Smiling as the shit comes down

[dr_gregoryhouse]

Who: House, Chase (NPC), open
Where: House's office; heading down to the cafeteria
What: New case. Getting something to eat + avoiding Wilson and Cuddy
When: Day after House's meeting with Cade - Friday, 12th May, almost midday.

Comments

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House looked down at Wilson's hand clutching his wrist. He wanted it to work but like almost all things, he didn't expect it to work in the long run. It was therefore easier to wall himself up when things started going sour, to stop himself from getting hurt -- but hurting everyone else around him in the process. Perpetual pessimist that House could be, and usually was.

He relaxed slightly, deciding against getting up for the moment. "It's easier to believe that it's not a possibility," House said as he looked back at Wilson. "No disappointments that way when it all goes to shit."

He paused as he looked back down to the floor. "But the thing is, I want this to work." He gave a brief, ironic smile. "Can't have it both ways, right?"

House swivelled his cane left to right a few times in his hand before looking back to Wilson. He met his eyes, watching them for a moment, and then pulled his wrist free from Wilson's grasp. Lifting his arm, he clasped his hand over the back of Wilson's neck and rubbed it lightly.

Tightening his hand, he tugged on Wilson's neck, urging Wilson closer as he murmured, "Come here."

[dr_j_wilson]

There were a lot of things Wilson could have said, but as House tugged him closer the energy to say any of it went right out of him for the moment. Sliding an arm around House’s middle, Wilson relaxed in against him and rested his chin on House’s shoulder with his eyes closed.

The physical closeness didn’t fool Wilson into thinking anything had really been solved but maybe it soothed the wounds they’d dealt each other the past couple of days. At least a little.

“Is it really easier?” Wilson eventually asked. “You may avoid disappointments, but you’ll still be unhappy. Isn’t it better to risk everything and have a chance of having it all, rather than not even trying?”

Almost subconsciously, Wilson tightened his hold around House, as if he was willing House to listen to what he was saying. To realise he belonged here. That Wilson wanted him here, more than anything else.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House remained staring down at the coffee table as he kept a hold on the back of Wilson's neck, focusing on the warmth of Wilson's arm around him and his body next to him. Occasionally, he stroked his thumb down the length of Wilson's neck or gave a slight squeeze. He, too, was feeling suddenly tired from all of this, from how little sleep he'd got, from how emotionally taxing this whole mess was.

He let out a quiet sigh at Wilson's question. Was it really easier? Yeah, it was in a lot of ways. It was easier to believe that relationships were conditional, that they amounted to much more hurt when they came crumbling to pieces, than it was to believe that relationships had the ability to be unconditional. In House's point of view, he'd been incredibly hurt by what happened between himself and Stacy -- granted, he'd been the one to push her away, but her leaving just proved to House that relationships all worked upon condition. That was what he wanted to believe, anyway; it made dealing with the hurt easier than to accept what had happened.

"I had everything with Stacy," he replied in a murmur, "and look how much of a disappointment that turned out to be."

He squeezed the back of Wilson's neck again. He found himself thinking back to what Wilson had said in the lab -- about the fact that he'd never been in love with a woman -- and it made House wonder if he was the first person Wilson had ever actually been in love with. He felt too gutless to ask.

House tugged Wilson a little closer to him. "But that's why I'm here," he forced himself to press on. Because he knew if he didn't at least try to communicate then things between Wilson and himself could only get worse, and as much as House could be a masochist for unhappiness he didn't actually want this to get any worse. "Because as easy as it would be to just give up, I don't want to."

Which probably said a lot more than what House was actually saying. Despite the nasty things he'd said to Wilson, despite how fragile the last few days had been, despite how all over the place he'd been the last week or so. It was a kind of roundabout way of saying that he loved Wilson, without actually having to say it.

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson tensed up when House spoke about Stacy, expecting the worst. It hurt a little too, in some undefined way, to hear House say that he had had everything with Stacy - even though it hadn’t worked out. Wilson supposed he couldn’t help comparing himself to her, and his and House’s relationship to House and Stacy’s, since he had been right there throughout their’s.

A moment later though, Wilson pushed all thoughts of Stacy out of his mind and relaxed again to hear House say he didn’t want to give up. That had to mean that House loved him enough to risk being hurt… didn’t it?

Wilson shifted his hand to the middle of House’s chest and then higher up to his jaw while he pulled back a little. Tilting House’s head towards him, Wilson met House’s eyes for a moment before leaning in and brushing their lips together. After only a few seconds, Wilson then pressed his forehead against House’s temple and started to speak quietly, wanting to give House an idea of what he could have. What they both could have.

“I want to live with you again, eventually. I want you to be there when I go to sleep and there in the morning when I wake up. I want to have stupid arguments with you over the dishes and listen to your tasteless jokes and complaints about your patients. I want to be there when you start pretending to be deaf from old age. I want you to keep making me laugh at things I don’t want to laugh at….” Wilson breathed out gently. “Most of all, I just want you to believe all that’s a possibility.”

There was a knock on the door then and Wilson sat back, meeting House’s eyes briefly before he got to his feet. Picking up his wallet from the coffee table, Wilson walked over and paid the delivery guy. “There’s some beer in the fridge,” Wilson said, speaking normally again as if nothing remarkable had just happened, as he walked back to put the food on the coffee table.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House actually closed his eyes for a few seconds when Wilson talked, and found himself instantly picturing everything Wilson was suggesting to him. It wasn't hard to, because almost everything that Wilson mentioned were things that already were a part of their relationship, both before they got together and now. But the difference was thinking about those things in terms of a lifetime; in terms of these things being a part of their life together.

It almost made him smile. Feeling Wilson's breath against his cheek, House opened his eyes and trained them down at the coffee table, and felt his chest tighten. Try as he might to refuse to believe that all relationships were conditional, what Wilson talked about was what House wanted. He wanted that. Wasn't that the whole reason why he'd worked through all of this with Wilson in the first place? Otherwise, why was he bothering?

He felt a mild twinge of disappointment when he heard the knock on the door, though sat back and rubbed his face with his hand as Wilson got up from the couch. It seemed he had the same idea as Wilson because a moment later he was pushing himself up off the sofa to get a couple of beers just as Wilson said that there were beers in the fridge. After divesting himself of his jacket which he still hadn't taken off since arriving in Wilson's apartment, House made his way out to the kitchen and fetched two bottles, and then came back out into the living room.

He set them down on the coffee table by where Wilson was putting the food out, and when Wilson had set the last container out House grabbed a hold of Wilson's arm before he could move to sit down. Urging Wilson to face him, House dropped his cane on the sofa and then reached both hands up to Wilson's face, clutching it firmly as he drew Wilson towards him. Leaning in to meet Wilson's mouth halfway, House pressed his lips to Wilson's and kissed him with a sudden deepness, as though to convey to him how much he wanted all the things that Wilson said.

[dr_j_wilson]

Knowing how uncomfortable any kind of deep and meaningful type of talk made House, Wilson didn’t expect him to say anything or even acknowledge what he’d said at all - he just hoped that House at least thought about it. So, he was a little startled when House kissed him. Not just because of the kiss, but the intensity of it. Not that it took Wilson long to recover and to reciprocate.

Sliding his arms around House, Wilson kissed him back and pressed in against his body. Wilson had no idea how long the kiss lasted, lost as he was in the feel of House and the hope that this was House’s way of saying he wanted a future together. Eventually though, he remembered the food and reluctantly pulled back.

Meeting House’s gaze, Wilson found himself smiling, though hesitantly. He rested a hand on House’s shoulder and squeezed it before drawing himself away entirely to sit down on the couch. “There’s enough here for you, if you’re hungry,” Wilson said, picking up one of the cartons.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House licked his lips as Wilson pulled back and watched him sit down on the sofa. He still wasn't all that hungry, but eating sounded like a good plan while the food was available. After all, he wasn't about to turn down free food, hungry or not. Limping his way around the coffee table to the other side of the sofa, House sat down next to Wilson and reached for one of the cartons.

House wanted to think that the whole situation was put behind them. He wasn't naïve to think that, though, because regardless as to what he and Wilson just discussed, there was still the issue of what happened between them and Cuddy hanging over them and there was no way House could just dismiss that. Whether he got jealous and insecure over the situation again remained to be seen. Hell, he still had yet to see Cuddy face to face and God only knew what that would amount to.

There was also the whole... not-situation with Cade. That had left House feeling uneasy and unsettled enough for it to mean something; he just didn't know what it meant at the moment. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. He had a feeling it possibly wouldn't go down too well if Wilson found out he'd taken Cade for a ride on his bike. Considering House hardly ever used his bike to transport people around, and considering the timing of that whole bike ride -- right at the apex of a volatile situation -- it didn't look too good. Even though nothing happened. But the point was, House had entertained the idea of something happening, and that was the issue he couldn't shake from his mind.

Realising he'd lapsed into silence as he stewed all of this over in his mind, House grabbed up a pair of chopsticks and settled back against the sofa, aimlessly winding a spiel of noodles onto his chopsticks. He was still feeling awkward from the conversation they'd had, and the thoughts that had been going through his mind, so House struggled to find something to say to fill the silence.

Deciding to opt for something completely distracting, he said, "I had a guy in clinic tell me today that he was taking peanut butter balls to control his epilepsy." He angled the food towards his mouth. "I knew he meant Phenobarbital. I decided not to correct him, though. Too amusing to hear him talk in all seriousness about confusion being a side effect that his peanut butter flavoured balls were apparently inducing."

[dr_j_wilson]

In the middle of taking a sip from his beer and deliberating over his own musings, Wilson nearly choked when he started to laugh. “You’re kidding,” Wilson said after he’d recovered, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and looking over at House.

In all actuality, it wasn’t all that surprising. Having years of experience himself, Wilson had had his share of oddball patients. Wilson chuckled again at the image of this patient talking about his peanut butter balls and House there looking amused, but saying nothing.

“Poor man. In all fairness, Phenobarbital is a bit of a mouthful. Why pharmaceutical companies have to make names so difficult is beyond my understanding.” Wilson drank from his beer again before picking up his chopsticks. “Take Acetaminophen, Cyclobenzaprine and Hydrochlorothiazide for example,” Wilson continued. “Who expects the typical person, who hasn’t go years of experience with medical jargon, to deal with those?”

Wilson shook his head and dug into his food again. Looking up, he considered turning the TV on but then decided against it. It was nice just to sit here and chat about nothing in particular. To forget, for the moment, all the drama and issues.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

"It's why they give those drugs neat little brand names. They're like catchy advertisment jingles. Sildenafil citrate? No one's knows what the hell you're talking about? But say 'viagra' and suddenly everyone's an expert."

He glanced across at Wilson and gave him a brief smile before he shovelled the noodles into his mouth and chewed quickly. Considering how tense everything had been earlier, this felt good; this easier atmosphere between them, talking about stuff they both related to, stuff that was inane and stuff that made them laugh. It reminded House of when Wilson was around at his place for Christmas Eve. That had been a fun, relaxed night. The memory made him grin as he swallowed his food.

"You know what I hate?" he continued after a moment of silence from chewing. "Patients who complain that doctors' bills are too high, and yet have an Escalade parked up in the hospital car park, fully owned while managing to get by on welfare. Luxuries are never too expensive, but saving lives are."

He swirled up another spiel of noodles. "Like those moms who come in and say they don't know their sick kid's temperature because they can't 'afford' a thermometer, but they have one or two unopened packets of cigarettes in their handbag. Bet it wouldn't kill them to pawn those cigarettes and go and buy a ten dollar thermometer from Walmart."

[dr_j_wilson]

"Mm," was all Wilson replied with, since he was in the middle of chewing. Thinking of irresponsible parents unfortunately made him think of his own parents, which was like putting salt into a wound. A wound that haven't even begun to heal. Wilson's parents still hadn't so much as called him since his visit and announcement that he was gay.

A part of him was still hoping that they'd get over the initial shock and move on. Another part of Wilson recognised it was possible that they'd never get over it at all. There was the added problem of not knowing whether to ring his brother or not. Would his parents have told Rick? And if they hadn’t, Wilson didn’t know if he wanted to or not, considering how well it had gone over with his parents. But it was Rick’s birthday soon and if he didn’t ring….

"Such is the world we live in," Wilson said finally, realising he'd lapsed into silence for a little too long and snapping himself back into the present. Searching for something more positive to talk about, Wilson had a tentative idea. “Maybe we could… do something together this weekend. Something other than what we normally do, I mean,” Wilson suggested.

So much of what they did was what they’d always done - as friends. If they were going to be a couple than they had to act like a couple, didn’t they? Of course, the problem was being able to do something that other couples did without making House uncomfortable about their relationship in the public eye. “We could go somewhere on your bike,” Wilson said after a moment, glancing at House again.

Sure, he didn’t love the bike like House did, but if it meant they get away far enough that maybe House wouldn’t be so uptight about them… well, it was worth it in Wilson’s books. Just when Wilson was starting to warm up to this idea, he remembered House’s patient. “Oh, wait… right. Your patient, I forgot. I guess you’ll be going in to work tomorrow?”

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House glanced at Wilson. He'd noticed the silence and wondered what it was that Wilson had lapsed into silence over. And then when Wilson mentioned going away, specifically on House's bike, House had a sudden memory of taking Cade home on his bike flash through his mind. It made him feel uncomfortable, that he was hiding that from Wilson, even though nothing had happened. But it would probably sound worse coming from Cade, if he piped up to Wilson that House had taken him for a spin on his motorcycle. Especially after the huge rift that had happened between Wilson and himself. But he didn't particularly want to tell Wilson, either; not after how fragile everything was.

"Yeah," he replied a little distractedly, looking back to his meal again. “‘Fraid so. In the morning, anyway. I’ll otherwise be on-call."

The idea of going away sounded good, though. Maybe if they got away for a couple of days, they could push aside this whole thing that had erupted between them since sleeping with Cuddy. But he had his patient to think about and he wasn’t going to be able to just up and leave.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts. “Doesn’t mean we can’t do something here in Princeton,” he added after a small pause. He looked across at Wilson. “That way, I can be on-call and go if I have to. We could do something different, like… go paintballing. Or maybe a karaoke bar.” He smiled to show that he was mostly joking -- though doing something fun did sound appealing.

“Or we could leave the going away thing until next weekend, and just hang out here with some greasy pizza, rent some B-grade horror movies from the video store and annoy each other stupid. That way, if I do get called in, I can always return and resume annoying you.”

He gave Wilson another brief smile; an affectionate one this time.

[dr_j_wilson]

Wilson snorted at the idea of going paint-balling or to a karaoke bar with House - or with anyone for that matter. One second thought though, he could actually see House paint-balling. House would probably build himself a hidden fort so he wouldn’t have to move around and then proceed to blast everyone he could with as much paint as possible.

“B-grade horror movies?” Wilson repeated, trying to sound disdainful, though he wasn’t really. What would be annoying was if House got called in but Wilson was in no way naïve about the necessities of their jobs. It was probably just as well that they were both doctors, because they both understood that their work had to come first. At least some times.

It was something Wilson’s wives had never really understood. Though, of course, they also had to deal with him putting House first too, which had probably been more of an issue.

“All right, but I at least get to choose one of the movies,” Wilson said, picking up his beer. He frowned down at the bottle a moment before looking at House. “Do you… want to stay here tonight?”

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House met Wilson's eyes. He knew that while they'd resolved the tension between them, they hadn't really resolved the issue. He was okay with that, though, because if Wilson was willing to put that aside and ignore the issue, then so was House. Besides, he'd much rather stay the night with Wilson than spend another night on his own with his thoughts.

He nodded after a moment's thought, and he looked back down to what remained of his meal. "Yeah," he replied before setting the carton down onto the coffee table. "Yeah, alright."

He glanced at his watch. "Might head home and grab a few things, first," he added, remembering the last time he'd stayed the night and Wilson telling him he could stash some of his stuff here. And not only that, he was going to need clean clothes for work the next day, or in case he was called in to the hospital.

"In fact, might do that now," he continued after a short pause, shifting to the edge of the sofa. "I'll check on Hewy, Dewy and Lewy while I'm at it. See if they've got anything new on the kid. Seeing I haven't heard from them, I doubt there're any developments."

He pushed himself up from the sofa with his cane and looked down at Wilson. "Shouldn't be too long. Thirty minutes, tops." He started around the coffee table and when he reached Wilson's side of the sofa, he stopped again and peered down at Wilson.

He stood there for a moment before he hesitantly braced his hand on the arm of the sofa as he leaned down. He pressed a tentative kiss to Wilson's lips and then pulled back again. "Be back soon."

[dr_j_wilson]

“Okay… sure,” Wilson said and put his beer down. He was a little surprised that House had agreed to stay… and in fact apparently wanted to stay so much that he was willing to go home and collect his belongings before coming back again. Wilson had half expected House to say that he couldn’t because he had to go into work in the morning and he didn’t have any of his things with him.

Wilson’s lips quirked up at the mention of ‘Hewy, Dewy and Lewy’ and he nodded, watching House start towards the door. The way House paused and looked down at him made Wilson frown a little in confusion, wondering what was going through House’s mind.

The confusion disappeared when House started to lean down and Wilson lifted his chin to meet the kiss. It was so quick and tentative that Wilson barely felt it, but that didn’t stop his body reacting to the touch, sending a pleasant tingle over his skin.

Instead of saying anything, Wilson just smiled and watched House leave. It was a few minutes before Wilson resumed eating again, having lost himself in his thoughts again. Picking up the remote, Wilson turned the TV on and flicked it onto a ‘Law & Order’ show. Wilson didn’t really like them, but at least it was mindless and something to do.

Maybe it was the help of having something in his stomach, or because of the lessening of tension between he and House, but Wilson’s headache had finally subsided completely. After he’d finished his dinner and beer, Wilson stretched out on the couch before pulling the afghan over his body and continued watching TV while waiting for House to return.

[dr_gregoryhouse]

House called the office when he got outside, and a very tired-sounding team informed him that the kid was so far stable, that there'd been no developments. He told them to keep him posted before he snapped his phone shut, mounted his bike after pulling his helmet on and then rode off to his apartment.

When he got there, he dug around until he located a small duffel bag from his overflowing closet and moved into his bedroom, where he stuffed a few t-shirts, a couple of pairs of jeans, sweatpants, boxers and socks in the bag. Moving out to the bathroom, he snatched up his toothbrush and then headed out to the lounge room, where he grabbed an extra bottle of pills, his cell phone charger and a couple of books. He'd packed enough to last him a few days at Wilson's apartment, though he wasn't actually sure how long he intended to stay. Wilson had said for the night, but there was every bit the possibility that one night could stretch into two, or maybe three. His bag packed, House locked up his apartment and headed back out to his bike.

He rode back to Wilson's, and was true to his word -- he'd been gone about thirty minutes by the time he was standing in front of Wilson's apartment door, knocking to be let in.

"No change," he announced when the door was opened, referring to his patient. He stepped into the apartment, adding as he closed the door behind him, "Which means something'll probably happen in the middle of the night, because that's the way things usually go. Murphy's Law or some crap like that."

House then motioned to his bag. "Just going to dump this is your room."

[dr_j_wilson]

The knock on his door made Wilson remember that he had yet to get a key cut for House. He supposed he could do that in the morning when House went into work. The sight of the full bag House had with him made Wilson smile a little - it seemed House was taking him up on the offer of moving some of his things in.

“You can put your clothes away,” Wilson said. “I… made some space for you in the closet. And the dresser drawer on the left is free.”

Meeting House’s eyes for a moment, Wilson then turned and went back to sit on the couch. He picked up the remote and scanned the digital guides to see if there was anything on that they could both watch. An old science-fiction movie was about to start on one channel and Wilson stopped on that, thinking it might be amusing if nothing else.

Wilson looked over at House when he came back and put the remote back on the coffee table. “Up for a B-grade sci-fi movie?”