(no subject)
i don't have any desire or motivation to do anything except go to japan so that i can start going to school & try to make headway in life
i don't want to go to new york
i don't feel happy that i'm in a relationship
i don't feel anything in regards to it
i'm obviously just totally emotionally fucked
i want to go home but i don't know where that is
it used to be here but it's gone
& i really don't think anyone can help
i just want everyone to get the fuck away & leave me alone
just let me be alone in a pretty foreign country with pretty people & pretty things where i can exist quietly on the outside until i die.
EDIT 4:17am
This is all just
Me not understanding
How to deal with the pain of losing my dog
Of losing a family member
Losing the purest & most gentle creature I have ever known & will ever know
Losing him prematurely
Losing him without even knowing that he was going anywhere
Everyday gets more & more painful as it sinks further & further in that I will never get to see him again
It hurts so much I can't I just can't
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