Smiling as the shit comes down

[dr_gregoryhouse]

Who: House, Chase (NPC), open
Where: House's office; heading down to the cafeteria
What: New case. Getting something to eat + avoiding Wilson and Cuddy
When: Day after House's meeting with Cade - Friday, 12th May, almost midday.

Comments

[dr_gregoryhouse]

It turned out, after the second fundoscopy, the kid had shadows on the retina -- which House discovered, after ordering a CT scan of the kid's brain, were retinal haemorrhages. He noticed the falx of the brain was prominent, the white shadow on the scans indicating the kid was haemorrhaging on the brain. The first conclusion that House came to was that the kid had been severely shaken, gathering from the cerebral edema present on the brain and a slight midline shift in the prosterior region. Foreman had argued that House was jumping to conclusions -- that the haematoma could've eventuated from any number of causes still uninvestigated, but House refused to listen -- he ordered for the team to keep a close watch on the parents, to take note of any unusual behaviour around the kid

[dr_j_wilson]

The last thing Wilson expected was a knock on his door later that night, though the way his day had gone he supposed he probably shouldn’t have been so surprised

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House half-expected Wilson not to answer the door. In fact, as he stood outside the door, waiting for Wilson to answer (or not answer), House debated to himself why he was here. He ran through his mind things he could say to perhaps ease the situation, and nothing seemed right. He almost felt like an idiot, standing there with no idea what to do or say, no idea how to better the situation, no idea of anything

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson stared back at House and didn’t immediately reply or make any move to either open or close the door. It was impossible to tell by House’s expression why he’d come, though it was something that he wasn’t trying to force himself through the door at least.

For a brief flash, Wilson had déjà vu - remembering when House had shown up at the hotel he’d been staying at under similar circumstances. The memory made Wilson feel heavy. Was it always going to be like this between them? Was there any such thing as a happy ending? Or just… happiness?

“I’m not in the mood to fight,” Wilson stated, opening the door another couple of inches. “But, if you promise to actually behave like an adult for once, by talking reasonably, then you can come in,” Wilson said. “Otherwise… no, I’m not going to let you in.”

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House sighed and gave Wilson an impatient look before he glanced down the end of the corridor. He contemplated just leaving, because he mostly doubted Wilson was going to let him in. The thing was, he hadn't come here with the intention of fighting, so... no. He wasn't here to fight. He was here to... he had no idea. Not fight. Maybe talk.

He looked back to Wilson with a relenting expression on his face. Rubbing his hand across his forehead, he then shook his head as he dropped his hand to the strap of his backpack and adjusted its weight on his shoulder.

"I'm not..." He paused and peered at Wilson through the door. "I'm not here to fight. Just... let me in." He paused again, and then added for good measure, "Please."

[dr_j_wilson]

Wondering if he was going to regret this later, Wilson gave House a last measuring look before taking a step back and pushing the door open wider. Turning around, Wilson walked away and left House to close the door.

“Have you had dinner?” Wilson asked, keeping his tone neutral. If they were going to talk, he didn’t want to get straight into it. “I’m going to order something in,” Wilson said, picking up his cordless phone and a list he had of nearby fast food joints.

He didn’t wait for House’s reply before starting to punch in the number for a Chinese shop; Wilson didn’t want to appear like he cared, right now, whether or not House had eaten or what he wanted to eat if he hadn’t.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House watched Wilson walking off and then hesitantly stepped into the apartment, shaking his head at Wilson's question. "No," he muttered, though he doubted Wilson heard him. Or even cared, judging by the way he appeared not to care either way. House wasn't really hungry, anyway

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson looked over at House, trying to gauge why House was asking. He certainly hadn’t seemed to care earlier. “A little,” Wilson replied after a beat and moved to put the phone back in the cradle. He’d ordered Chinese and enough to share… in case House ended up wanting any and if they managed to get to that point without things degenerating again.

Walking over to the couch, Wilson dumped himself onto it at one corner. “Sit down,” Wilson sighed, when House didn’t move from where he was standing. The wall between them was almost more painful than anything else. It seemed like an age ago that House stayed over after the dinner with Cuddy. Wilson considered that the last time they were really together - he didn’t count the threesome with Cuddy. Not now after everything had gone to hell because of that

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House hesitated before he moved across to the sofa, taking a seat on the far end. He sat stiffly with his elbows on his knees, his hands holding his cane between his legs. This suffocating silence reminded House of how things were when everything was so new and confusing. It made him think of when he'd slept with the hooker -- how tense everything was after that. This is exactly what this felt like. Except worse because of how much was now between Wilson and himself.

"Stable at the moment," he replied, resting his chin against the handle of his cane. "Kid's got a interhemispheric subdural haematoma. Haemorrhaging on the retinas. Looks like the kid was severely shaken."

He glanced towards Wilson and met his eyes before quickly looking away again. He focused on looking around the room, now rubbing his chin against the handle of his cane in thought. The silence was so thick, it figuratively could've been cut with a knife.

"I didn't come here to discuss my patient," House added tersely after a stifling pause.

[dr_j_wilson]

Shaken? Obviously, House didn’t mean that metaphorically. Wilson dealt with very sick kids all the time, but to have an abused child… That was even worse. There wasn’t much he could say to that so Wilson didn’t say anything. He looked away, contemplating the bookshelf across the room.

When House spoke again, Wilson stiffened for a moment before looking over at him. Had House even come over for a specific reason? Wilson wondered. It wouldn’t be unusual for House to do something impulsive, but Wilson supposed it had to mean something that House had come. It had to mean that he wanted to work things out, didn’t it?

Unless… Wilson remembered that House had never answered his question about whether or not he’d rather break up than work his issues out. Wilson’s expression tightened and he looked away again, resisting the urge to fold his arms protectively over his chest. “So, what did you come here for?”

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House pressed his lips against the handle of his cane for a moment, staring at the coffee table. He ran through his mind the ridiculous yet caustic fight that they'd had in the lab, and House sighed quietly. Had he even meant all those things he'd said? Well... yes. But it was always only in retrospects that he realised how hurtful he was. He'd meant what he said because his insecurity was very real, but instead of just voicing those insecurities like a normal person would, he'd gone and attacked Wilson

[dr_j_wilson]

After meeting House’s eyes for a moment, Wilson looked down at his lap and was silent for a short while. Not good at relationships… well, that pretty much went without saying. Wilson was under no delusions about House - or himself for that matter. He had never expected things to be perfect, but the way House acted sometimes… it was almost like he was trying to damage what they had.

Wilson just didn’t know how to deal with House’s destructiveness, it seemed, when it came to something as personal as their relationship.

“You say that and yet I think at least a part of you doesn’t want this at all. You don’t want to be in love with me, you don’t want to be happy,” Wilson said quietly but intensely. “You refuse to believe in being happy, so you poke holes in anything that might actually make you happy

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House stared at Wilson for a long moment before he looked down at the coffee table. In only a matter of a few sentences, Wilson managed to completely dissect to the heart of House's issues. House had been getting so confused with his own thoughts that he almost couldn't decipher what his own issues were.

You refuse to believe in being happy... House's mind instantly thought back to when Cuddy had given him the placebo. He'd confronted her in anger in her office, and what had he told her? That he didn't see the point in being happy. Because happiness never lasted, people never stayed, trust always got betrayed at some point, everybody lies. And here he'd found happiness with Wilson, and just as things were getting good, House liked the happiness... but couldn't handle it at the same time. This whole thing with Cuddy was a perfect reason to justify why happiness never lasted

[dr_j_wilson]

Seeing House look like he was about to leave made Wilson reach over and grab House’s wrist before he’d even consciously registered what he was doing. Once he had a hold of House though, he didn’t let go. It showed, maybe, just how unwilling Wilson was to let House go, either now or for the ling run, despite everything. How unwilling he was to give up.

“You’re capable of change. I know you are,” Wilson said, sliding over towards House so there wasn’t a huge gap between them. Not a physical one, anyway. “If you want to be with me…” Wilson trailed off and sighed, looking down at where he was holding House’s wrist.

“You do make me happy. Most of the time,” Wilson said. “And I don’t expect to be happy all the time. But you at least need to… to believe that this can work. You at least need to want this to work.” Wilson raised his eyes to House’s face, looking at him intently.

“Is it that hard for you? Would you be giving up so much, just to believe in the possibility of being happy?”

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House looked down at Wilson's hand clutching his wrist. He wanted it to work but like almost all things, he didn't expect it to work in the long run. It was therefore easier to wall himself up when things started going sour, to stop himself from getting hurt -- but hurting everyone else around him in the process. Perpetual pessimist that House could be, and usually was

[dr_j_wilson]

There were a lot of things Wilson could have said, but as House tugged him closer the energy to say any of it went right out of him for the moment. Sliding an arm around House’s middle, Wilson relaxed in against him and rested his chin on House’s shoulder with his eyes closed.

The physical closeness didn’t fool Wilson into thinking anything had really been solved but maybe it soothed the wounds they’d dealt each other the past couple of days. At least a little.

“Is it really easier?” Wilson eventually asked. “You may avoid disappointments, but you’ll still be unhappy. Isn’t it better to risk everything and have a chance of having it all, rather than not even trying?”

Almost subconsciously, Wilson tightened his hold around House, as if he was willing House to listen to what he was saying. To realise he belonged here. That Wilson wanted him here, more than anything else.