren't you?"
"YES!"
Yifan stares at Tao. The same boy from 6 years ago telling him to leave the country together. "WU YIFAN. I am serious about this. You will come with me. We will change our lives together."
Yifan smiles because how can he say no when Zitao is standing by this decision with so much conviction? He sighs and slumps his shoulders in defeat, "Alright. Fine."
"OH MY GOD!" Tao runs to him and hugs him so tight he barely breathes, "I love you, gege!"
Yifan knows this isn't the kind of love he wants from Zitao, but when he responds with a quiet, 'I love you, too.' He means it the way he really does.
-----
"Hey, you're turning 23 this year, right?" Tao asks after he gets home from a date with Jongin. Yifan turns from his laptop and looks at his best friend. It's been a week since the annual ball and to tell the truth, Yifan's been hoping that Zitao and Jongin breaks up already.
"Yeah. Soon. Why?"
Tao fidgets from where he's standing and bites his lower lip, "Well, we graduate next week and... I'm already 20..."
"Get to the point, Zitao."
Tao walks to Yifan's bed and sits across the older. He takes both Yifan's hands and stares at their hands locked together, "You see... I... I'm moving out."
"What?" Yifan retracts his hands and stares at the younger dumbfoundedly, "Did I hear you right?"
Tao nods and looks at Yifan, "Jongin and I are moving to Apgujeong. He says he has an offer there to become a dance instructor and it's a business district. It won't be hard for me to look for a job there."
"You're moving together? When were you planning to tell me this?"
"I... I'm telling you now."
Yifan can't believe this. His most precious person is being taken away by that alien and he's taking him away to Apgujeong which is a bit of a stretch from where they are now in Hongdae. As in it is literally on the other side of the river.
"We already found an apartment and I will move out after graduation next week."
"I... okay. Whatever you want. I... need to take a walk." Yifan stands and grabs his jacket before leaving the apartment he's shared with Tao for nearly 4 years in Seoul.
He takes a walk outside and calls Luhan to meet him out for a drink. When there's Luhan, he's sure there's Minseok so he doesn't bother calling his other friend.
True enough, Luhan arrives with Minseok in tow. The duo plop themselves across Yifan who's already downed a beer and is now halfway with his second, "Something happened?" Luhan asks and Yifan nods. "What gives?" Minseok asks after he orders 2 bottles of beer to join their grieving friend, "Did you find out you aren't graduating with us next week?"
"Tao is moving in with Jongin. Kim Fucking Jongin is taking him away from me."
"Oh. Wow. That.... That was expected, man. Truly and undeniably expected." Minseok tells him and Yifan flips him the bird. Minseok laughs and smirks at Yifan, "You didn't man up enough to tell him you love him and now you're surprised that he's moving in with his boyfriend?"
"God. They say good things come to those who wait, I've waited and look what it's done to me."
"We really can't say anything that will make the situation better because unfortunately, we don't want you to break them apart. Tao is in love with Jongin, you can see that. You should know that." Luhan tells Yifan and the latter uncharacteristically cries in his hands. Minseok would have laughed but he didn't. Not when he was like this before when he and Kyungsoo broke up. Luhan on the other hand is always the calm and decent person in their group and just pats Yifan's back to try and comfort the man.
"I can't give him up. 9 years I've been with him. All those years with him, and I let all my chances pass me by without confessing. I said I'll wait until I'm sure but I don't even know when I fell for him, must be when I fell from that tree when I saved that stupid kitten, Panda. I should confess to Zitao. I should tell him I've been in love with him for years."
"There, there, Yifan. Things will get better. If the two of them are moving in together, it just means they're taking the next step in their relationship, as your friends, we forbid you to ruin that relationship. Maybe you should date, too. You should give it up..."
"Damn it." Yifan curls into a ball and keeps drinking. Luhan and Minseok agree to not get drunk lest they have to drag Yifan back home. "Too many times I could have told him I love him, you know? I don't want him to leave. If anything, I want to keep him next to me forever."
Luhan comforts him whille Minseok puts this day to "Drunk-like-hell night for Yifan" on his calendar. He celebrates his DLHNFM(inseok) every February 14 because Kyungsoo decided it's fine to break up with him on Valentine's Day. But enough about him, Minseok looks up at Yifan and the table. His friend has consumed at least 10 bottles of beer already and even for him (who for the record drank 15 bottles according to Luhan's account), this is enough. Yifan isn't that much of a fan of alcohol anyway.
"We should take him home, Luhan. Any more beer and he might get poisoned. I wont be carrying a 6-foot-2 corpse around Hongdae."
Luhan agrees and he asks for the bill. He pays by taking money from Yifan's wallet before him and Minseok are cursing their way back to Yifan and Tao's apartment carrying a passed out Yifan. Minseok knocks on the door and Tao opens the door for him. The youngest is shocked and immediately helps the other two to carry Yifan on his bed. When his best friend is finally settled on the bed, Tao faces the other two, "What... what happened?"
Minseok reaches up and ruffles Tao's hair playfully, "You gave him quite a shock, kiddo."
Tao bites his lower lip and stutters a bit, "I...Is he... Is he angry at me?"
Luhan shakes his head and smiles at the younger, "He isn't mad. As previously said, he was shocked. He'll be fine. Just talk to him tomorrow when he's sober."
Tao nods and the duo waves him goodbye. He returns beside Yifan's bed and stares at him, "Why did you mess yourself like this?" Tao sighs and walks towards the bathroom. He runs the water and prepares the things he'll need to clean his bestfriend that due to all the noise, he doesn't hear the silent whispers coming from Yifan's lips.
'Zitao... I love you... Only you...
-----
Yifan wakes up with the massive hangover Minseok warned him about and he screams in pain the next morning. "Feeling alive?"
Yifan turns to his side to find Tao staring at him from the other bed. Yifan shrugs and Tao sighs, "There's some meds on your table. I'm gonna grab us breakfast and when I come back, please talk to me." Tao stands and heads out of the room. Yifan takes the medicine and lies back down on the bed. He vaguely remembers getting home and he immediately checks his phone and finds a message from both Luhan and Minseok.
From: Minseok
Sent: 8:45 am
YOU ARE NOT THE LIGHTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, DAMN IT. I THINK MY ARM WENT NUMB.
That said, talk to Zitao. He doesn't deserve awkwardness between you and him just because he's gonna be with Jongin. He never knew how you feel and he doesn't need to know anymore.
From: Luhan
Sent: 9:05 am
You are ugly when you cry. But we're good friends so we didn't record your literal ugly sobbing. Tao was so worried about you last night and you need to apologize. But don't you dare confess, we will kick your sorry ass back to China if you break their relationship. Or just your relationship with Tao, for that matter.
I can hear you thinking, and no. He will not choose you if he won't know. You had your chances.
Yifan puts down his phone and doesn't bother to reply on both messages. He lies back on the bed, stares at the ceiling and thinks of the things he wants to tell Tao. Sobering up reminds him that confessing is out of the list but regretting not to will be on top. He also wills himself to get up 10 minutes later and walks to the bathroom to freshen up. He reeks of alcohol and he feels like hell. When he gets out 15 minutes later, Tao is back and sitting on the floor between their beds. Yifan sighs and joins him.
Tao silently offers him his usual sandwich and coffee while the younger eats his pancakes. The silence is dreadfully awful and Yifan realizes that Tao and him never really seriously fought, and if this is how awkward it feels, he doesn't want it.
Yifan clears his throat and Tao immediately looks him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Zitao. I made you worry."
"... I should apologize, too."
Yifan shakes his head but Tao continues on, "I dragged you to Seoul almost 4 years ago because I wanted you to be here with me, and despite being a year short before your graduation, you came. Even at the expense of auntie getting angry at you again, you joined me here. And what do I do to repay you? I leave you."
Yifan shakes his head and Tao waits for him to speak, he sighs and starts, "I was surprised last night, I admit that. Was a little angry but today I realized you're a grown man. You have a boyfriend and you have your own life. You and Jongin moving in together is to be expected, I just didn't think it would be this soon."
"Will I still be your favorite brat even if we don't live together anymore?"
Yifan reaches out and pinches both of Tao's cheeks, "You're my only brat."
Tao bites his lower lip and cries. Yifan hates it when his best friend cries so he immediately gathers the younger in his arms and hugs him. "I thought you'd hate me. I don't want you to ever hate me, gege. I love you. We've been friends for a long time and I want more years with you by my side!!!"
Yifan sighs and wraps his arms tighter around Tao. He pulls him in a little closer, thinking that if this is the last time he can hold Tao like this, he can be a little selfish. It still isn't the kind of 'I love you' he wants from Tao, but he'll take what Tao has given. "You're my favorite person, Zitao. I will always be here for you, you know that. I love you, remember?"
And Yifan has always been a perpetual liar with what his 'I love you's' truly mean.
-----
The following days, Yifan watches as Tao packs his belongings into boxes, he watches as Jongin comes to take the boxes with him, until only a few days worth of clothes are left, including Tao's clothes for graduation and his toga. There are nights he waits for Tao to come home, falls asleep still waiting, and wakes up with the other bed empty.
Yifan wonders how he managed to perfect the art of faking a smile at Tao without the younger even realizing it.
"Your tie is crooked." Tao reminds him and the younger invades his personal space without warning to fix his tie. The moment is silent and is done a minute later. "... I won't be here to fix your tie anymore, gege."
"Should I start looking for someone to replace you?"
Tao chuckles and hits Yifan's chest before going back to fixing his own tie, "You'll never find someone to replace me."
"Don't be full of yourself." Yifan chuckles then takes his toga. He stuffs his phone and wallet in his pockets then walks towards the door when his arm is grabbed by Tao, "Gege."
"Yeah?"
"I... Jongin and I are moving to our new apartment tonight."
"I know. You told me last week."
"I... I'll come back to get the rest of my things, okay?"
Yifan smiles down at Tao and pinches the younger's cheek, "Of course."
Tao hugs him briefly before the younger takes his wallet and phone. He joins Yifan as they walk to the older's car and they drive off to their university.
"Hey, Tao...?" Yifan starts after a few minutes of silence inside the car, the younger hums in response and Yifan continues, "I just noticed how you started calling me gege again. You've been calling me with just my name since we entered university."
"No reason. I guess I just missed calling you that."
"Alright."
"Don't you like it?"
Yifan chuckles and shakes his head, "I don't dislike it. I was a bit surprised, but it's okay. It's nostalgic. Takes me back to the snot-nosed Zitao I've met when we were kids."
"You idiot." Tao giggles and keeps his head turned away from Yifan as he watches the road by the window. Yifan sighs and continues driving on.
The graduation ceremony lasted almost 3 hours but it felt too short for Yifan. As they hug their classmates goodbye, Yifan watches as Tao gives his well-wishes to the people they've known for the past 4 years they've stayed in the university. Luhan and Minseok gives him a pat on the back as the three of them looks where Yifan is looking, "It's not the end of the world, Yifan." Luhan starts and the tallest of the three just nods. "You're still the best of friends and this situation... it's just anew beginning for the both of you." Minseok adds and Yifan claps him on the shoulder. Yifan smiles at both his friends and sighs, "We were never apart ever since we became best friends. And it surprises me how much he has grown without me realizing it. He has learned how to stand and walk on his own, and as he grows, our roles have reversed. I need him more now than he does me."
"That's reality. You can't hold on to him forever." Luhan tells him before he runs towards Tao to give the younger a hug. Minseok wraps an arm around his shoulder, albeit awkwardly due to height differences but it it never stopped Minseok anyway, "The future is uncertain. Who knows? Nothing is set in stone. I thought Kyungsoo was the love of my life since we were childhood friends, too, turns out I was wrong." The older tells him and then waves at the guy a few feet across from them, "I'm happy with Jongdae, Yifan. He came at the right time. Everything in its right time."
"Congratulations to us!" Jongdae exclaims and hugs Yifan first before kissing Minseok lightly on the lips. "Will you be celebrating with Tao or something?" Jongdae asks and Yifan shakes his head, "I don't think so. Jongin and him are officially moving in their apartment in Apgujeong tonight."
"Wow. What a celebration that will be for those two." Jongdae comments and Minseok laughs awkwardly while Yifan just mumbles a silent 'yeah.'
Tao walks over to where the three of them are standing with Jongin, Luhan, and Sehun trailing behind him, "Aren't you gonna give me a hug? We made it!"
"I was saving the best for last." Yifan smiles and hugs his best friend into a hug so tight, Tao yelps. The younger smiles and hugs Yifan back. "Thank you for everything, Yifan-ge. I never would have made it this far without you."
"I know. You're a clumsy idiot." Yifan tells him and Tao smacks him in the head before releasing himself from the hug. "Well, it's quite a drive to our new apartment. Jongin and I have to bail, but once we've completely settled down, we'll be sure to throw a small party!"
"Will there be booze?" Sehun asks and Jongin laughs, "There will be, of course." He tells the younger before he walks in front of Yifan, he bows and then looks at the older straight in the eyes, "I never formally asked permission from you, and since you're the closest to Tao as being his family, let me assure you that I will love your best friend with all my heart. Will take care of him and hopefully, never make him cry."
Yifan smiles and hugs Jongin, "I'm relieved to know that he'll be in capable hands. He's truly a handful and if you need some tips on how to handle him, feel free to call me."
Jongin claps Yifan on the back before cutting the hug, "Will do."
"Go now, you two." Yifan tells the couple before Jongin and Tao wave them goodbye. Yifan sighs and just tells his own farewells at his friends before he drives back home, alone.
-----
Yifan is sorting out stuff in the apartment a week after Tao has left their place. He looks under the younger's pillows and pulls out a sweater. Yifan chuckles as he remembers this particular ugly sweater that Tao has loved sleeping in so much, this green and grey sweater that has a tacky design of a dragon that he actually owns. He smells the garment and it doesn't smell dirty at all, it smells like Tao, and he knows that no matter how much he tries to wash the sweater, Tao's scent will linger.
Walking around the room, he finds little pieces of memories Tao has left behind - a few polaroids, Yifan's used hanky for when Tao cried for Chanyeol and the love story between them that could have happened, used clothes, toiletries. Yifan stuffs them all in a small box he assigned for Tao's left over things while he walks back to his side of the bedroom and looks inside his desk again and when he reaches to the very back of the drawer, he pulls out a folded paper that has turned yellow over time. When he unfolds the paper, it surprises even himself that 2 years ago, he actually attempted to write a love letter of confession to Zitao. In which of course, the younger never read, just by the fact that the letter is back in his hands. Yifan sighs and tosses the letter inside one of the boxes inside the room.
He scans the room and makes sure that every thing is clean and in its place. He grabs a towel and heads to the shower to clean his grimy self. When he gets out of the shower, he puts on his clean clothes and puts the used ones inside one of the boxes again. He's drying out his hair when there's a knock on the door. Yifan opens it to find Tao on the other side, "Hi. I came as soon as I got your message, what's up?" The younger asks but stops by the doorway when he finds at least 5 boxes inside the apartment, not to mention that the room is currently bare of their - Yifan's - stuff.
"A... Are you moving out, too?"
Yifan nods and Tao turns to him in complete shock, "WHERE?! And when were you planning to tell me this?"
"I found an apartment in Samcheong, this room is too big on my own and the rent will kill me since we've graduated already and the university won't pay for my stay anymore, besides, I already found a job in that area."
"That fast?! I'm still sending out my resumés! You're really great Yifan."
"Yeah. Well, I called you here because I need you to help me load the boxes to my car and also," Yifan points to one box on top of what used to be Tao's bed, "That's the rest of your stuff."
"Oh." Tao walks over to his box and finds bits and pieces of his things, "Your sweater. Are you giving this to me now?!"
"Zitao, I never got to use it properly ever since you started claiming it as yours, anyway."
"Thank you." Tao closes his box and gets a box from Yifan's bed, "Come on, it's almost rush hour. Your 20-minute drive might turn into hours."
"Yeah."
The both of them move Yifan's boxes from the apartment into the older's car. They do this at least thrice until the only box they have is Tao's own. The both of them stares at the room left with empty cabinets and drawers, the beds are back with their default white sheets and lonely pillows. The orange hue from outside gives the room a rather sad atmosphere, "It looks like how we first got it years ago..." Tao comments and Yifan agrees, "But we have to say goodbye to it now."
"Yeah. Thanks for the memories." Tao smiles and waves at the room before he walks ahead of the older. Yifan looks at Tao's retreating back then to the apartment, he sighs and whispers into the air, "I can't live in the past and living here will make me insane... Goodbye, room 305. Thank you."
Yifan closes the door and walks towards the hallway. He keeps thinking that maybe in Samcheong, he can meet someone new someone who can turn his life around, someone who can make him happy.
"You sure took your time." Tao greets him while leaning against Yifan's car, "You owe me coffee and maybe dinner."
Yifan chuckles, 'Who am I kidding...? My only true happiness is smiling in front of me.' he thinks before responding, "Sure. Coffee and dinner. And if you're nicer, I'll even drive you to the station."
"You are really the best." Tao smiles and walks around the car and sits on the passenger seat, Yifan takes a deep breath before joining him, 'I am really messed up.'
------------------
Author's Notes: Here is chapter 03. I quite loved writing this just because I like torturing Yifan, just a little. Thank you for taking time to read this. I love you all.