Cucumber Thief Song (feat. Kelly Dodson)

[ttlynotblue]

STOP!
Do you know where your Cucumis sativus is at this time of night?
I don't mean to cause alarm but I have very strong reason to believe there may be a cucumber thief on the loose. Over the last three weeks I have come home to find any cucumbers I had left out on the counter to of mysteriously vanished during my absents. Even more alarming, the

Comments

[scaronhisface]

Sounds like you have a pest.

[ttlynotblue]

A frightfully clever and daring one, at that.

[scaronhisface]

...Are you sure they're just not taking bites when you aren't looking?

[ttlynotblue]

Urd doesn't eat cucumbers.

[scaronhisface]

Anyone else there with you? ...Or anything?

[ttlynotblue]

Yorda wouldn't... At least, I don't think she would. Would she?

[scaronhisface]

That's all? Nothing else around that might need to eat? Nothing at all?

[ttlynotblue]

...

WHERE WERE YOU THE AFTERNOON OF AUGUST TWENTY FIRST?!

[scaronhisface]

You're out of your mind.

[ttlynotblue]

Am I? Or do you just not want to admit you're scared of the cucumber ghost bandit?

[scaronhisface]

Dude, you have something that keeps on eating them behind your back. It's not that hard to figure out.

[ttlynotblue]

... You're like a constant downer, hu?

[scaronhisface]

Hey, I'm just pointing out the obvious.

[ttlynotblue]

And you do it very well.

But it's also obvious to me that there's something troubling you. What's the problem? Is it a girl? The doctor is in, hun. Tell me all about it.

[scaronhisface]

...What are you talking about?

[ttlynotblue]

I get it, you're embarrassed. Or maybe ashamed. But my girlfriend, Yolanda, went through the same thing. Girl, let me tell you, the only one who can fix this is you. You need to get your act together!