sometimes everything is wrong...
I've been in a shitty mood as of late and I have no idea why. It started out with the realization that some of the people who say that they are my friends are not. Then those feelings of loneliness spiraled off and created a life of their own. I don't get it. I don't understand how I went from feeling (almost) content with myself to this pit fall. Other than not having a relationship with some of my friends anymore, work is super suck as well. I know that the girls at work, and i say girls because most of them are, aren't fond of me. I'm not sure why because I don't recall pissing anyone off on purpose. I hear the way some of them talk about me. They say I'm arrogant. They say I'm a smart ass. They talk about me like I'm not even there. Usually I don't care what people have to say about me because usually when people have bad things to say about me it's because I've given them a reason. But these bitches? I have no idea what I did.
Most days I wake up wanting to cry and most nights I'll sit in my room watching tv but not really watching it. I end up staring at the screen and my mind drifts. I'm having an emotional crash and I remember that last time I felt this lonely and sad was when Lucas and I broke up nearly for years ago. Nothing seems to lift my spirits anymore and that's scary. Maybe what happened with my friend(s) was just a catalyst. I hate feeling this way and I'm not sure how to pick myself up again but I know I have to. I can't sit and let these feelings try to destroy me again. Everything I feel is bubbling to the surface all at once and it's very overwhelming. I know that this will pass as it has before. It's just taking me a little longer to make it through the storm this time. Maybe that's because I'm feeling like I'm doing it alone. I know that there are times when everyone has to go through something alone. I don't expect anyone to try and save me but it would be nice to feel like I have a port in the storm. I'm feeling very cut off from the world like I'm on the outside of my life looking in. I'm feeling restless. I can't wait for the fall semester to start that way my mind will be occupied with school work and not how shitty I'm feeling.
Most days I wake up wanting to cry and most nights I'll sit in my room watching tv but not really watching it. I end up staring at the screen and my mind drifts. I'm having an emotional crash and I remember that last time I felt this lonely and sad was when Lucas and I broke up nearly for years ago. Nothing seems to lift my spirits anymore and that's scary. Maybe what happened with my friend(s) was just a catalyst. I hate feeling this way and I'm not sure how to pick myself up again but I know I have to. I can't sit and let these feelings try to destroy me again. Everything I feel is bubbling to the surface all at once and it's very overwhelming. I know that this will pass as it has before. It's just taking me a little longer to make it through the storm this time. Maybe that's because I'm feeling like I'm doing it alone. I know that there are times when everyone has to go through something alone. I don't expect anyone to try and save me but it would be nice to feel like I have a port in the storm. I'm feeling very cut off from the world like I'm on the outside of my life looking in. I'm feeling restless. I can't wait for the fall semester to start that way my mind will be occupied with school work and not how shitty I'm feeling.