We Have Nothing to Fear Except Fear Itself
So, I'm not feeling all that hot today - I used an OTC sleep aid last night (did you know that NyQuil actually sells liquid benadryl as a non habit-forming sleep aid now?) and feel all groggy and hung over as a result. :P I know I ought to be studying or working on my presentation for Leadership (which is about 75% done)... but I just don't feel like it.
So, I'm going to post about something that happened yesterday on Facebook.
Before I do, I'm going to warn you right now that this post will probably be on the long-ish side... I won't feel offended if you scroll past and apologize right now for taking up so much real estate on your friend's page. :)
Lately, I've been feeling a lot less apathetic. Maybe this is a result of not working in the soul-sucking environs of The Pap Factory, maybe it's a result of spending 3 to 6 hours a day in the intellectually stimulating environment of campus. Regardless, I've been a bit more inclined to activism lately. Especially when it comes to Feminist and HAES related issues.
When you think about it, HAES and Fat Acceptance are encompassed by the general realm of feminism. Size Bias effects women far more than it does men. Sure, men are starting to feel the sting of it, but it's not such a knee-jerk reaction to shame and vilify a fat man as it is a fat woman. It's far more common to add the word "fat" as a qualifier when insulting a woman. Terms like: "Fat Cow", "Fat Bitch", "Fat Cunt" are commonplace when insulting a woman. Aside from "Fat Bastard" the "fat" qualifier doesn't often surface in the realm of men's insults. I mean, who of you have ever heard of someone insulting a man by calling him a "Fat Dick"? I've more often heard "Fat Dick" being used as a positive adjective (eg: "Jim has a nice, fat dick.") rather than a negative statement regarding a man's character.
But I digress...
Fat men are able to buy reasonably priced clothing of quality make that will fit their bodies. Fat men are able to actually touch and interact with the clothing they buy in almost every store. And the sizing is straightforward and simple to understand: A man with a 42" waist can be reasonably assured of walking into a store and being able to buy a pair of pants with a 42" waist off the rack and have them fit when he gets home. Additionally, the purchase of that clothing is not as like to impact the wallet of the fat man as it is the fat woman... Men make more than women and men can own/wear five suits/outfits over and over again and still be considered fashionable. (We women all know that it's unforgivable in the fashion world to be seen in the same outfit twice in a week!) Additionally, those five suits, with care, will last that fat man a lifetime. Five feminine ensembles will not last a fat woman a lifetime due to rapidly changing fashion cycles and the general poor construction/quality of women's garments.
This just one example of how FA is part of the Feminist Agenda. I could go on for hours about the discrimination fat women experience in other aspects of life - especially when seeking out medical care (which is where HAES comes in to play). My intent with this essay, however, is not to list all the injustices fat women deal with every day.
To put it most succinctly: westernized women fight a constant barrage of body-shaming, unfair expectations and image-based challenges as we maneuver in this world. Women of size fight the same fight, just multiplied by 1000. Susie Orbach posed to us that fat is a feminist issue 35 years ago (in her book of the same name). It's a sentiment as true now as it was then, and this is why I am passionate about it.
So... back to yesterday.
I shared an image on FaceBook about what being a feminist doesn't mean. (See below the cut.)
I thought nothing of it... I mean, we share links on FaceBook all the time. If I see something I dislike, I scroll on by... as do 90% of the rest of the people in my list of friends on there.
But one guy had to reply:
"Does that include the right to own carry and use a firearm for defense of
self and property or just the right to be raped and murdered in the
politically correct manner"
After I got over feeling gobsmacked by his reply, It got my dander up and I responded.
I'm not going to go into the back and forth here. If you want to check it out, go ahead. It's one of the rare public posts on my FaceBook page (as this post will be on here). I'm not adverse to your adding me on FB if you like though. :)
Now I admit I may have misinterpreted the core message of his sentiment.
Mind you, I was a bit het up over being automatically painted into a corner with the subgroup of feminists who believe that guns have no place in our society.
See, every member of any group brings varying levels of participation and belief in the ideals of the party line. Personally, I believe in the right to keep and bear arms... but I feel we ought to regulate it more than we do. I also believe that the NRA cares more about the welfare of the gun manufacturers than they do the second amendment rights of it's members. (Historically, the NRA has been the first to throw the good of it's members under the bus to preserve the interests of the gun manufacturers.) Not every feminist feels the way I do, but our difference in opinion on that one issue does not change the greater belief in promotion of equal rights for women.
But for how irritated at I was at his unfair casting of me alongside a certain group within the feminist party, I was both livid and appalled at his casual use of rape as a threat. Not that he was threatening to rape me personally. His comment held the tone of a threat of rape as the eventual consequence of my being a "gun-control agitating feminist".
I have a firm policy of "live and let live" on FaceBook. I ignore the stuff my friends post that I don't like. I expect the same courtesy in return. If am not granted this courtesy, I un-friend and block the offender. This is not to say I don't welcome debate - I do! I welcome rational debate that don't not involve invocation of fear tactics and implied threat of bodily harm. I've stated this code of conduct several times on my wall as well as in my notes on there. If a person brings the: "believe the way I do or you'll get fucked up!" argument to the table, well, that's not rational debate. That's fear mongering, and I don't tolerate it.
With this in mind, my first reply was rational and ended with a mild chiding over his use of the threat of rape as deserved consequence for my anti-gun agitating, feminist ways. I mean, really, there is no circumstance under which the threat of bodily harm, either implied or overt, is an acceptable debate tactic. And, specifically, the use of "rape" during debate with me reeked of chauvinism (I mean, come on... he would have never posed the same point during debate with a man.) The back and forth devolved from there. He adopted even more of a chauvinistic tone toward me: diminutizing me by calling me "Darlin' " then belittling me by adding a: "Oh, look at the little woman try to think with the big boys!" tone to his final comment. At that point I decided to end what had de-evolved into a charade of true debate and de-friend/block the man.
That, effectively, ended the conversation... but it didn't end my mulling it over.
Aside from the chauvinism, what bothered me so much was how his original comment was so saturated in rape culture, victim blaming and fear-based rhetoric. His message seemed to speak to how I needed to live in fear of being raped by every man I happen across in the street. And that, my friends, is all kinds of messed up.
The idea that I deserve to be raped because I am a feminist and all feminists feel that guns should be outlawed is just plain vile. The idea that he expressed such sentiment without blinking an eye is even more vile. Both sentiments illustrated to me how deep rape culture and victim blaming is in our society.
I live in a pretty liberal town. Sure, it's insular... but it's a place full of aging hippies so there's a lot of tolerance despite the insularity. The streets are, largely, safe and we all walk around unmolested. I could, if I wanted to, walk from home to the nearest convenience store at midnight and be reasonably sure of my safety in one of the sketchier areas of town. The man who made this sentiment is a local. He grew up here and graduated from my high school. We didn't know each other in school, but he is, currently, friends with two guys who are the kindest, crunchiest, goddess-loving-est, hippies I know. He had a wife (who recently passed away, and he has my deepest empathy there), and a mother. I'm sure he has sisters, and many female friends... all of whom he would never wish harm upon. But his statements on my Wall spoke to a core belief that says: "You are a great girl... but if you get raped because you weren't afraid enough to pack a gun everywhere you go, you deserve it so don't come crying to me."
I was honestly shocked that this guy could possibly harbor such a belief, even unconsciously.
I was also saddened.
I strongly believe that fear is the root to many of our social issues. For example:
**Racism: Try as we might, we can't seem to shake it off our collective boot-sole. Imho, the root of racism lies in fear of the unknown/different coupled with ignorance that the racist individual projects upon people outside his/her race. (When really, if that racist fellow just took the time to get to know his African American neighbor, he would probably find more similarities than differences.)
**The concept of "Stranger Danger" is deeply socialized into my generation. Now we are watching as that deep, indoctrinated, fear of strangers has manifested itself in the form of trends that cripple our children's social development like "helicopter parenting". (Now, we know kidnapping and child molestation are out there... but the rates of such crimes haven't really changed in all this time. Those crimes, however, are made more visible now by the media. It just seems like our world is more full of terrors than it was 60 years ago. It's not strangers as a whole that we need to caution our kids about... we need to teach them to be selective about what strangers they approach.)
Fear is a tool used by parties in power to keep us masses weak and divided.
Ever since 9/11, the message has been all about what new thing to be afraid of: Spinach, bananas, BPA, being underweight, being overweight, Barbie dolls, the brown guy next to you on the airplane (when we've had more instances of white men inciting terrorism in this country than any other race), President Obama's religion (since when did being a Muslim mean you're part of a plot to overtrhow the government? O_o), getting regular pap smears... the list goes on and on. The reason behind all this fear? A scared populace is easily manipulated. How else do you think President GWB got away with getting us into two overseas wars for no good reason?
A good friend told me years ago that "fear is merely a choice." This concept resonates with me still. So, every day I make myself think about something before I allow myself to be afraid of it. I assess risk and conduct myself based on that assessment. Is it a good thing I've skipped my women's health exam for the last few years? No... but based on my history I am reasonably sure I don't have cervical or breast cancer so saving the money those tests will cost is probably ok. Is there a chance I could get salmonella from my spinach? Sure. Now I wash my spinach and reap the vitamin and mineral benefits from that wonderful, green, leafy veggie.
If I go out of my home suspecting all the men I run across as wanting to rape me then I'm crippling myself. 99% of men are not rapists. And in suspecting all men as rapists I am cutting myself off from learning about a lot of neat people. If I felt this way when my husband and I were getting interested in each other, we would have never met. Knee-jerk fear based on gender hurts everyone.
The comment put forth by that man on FaceBook showed to me how deeply fear has been indoctrinated in our culture. Even in this, relatively safe, pocket of America it's a constant influence. Unless this undercurrent of fear is addressed and eradicated at the root, how can we ever expect ourselves to rise up and challenge the malignant status-quo we find ourselves in?
I'm sad to report that I don't have the answers. What I do know is that I refuse to live my life crippled by indoctrinated fear, and I hope there are enough out there like me being vocal about it to wake the rest of the country up.
So, I'm going to post about something that happened yesterday on Facebook.
Before I do, I'm going to warn you right now that this post will probably be on the long-ish side... I won't feel offended if you scroll past and apologize right now for taking up so much real estate on your friend's page. :)
Lately, I've been feeling a lot less apathetic. Maybe this is a result of not working in the soul-sucking environs of The Pap Factory, maybe it's a result of spending 3 to 6 hours a day in the intellectually stimulating environment of campus. Regardless, I've been a bit more inclined to activism lately. Especially when it comes to Feminist and HAES related issues.
When you think about it, HAES and Fat Acceptance are encompassed by the general realm of feminism. Size Bias effects women far more than it does men. Sure, men are starting to feel the sting of it, but it's not such a knee-jerk reaction to shame and vilify a fat man as it is a fat woman. It's far more common to add the word "fat" as a qualifier when insulting a woman. Terms like: "Fat Cow", "Fat Bitch", "Fat Cunt" are commonplace when insulting a woman. Aside from "Fat Bastard" the "fat" qualifier doesn't often surface in the realm of men's insults. I mean, who of you have ever heard of someone insulting a man by calling him a "Fat Dick"? I've more often heard "Fat Dick" being used as a positive adjective (eg: "Jim has a nice, fat dick.") rather than a negative statement regarding a man's character.
But I digress...
Fat men are able to buy reasonably priced clothing of quality make that will fit their bodies. Fat men are able to actually touch and interact with the clothing they buy in almost every store. And the sizing is straightforward and simple to understand: A man with a 42" waist can be reasonably assured of walking into a store and being able to buy a pair of pants with a 42" waist off the rack and have them fit when he gets home. Additionally, the purchase of that clothing is not as like to impact the wallet of the fat man as it is the fat woman... Men make more than women and men can own/wear five suits/outfits over and over again and still be considered fashionable. (We women all know that it's unforgivable in the fashion world to be seen in the same outfit twice in a week!) Additionally, those five suits, with care, will last that fat man a lifetime. Five feminine ensembles will not last a fat woman a lifetime due to rapidly changing fashion cycles and the general poor construction/quality of women's garments.
This just one example of how FA is part of the Feminist Agenda. I could go on for hours about the discrimination fat women experience in other aspects of life - especially when seeking out medical care (which is where HAES comes in to play). My intent with this essay, however, is not to list all the injustices fat women deal with every day.
To put it most succinctly: westernized women fight a constant barrage of body-shaming, unfair expectations and image-based challenges as we maneuver in this world. Women of size fight the same fight, just multiplied by 1000. Susie Orbach posed to us that fat is a feminist issue 35 years ago (in her book of the same name). It's a sentiment as true now as it was then, and this is why I am passionate about it.
So... back to yesterday.
I shared an image on FaceBook about what being a feminist doesn't mean. (See below the cut.)
I thought nothing of it... I mean, we share links on FaceBook all the time. If I see something I dislike, I scroll on by... as do 90% of the rest of the people in my list of friends on there.
But one guy had to reply:
"Does that include the right to own carry and use a firearm for defense of
self and property or just the right to be raped and murdered in the
politically correct manner"
After I got over feeling gobsmacked by his reply, It got my dander up and I responded.
I'm not going to go into the back and forth here. If you want to check it out, go ahead. It's one of the rare public posts on my FaceBook page (as this post will be on here). I'm not adverse to your adding me on FB if you like though. :)
Now I admit I may have misinterpreted the core message of his sentiment.
Mind you, I was a bit het up over being automatically painted into a corner with the subgroup of feminists who believe that guns have no place in our society.
See, every member of any group brings varying levels of participation and belief in the ideals of the party line. Personally, I believe in the right to keep and bear arms... but I feel we ought to regulate it more than we do. I also believe that the NRA cares more about the welfare of the gun manufacturers than they do the second amendment rights of it's members. (Historically, the NRA has been the first to throw the good of it's members under the bus to preserve the interests of the gun manufacturers.) Not every feminist feels the way I do, but our difference in opinion on that one issue does not change the greater belief in promotion of equal rights for women.
But for how irritated at I was at his unfair casting of me alongside a certain group within the feminist party, I was both livid and appalled at his casual use of rape as a threat. Not that he was threatening to rape me personally. His comment held the tone of a threat of rape as the eventual consequence of my being a "gun-control agitating feminist".
I have a firm policy of "live and let live" on FaceBook. I ignore the stuff my friends post that I don't like. I expect the same courtesy in return. If am not granted this courtesy, I un-friend and block the offender. This is not to say I don't welcome debate - I do! I welcome rational debate that don't not involve invocation of fear tactics and implied threat of bodily harm. I've stated this code of conduct several times on my wall as well as in my notes on there. If a person brings the: "believe the way I do or you'll get fucked up!" argument to the table, well, that's not rational debate. That's fear mongering, and I don't tolerate it.
With this in mind, my first reply was rational and ended with a mild chiding over his use of the threat of rape as deserved consequence for my anti-gun agitating, feminist ways. I mean, really, there is no circumstance under which the threat of bodily harm, either implied or overt, is an acceptable debate tactic. And, specifically, the use of "rape" during debate with me reeked of chauvinism (I mean, come on... he would have never posed the same point during debate with a man.) The back and forth devolved from there. He adopted even more of a chauvinistic tone toward me: diminutizing me by calling me "Darlin' " then belittling me by adding a: "Oh, look at the little woman try to think with the big boys!" tone to his final comment. At that point I decided to end what had de-evolved into a charade of true debate and de-friend/block the man.
That, effectively, ended the conversation... but it didn't end my mulling it over.
Aside from the chauvinism, what bothered me so much was how his original comment was so saturated in rape culture, victim blaming and fear-based rhetoric. His message seemed to speak to how I needed to live in fear of being raped by every man I happen across in the street. And that, my friends, is all kinds of messed up.
The idea that I deserve to be raped because I am a feminist and all feminists feel that guns should be outlawed is just plain vile. The idea that he expressed such sentiment without blinking an eye is even more vile. Both sentiments illustrated to me how deep rape culture and victim blaming is in our society.
I live in a pretty liberal town. Sure, it's insular... but it's a place full of aging hippies so there's a lot of tolerance despite the insularity. The streets are, largely, safe and we all walk around unmolested. I could, if I wanted to, walk from home to the nearest convenience store at midnight and be reasonably sure of my safety in one of the sketchier areas of town. The man who made this sentiment is a local. He grew up here and graduated from my high school. We didn't know each other in school, but he is, currently, friends with two guys who are the kindest, crunchiest, goddess-loving-est, hippies I know. He had a wife (who recently passed away, and he has my deepest empathy there), and a mother. I'm sure he has sisters, and many female friends... all of whom he would never wish harm upon. But his statements on my Wall spoke to a core belief that says: "You are a great girl... but if you get raped because you weren't afraid enough to pack a gun everywhere you go, you deserve it so don't come crying to me."
I was honestly shocked that this guy could possibly harbor such a belief, even unconsciously.
I was also saddened.
I strongly believe that fear is the root to many of our social issues. For example:
**Racism: Try as we might, we can't seem to shake it off our collective boot-sole. Imho, the root of racism lies in fear of the unknown/different coupled with ignorance that the racist individual projects upon people outside his/her race. (When really, if that racist fellow just took the time to get to know his African American neighbor, he would probably find more similarities than differences.)
**The concept of "Stranger Danger" is deeply socialized into my generation. Now we are watching as that deep, indoctrinated, fear of strangers has manifested itself in the form of trends that cripple our children's social development like "helicopter parenting". (Now, we know kidnapping and child molestation are out there... but the rates of such crimes haven't really changed in all this time. Those crimes, however, are made more visible now by the media. It just seems like our world is more full of terrors than it was 60 years ago. It's not strangers as a whole that we need to caution our kids about... we need to teach them to be selective about what strangers they approach.)
Fear is a tool used by parties in power to keep us masses weak and divided.
Ever since 9/11, the message has been all about what new thing to be afraid of: Spinach, bananas, BPA, being underweight, being overweight, Barbie dolls, the brown guy next to you on the airplane (when we've had more instances of white men inciting terrorism in this country than any other race), President Obama's religion (since when did being a Muslim mean you're part of a plot to overtrhow the government? O_o), getting regular pap smears... the list goes on and on. The reason behind all this fear? A scared populace is easily manipulated. How else do you think President GWB got away with getting us into two overseas wars for no good reason?
A good friend told me years ago that "fear is merely a choice." This concept resonates with me still. So, every day I make myself think about something before I allow myself to be afraid of it. I assess risk and conduct myself based on that assessment. Is it a good thing I've skipped my women's health exam for the last few years? No... but based on my history I am reasonably sure I don't have cervical or breast cancer so saving the money those tests will cost is probably ok. Is there a chance I could get salmonella from my spinach? Sure. Now I wash my spinach and reap the vitamin and mineral benefits from that wonderful, green, leafy veggie.
If I go out of my home suspecting all the men I run across as wanting to rape me then I'm crippling myself. 99% of men are not rapists. And in suspecting all men as rapists I am cutting myself off from learning about a lot of neat people. If I felt this way when my husband and I were getting interested in each other, we would have never met. Knee-jerk fear based on gender hurts everyone.
The comment put forth by that man on FaceBook showed to me how deeply fear has been indoctrinated in our culture. Even in this, relatively safe, pocket of America it's a constant influence. Unless this undercurrent of fear is addressed and eradicated at the root, how can we ever expect ourselves to rise up and challenge the malignant status-quo we find ourselves in?
I'm sad to report that I don't have the answers. What I do know is that I refuse to live my life crippled by indoctrinated fear, and I hope there are enough out there like me being vocal about it to wake the rest of the country up.