I wear this chaos well
Today I woke up in a good mood. That's a first for me in about a week. Last night I went out with my friends Hector and Matt. We went to the movies and then we went dancing. I didn't know where they wanted to go so we ended up at Atomix. I hadn't been there since my sister's birthday because that's where she wanted to go. I saw some people there that I haven't seen in a long while and it was nice to see them. The music was good and I danced a lot. I started to think about when Atomix use to be Sin 13 and my cousin Ruben and I would practically live there every Friday night. When I started going out it was about me, the dancefloor, and letting the good times roll. I would go dancing because I wanted to forget about all of the crap that was bothering me through the week. I wasn't working at the time and I was going through my break up with Lucas. So dancing was an escape for me. Lately, I had been feeling like I was losing the ability to enjoy myself on the dancefloor underneath the neon lights with the pounding of the music I love around me. It's nice to know that I haven't lost the ability to take pleasure in something that brings me inner peace.
I've been thinking about why I've been feeling like shit for the past week and I know what it is: I'm scared of change. A friend of mine posted that I keep saying that things in my life don't fit me. She wrote that maybe it's me who doesn't fit my life anymore. I've been struggling with who I am becoming and the fact that I've been going through these changes. I'm not the same person I was anymore and I have to stop fearing the future. I can't change the past and I don't want to repeat the mistakes I've made. My problem is that I've been trying to find happiness outside of myself by praise from people I considered important to me. Well, fuck that. No matter what seems to happen to me I seem to find the strength to pull myself up and try to be happy again. I have no idea where that strength comes from and maybe I shouldn't question its origins. I do seem to wear chaos well.
I've been thinking about why I've been feeling like shit for the past week and I know what it is: I'm scared of change. A friend of mine posted that I keep saying that things in my life don't fit me. She wrote that maybe it's me who doesn't fit my life anymore. I've been struggling with who I am becoming and the fact that I've been going through these changes. I'm not the same person I was anymore and I have to stop fearing the future. I can't change the past and I don't want to repeat the mistakes I've made. My problem is that I've been trying to find happiness outside of myself by praise from people I considered important to me. Well, fuck that. No matter what seems to happen to me I seem to find the strength to pull myself up and try to be happy again. I have no idea where that strength comes from and maybe I shouldn't question its origins. I do seem to wear chaos well.