Holly
this morning i woke up calmer than i have been in the last few days and reread my livejournal entries. when i read them i realized that what i said was wrong and inconsiderate. i know youre dealing with alot of shit right now and that wasnt the best thing i could say. i was angry and upset and feeling like letting it out but the way i did it was not the best. i had been wanting to talk to you so that i could explain to you why i was so pissed but since i still couldnt get a hold of you and you still hadnt called me back i guess my frustrations spilled over. this is not an excuse for the things i said but i hope is some sort of an explanation.
i guess part of me is afraid that with being at school im losing a friend and im alittle envious that jaime and you get along so well and that you spend so much time together. i guess i just wish i could get to see you as much as she does. it used to be the same with brianne to i just never used to say anything. i guess its just always felt like ive had to work just to hang out with you when you were free. i havent been honest with you about where im at and thats my fault and i apologize for that too. maybe if i had said something this wouldnt have happened.
it was fun hanging out with you and jaime. but there was times that i felt left out. we would be driving in the car and the music was so loud behind my head that i couldnt hear anything you guys were saying and i felt like i was just along for the ride. even in the stores at the mall to some extent it would happen. to some extent it bothered we hadnt seen each other for nearly two months and you wanted to "rescue" jaime from her boredom, but when i call you later that week to see what youre doing because im out of my mind with boredom you cant do the same for me. maybe im being childish but im just telling you how i felt. you tell me that you had to work sunday till 830 but you were out early on monday and would give me a call and we could do something. i spent all monday waiting. tuesday too. and since i didnt hear from you at all i began to feel blown off. i couldnt and still dont understand why you couldnt look up my home number. i guess the idea didnt cross your mind. it hadnt bothered me that you had to cancel with me because you had a bunch of things to do one day. what bothered me was that you had said it would be too late to hang out with me, but it wasnt to hang out with jaime. it doesnt make sense to me thats all. i should have said all of this i realize. i guess i didnt want to make a scene and seem jealous or something but i see now that ive only made things worse. i hope that this can somehow explain what i have done. i am really sorry for upsetting. i hope that you can forgive me.
i guess part of me is afraid that with being at school im losing a friend and im alittle envious that jaime and you get along so well and that you spend so much time together. i guess i just wish i could get to see you as much as she does. it used to be the same with brianne to i just never used to say anything. i guess its just always felt like ive had to work just to hang out with you when you were free. i havent been honest with you about where im at and thats my fault and i apologize for that too. maybe if i had said something this wouldnt have happened.
it was fun hanging out with you and jaime. but there was times that i felt left out. we would be driving in the car and the music was so loud behind my head that i couldnt hear anything you guys were saying and i felt like i was just along for the ride. even in the stores at the mall to some extent it would happen. to some extent it bothered we hadnt seen each other for nearly two months and you wanted to "rescue" jaime from her boredom, but when i call you later that week to see what youre doing because im out of my mind with boredom you cant do the same for me. maybe im being childish but im just telling you how i felt. you tell me that you had to work sunday till 830 but you were out early on monday and would give me a call and we could do something. i spent all monday waiting. tuesday too. and since i didnt hear from you at all i began to feel blown off. i couldnt and still dont understand why you couldnt look up my home number. i guess the idea didnt cross your mind. it hadnt bothered me that you had to cancel with me because you had a bunch of things to do one day. what bothered me was that you had said it would be too late to hang out with me, but it wasnt to hang out with jaime. it doesnt make sense to me thats all. i should have said all of this i realize. i guess i didnt want to make a scene and seem jealous or something but i see now that ive only made things worse. i hope that this can somehow explain what i have done. i am really sorry for upsetting. i hope that you can forgive me.