[INTROSPECTION] I Wonder What Will Happen If I Let You Break Me
This whole starting to write about my emotions thing has opened the flood gates and has relegated this usual fangirl spazzing blog into one reminiscent of my past blogs.
To be honest, the whole fangirl thing is slowly taking a backseat for me. A natural part of things I guess but still... I do miss it. I'll keep at it, just not at the pace I used to.
All these things happening in the "real world" has left me ridiculously busy with more questions than usual. Plus, turning another year older in a month will always push me into reflecting over everything.
So the rundown of it so far is... I'm turning 23. I've never been in love but knee-deep in so many amazing opportunities that I know I should be exploiting more.
It just gets tiresome when I have those thoughts that haunt people in the middle of the night. Yes, I get struck by loneliness. Yes, you hurt me (but I won't admit it to you). Yes, you've disappointed me but I probably done the same to you more than once too.
It's kind of scary how the wall around me feels like its fortifying itself more than it is being broken down. I want it broken down or perhaps just let some cracks appear every now and then.
At the end of the day, I know it's my doing. And perhaps the answer lies in the lyrics of Adele's song Turning Tables that I'm currently addicted to.
So, I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won’t rescue you, you to just desert me
I don't know where I developed a general distrust in humanity. I haven't let anyone close enough to break me. You might see it as a strength but I think of it as a flaw. Maybe I need to start chipping at it from the inside.
To be honest, the whole fangirl thing is slowly taking a backseat for me. A natural part of things I guess but still... I do miss it. I'll keep at it, just not at the pace I used to.
All these things happening in the "real world" has left me ridiculously busy with more questions than usual. Plus, turning another year older in a month will always push me into reflecting over everything.
So the rundown of it so far is... I'm turning 23. I've never been in love but knee-deep in so many amazing opportunities that I know I should be exploiting more.
It just gets tiresome when I have those thoughts that haunt people in the middle of the night. Yes, I get struck by loneliness. Yes, you hurt me (but I won't admit it to you). Yes, you've disappointed me but I probably done the same to you more than once too.
It's kind of scary how the wall around me feels like its fortifying itself more than it is being broken down. I want it broken down or perhaps just let some cracks appear every now and then.
At the end of the day, I know it's my doing. And perhaps the answer lies in the lyrics of Adele's song Turning Tables that I'm currently addicted to.
So, I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won’t rescue you, you to just desert me
I don't know where I developed a general distrust in humanity. I haven't let anyone close enough to break me. You might see it as a strength but I think of it as a flaw. Maybe I need to start chipping at it from the inside.