I don't want your history..

[panzermensch006]

I have to admit that my mojo has been asleep. I haven't been feeling very mojo-ish for the past few months. Now that my mojo has awaken once more I find myself with out a boy toy and thinking about one person in particular, my friend Fabian. Fabian and I have been friends for six years and we even dated at some point. I don't want him to be my boyfriend and I'm not looking for commitment. I just want a playmate/partner in crime at this point in my life. Relationships are hard work and I've had my fair share of disappointments. I think that if I'm to get involved with someone on a serious level it should be with someone that I don't have a history with. Fabian and I have too much history between us to have a successful relationship. Besides, if we were meant to be in a relationship wouldn't it have worked out the first time?

I know that I want him this way but I don't know if he wants me this way and I'm too embarrassed to ask if he does. I have to say that I have lost some of my nerve. Before I was so bold in my ways that I would have no problem asking a guy for a one night stand or to be friends with benefits. But now? I don't know what my problem is.