Happy International Whoops! Day
It is the 98th anniversary of the start of this little thing we know as World War I, aka the Great War (title formerly held by the unpleasantness between 1618 and 1648).
Without meaning to make light of the nightmares of many a good soldier who suffered through those years, and those of the civilians as well, this year I'm giving the stage to Captain Edmund Blackadder, whose wry wit is comment enough:
"You've come to the right place, Bob. A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, Viking Chieftain, ordered ten thousand helmets with the horns on the inside."
In defense of the generals who managed their lot so ham-handedly, it only seems fair to point out that just about every war in the half-century prior (with some notable exceptions) was shorter and smaller in every way: Spanish-American War? Less than two years. Russo-Japanese? Less than two years. Franco-Prussian? Less than two years. First, Second, and Third Balkan wars? Months. The Six Weeks War of 1868. Sino-Japanese War? You get the idea.
While, on the one hand, everybody planned for full mobilization, intending on getting there firstest with the mostest, and everybody assumed that mobilization meant war, nobody seems to have recognized the likelihood that with everybody doing this, it wasn't gonna be over by Xmas...until, of course, it was too late.
In short, it was a horrid mess, and we're still reeling from some of the repercussions. So tonight I lift my glass in solemn remembrance of all the poor bastards in the line, whatever their side.
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On a similar dreary side-note, here's a thought experiment: what if the US had gotten it's collective arse handed to it by the Spanish in Cuba in 1898? It is very rare for an army to conduct itself as poorly as we did at the Battle of San Juan Hill and still win.
Had we lost, would we have learned a bit of humility? Alas, I doubt it. William Randolph Hearst was not the sort of man to admit that he'd screwed up, and I expect that we'd have doubled down instead. American exceptionalism makes for fine folly.
Without meaning to make light of the nightmares of many a good soldier who suffered through those years, and those of the civilians as well, this year I'm giving the stage to Captain Edmund Blackadder, whose wry wit is comment enough:
"You've come to the right place, Bob. A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, Viking Chieftain, ordered ten thousand helmets with the horns on the inside."
In defense of the generals who managed their lot so ham-handedly, it only seems fair to point out that just about every war in the half-century prior (with some notable exceptions) was shorter and smaller in every way: Spanish-American War? Less than two years. Russo-Japanese? Less than two years. Franco-Prussian? Less than two years. First, Second, and Third Balkan wars? Months. The Six Weeks War of 1868. Sino-Japanese War? You get the idea.
While, on the one hand, everybody planned for full mobilization, intending on getting there firstest with the mostest, and everybody assumed that mobilization meant war, nobody seems to have recognized the likelihood that with everybody doing this, it wasn't gonna be over by Xmas...until, of course, it was too late.
In short, it was a horrid mess, and we're still reeling from some of the repercussions. So tonight I lift my glass in solemn remembrance of all the poor bastards in the line, whatever their side.
+++
On a similar dreary side-note, here's a thought experiment: what if the US had gotten it's collective arse handed to it by the Spanish in Cuba in 1898? It is very rare for an army to conduct itself as poorly as we did at the Battle of San Juan Hill and still win.
Had we lost, would we have learned a bit of humility? Alas, I doubt it. William Randolph Hearst was not the sort of man to admit that he'd screwed up, and I expect that we'd have doubled down instead. American exceptionalism makes for fine folly.