[INTROSPECTION] It's Been Pouring All Day And I've Been Thinking
I have been running away from responsibility. I manage to get things done but not at the level I know I am capable of. I have been running away while trying to keep up with everyone's expectations. In short, you can call me a flake-y people-pleaser.
I've lost myself along the way. I no longer know why I do the things I do. I am driven by routine and a screwed up version of discipline and obsessive compulsive behavior. My schedule has managed to completely strangle me and I've willingly let it. Why you may ask? Because I thought it was the right thing to do.
I've lived up to the reputations. I'm the stone-walled robot. The monster. The powerhouse. Intimidating as hell. Too stoic to care. Too quiet. Too serious. Seems like I've been "too much" of everything for everyone. I'm losing myself and it's not a pretty sight.
This probably reads like a bad drunk post but I have not had a glass of alcoholic beverage since last Friday. I am sober and actually thinking clearly for once.
What's the point of this entry you ask yourself this time? (I salute you for reading through this) A confession that I don't have everything in control. I'm scared like 80% of the time. And I'm tired of lying to everyone and to myself.
I'm not quitting anything nor am I running off to some distant land to start over (the second one might be in my immediate future though and a rather appealing thought at that). I just want a new beginning. I just want to start again. Build with what I have and go from there. No more lies. Just me.
I've lost myself along the way. I no longer know why I do the things I do. I am driven by routine and a screwed up version of discipline and obsessive compulsive behavior. My schedule has managed to completely strangle me and I've willingly let it. Why you may ask? Because I thought it was the right thing to do.
I've lived up to the reputations. I'm the stone-walled robot. The monster. The powerhouse. Intimidating as hell. Too stoic to care. Too quiet. Too serious. Seems like I've been "too much" of everything for everyone. I'm losing myself and it's not a pretty sight.
This probably reads like a bad drunk post but I have not had a glass of alcoholic beverage since last Friday. I am sober and actually thinking clearly for once.
What's the point of this entry you ask yourself this time? (I salute you for reading through this) A confession that I don't have everything in control. I'm scared like 80% of the time. And I'm tired of lying to everyone and to myself.
I'm not quitting anything nor am I running off to some distant land to start over (the second one might be in my immediate future though and a rather appealing thought at that). I just want a new beginning. I just want to start again. Build with what I have and go from there. No more lies. Just me.