tweet fic masterlist: jan - aug 2013
life and times of a sexually frustrated fangirl
now condensed in 140 character helpings!
i tweetfic A LOT over at @cocoonedsoul and decided to compile everything here.
02. warnings
directly c/p from twitter, often inappropriate, LOTS OF LUKAI
03. part two
september 2013 onwards.
→5/1
who here can imagine kris penning BL mangas and then casually molesting luhan as luhan tries to make octopus sausages? we all can.
who here can imagine kris hoarding a room full of soft toys that he names lovingly and then buying a ton of marimo? all of us.
also who here can fit kris perfectly into a scene of him driving his flashy red sports car to pick luhan up because show-off and possessive?
→22/1
i imagine minseok pulling down his pants to pee and suddenly tao barges in. "suck it, bun. great hair day and lighting here is the best"
→26/1
PLz SOMEONE WRITE ALADDIN!KAI/ JASMINE!SEHUN? I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD? SHINING SHIMMERING SPLE- jfc you're getting sand in my gold slippers
"who is this boy i see? staring straight back at me-" "gdi luhan if you spent less time looking in the mirror, general jongin would nag less"
"princess xingderella left a glass slipper at the ball!" "well i wouldn't be surprised. last time he left his i.d and wallet behind"
"beauty is found within." "oh jongin that's so romantic." "no srsly take off your pants kyungsoo let me see the beauty inside your boxers,"
→5/2
limmericks lol
there once was a man named jongdae
with the best cock sucking lips
he'll take you down with no regrets
and little kittenish licks
→10/2
can i imagine a scenario where donghae brings joonmyun back to mokpo and showed the city boy how to gut a fish
"you eat it straight,"donghae laughs,dangling the live octopus in front of his face.joonmyun is torn between showing respect and throwing up
as he watches donghae spin one of the children around, joonmyun thinks this is exactly who he wants to be, personality or career
→11/2
kris owns two high maintenance chihuahuas and one likes to hump the other on Kris's face while he's sleeping.
luhan threatens to throw the chihuahuas away because it watches them having sex but kris insists that's how they show love
"oh look here! sehun here drools when he sleeps. kinda like you! haha!" luhan gently screams into kris's 700 thread count sheets.
"hey luhan, knock it off.you're scaring my baby. maybe it's your loud sweater?go out of the room and i'll see if he's still afraid"
"FUCK, KRIS IF YOU DON'T OPEN THE DOOR IN THREE SECONDS I WILL- are you- are you making out with your dog? I HEAR KISSING ISTG I-"
"sorry luhan," kris says via text message a week later. "i'm leaving you for tao." scandalized, luhan baidu searches huang zitao
and finds a QQ account with a description that reads '93-liner. dog lover. mature. tender. humorous.' luhan seethes, "THAT BITCH!"
→15/2
mean girls au where chen coco attempts to overthrow the plastics aka the dumb frisbee team led by luhan
→21/2
au where otaku jongin is totally whipped for fresh out of manga luhan. "I HAVE SEEN YOU IN MY SISTER'S SHOUJO" ... oh wait this is canon
→6/3
au in which exo are electrical appliances. toaster!jongin wants to get into washingmachine!kyungsoo but he will die.
"come," jongin leers, "i'll warm you up." kyungsoo opens his lid and hisses, "if i spray water at you, you will shortcircuit."
there's a shriek, and the house plunges into darkness. "ah fuck," minseok the fridge sighs. "now my tummy will be icky again."
→18/3
my obsession with china makes me want to write lukai where jongin is sent to develop a rural town and luhan protests.
yixing would do it out of the love of the country whereas tao would protest because everyone was and it seemed fun
it was all fun and games, until byun baekhyun made a scathing comment about qingdao and then it became /personal/.
pochahontas au
modern day pochahontao meets business man kris: kris the canadian going to build a resort on qingdao and tao's favourite spot is about to be torn away
kris can't speak mandarin that well so he doesn't identify with being chinese but tao's like, it's in all of us you can't run
"so... you want me to abandon this billion dollar project... because your favourite place to take walks will be torn down?"
"it's about the balance between nature and civilisation! but also it is a damn great spot to think, okay. come think with me"
→19/3
on the 1st day of jongin's job as an insurance agent,he's told he needs to form relationships with his clients,so he sleeps with all of them
on the 1st day of jongin's job as a car salesman,he's told the customer comes first,so he lets luhan finish first in their backseat romp
on the 1st day of jongin's job as a reporter, he's told to think of interviews as friendly conversations,so he flirts and gets their numbers
→28/3
can there be like an exo challenge called taste the rainbow in which you count the number of hair colours you sleep with in the group
it's a jongdae personal challenge because he's the only consistently black haired one and poor sehun always get harassed because colourful
→31/3
i love sekai because like hey bro im gonna suck your dick but not gay or anything
sehun shifts uncomfortably. "maybe hypothetically i could be gay... but not for you. this is just bros helping bros out u cool?"
sehun takes a tentative lick before he stops and asks, "no wait we're absolutely clear on this??? no romance only bromance??"
later sehun phones baekhyun and asks, "hey if i get off while sucking jongin's dick does that make me gay?" baekhyun chokes.
"there was a tingly feeling in my stomach but tt might be the beans i ate." baek nods,"beans don't explain your tingly dick tho"
→2/4
making fun of flora
one day joonmyun said he was good at sax so jongdae took him up on the offer.later, joonmyun confesses,"i meant the instrument."
one day joonmyun tripped and fell right on jongdae's crotch. "well hello thar," said jongdae. and they lived happily ever after.
one day jongdae got drunk. joonmyun helped him home. they had sex. holes were filled and poles erected. the end.
→14/4
before each public appearance, the boys of exo sit around for a meeting and strategize meaningful looks, hidden smiles and hand placements.
→18/4
kim jongin the north korean refugee. park chanyeol the city boy who unknowingly takes him in. luhan is the boy he webcams with
and the one who convinces him to deflect in the first place. luhan wants to be with him but jongin wants the South Korean dream
jongin is fascinated by dance because there are only a few state dances allowed by the goverment and dyes his hair because he can
→23/4
au: what happens in vegas stays on twitter, where kim jongin gets drunk and Things happen that may or may not involve the ring on his finger
→28/4
jongdae is the writer for the bold new tvn drama that is called korea's 'sexy and the city'
joonmyun walks into the bedroom. "i heard the ladies in the office talking about yesterday's show. seems familiar?"
jongdae grins."maybe i got some inspiration somewhere?" joonmyun smirks. "i'll show you something that can never make it to tv."
→29/4
imagine maknae line in anan, but instead of naked european chick we get naked jongin and taohun strategically placed to cover him
→2/5
pornstar au
'sekai: we run the world' - the ultimate twink sextape, filmed by kyungsoo, directed by director wu.
or angry backstage model sex except without the anger because we haven't eaten for three days, man who has energy for anger
bunny i hope this means you're writing this. remember to add luhan as the rival with the baby doll lolita videos.
"we gotta beef up," jongin hisses, scrolling furiously through kawaiilulu. net. he cocks his head at sehun. "how do you feel about panties?"
at some point, sehun falls sick. (because SOMEONE didn't clean him up after breeding //jongin//) jongin convinces director wu to step in.
for someone who directed famed hits such as when harry wet sally and forrest hump, yifan is clueless about the logistics of gay sex
jongin helpfully offers to demonstrate. "i hope you're okay with bottoming, director." yifan frowns. "what's that?" he finds out.
→7/5
"why are you so invested in the game?" baekhyun asks jongin. jongin grits his teeth. "made a bet with luhan. loser blows the other."
"so,"jongin smirks. "we won. on your knees, luhan." when luhan cheerfully obliges,the grin slips off jongin's face. "wait, we're bros right"
"i mean yeah you're sucking my dick, but all because you lost a bet?" luhan merely smiles sweetly and nuzzles the front of jongin's crotch.
→8/5
calvin klein and his 21 year old model/gay pornstar boytoy. i want something like this where kris grooms chanyeol into a mini me
→9/5
has no one ever written this ot4 where they form some sort of boyfriend swapping club and awkward kaiyeol happens
chanyeol gets along with sehun just fine but when it comes to jongin, it's like he comes to a mental block.
he has no problem kissing and flirting with sehun but sit him in front of jongin and suddenly it's preteen dating all over again
there are too many silences.jongin sits there, at times too intense, sometimes seemingly bored,and it makes chanyeol uncomfortable
→11/5
HETALIA!EXO
imagine if exo's comeback concept is hetalia and chanyeol is america. which fits because cheerful, curious, dense and yet calculative.
now i can't unsee chanyeol as america. ((luhan as france, tao as italy, yixing is canada, kris as germany the closet bdsm fan)) hetalia ftw
germany!kris who finds italy!tao in a crate but grows tired of his crying and sends him back home
if my life were a fic and jongin was my senpai,this would be the point where my best friend says,"you've really fallen for him, haven't you"
and then i would blush to the tip of my ears and my bff pushes me while squealing,"i've never seen you act like this! this must be serious!"
in which i would reply in all bashful seriousness, "i- i think he could be the one. love at first sight. my kokoro goes doki for him."
let me live out my shoujo manga fantasies where jongin is tsundere to me but quietly wraps a scarf around my neck when i shiver
→15/5
jongin is the pedal; kyungsoo is the brake. this is why they fit.
RT @byuntaenoona: @cocoonedsoul jongin's dick is the gear shift
ALL OF YOU TURNING MY BEAUTIFUL KAISOO INTO A SEX IN THE BACKSEAT THING
especially when their breath fogs up the glass RT @byuntaenoona: @cocoonedsoul sex in the backseat is beautiful!
jongin invested in a four wheel drive for this reason, though kyungsoo keeps asking him to buy a mini van instead
imagine if there's cum drying on the windscreen and joonmyun scrapes it off. "damn birds, pooping everywhere."
"wanna ride in my truck?" jongin says with a cock of his head. "it's not called a /pick up/ truck for nothing."
→16/5
xoxo teasers with nicknames released
ryeowook is that choir sempai that kyungsoo looks up to and falls over himself trying to please
yunho is the basketball senpai benben looks up to but yunho refuses to acknowledge this because lbr kris is embarrassing
i want benben to be the student that was held back 3 grades because dumb but in reality is xiao lu's bodyguard
you want more benben jokes? kris has an attachment to london because he fondly calls his dick the big ben
"really?" baekhyun pats kris's crotch lovingly. "i would prefer to call this the invisible cloak. i don't know it exists until i touch it."
kris furrows his eyebrows. "was that a jab at my size?" baekhyun pats his cheek patronizingly next. "oh, benben, such an apt name."
"look, benben, i can help you raise your grade, but you have to help me in return." baekhyun gestures downwards and winks.
"baekhyun," kris says sadly, not understanding at all. "i can help you shape your leg muscles but it won't make you any taller."
"hey, hey! our company has a strict policy on sexual harrassment!" luhan chids, holding jongin off at arm's length to stop him from
molesting the intern. sehun smiles gratefully at luhan and luhan returns the smile angelically before he says,
"however! if you start dating sehunnie you are free to do whatever you want!" jongin grins. sehun whimpers.
j.romantica au: "luhan~" kris whines, "my sausages are not cut in the shape of octopi? am i to live without ever eating a sausage octopus?"
"i'll cut your sausage," luhan seethes, knife heading dangerously close to kris's family jewels.
→17/5
more XOXO teasers come out
exo m are students of a posh boarding school and exo k are the scruffy kids from the public school down the block
"we'll be dead if they knew," luhan whispers nervously. "hey," jongin presses a finger to his lips. "no one will know. it's okay."
"i find this rivalry stupid," luhan mutters into the lapels of jongin's coat, the colours of their uniforms a stark difference.
jongin breathes in luhan's hair. "one day we'll graduate,go to university together and be a cute campus couple and no one can stop us then."
alternatively: exo superpowers high, where exo m are the elite class with full control of their powers while exo k struggles pitifully daily
"no deaths, injuries or erased memories today," chanyeol says cheerfully. jongin glowers at him. "that was ONE time. and it was your fault!"
"ugh!" baekhyun fumes. "i was trying to control my light balls and then luhan THAT SHOW OFF, saunters past casually juggling his spheres."
"if anyone asks, this is a lesson, okay," kris says seriously. chanyeol smiles lazily and pulls the other into his arms. "whatever you say."
tao and jongin form an unlikely friendship because only they know the loneliness of being trapped in a place where time is non-existent
"do you think our lives are insignificant," tao muses, enveloped in the darkness. jongin blinks. "whazzat? sorry dude,too deep. mind hurts."
→18/5
imagine the awkward if exo/bap shared a dressing room.everyone left but yongguk & jongin so they're forced to small talk but socially inept
"so...." yongguk begins. jongin turns around wide eyed and you can almost see the panic running around in his head: WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME
"exo, huh. superpowers. cool," yongguk nods. jongin scratches his neck. "bunnies... are cool too?" "aliens," yongguk corrects."mutant bunnies."
HIMCHAN TRIES TO GET YONGGUK JEALOUS BY COOING OVER KRIS AND KRIS IS LIKE um, what are you doing WHILE HIMCHAN GOES hush beautiful child
DAEHYUN STUMBLES ONTO LUHAN IN THE DRESSING ROOMS AND FOR A MOMENT BOTH ARE STUNNED BY EACH OTHER'S BLINDING PERFECTION
HIMCHAN WALKS IN ON TAO TAKING SELCAS IN THE WASHROOM AND OFFERS TIPS. HE'S WEARING WHITE SO HE HELPS TO REFLECT LIGHT WITH HIS ARMS OPEN
RT @kikosenpai: has military school au been created yet in the exo fandom
sehun crying every day because kris senpai is really strict and kris gets confused and cuts sehun some slack with running laps
"senpai, i have a few other ideas what i can do with laps. rather, your lap." sehun winks. kris continues to be confused.
luhan applies The Werewolf Boy tactics into training the maknaes to become more polite
jongin lunges for the food as soon as it is served but is stopped by luhan's firm voice,"wait." he does and is rewarded w/ a pat on his head
→18/5
sehun xoxo teaser released
crotch shot + exposed thigh + rainbow hair + gloves SEHUN IS A SOFTCORE PORN MODEL
you like? jongdae and sehun turn to gravure to pay the bills and sehun is all too eager to blur the lines between gravure to obscene
the moment sehun sits down he spreads his leg wide, exposing his tented crotch. "no!" jongdae admonishes. "it's GRAVURE. only /hint/ at it."
disgruntled, sehun closes his leg a little. jongdae happily thrusts his camera at the boy, taking crotch shots that'll sell like hot cakes
"so good,"jongdae murmurs encouragingly."much better than that newbie gravure model suho.took me so long to convince him to show some skin."
sehun places his gloved hand on his crotch,softly caressing his bulge. jongdae gurgles out a cry,switching to video.he found their money shot
sehun pushes it when he stumbles in with jongin around his shoulders, hickeys all the way up his pale thighs. "MY MODEL," jongdae shrieks.
it turns out sehun's fanbase has a kink for marking sehun and in the next set of photos, jongin is featured, happily sucking sehun's thighs
emboldened by the success of sehun's shoot, jongdae's next venture into soft porn is kris and food porn. oddly, it doesn't sell as well.
he covers the loss from kris's failed shoot by plopping chanyeol down and asking him to be himself. the innocent confused concept is a hit.
the next model that's brought in is something of a joke. jongdae squints at minseok."how is that sexy, exactly?" minseok shrugs. 'them buns"
"why can't you be like zitao?" jongdae groans and goes back to poring over the shots of zitao, bending over just enough for some skin
"will you hurry up," luhan snaps. "i can only hold the lighting for so long."
→22/5
au in which doctor!junmen tells jongdae to lay off the d because it's fucking up jongdae's vocal chords
"just take it shallowly," joonmyun advises, pulling at his collar uncomfortably. "the what?" jongdae asks innocently. "the d."
"i don't understand, doctor," jongdae asks coyly. "why don't i try it out on you and you tell me if it's okay?"
can we talk about my hand fetish
luhan sucks on jongin's fingers one by one, loving the calluses from too many hours of guitar practice and the sexy veins
→25/5
apparently this happened:
"RT @exofries: Reporters asked Kaisoo about their relationship, Kyungsoo claimed that they’re just good friends while Kai just laughed."
and
omg the thing i just retweeted proves my kaisoo headcanon. sorry, jongin, he's just not that into you.
jongin falls for the one boy who doesn't want him back. jongin is one of us.
jongin pretends it doesn't hurt when kyungsoo flinches away every time he touches him. he's just happy that kyungsoo let hims touch
he thinks he's making progress. he can't ignore how kyungsoo looks annoyed when he hugs him but at least he doesn't shrug him away now
"every man is a cover girl,"baekhyun chants to himself.kyungsoo blinks."um, i'm not sure that's how it works. "SHUSH HATERS"
→26/5
who can give me krishun rn i will love you for life. sehun foaming at the mouth when kris treats him roughly
sehun loves it when kris manhandles him.when kris grabs his chin on stage,he cant hide the smitten look on his face or the tent in his pants
→28/5
au in which sehun doesn't cry a little after getting punched and jongin frets over him. "i didn't mean it? we're bros? we share underwear?"
beth: "you hit my eye! my eye!" sehun is definitely not a drama queen. "how are they supposed to apply eyeliner n…
"dude you totally look pretty without eyeliner??" jongin manages, half panicked. he pauses. "woah, no homo okay."
→29/5
sukira: jongin says he wouldn't date any of them
can someone write luhan cornering jongin after the shoot. "so you said you wouldn't date any of us, huh? what was that at the mv shooting?"
jongin swallows. "the- the director asked me to push you against the wall." luhan smirks. "don't think i didn't overhear you suggesting it
→4/6
pondering why lukai toned down
the funny thing is after ot12, otp seems more emotionally distant and all chemistry goes zilch. maybe distance makes the heart fonder?
like jongin suddenly remembered how fucking annoying luhan can be when his mouth isn't being stuffed by.... things
or luhan realising that hey, jongin has this great flexible body but out of the bedroom he's this quiet little thing that doesn't reply
→11/6
DOMESTIC LUKAI
luhan and jongin have a very quiet relationship going on. they're not as open and showy like other ships but you
can see it's like they're equals, no power struggle here.jongin grounds luhan somewhat.they're just like old supportive friends
jongin's a quiet boy by nature and luhan doesn't feel the need to be as loud as he is around others
luhan tugs at his pants coyly but jongin just wants to cuddle and luhan gives in
→13/6
no one understands why the aerobics class of exo gym is so popular until they see the instructor http://t.co/54zENdbtqb
imagine a gym where jongin is your personal trainer, tao the yoga instructor, kris the pilates instructor and luhan the pervy receptionist
LUHAN IS THE PERVY ONE BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY TOEING THE LINE OF A SEXUAL HARASSMENT CASE BY COMMENTING ON YOUR ASS
minseok is the straight guy that unintentionally joins a gay gym and doesn't realise until luhan offers to join him in the shower
"how did you not know it's a gay gym?? kris cups your ass every time you bend over." "i thought he was being supportive!!!"
→17/6
domestic au
chanyeol wakes up and pulls the blankets around him. instinctively he reaches out to his side but his hand meets cold sheets
"hyung." chanyeol peeks out of his blanket cocoon to find jongin, dressed in the oversized wolf jersey and nothing else, holding a
mug of steaming coffee. the sleeve is slipping off his shoulder, revealing too much skin for 7am. he smiles wryly. "brought your
pickmeup. no sugar,extra milk. just the way you like it." chanyeol sighs."you are the most perfect trophy wife anyone could have."
"don't want no coffee," chanyeol mumbles. jongin frowns, "but i woke up early for it." chanyeol hides a smile, "just want you."
can you imagine jongin straddling chanyeol in an off-the-shoulder oversized wolf jersey with chanyeol's name on it
chanyeol's built more broadly than jongin is and is taller,so the shirt hangs loose on him,barely covering his butt and loose bits
actually the idea works with lukai too
jongin loves the sight of an embarrassed luhan tugging down the hem of his jersey. luhan isn't wearing boxers and the shirt isn't long enough
luhan yawns and stretches, so that the shirt lifts, showing enough for jongin to growl and press a kiss to luhan's inner thigh
luhan sits between jongin's thighs and jongin gently towel drys luhan's wet hair as the older boy chatters on about his day
luhan giggles as jongin dips into the bathtub, splashing water over the sides. he leans forward to shape jongin's hair into a foam mohawk.
on saturday afternoons, luhan insists on baking sessions and jongin always dabs icing sugar on luhan's nose so he can kiss it off later.
should i move on to domestic sekai. dorm mates sekai
they decided to get bunk beds to save space but it doesn't matter when jongin spends most nights curled up next to sehun, pinkies linked
jongin's really weird with the cuddling,sehun finds out,because jongin can't fall asleep without clutching sehun's shirt or holding his hand
sehun only persuades jongin to go to class if he accompanies him, and he does it enough that the lecturer mistakes him for an history major
→20/6
YOUR OTP ON AN AQUARIUM DATE EXCEPT ONE OF THEM KEEPS GETTING HUNGRY AND WANTS TO FRY THE FISH
it would be cute for jongin to be afraid of fish on an aquarium date and luhan's like OH THAT'S A GROUPER IT TASTES GOOD STEAMED IN SOYSAUCE
→21/6
swee talks about mindbender luhan. i help out.
what if luhan was a mindbender and his powers are so strong he can mentally fuck people (aka jongin creams his pants on stage)
if i wrote it, luhan would be a sadist who likes to gently prod jongin with a phantom dick at the most inconvenient of moments
summary: luhan's phantom dick is jongin's worst nightmare
→22/6
namjoon makes jin call him hyung and dressed only in panties, jin squirms under the younger boy's gaze but he loves it so much
he wears panties with disney princesses on them. aurora is his fav because he wants to be awoken with a kiss too
in my headcanon jongin is clingy and luhan indulgent. jongin likes to use luhan's girly shampoo so he'll smell of luhan the whole day
jongin grips the hem of luhan's tshirt as they navigate thru the crowd until luhan replaces the fabric with his hand and links their fingers
luhan wears jongin's wolf sweater and nothing else to bed so it'll smell like him when jongin goes about the next day
am i strangely obsessed with otp smelling like each other? do i want otp to smell like each other? do i want to smell otp? big resounding yes
→23/6
emmi was sad.
R U OKAY. WHEN UR SAD IMAGINE JIN STRAINING IN PINK PRINCESS AURORA PANTIES
WHEN JIN TAKES BUBBLE BATHS SOMETIMES HE STICKS HIS LEGS TOGETHER AND PRETENDS HE'S ARIEL. HE MAKES FOAM BOOBIES TOO
one time jin was splashing around in his mermaid dreams and taehyung walked in and it was like uh... okay hyung /slowly backs off
BUT THEN THE NEXT DAY THERE IS AN ITSY BITSY BIKINI TOP ON HIS BED AND JIN FLUSHES WITH JOY. taehyung winks at him over breakfast
TAEHYUNG IN JIN'S FAVOURITE PERSON. HE HARMONISES THE UNDER THE SEA PARTS
→24/6
twitter user @aheunse said "a semi-au where lu han is still in exo but is offered the chance to play soccer for his home country"
can i ask permission to write a touchlines xiuhan version tho
years on minseok plays in another charity tournament and this time luhan isn't the pretty face from team china, but an actual member of team
china, and even after all this time, luhan dives into rival minseok's arms after scoring a goal. their teammates are confused but indulgent.
let me turn sentimental into nc-17 in 3...2...
later, luhan corners minseok in the shower and whispers, "we never did have angry locker room sex. back them you were afraid of our idol
status. guess what, minseok, i'm no longer an idol."
when exo m holds beijing concerts, minseok sneaks out and meets luhan at the field. "friendship match?" luhan smirks. "bring it on."
"always too slow," luhan laughs. "just like old times."
"we could make out," luhan suggests casually, pretending that the sudden shortness of breath is from the exertion of football.
the first touch of their lips is chaste,reminiscent of their trainee days when the worry of never debuting could be washed away by each other
the second kiss burns of hope and regret, of have beens and could have beens. when they draw away, "don't go" hangs on their lips
→25/6
exo pack stumbles onto a litter of bangtan cubs and takes them in but they keep chewing on everything
WHINES RT what if kimi wa petto jin/suga au
sugar daddy???? jin's ex girlfriend refuses to marry him because he's not responsible enough. jin tries to prove her wrong by
adopting this homeless kid dancing on the streets as his pet and jimin jumps enthusiastically into the role
jimin wakes jin up by licking him on the nose and nuzzling his chest until jin pushes him away "ugh morning breath"
jimin whines at seokjin until he gets a bedazzled collar and falls sleep in jin's lap as jin strokes his hair
→17/6
killing swee
baekhyun pole dancing using chanyeol as the pole
kris is the one man he strings along while he sometimes hooks up with chanyeol, but in the end he always goes back to kris
baekhyun straddling kris and hiding his head in kris's broad chest and when baekhyun mewls, kris loses it
"you won't break me, duizhang," baekhyun whispers but kris insists on slow thrusts, showering kisses across baekhyun's back
how about: sunday mornings, baekhyun pulls kris out of bed and together they make blueberry muffins, drawing hearts with honey
baekhyuns gets flour on his nose. when kris wants to lick it off he gets batted away so he leans in for an eskimo kiss instead
→1/7
konnie said
" WHAT IF SEOKJIN IS JIMIN'S FAVORITE PORN STAR" /eye twitches
jimin camps out in front of every studio and waves bright pink balloons with a tiara attached and everyone thinks he's a snsd fan
seokjin knows exactly what he wants- the ones who have been abandoned the longest are always the most eager to please.
seokjin would tie a pink ribbon around jimin's dick and stuff a buttplug with a swishy tail in him
chanyeol grabs jongin's leg and starts air guitaring on his thigh and jongin just flails, all red and embarrassed
"it's for art,"chanyeol assures him."are you sure?"asks jongin timidly because he's wearing this tiny skirt and nothing else
the tape marking an X over his nipples are itching. and jongin scratches at it but chanyeol bats his hands away, replacing
the fingers with his tongue. at the exact moment jongin throws his head back, the camera flashes and chanyeol beams.
"album cover!" he declares happily, checking the photo on the screen. "you wouldn't," gasps jongin, but chanyeol would
→9/7
dan loves myeondo, which i said is the korean word for shaver. hence shaving kink
joonmyun loves it when kyungsoo drags the blade down his pale thighs, shaver dangerously close to where it hurts the most
"careful," kyungsoo tuts, angling the blade so that it presses into joonmyun's thigh. "wouldn't want to cut anything off."
"we wouldn't like any cuts, no." kyungsoo hums and pumps shaving cream all over joonmyun's balls, squeezing them for good measure
dan am i really spending my last 20 minutes as a teenager writing you some pseudo knifeplay porn
(yes i did)
→10/7
what if luhan dressed jongin in a kitty suit, put a bow in his hair and called him hello kaitty
what if luhan stuffs jongin in a skintight suit, hangs him upside down and recreates the spiderman kiss
what if luhan makes jongin dress up as kai kent, and then stuffs him in a phone box to strip those slacks off
what if luhan lines kris's plushies up and made them watch while jongin begs and sobs about kris killing them if he knew
killing kc with minseok
kc imagine minseok naked
imagine minseok showering with the door left open a crack, and 11 boys huddling outside watching that perfect ass
he would have the most gorgeous bodyline and when he rubs soap across his stomach kris doubles over and creams himself
imagine minseok hearing the noise and he turns around, questioning look on his face, droplets in his hair
→11/7
you know yoongi is into shit like that. they'll go shopping for studs together and jimin is thrilled because yoongi never lets
them do anything lovey dovey in public, and shopping for jewelry is almost like shopping for rings
"this would look good on you," yoongi says and jimin bites down on his bottom lip, trying not to fumble as he takes the ring over
jimin grapples with how yoongi just gave him a RING. meanwhile all yoongi thinks about is tugging on it while sucking him off
BUT HE WOULD BE TSUNDERE. until he catches jimin pouting a little, and laces their fingers under the table when they're eating
or he'll buy them matching snapbacks. or maybe stick a vibrating egg up jimin's ass so he'll think of him always
lonio wants chankai fucking everyone
YES OVER BALCONIES AND WHEN JONGIN CUMS, LUHAN SUNBATHING DOWNSTAIRS TOUCHES HIS HAIR AND ASKS IF IT'S RAINING
i keep thinking about jimin/jongin roommates. thinking..... think
JONGIN CAN BE LIKE FUCK I HAVE TO BABYSIT AND LU HAN'S LIKE OMG HE'S SO CUTE UNTIL YOONGI MARCHES IN ALL NOPE MINE BACK OFF
omg jimin can be that smart kid that gets into college early and all the normal aged kids don't know and hit on him
what if yoongi's so focused on dance club that he's failing and whaddya know, jimin's the genius advanced entry kid
jimin tags along to the dance club practices and hey, kid's not too bad at dance. let him join, and yoongi's like NO
and when yoongi tries to hit on jimin, jongin does the whole "you'll have to get through me first" routine
please tell me there are scenes when yoongi starts chatting up jimin until jongin tells him "that's my bro"
lu han finds it cute and squeals about double dates to an eager jimin while yoongi remembers jongin's taekwondo bg
jimim squirming in nothing but yoongi's shirt, playing with yoongi's covers as he waits for hyung to come home
later jongin will find jimin curled up in the closet, chewing on his sweater sleeve and he hisses at luhan. "what did you do!!!"
lu han gets all excited and assigns them secret agent code names and refuses to answer unless called by them
"lu han can you please scoot over." ... "lu han." ........ "agent dawnfawn, MOVE." /scoots "thank you."
yoongi plops down and tries to play but they don't let him so he adopts another kid, hoseok, but it's not the same
→14/7
model material right here omg http://t.co/8dlUMMI3qD
jongin is perfection with his coiffed hair and smoky eyeliner, but he often falls asleep with his make up on and wakes up with smudged eyes
luhan is always there when jongin wakes up, fussing over him with baby wipes and carefully removing all traces of kai from his face
"you're the most dedicated manager ever," jongin sighs, fingers clutching luhan's wrist. "yes,"luhan laughs."i take care of your EVERY need"
jongin smirks before dragging luhan's hand down, down, /down/. "hyung, there's a pressing need you should take care of right now."
→18/7
fucking hell krystal with her arms around jongin as she rests their foreheads together, their noses brushing and lips just an inch apart
WHAT IF SOOJUNG MAKES JONGIN CALL HER SUNBAE and jongin laughs before kissing away all her snark
jongin runs his calloused fingers down soojung's cheek, leaning in to whisper, "in sm, you're the golden child,but here, all you are is mine."
oops did i just immobilise tlist (/whispers/ soojung lounging around dressed only in jongin's plaid button down)
or if jongin and soojung have had crushes on each other since trainee days but they both have that unapproachable aura and UST
imagine jongin and soojung watching a movie on the couch, jongin's hand casually running up and down soojung's bare thigh
me: who the fuck sets an alarm for 6am at a sleepover
shimi: kris would
kris decides that a perfect Team Bonding Activity would be a sleepover, even tho they already share rooms anyway
tao insists on a game of truth or dare but it ends up with him crying because jongdae smacked him over the head
while they play jongin buries his face in luhan's shoulder and tries not to fall asleep but falls asleep anyway
they doodle kitty whiskers on him and luhan gets overwhelmed by the cute and pounces on him, reinjuring jongin's back
no one questions the used condom found in one of the bags, and they quietly slip the bed to an oblivious suho
→19/7
talking to thea about how i only have maternal feels for jongin.
i- i just want chanhun putting jongin in a tub and washing his hair, making soapy horns and blowing bubbles at each other
chanhun sitting jongin in a tub as they take turns washing his hair and making soapy horns and when jongin whines, they blow bubbles at him.
afterwards, sehun pulls jongin out of the tub and wrap him in towels while chanyeol blow dries his hair.
jongin sulks about being treated like a child -"it's just a tiny waist injury!"- but secretly enjoys the attention his boyfriends give him
he draws the line though, when sehun offers to make pancakes and chanyeol enthusiastically tips a tray of eggs over in his excitement
they're curled up on the couch and sehun is absentmindedly twirling jongin's hair around his pinkie while chanyeol drapes an arm around both
what if soojung dumps sehun for jongin and sehun camps out in front of her house sobbing through bruno mars's when i was your man
"SOOJUNG I- I BOUGHT YOU SUNFLOWERS. CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I SEEK," sehun hiccups and jongdae shakes his head. "dude, you're hopeless."
soojung throws a pillow down at sehun to shut him up because god, it's 3am but sehun takes it as a good sign. "YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME??"
"GONNA FIGHT CHU FER SOOJUUUNG," sehun slurs at jongin, swaying dangerously. jongin raises an eyebrow and pokes sehun. sehun topples over.
→21/7
f(x) pink tape teaser
i want soojung slipping a collar around jongin's neck and making him make breakfast while she sleeps in late on sundays
→23/7
reine and bunny talked about catboy
fuck y'all man i'll have luhan strap kitty jongin down with a studded collar and deny him until he cries
luhan ignores catboy jongin until jongin pads over to luhan and pushes his head against luhan's shoulder pleadingly, mewing softly
when lightning sounds outside, jongin's ears flatten against his head and he whines until luhan wraps him up in his arms and sings lullabies
jongin purrs when luhan reaches behind his ears for a scratch and luhan shivers because jongin is currently SUCKING HIS DICK
"no pets allowed," luhan jokes when they enter the lift, pointing at the sign. he certainly deserved the claw marks jongin leaves down his back
→27/7
more wolfpup!jongin
"good boy," sehun says,stroking jongin's ears and jongin has to keep from wagging his tail because sehun doesn't like it when he's too eager.
sehun, a manga freak, loves it when jongin acts tsundere but how can he be any more manga when he's a living breathing wolf pup boy?
and it's so hard to pretend to be cold to sehun, when all jongin wants is to curl up in sehun's lap and let sehun give him belly rubs
or is jongin a little wolf cub who likes to be choked on the side?
jongin wags his tail and keens but his cry is cut off because sehun is pressing into his neck and jongin's ear flatten
can we mix that with a werewolfboy and be all 기다려 except it's not don't eat food but don't eat jongin's dick yet sehun
"GDI ZITAO I ASKED YOU TO WAIT DON'T SINK DOWN ON KRIS OH GOD- I SAID gidaryeo YOU LITTLE SHIT. NO. NO PETTING YOUR HEAD. NO PUPPY DOG EYES"
→28/7
kris never could refuse luhan,not when luhan beckons to him like this, sprawled across the bed in schoolgirl uniform and heels
"i've been waiting," luhan says but his voice is husky like- is that a vibrating noise- luhan throws his head back and moans
free!au
jimin can't exactly say no when yoongi asks her to be the swimming club manager, not when yoongi has her cornered against the
lockers, his naked torso pressing closer and closer. "say yes, or i'm coming closer,"he teases until jimin squeaks out a quick yes
UNTIL RED HAIRED HOSEOK COMES IN AND STEALS HER AFFECTIONS and yoongi challenges hoseok to a swimming match out of jealousy
manga!au
girl!JIMIN WANTS TO FORM AN ANIME CLUB BUT THEY NEED THREE MEMBERS AND HELPFUL SUNBAE YOONGI VOLUNTEERS TO HELP HER MAKE POSTERS
"let's meet in your room," he says and she doesn't think too much of it UNTIL HE HAS HER PRESSED AGAINST THE DESK
her kokoro goes doki, and he only laughs and kisses her on her forehead. "so cute," he coos and JIMIN IS CONFUSED
"in the mangas, the cute school girls treat their senpais so~ well," yoongi says. "what manga do you read," jimin asks wide eyed.
"the same mangas you do?" yoongi pulls out the tattered copy of the manga jimin so carefully hid, the one named Desire Climax
"can i take it off now?" jimin squirms, pulling the edge of her plaid skirt down because it's SO short, definitely not what she
expected when yoongi told her he had some japanese school uniforms for her weeaboo self. yoongi's grin widens. "oh, please do."
she has her hair in pigtails because that's what the manga girls do, but the uniform yoongi got her is awfully thin because the print on her lacey bra shows clearly on the white shirt. the way yoongi's gaze traces the curve of her chest makes her shiver
it's only a little weird, when sehun sinks down to his knees and pulls jongin's thong down, drawing his tongue across her belly
baekhyun is a pottery artist and a talented one at that, he thinks, as he slides down on a smooth clay model of chanyeol's fingers
sehun fights the urge to roll his eyes when jongin insists on packing the transformers figurine into his bag for the china trip.
"but you won't be going with me," jongin pouts. he smiles shyly and admits, "and you gave it to me so it'll remind me of you."
rhymes!
if sekai had more restrain, they wouldn't have sex on the plane. twas hard to hide the stain and the seat rest caused much pain.
this is hard on kai, he might even die, but all sehun does is smile as he choked him with a tie
maybe he was high, or just in love in kai, sehun didn't even cry, as he was fucked in the thighs
mood hair au
an au where sehun's hair changes according to his mood: jongin thinks that sehun's hair has always been pink because that's what he sees
but one day he spots sehun at a club and his hair is a pulsing electric blue, until their eyes catch across the room and it tinges pink
when jongin stumbles in late for their first date sehun's hair is blooming red but after a quick peck on the cheek it fades to peach.
he learns to experiment- a brush of their knuckles reaching for popcorn and sehun's hair intensifies and a smile earns him a shock of pink
it's a burst of rainbow when jongin licks into his mouth just so RT @junrnyeon: @cocoonedsoul and when they kiss sehun's hair goes scarlet
RT @junrnyeon: @cocoonedsoul and when they make love for the first time it's a beautiful deep maroon that matches his well kissed swollen lips
→31/7
au where chibi line are a super upscale clique of elves and they reject chanyeol because his height is an embarrassment to elves
"his ears though," baekhyun sighs dreamily, "i just want to nibble." jongdae smacks him over the head." it's not like you can reach em."
selkie au
luhan the selkie meets fisherman jongin but dumb jongin is too busy catching fish so luhan gets tangled in the
nets on purpose and declares dramatically "OH WOE ME YOU CAUGHT ME I GUESS IM ENSLAVED TO YOU MASTER"
jongin's like "no i'll just free you-" and luhan slaps a finger on his lips. "shush you. I SAID I AM YOURS"
to ensure that jongin never leaves him,luhan turns into his human form and weaves his seal coat into a bed cover
→2/8
girl!jongin is a new employee at the manga shop, which kinda sucks because otaku luhan can't buy his hentai when he's smitten with jongin
sometimes jongin ties her auburn hair in these loose braids and luhan jerks off to images of her in a plaid skirt and thin button down
for all her bravado, jongin is shy. luhan is always afraid of pushing her, so he takes it slow with walks along the pier and ice cream cones
on their 3rd date,he brings her to hangang river and they lie on the grass, naming shapes in the clouds until the day fades and stars appear
i just want luhan clasping jongin's hand in his, blowing on them to warm her up, and then they'll hold hands in luhan's coat pocket
→7/8
"going to have massive wieners for lunch," jongin beams.
"you're going to the hotdog stand?" sehun asks, missing the way kris flushes.
au: seho (no points for guessing which is joonmyun) http://31.media.tumblr.com/3a7b1053353c7a5c037aa45b7a65ab40/tumblr_mqq3v1Z4Pz1qeeqd4o1_500.jpg
au in which kris is a cop with an affinity for life and tao sweet talks his way out of everything http://24.media.tumblr.com/97f0c4e4fb1733fbaaa56bb87eb17acd/tumblr_mr346i6V401rv79yqo1_500.png
→17/8
has there never been an au where luhan is world star kim jongin's translator, but what he's whispering in his ear on stage isn't the ment?
"what did the host say?" jongin asks, a bit panicked now because he's expected to answer, but luhan replies, "you look so sexy in your suit."
"i know that's not what he said," jongin hisses. luhan leans in closer until his breath tickles jongin's ear, "can't wait to strip it off."
"jongin, you look a bit flushed!" the host cheers.
"he asks if he can loosen his tie because it's hot," luhan volunteers on jongin's behalf.
so poor jongin, entirely confused and unable to understand mandarin, has luhan in his personal space, yanking his tie off and top two buttons.
→22/8
weatherman!au. written in full here
EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED RT @KAIwaiidesuyo: What pic.twitter.com/qXy6rTIoRu
joonmyun is the perky weatherman who's fond of old fashioned slang and encouragements, "no cloud in sight! by golly, it'll be a good day!"
and when the weather is bad his face literally becomes :( "3 inches of snow today folks. but hey!" :D "it's time for snowball fights!"
poor joonmyun gets bullied by jongin the sports announcer because "you're the weatherman. why should i believe ANYTHING you say?"
"you're amazing," jongin says and joonmyun beams until jongin continues, "such high viewer rates, and yet no one actually believes you."
"how does it feel like to tell another lie?" jongin asks when it rains. joonmyun protests, "we're 95.4% accurate." "94%," jongin corrects.
joonmyun's face falls as jongin gleefully plods on, "last sunday, gwangju had showers instead of sunshine. my nephew's picnic was ruined."
joonmyun gets stressed out when he has to bear the news of bad weather, and wears the tie with the smiley face to try to cheer people up.
there is a broadcast incident,when jongdae can no longer stand joonmyun's fashion. "I HOPE THE SUN BLINDS ME SO I WON'T SEE YOUR UGLY TIE."
he yells this just as joonmyun announces that it'll be Sunny in Seoul :D. joonmyun's face falls, "i bring cheer to the office." he doesn't.
woah there.
"what if he's the weatherman in a porno" you don't want me to tweetfic this
exo on naked news. kris slowly removing layers as he talks you through today's developments in the stock market.
"and next on naked news," jongin says, shimmying out of his socks, the last piece of clothing on his body. "suho the sexy weatherman!"
"what are you doing," jongin hisses. "STRIP." joonmyun is wearing this ugly sweater but he's not stripping. instead he babbles about kittens.
in the end suho the sexy weatherman gets downgraded to joonmyun the coffee boy, replaced by newcomer sehun who starts off already pantsless.
that concludes the Adventures of Suho the Sexy Weatherman.
(it turns out he can't even make decent coffee.")
"why does jongin like his coffee black? that's so depressing! i bet he'll like it if i added three spoonfuls of sugar. that'll cheer him up!"
this boy does the politics section on exo's naked news except he forgets their last names, and once his own name pic.twitter.com/x3yn0Jy590
(he doesn't forget to strip however, so it's all good)
→23/8
whoo xiuhan!
one day i will write a xiuhan with taylor swift lyrics woven among the narrative, and used as paragraph breakers. /nods
"keep quiet, cause we're dead if they knew," minseok whispers but luhan laughs loudly. "WELL, I'D SAY. I STOLE THIS CAR FROM THE GANG DOWN THE ROAD."
you're lucky i didn't say one direction. "minseok, stop doubting yourself," luhan says. "you're insecure, don't know what for."
"minseok," luhan coos when minseok finishes screwing in the light bulb. "you light up my world like nobody else."
omg i just realised that what makes you beautiful is literally a love song written by luhan to minseok