(no subject)
Must.
Purge.
Random.
Thoughts.
Immediately:
At least when you're bleeding and get all zitty and fat and gross and sleepy invisible smells come out of your armpits and make everyone like you.
Today I was leaving a message on someone's phone, and a possum waddled down the tree in front of me and walked calmly under the porch. Bizarre. Random.
JJ left a message for me the other day saying how she came to a realization a while back, and it was this...
...that no matter how much anyone loved her, no matter how genuine, how proven, she'd figured out that she'd never feel it. Like it was never enough. That it free'd her to realize it was her hang up, and not that no one loved her that much.
I said I think its more like being handed a million dollars. Its there. In front of you. But you convince your eyes that they're tricking you. Your hands that they're tricking you. Your nose? Yep. Tricking you also.
Same goes for being loved. Even feeling loveABLE (or....NOT feeling that), as she so often says is when you feel shittiest -
We DO have the ability to feel it.
Just a stronger tendency to convince ourselves that it can't POSSIBLY be real.
AHA - explains the need to run run run run run! What if it IS real? HOLY SHIT.....WHAT DO I DO WITH THISSSSSS??????
Purge.
Random.
Thoughts.
Immediately:
At least when you're bleeding and get all zitty and fat and gross and sleepy invisible smells come out of your armpits and make everyone like you.
Today I was leaving a message on someone's phone, and a possum waddled down the tree in front of me and walked calmly under the porch. Bizarre. Random.
JJ left a message for me the other day saying how she came to a realization a while back, and it was this...
...that no matter how much anyone loved her, no matter how genuine, how proven, she'd figured out that she'd never feel it. Like it was never enough. That it free'd her to realize it was her hang up, and not that no one loved her that much.
I said I think its more like being handed a million dollars. Its there. In front of you. But you convince your eyes that they're tricking you. Your hands that they're tricking you. Your nose? Yep. Tricking you also.
Same goes for being loved. Even feeling loveABLE (or....NOT feeling that), as she so often says is when you feel shittiest -
We DO have the ability to feel it.
Just a stronger tendency to convince ourselves that it can't POSSIBLY be real.
AHA - explains the need to run run run run run! What if it IS real? HOLY SHIT.....WHAT DO I DO WITH THISSSSSS??????