Eclipse Chapters 17 and 18: AND THEN THEY PLANNED EVERYTHING IN A PLAN
Chapter 17
Alice turns her house into a rave, and the Cullens looks like fucking clowns under the crazy disco lights. Everyone's like UHHH.... NICE PARTY 9_9 OH HI BELLA, NICE PARTY 9_9
I'm assuming there's coke there and a lot of booze, because Meyer goes on about how this is the best party the town has ever seen, and how no one would ever forget what a bitchin party it was, etc. And that's not possible without at least a little drinky.
Jacob and friends show up to be sexy in the general area.
Jacob: I made you this present. It took my ninety years.
Bella: idgaf brb
Jacob: Wow, bitchy much?
Bella: HOW DARE YOU!!!!!
Anyway, the vampires and wurrwolves decide to form a reading rainbow to stop the gang war between the other vampires, who are searching for Bella because-- yyyyawwwwwwn, on sorry, just shat my pants out of boredom.
Um, the wurrwolves do things at the exact same time. Cross their arms, laugh, roll their eyes, masturbate. That's kind of cool TOO BAD THEY'RE NOT IMPORTANT.
Chapter 18
Bella wants to go to the war meeting, but Edward says no, so she plays on his emotions and threatens to ask Jacob to take her instead. Because she's selfless. Just so we're clear.
And Victoria, that stupid, useless bitch from the first book who does nothing, is orchestrating the attack because she hates Bella.
THEN THE WOLFPACK SHOWS UP, and Wardo is a mouth puppet for Samimus Prime, because dem wolves are in dey wolf form for great lulz, or something.
Lalala, some fighting, lalala, Jacob licks Bella's face, lalala. OH GOD, THEY PLAN FOREVER. Bella angsts and wishes to throw herself to die and save everyone else, contradicting everything else her character does, some boring shit happens, I kill myself, the Queen dies, Charles gets eaten by Camilla, the pot boils over... and that's how exciting this is. Except for that part about the Queen.
The end.
Alice turns her house into a rave, and the Cullens looks like fucking clowns under the crazy disco lights. Everyone's like UHHH.... NICE PARTY 9_9 OH HI BELLA, NICE PARTY 9_9
I'm assuming there's coke there and a lot of booze, because Meyer goes on about how this is the best party the town has ever seen, and how no one would ever forget what a bitchin party it was, etc. And that's not possible without at least a little drinky.
Jacob and friends show up to be sexy in the general area.
Jacob: I made you this present. It took my ninety years.
Bella: idgaf brb
Jacob: Wow, bitchy much?
Bella: HOW DARE YOU!!!!!
Anyway, the vampires and wurrwolves decide to form a reading rainbow to stop the gang war between the other vampires, who are searching for Bella because-- yyyyawwwwwwn, on sorry, just shat my pants out of boredom.
Um, the wurrwolves do things at the exact same time. Cross their arms, laugh, roll their eyes, masturbate. That's kind of cool TOO BAD THEY'RE NOT IMPORTANT.
Chapter 18
Bella wants to go to the war meeting, but Edward says no, so she plays on his emotions and threatens to ask Jacob to take her instead. Because she's selfless. Just so we're clear.
And Victoria, that stupid, useless bitch from the first book who does nothing, is orchestrating the attack because she hates Bella.
THEN THE WOLFPACK SHOWS UP, and Wardo is a mouth puppet for Samimus Prime, because dem wolves are in dey wolf form for great lulz, or something.
Lalala, some fighting, lalala, Jacob licks Bella's face, lalala. OH GOD, THEY PLAN FOREVER. Bella angsts and wishes to throw herself to die and save everyone else, contradicting everything else her character does, some boring shit happens, I kill myself, the Queen dies, Charles gets eaten by Camilla, the pot boils over... and that's how exciting this is. Except for that part about the Queen.
The end.