The Soul Puzzle, Part 4
Title: The Soul Puzzle
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: up to and including 6.22
Warnings: slash, AU, dom!Cas, sub!Dean, bare backing, knotting, dark, destruction of a religious site
Word Count: 43,595
Note: This fic was written for the deancasbigbang 2012.
Summary: A year after the events of 6.22, Castiel awakes on the floor of a decadent mansion with little memory of what has happened and only Dean, whose soul has been horribly maimed, nearby. Can he figure out what happened and heal Dean? Especially when the horrible truth slowly starts to emerge?
Beta: aerilex
Artist: syrahde - Art Masterlist
"Any luck?" Sam asked when Castiel returned from yet another search to find his friend amid the maze of wrecks surrounding Bobby's house.
"No, not this time," Castiel replied.
"Great," Sam muttered, looking over at him for a moment before turning his attention back to the stars. "Do you think we'll ever find them all?"
"The soul shards? Yes. I won't stop looking until I have found them all and restored your brother."
"So you think it's possible?"
"I can't let myself believe otherwise," Castiel stated honestly. "Besides, you have seen for yourself the improvement in the shade over the past few weeks."
"Yeah but you haven't found anything for days."
"That does not mean that we won't find the rest of the soul shards, just that there are less of them to be found which makes it harder to do so."
Sam snorted and fell silent and Castiel tried to decide if his friend wanted him to go or not. He had never found Sam particularly easy to read and suspected that it had something to do with the demon blood his friend had been exposed to as a baby and the traces of which still lingered in his body and soul. The thought of returning to the shade though wasn't enticing either and so he waited, knowing that Sam would have no problem telling him to get lost if his friend wished to be alone just now.
"Why did you do it?" Sam finally asked.
"Do what?"
"Rearrange the heavens, or rather the sky."
Castiel blinked. "Excuse me?"
"The sky, the stars?"
Confused, Castiel looked up and was shocked to find that Sam was right. The stars that he saw above them weren't the ones that were supposed to be there. Not only that, but they weren't even the ones that should have been there at any other time of year. Neither had he ever seen this particular set of constellations anywhere else in the world during his travels and considering just how much of the world he had seen now, that was saying a lot. Yet, despite all of that, the pattern was hauntingly familiar to him, he just didn't have the first clue from where.
"You didn't know," Sam realized with surprise.
"I've told you before, I have practically no memory of what I did while I possessed the Purgatory souls."
"Well you definitely did this as you bragged about it at the time. Said something about giving people something worthy of worship and reverence."
The words tugged at some faint memory buried deep in his awareness but it was with a start that Castiel realized that it wasn't something from the past year, but rather from something far, far earlier. He turned his gaze back to the night sky and stared hard at the stars and the patterns they made. He could almost guess where each star would be based on the locations of those he'd already viewed. He felt like this wasn't the first time that he'd traced these particular lines, though definitely not in the sky before. No, his eyes had caressed them on... on...
Skin?
With a sharp intake of breath Castiel realized where he'd seen those stars before and it was indeed on skin. If the sky was the skin, then the stars were the freckles.
Dean's freckles.
"What?" Sam inquired. "What is it?"
"I-" Castiel began, unable to believe it.
Had he truly rearranged the cosmos to reflect the freckles on Dean's body? It seemed almost impossible to believe, but now that he'd figured it out Castiel couldn't help but see it. The stars above them had most definitely been rearranged into the pattern of freckles on Dean's face. But was it just here or everywhere? A few quick stops around the world proved that yes, it really was everywhere. The freckles from Dean's right shoulder covered the sky over Europe, his back over Asia, the other arm Australia and so on. It wasn't until he arrived in the Maldives and glanced past the light of the sun that he realized that he even knew the pattern of freckles on his human's cock.
"Where the hell did you just go?" Sam inquired when he returned to Bobby's junk yard.
"Everywhere," Castiel replied. "I needed to check something."
"And?"
"Think about your brother and look at the sky again."
"Dean? Huh?"
"His face."
Totally confused, Sam nevertheless did as he asked and Castiel wondered if his friend would figure it out. Sam had definitely spent enough time with Dean to do so, but from what his human had said every now and then normal people didn't spend as long looking at each other as he did with his hunter so he supposed it was possible that Sam wouldn't recognize the pattern for what it was. Not that he understood how anyone wouldn't want spend as much time gazing at Dean as they could. His former charge was a masterpiece and he sincerely believed that Dean was one of his Father's most perfect creations if not the most perfect.
"I don't get it," Sam finally replied, frowning as if he'd failed some test.
"It's his freckles, the pattern's the same."
"His freckles? Wait, just hold on a minute here, did you really just say that when you were all-powerful and could do anything that you wanted, you rearranged the stars to show everyone the pattern of freckles on Dean's face?"
"No, it is only this area that sees the pattern on his face, each area of the world sees the pattern from a different part of your brother's body."
Sam goggled at him in disbelief and Castiel frowned. Sure, while he understood that he should never have done it, he didn't understand why his friend found it so hard to believe that he'd drawn his inspiration from Dean. It did result in some gorgeous constellations if he did say so himself. It was as he looked up at the night sky once more that his attention was drawn by the full moon that hung heavy in the sky. His head tilted as a new idea came to him and he considered it. So far all of the soul shards had been found on Earth, but really there was nothing to say that he'd limited himself thus while high on the Purgatory souls. He'd been able to go anywhere and anytime after all, so why hide them just on Earth?
"I'll be right back, I've got to check out the moon," Castiel said before he spread his wings and took off.
/
Visiting the moon while in a vessel was a very peculiar experience for Castiel. He'd not even thought that it would be any different from his previous trips there and so he was caught completely off-guard when he started receiving distress signals from his vessel. Human bodies, it seemed, didn't cope particularly well with the change in gravity and loss of atmosphere of the moon environment. With a thought he expanded his Grace to automatically compensate for the needs of his vessel.
Normally the size of the moon would make the search for a soul shard difficult, but Castiel knew that he had one major advantage here that he didn't possess on Earth. Namely that the moon was barren of life and so there was little to help mask the Light and brilliance of even a shard of an ordinary human soul, let alone one as bright and full of life as Dean's. He only hoped that having been placed here hadn't affected the soul shard as the ruins of Mecca had the other one. Technically there was a difference between the lack of life and the destruction of it and, because even if no human had died in Mecca that day, other creatures most definitely had. He just wasn't sure if that was a distinction that would matter to a soul shard or if lifeless meant lifeless.
Castiel desperately hoped that it didn't as the last thing that he wanted was to find another soul shard like the one that he'd discovered in Mecca. With a brief prayer to his Father which he hoped would be acknowledged for Dean's sake if not his own, he reached out with his Grace and scanned as much of the moon as he could from his current position. Unable to detect even the faintest glimmer of anything, he flew on to another area and repeated his task. He was just starting to think that there was nothing here when he felt it.
Hope rose within Castiel when he realized that what he felt wasn't the dim flickering of the soul shard in Mecca but something far brighter which responded quite eagerly to his presence. He flew to it immediately and was amazed to find that this soul shard wasn't contained in any way whatsoever. If this had happened on Earth he would have found it far earlier as it would have caused events that would no doubt have been viewed as miraculous by the people living nearby. The way the soul shard in Lawrence had already been able to influence the growth of the sapling through it's box was proof enough of that. Unfettered contact between a part of Dean's essence and another living thing would have been amazing to witness and incomprehensible to other humans.
Since it had responded so well to his Grace probing, Castiel knelt down beside the soul shard and carefully reached out to pick it up. As he'd hoped, it didn't try to pull away from him and instead began glowing even more brightly, eagerly reaching back to him. When it brushed against his Grace, he could suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of relief and joy at finally being able to connect to another living creature. The reaction to who he was came secondary but then it beamed even more, eagerly attempting to twine itself with his Grace.
"Sorry," Castiel sent to it, gently rebuffing the effort. "It's not me that you want to bind to."
Disappointment washed through Castiel, but he bathed it instead in comfort and reassurance, trying to let it know that it would soon get what it wanted. The closeness allowed him to pick up some of the soul shard's other emotions and what passed for thoughts and he wasn't all that surprised to find that it had taken up a kind of sentry position. With nothing else to focus on, it had taken to keeping vigils whenever any part of the Earth was in view, watching over it from afar. It had known that it couldn't truly do anything if something were to happen, but the soul shard had ignored that as much as possible to avoid feeling helpless and useless.
Castiel was relieved to have found such an essential part of his human and wondered if that had anything to do with the reason why his evil counterpart had chosen to place this particular soul shard here on the moon. It would be the part of his former charge that would protest any damage he did on Earth the most. It wasn't a pleasant thought and he pushed it aside in favor for wondering what the return of this particular part of Dean would do to the shade. He tried to curb his hope as the return of any single soul shard had yet to make a massive impact, but it was hard to do.
Part of the reason why he kept trying to hope for more than he had any right to expect was because Castiel was desperately attempting to ward off a fear that had started to grow at the back of his mind recently and he knew it. Even now he didn't wish to acknowledge it, but as much as there had been improvements in the shade's behavior and reactions lately, it wasn't enough. At the rate that they were going he would have the entirety of Dean's soul restored and the one thing that they wouldn't have would be Dean.
Not really.
His only hope was that there was a critical soul shard that he'd yet to find which would make all of the difference. That not all of the parts of the soul were equal was proven by the memories that Castiel had already shared with the shade. From those he knew that his hunter had still been mostly himself even after the first few soul shards had been so horribly ripped from him. It gave him the hope that he so desperately needed to keep going with his search to find all of the missing soul shards. He just didn't want to think too closely on what he might have done with that crucial shard.
Had the Purgatory souls convinced him to destroy it out of spite for Dean's continued refusal to submit to him in the way that he'd wanted? The mere idea made Castiel's Grace want to curl up and die so he tried to avoid thinking about it, but it remained there, at the edge of his awareness and thoughts all day, creeping in whenever he wasn't actively distracting himself with something else.
As if sensing the direction of his thoughts, the soul shard began vibrating in his hands and Castiel smiled sadly as he felt its clumsy attempts to try and return the comfort that he'd offered it. Yes, this was definitely a part of his former charge and it would be a joy to return this particular soul shard to its rightful place where it could fuss over the other soul shards and the shade itself. He wouldn't be surprised if the next time he looked closely at the shards within the shade that he'd be unable to distinguish which part of it had been banished to the ruins of Mecca. Not if this particular soul shard had its way with it.
With that cheerful thought, Castiel flew back to Bobby's scrap yard, watching the annoyance on Sam's face morph into ecstatic wonder when his friend caught sight of what it was that he held.
"You found another one," Sam whispered. "Where? On the moon?"
"Yes."
"Why on earth would you put it there?"
"I do not know, but I suspect it might have been because I disliked what this part of your brother was doing," Castiel replied. "It seems to only want to help others."
Sam frowned. "Different parts of the soul represent different personality traits?"
"I had never thought of it like that before, but perhaps. It is not something which has ever been given much thought or looked into, for obvious reasons."
"Yeah."
The tension was suddenly thick in the air and Sam would no longer meet his gaze. Castiel felt the human urge to sigh but resisted. He wasn't entirely sure why both his friend and Bobby had started to treat him better as of late and he was a little afraid to ask. Part of him wanted to believe that it was a combination of them seeing that he was genuinely here to help and the fact that he acknowledged that what he had done was wrong and had been under the influence of the Purgatory souls, but he wasn't sure if that was naive of him. It was always possible that they had only decided to be nice until Dean had been healed and that they'd kick him out then. He really hoped that this wasn't the case, but he wouldn't fault them if it was.
"Let's go find Dean," Sam stated, jumping off the wreck he'd been sitting on.
As usual Castiel bit back the urge to tell Sam that the shade wasn't Dean, but his friend already knew his opinion on the matter. Despite what they'd seen with their own two eyes and the way that the shade behaved, both Bobby and Sam were bound and determined to think of it as Dean. He suspected that it had to do with the human tendency to not want to give up hope or consider the worst possible scenario unless they had no choice but to do so. Add to that the fact that neither of them could see the state of the shade's soul and the fact that each individual soul shard that they'd viewed had to look miraculous all on its own to them, he felt that they didn't truly understand the gravity of what had been done to Dean.
The selfish part of Castiel wanted to keep it that way purely because it feared what they might do or how they might react if they were to really understand the situation. For once, though, he was able to indulge that part of himself because the more logical and newer part of him that had come to understand what it was that drove humans felt it best to keep this information hidden from Bobby and Sam. Not to protect himself, but to protect them and allow them to hope. There was no need to devastate them thus unless he learned for sure that there was no way of bringing Dean- the real Dean- back. It was a kindness which he wouldn't have understood before and which none of his other brethren had ever managed to figure out.
"Where-" Bobby began, eyes widening when they entered the study and he caught sight of what Castiel held.
"The moon," Castiel replied succinctly, turning his attention to the shade which stood in the other doorway. "Sit down on the couch."
"No."
That had rapidly become the shade's favorite word as of late and while Castiel knew that he could get it to obey him with a look or by putting more force behind his command, he decided a different tactic might be better to use here. He flew to the shade's side and held out the soul shard so that they could both sense one another. As he'd hoped, the shard he held began to vibrate in his hands once more when it felt the nearness of so many other parts of itself while the shade's eyes went unfocused as the scared soul shard within detected and yearned for the missing part of itself.
Then the shade reached out to touch the soul shard and Castiel let it, knowing that doing so would only heighten the connection between the two soul shards and through that increasing the longing to be reunited. Slowly he began to back up towards the couch and the shade followed him step for step, refusing to lose its connection with the lunar soul shard. When he took a seat the shade followed, sitting as close to him as possible and looking up after a few moments.
"Please," the shade asked, his voice almost begging.
"Hush," Castiel soothed, bringing his free hand up to brush through its hair. "Of course I'll return it to you."
Relief flooded the shade's face before it closed its eyes and rested its head on his shoulder. Though this blocked Castiel's view of the shade's chest, he'd performed this particular task so often as of late that he could easily do it blind. As gently as he could, he pushed into the shade's body, marveling at the strength of the attraction that he felt between the soul shards and the sheer delight at the thought of being reunited. There was clearly a level of awareness from the scared soul shards now even if it was nothing like what most souls had. It was heartening, though, and his own joy morphed into pleasure when he realized that the lunar soul shard fit into one of the ragged edges of what had been the Mecca shard.
The effect of adding a sliver of his Grace to the mix was explosive and the wave of raw emotions, thoughts and hopes that washed over Castiel were far too much for him and he was pulled under.
"Dude!" Dean exclaimed, eyes widening in amazement when they landed.
All around him was nothing but miles and miles of sun, sand and water. Or well mostly nothing else, when Dean completed his circle he found that the island they appeared to be on extended in that direction into a lush tropical paradise and he could make out the thatched roofs of a set of buildings. A few steps to the right brought more of it into view around some of the plants and he could see a large pool surrounded by deck chairs, parasols and what looked suspiciously like silken curtains blowing out of the patio doors.
The contrast between Michigan and here was so great that Dean could only stare at it all in shock even as he stripped off his over shirt when the heat started to get to him. It had to be like ninety degrees here even without the humidity!
"Well, what do you think?" Castiel inquired, moving to stand behind him, an arm wrapping around his waist to pull him close to the new God.
"Where are we?"
"The Maldives."
"The Mal-what?"
"The Maldives, they're a set of islands stretching across the Indian Ocean."
"We're near India?"
"Yes."
"Uh, why?"
"Because I need a base of operations on Earth."
Dean snorted. "Somewhere to leave me behind when you're in Heaven or busy elsewhere you mean."
"Among other things, yes."
"So it's a fancy prison."
The arm around his waist tightened painfully and Dean winced, going absolutely still. "If you insist on looking at it as such."
"How else am I supposed to look at it?"
"A reward; a paradise where you can rest and relax without fear of being attacked by anyone or anything. A place where you don't need to worry about anything. I've stocked the kitchen with all that you'll need and there are whole suits of entertainment devices indoors in addition to the pool, beach and bowling alley."
"A reward?" Dean repeated before trying to turn around so he could see the new God, surprised when it was allowed. "Cas, come on, you know me better than that. I'll go stir crazy here within a few days!"
"You won't be alone for long stretches of time."
The look that accompanied those words made Dean's mouth go dry as his mind instantly went back to two nights ago. Having been taken into the former angel's bed had been nothing short of amazing and his cock stirred just thinking about it. Part of him wanted to jump his lover to get a repeat performance right here and now on the beach with the tide rising up around them. Just remembering what it had felt like to be pumped so full of cum he felt full and knotted to keep it all in had him hardening in his too tight jeans and it was all that he could do not to moan. He fought it, though, reminding himself that he needed to focus.
"Cas, I can't just sit around and do nothing, even for short stretches of time, when there are people out there who need my help."
"They don't, not anymore," Castiel stated, stepping close, a hand coming up to tilt his head to the side and baring his throat for the new God.
"Huh?"
It was all that Dean could get out that would be semi intelligible as he'd always liked having this throat nibbled on and Castiel did so expertly despite the former angel's lack of experience. It was almost like Castiel could read his mind.
"I've either destroyed or banished everything supernatural. I told you that I'd be a better God."
Dean moaned as hands slipped under his shirt to run over his skin before moving down again and starting to pull up his shirt. There was big difference between fantasy and reality, though. "No, wait, Cas, stop. I- I'll burn and be lobster red within fifteen minutes out here."
"No, you won't."
The statement was all Dean needed to let his lover strip him of his shirt and he jumped in surprise when his jeans and boxers vanished in the same instant. Castiel, the bastard, merely smiled into the kiss the former angel claimed and then proceeded to swallow his yelp as his legs were suddenly knocked out from under him. Instead of falling, though, he was gently lowered to the sand and by the time the kiss ended, he was staring up at an equally naked God.
"Now, I liked your idea of my taking you right here and now," Castiel stated.
His eyes went wide at the proof that the new God had been reading his thoughts, but Dean found he couldn't bring himself to care all that much. Not with the knowledge that it meant that he was about to be fucked again. Just the thought that he'd be filled up again like before was enough to make his hole clench in anticipation and he mewled before he could stop himself.
"Will you knot me again?"
"I'll not only knot you, but take you over and over again until you'll never want to leave here and my cum will be leaking from you for days."
Castiel managed to tear himself from one memory only to be sucked right into another.
Dean resisted the urge to fidget, knowing the new God would only punish him for it later when they were alone, but it was difficult. He'd been standing still for ten minutes already and the rough material of his robes itched the bare skin of his arms, chest and back. He wasn't sure where Castiel had gotten the damn thing, but it felt like the robes were the real deal and not merely some knock-off monk-like costume. Perhaps it simply hadn't occurred to the former angel that they would be uncomfortable? Given that the rest of his new wardrobe consisted of nothing but silks it was entirely possible and he'd have to ask Castiel to change the material when his lover was in a good mood.
In the meantime, though, there was nothing for Dean to do but suck it up. The problem was that he really wasn't any good at either holding still or being quiet, let along keeping his mouth shut when anyone was spouting as much bullshit as he was hearing now. He'd known it would be difficult from the moment that Castiel had said that they were going to the Vatican, but that did nothing to help him bear it now.
To make matters even worse, his lover had taken him only a few hours ago and Dean could feel some of Castiel's cum slowly leaking out of him, wetting his ass and the back of his thighs. He nearly giggled at the thought of what the Vatican officials would think if they noticed or found some divine cum on the ground later. Would it become a new Holy site or would they consider the whole place ruined? Irrevocably tainted?
A hand on his shoulder brought Dean back to the present and grounded him. At the last minute he remembered not to look up or over but to keep his head reverently bowed so the cowl hid his face. Fear also rose within him as he realized just how much control he'd lost but he was thankful that he'd managed to keep quiet and not move. He still wasn't sure what the new God had done to him the other day, but he'd been feeling off kilter and wrong ever since. Just the memory of Castiel reaching into his chest and the absolutely unbearable pain that had followed was enough to make him want to cower and do whatever the former angel wanted him to and that was even without thinking about the bright, shiny thing Castiel had pulled out of him. No, had taken from him.
Dean tried his damnedest not to think too closely on just what that had been, but he'd felt its loss ever since. Try as he might, something ached within him and he had more trouble than usual keeping things together.
The pain and fear that accompanied that memory was enough to allow Castiel to pull himself free even as yet another memory tried to ensnare him in its net even though that one had joy and laughter radiating from it.
The sheer determination with which Castiel pulled himself free from the reach of the soul shards translated into physical movement and the next thing he knew, he was tumbling to the ground beside the couch.
"Cas!" Sam exclaimed, stepping forwards hastily. "What happened? Are you alright? Is Dean alright?"
"I am well," Castiel replied, though he felt shaken to his very core. "It was simply far more intense than usual."
A quick glance over at the shade showed it to be on its side on the couch, a tear rolling down its cheek. It looked a sorry sight but when Castiel peered past the physical to the scared soul shard beyond, he was amazed at what he found. The lunar shard had taken to the Mecca one with all of the enthusiasm and longing he'd felt from it earlier and the two were bonding in a way he hadn't witnessed the other shards doing before.
"No, Sam, leave him alone," Castiel instructed when his friend moved to step towards the shade. "He needs some time alone just now."
"Are you sure?" Bobby asked, coming around his desk.
"Yes. It is for the best."
The emotional maelstrom he'd just been through was still messing with his equilibrium, but Castiel was slowly able to regain full control of himself and with it his vessel. As always it had responded physically to the memory of sexual intimacy with his human and longed to take his hunter now. The longer he resisted, the harder it was becoming to drop the shade into a dream state whenever it attempted to instigate sexual relations with him. The fact that he now had another memory that told him that Dean loved to be taken by him didn't help either but he had to remain firm.
Only if Dean wished to couple after his former charge was himself once more would he allow himself to claim his human again and not before.
"What happened?" Sam inquired. "That didn't look like before."
"That's because it wasn't," Castiel confirmed. "The two soul shards involved had a particularly strong affinity for each other and reacted rather more strongly than I expected them to. Souls do not normally possess the ability to heal, but it seems your brother's has some innate ability in that regard, or at least one shard of it does."
Bobby snorted. "Of course he does."
"So how are we doing?" Sam asked. "How close are we to having found all of the soul shards?"
"I am not entirely sure," Castiel admitted. "Most of the shards have been similar sizes, in which case I'd say that we have quite a few more to go."
"I sense a but there," Bobby said.
"Indeed. Normally the shards we find fit in somewhere at random or they don't fit and orbit around the rest of the shards until we find one that connects the two."
"Yeah, okay," Sam replied uncomfortably. "So?"
"So there is one area that has remained untouched throughout the last few weeks, a place where no soul shard has slotted into place. It's towards the middle of Dean's soul and rather larger than any of the shards that we've found so far."
"You think that there might be one big shard out there somewhere?" Bobby questioned.
"Yes, and I suspect that it is the critical shard. Without it we may never get Dean back."
The silence that followed was tense and extremely uncomfortable. When it was finally broken, though, Castiel experienced another human sensation he had only heard about before. Namely his heart leapt into his throat and hope swelled strong and bright within him.
"Sammy?"
It was so unexpected that it took Castiel a moment to realize that it was the shade who'd spoken, but his friend was on his knees beside the couch in an instant.
"Dean?" Sam asked. "I'm here, I'm right here. You with me man?"
"Sammy," the shade repeated, reaching up to touch one of the anxiety lines on his brother's face.
Bobby wasn't far behind Sam in crowding close to the shade and Castiel used the opportunity to slip out of the room, knowing that they needed a little time to themselves. Besides, unlike his two friends, he knew that this wasn't the breakthrough that they'd been hoping for, but rather just another small show of progress much as the shade's first verbal refusal to follow an order had been. The latest soul shard was compassionate and so allowed the shade some ability in that area and nothing more.
/
The next soul shard took far longer to find and it wasn't until Castiel accidentally caught part of a news report at Bobby's about an amazing discovery a group of marine biologists had made far out at sea that he remembered a place he'd liked to go to contemplate his charge and await further orders before he'd rebelled. It was a shelf partway down the Mariana Trench out in the Pacific Ocean. He hadn't been back there since he'd first gone to the tops of the Himalayas, but he might have thought of it when seeking a hiding place for yet another soul shard.
With a quick goodbye to the shade (apparently it had panicked at his last abrupt departure), Castiel headed straight for his old retreat. The moment that he arrived he knew he'd been right. What was normally only a minimally occupied shelf was now veritably teeming with life of all kinds, both plant and animal. This deep it wasn't particularly colorful, but he couldn't help but admire the uniqueness of the beings nonetheless.
And in the center of it all, shining brightly, was the soul shard. It was an edge one, Castiel saw at once, another one which was rapidly coming to define the outline of Dean's soul. It lent further credence to his theory that what was missing from the middle was one big shard rather than multiple small ones but he was at an utter loss as to where he or the Purgatory souls might have thought to hide something so incredibly important. He absolutely refused to consider the fact that the Purgatory souls might have convinced him to just destroy it. Why go to all of the effort to hide the smaller shards when he simply intended to destroy the most critical one?
Besides, Castiel somehow strongly doubted that his evil twin wouldn't have been arrogant enough to think that, given enough time, he wouldn't be able to come up with a way of taming it or otherwise bending it to his will. It would have been the ultimate triumph and he doubted that the Purgatory souls would have been against an idea like that. Not given how strong and powerful Dean's soul was and what it would mean to restore it and have his hunter then voluntarily bow before them and pledge his love and loyalty. It would have been too much of an ego boost to give up on.
Disentangling the soul shard from the creatures and plants that had latched onto it was difficult, especially since Castiel knew that harming any of them would upset the shard, but he was more determined than they were and finally achieved it. He also found that he couldn't be even a little annoyed with them, not when they'd helped keep this particular soul shard as happy and contented as it was. It had clearly enjoyed both the attention and the ability to help so many other living things.
What surprised Castiel was how little the soul shard protested being separated from the creatures and plants that it had helped. Given the symbiosis that had occurred he'd have expected it to resist him, but found that rather the opposite was true and the soul shard was pleased to see him, wrapping itself willingly and eagerly around his fingers, humming happily and pulsing with pleasure against his Grace. It felt so nice that instead of flying directly back into Bobby's house, he flew instead to the roof and seated himself up there with the soul shard half entwined with his fingers, half cupped in his palm.
Unlike the shards before that had tried sink into him or flee, this one seemed perfectly content where it was, humming and pulsing. Castiel relaxed into the sensation, taking a little time to simply rest and enjoy himself for the first time since he'd woken on the floor in the Maldives. Before the mere thought of doing so had always felt like a betrayal of his human, like he wasn't doing all that he could to help and restore him, but this just now felt different. He wasn't sure how to explain it, but it just was.
Perhaps it was because it was one of Dean's own soul shards that triggered it, acting almost as if it wanted Castiel to take a break. He also couldn't find it in him to do anything to the shard that might make it unhappy. It was by far the healthiest of the soul shards that he'd found and given the sheer number of them his evil twin had torn Dean's soul into, that was saying a lot. Being able to freely interact with his Father's other creations had clearly done wonders for it. To the point where it seemed to have totally forgotten that he was the one who'd mutilated it in the first place.
While he'd been thinking, a part of Castiel had begun to respond to the soul shard and started to return the pulses of emotions and Light it caressed his Grace with. It felt odd, other somehow, and he could only watch in bemusement as the shard and that part of himself hummed and pulsed happily at each other, almost communicating in the way that human twins did, using some language that only the two of them knew. It was pleasing, though, and soothing so he allowed himself to be lulled into a state of partial awareness much like those he'd used to slip into when seeking revelation.
The Darkness within him had been steadily retreating the past few weeks, almost as if it were being driven out and Castiel prayed that it was the only lingering vestige of the Purgatory souls and would soon vanish altogether. The only slightly disturbing thing was that his powers continued to increase in accordance with the retreat of the Darkness and he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. He feared that it would corrupt him and wished for some means to remove it so that he could purge himself of it much as he was doing with the Darkness. Every time he sought to seek the power out, though, he'd been unable to discover anything that wasn't entwined with his Grace, as if it were an integral part of it.
The sudden sense of Dean shocked Castiel out of his stupor and he glanced about, instantly alert. What he'd just felt had been his hunter himself, not merely the shade, but it was already gone like one of those dreams he'd experienced when nearly fully human, slipping through his fingers faster the more that he grasped for it. Although his first instinctive reaction had been unbridled joy and euphoria, it quickly faded when he realized that it hadn't been real. In his unguarded state his Grace must have called up the illusion to try and deceive himself and all that it had accomplished was to make him feel worse than before.
The soul shard in his hand vibrated with mild distress and redoubled its efforts to soothe and comfort him and Castiel forced himself to calm down enough to reassure it. He refused, however, to allow himself to be lulled back into a semi aware state, afraid of what his Grace might do in some desperate bid to please him. Instead he reached out, seeking the shade and was startled to find that it wasn't in the house. Fearful, he reached out further and then relaxed when he sensed it with Sam, moving along one of the nearby roads and he assumed that his friend had taken the shade out for a ride in the Impala.
/
"Okay, I've got nothing else," Sam stated, slamming the atlas he had before him shut.
"There must be something else," Castiel insisted, picking up a sheaf of printouts he'd already looked at. "We're still missing a shard, the most important one."
"Castiel, we've gone over every single public visit that you made as God," Bobby said. "Checked and rechecked every possibility, no matter how small and remote. Hell, we've even looked in all the places that we could think of where we'd hide a soul shard. There's nothing else that we can do here."
No, Castiel absolutely refused to believe that. It just couldn't be true. The urge to shoot to his feet and start pacing the room rose strong and swift within him and the only reason that he didn't give into it was because the shade was curled up beside him on the couch, its head resting on his thigh. It had taken to following him around everywhere as of late and had absolutely refused to budge from its kneeling position beside his chair earlier so he'd moved to the couch so it could be more comfortable. It was ironic, really, as he'd have expected it to want to get further and further away from him the more they pieced together Dean's soul, but of course it had to go and do this.
His human never could do what was expected of him.
"You're sure that we're just missing one big shard?" Sam asked.
"As sure as I can be."
"Sorry, I just... It seems so unlikely that all we're missing is one piece. I mean just look at him."
Almost involuntarily, Castiel's eyes followed Sam's hand as it gestured at the shade. It dozed on, completely oblivious to all of the attention currently being directed its way. He knew what it was that his friend was referring to and it worried him too even if he'd been unable not to draw a certain amount of satisfaction from the shade's current behavior. He still tried to cling to his belief that the final soul shard they were missing was the crucial one (it just had to be!), but he was slowly starting to doubt that assertion. It wasn't that they'd found any evidence to suggest that he might be wrong, but rather that he was starting to doubt himself.
More and more the past few weeks, Castiel had been starting to feel Dean, as if his beloved human were nearby, but every time that he'd tried to follow the feeling, it had faded. At first he'd thought that it had something to do with the shade, perhaps that with all of the soul shards they'd found that the scared thing within it was on the cusp of regaining true awareness, but then it had transpired when he'd been in the Ivory Coast of all places, thousands of miles away from the shade.
Out of nowhere the feeling was back, stronger than ever before and Castiel felt his vessel stop breathing as he tried desperately not to react as he had all of the previous times. That had only resulted in it slipping through his fingers like so many grains of sand, just like the handful of sand had at the beach that one time he remembered going there with Mom and Dad, back before Sammy had been born.
Castiel had gone stock still when the memory faded and he saw the shade before him once more. Only now it wasn't curled up against him anymore but had pushed itself up onto its elbows and was watching him with the most peculiar expression on its face. His eyes locked with the shade's green ones and he found that he couldn't so much as look away anymore. Distantly he was aware of Sam and Bobby speaking, probably to him, but he ignored them. He was utterly numb inside and could only watch as the shade reached up with one shaky hand to touch his face.
Instantly that sensation he'd experienced a few weeks ago, up on the roof with the Mariana Trench shard was back. The scared soul shard within the shade was humming and pulsing wildly in excitement and something within him was responding and he suddenly knew what it was.
And it wasn't him, or rather a part of him as he'd always thought before.
The thought was so huge that Castiel struggled to take it all in. On some level he'd always known, right from the moment that he'd first woken up on the floor in the Maldives- it had been there right from the start- but for the rest of him the revelation was a complete and utter shock and he could hardly believe it.
It made sense, though, both from the point of view of a Purgatory soul high him and in regards to what had happened since.
The Purgatory souls hadn't just up and vanished as Castiel always knew couldn't be the case. No, rather they'd been driven out or even cleansed due to the intimate proximity they'd shared with the last and most important shard of Dean's soul.
Castiel had taken that particular soul shard of Dean into himself.
He'd taken it into his Grace, probably in the hopes of either finally corrupting or dominating it, and instead it had cleansed him of the Purgatory souls. He'd go for the other option, that the soul shard had driven them out, except that wouldn't explain where his new found power had come from. The other option did.
Now that he knew what to look for, when Castiel reached into his own Grace, he could see it clearly. There, buried deep within his Grace, nestled securely within it and so intimately intertwined with himself that he could see how he'd missed it before, was the final soul shard. At the moment it was vibrating and pulsing brilliantly, clearly extremely happy to be so close to the rest of itself. It glowed brightly, almost as brightly as his own Grace and he was awed despite himself. As if aware that its presence had been detected, he was suddenly flooded with the sense of Dean and he just let himself go.
The feeling of his beloved hunter washed over him, stronger than it had ever been before he'd gone on his God trip, stronger even than what he'd experienced when he'd raised Dean from Perdition. Then he'd only been gripping it tight, now the part of it that was most essentially Dean was interwoven within his very Grace. Together with the feeling of his human were a slew of other emotions, love and forgiveness most strongly amongst them and it was all too much for him.
Castiel twisted the rest of his Grace to wrap tightly around the soul shard, absently feeling the wetness on his vessel's face as he clung to Dean as tightly as he could. He poured his own emotions back to his beloved, sharing all of the relief, guilt and love he felt as well as his sincerest intention to ensure that nothing like this ever happened again. His hunter responded instantly and for a short while they became truly one, the emotions and thoughts passing between them freely. It was the sheer relief that his beloved felt at knowing that he was okay that finally pushed him back to himself. As much as he wanted to keep Dean exactly where he was, tucked away within himself where no one else could ever hurt his human, he knew that he couldn't.
Slowly Castiel untangled them, cherishing each and every indication from Dean that this was hard on his hunter and that on some level his human simply wanted to remain with him like this forever as well. When it came to the original connections between them, things got more difficult. Those bonds had been forged long ago and had grown stronger over time. He proceeded as carefully as possible, but he knew that things wouldn't all break off cleanly, not with how intertwined they'd become. He tried to make the breaks on his side, to pry off more slivers of his Grace, but once he realized what was going on, Dean resisted him. Before he could react, his hunter reacted, making the breaks on his end.
Determination met his dismay and Castiel could only watch as the tiny slivers of Dean's soul settled into his Grace precisely where he'd removed slivers of himself before to help the other shards of Dean's soul meld back together again. It was to be a trade then and he honestly couldn't bring himself to regret the soul slivers that settled easily into his Grace, each vibrating with pleasure at being back with him. He bathed them with his affection even as he slowly lifted the rest of his human's soul shard away.
When Castiel opened eyes that he hadn't even been aware of closing, it was to look right back into the eyes of the shade which were now more alive with excitement and anticipation than he'd ever seen them since first waking a few months ago. It was little wonder to him now that the shade had wanted to be so close to him as of late, it had probably been able to sense that the only missing part of itself was inside of him. Why it hadn't said anything he'd probably never know, but perhaps the last soul shard simply hadn't been ready. He knew that Dean would never have remained as quiet and dormant within him if his beloved had been able interact with him, so he figured that now was just the first time had it had been able to remain awake and aware long enough to do so.
Castiel doubted that the fact that the last of the Darkness within him had only vanished a few days ago was mere coincidence. Clearly he owed his human far more than he could ever repay him. The wave of protest and denial that battered against his Grace begged to differ and he couldn't help but smile. Dean was well and truly back, now to just restore his beloved to his rightful place.
"Oh, thank God," Bobby stated when Castiel moved.
Startled, Castiel looked at his friend, having completely forgotten about his presence.
"Sam, get your ass back here! The idjit angel's awake again."
"He is?" Sam's voice called back, relief evident in his tone as he came rushing into the room. "Cas! What happened? You just suddenly checked out on us."
"I found the last soul shard," Castiel replied simply.
"What? Where?" Bobby demanded, astonished.
"Here."
With that Castiel reached up to touch his own chest and when he pulled his hand back, he held the final soul shard in his palm. It was visibly larger and brighter than all of the others he'd held before and it easily eclipsed the light of the noon sun coming in through the windows. The amazed sounds and wondrous looks on Sam and Bobby's faces made it clear that they realized the difference too, but he hardly paid them any attention, focusing instead on the shade. It was looking at the shard in undisguised rapture, clearly able to sense the importance of it. There was absolutely no resistance from it whatsoever when he reached forward and pushed his way into Dean's body.
This time the attraction between the two shards was so great that the scared one came racing towards Castiel even as he brought the one he held towards it. Their meeting was astounding, Light exploding all around before there was a tugging at his Grace, both along their bond and where he was touching the soul, and he was engulfed in the supernova as well.
The slivers of soul within him flared with the melding of the two soul shards and Castiel watched in amazement as they healed on their own, the scars searing brightly before all but melting away until there was absolutely nothing left to mark that they'd ever been there at all. The Light and power danced all along his Grace as well and he suddenly felt and became aware again of the slivers that he'd sacrificed before for his beloved. They were now wholly incorporated into Dean's soul, but their bond with him was reactivated. It gave him an awareness of his beloved that he'd never even known was possible before.
Their bond, too, was rapidly growing, becoming so strong and bright that, profound as it had been before, it now made their previous connection look like a mere thread in comparison. Castiel worried briefly that this was happening without Dean's knowledge or consent, but the delight he then felt from his beloved about the development of their bond soon eased that and he was able to simply bask in its creation and everything that passed hard and fast between them.
When the power and Light finally started to fade, Castiel could do nothing but gaze in awe at the result. Reluctantly he began to physically pull out of his beloved, taking solace in the fact that he would never again be truly apart from Dean. Not like this, not with this new bond. He'd always be as aware of his hunter from now on as he'd been of his brothers and sisters before and he couldn't wait to test just how far the bond went. For now, though, he felt the exhaustion that rose up swiftly within his human and managed to catch Dean when he slumped forward, deep asleep already.
"Did it work, son?" The question startled Castiel and he glanced up to see a very tired looking Bobby Singer sitting on the coffee table pulled up to the couch. "Is Dean...?"
"Yes, he's back," Castiel replied with a smile, strangely exhausted himself even as his Grace continued to sing with the utter joy and delight that he felt at the new bond. "Where's Sam?"
"I finally convinced him to go to sleep a few hours ago. I promised to go wake him as soon as there was any change."
"A few hours ago?" A quick glance at the windows showed that the curtains had been drawn. "What time is it?"
"A little before three am."
"That took fifteen hours?"
"Try thirty-nine."
"Thirt- that took more than a day?"
"Yeah. If we couldn't see some of the light show from here we'd have taken drastic action."
"Light show?" Castiel questioned, lost.
"Both of your eyes and mouths shone with it. Sam said it looked similar to what happened with Anna when she got her Grace back. We assumed that meant it was working."
"It was."
"So you took the last soul shard into yourself, huh?"
"Yes, it's what saved me."
"Excuse me?"
"Dean saved me," Castiel explained. "His soul, or the shard of it, is what overcame the Purgatory souls. He cleansed them of their evil and in doing so freed me from their influence."
"Well I'll be damned," Bobby muttered, removing his cap and running a hand through his hair as he looked at Dean in awe before he laughed. "And in doing so he saved himself."
"Yes."
Bobby shook his head in disbelief but there was a huge smile on the hunter's face. "Well why don't you take the idjit upstairs and I'll go give Sam the good news."
With a nod of consent, Castiel flew his precious burden upstairs and gently lowered Dean onto the bed, shushing him when his hunter sleepily protested being released from his embrace. Not wanting to wake his former charge, he lowered himself onto the bed and sat beside his beloved, gently stroking both his hair and soul. He kept up his attentions even when Sam and Bobby entered the room, his younger friend joining him on the bed and reaching for one of Dean's hands.
"Why is he asleep?" Sam questioned softly.
"He's just been through an extremely taxing ordeal and been returned to his body after an extended absence. He just needs to heal," Castiel replied.
"But you're sure that he'll be fine?"
"Yes."
Part 5
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: up to and including 6.22
Warnings: slash, AU, dom!Cas, sub!Dean, bare backing, knotting, dark, destruction of a religious site
Word Count: 43,595
Note: This fic was written for the deancasbigbang 2012.
Summary: A year after the events of 6.22, Castiel awakes on the floor of a decadent mansion with little memory of what has happened and only Dean, whose soul has been horribly maimed, nearby. Can he figure out what happened and heal Dean? Especially when the horrible truth slowly starts to emerge?
Beta: aerilex
Artist: syrahde - Art Masterlist
"Any luck?" Sam asked when Castiel returned from yet another search to find his friend amid the maze of wrecks surrounding Bobby's house.
"No, not this time," Castiel replied.
"Great," Sam muttered, looking over at him for a moment before turning his attention back to the stars. "Do you think we'll ever find them all?"
"The soul shards? Yes. I won't stop looking until I have found them all and restored your brother."
"So you think it's possible?"
"I can't let myself believe otherwise," Castiel stated honestly. "Besides, you have seen for yourself the improvement in the shade over the past few weeks."
"Yeah but you haven't found anything for days."
"That does not mean that we won't find the rest of the soul shards, just that there are less of them to be found which makes it harder to do so."
Sam snorted and fell silent and Castiel tried to decide if his friend wanted him to go or not. He had never found Sam particularly easy to read and suspected that it had something to do with the demon blood his friend had been exposed to as a baby and the traces of which still lingered in his body and soul. The thought of returning to the shade though wasn't enticing either and so he waited, knowing that Sam would have no problem telling him to get lost if his friend wished to be alone just now.
"Why did you do it?" Sam finally asked.
"Do what?"
"Rearrange the heavens, or rather the sky."
Castiel blinked. "Excuse me?"
"The sky, the stars?"
Confused, Castiel looked up and was shocked to find that Sam was right. The stars that he saw above them weren't the ones that were supposed to be there. Not only that, but they weren't even the ones that should have been there at any other time of year. Neither had he ever seen this particular set of constellations anywhere else in the world during his travels and considering just how much of the world he had seen now, that was saying a lot. Yet, despite all of that, the pattern was hauntingly familiar to him, he just didn't have the first clue from where.
"You didn't know," Sam realized with surprise.
"I've told you before, I have practically no memory of what I did while I possessed the Purgatory souls."
"Well you definitely did this as you bragged about it at the time. Said something about giving people something worthy of worship and reverence."
The words tugged at some faint memory buried deep in his awareness but it was with a start that Castiel realized that it wasn't something from the past year, but rather from something far, far earlier. He turned his gaze back to the night sky and stared hard at the stars and the patterns they made. He could almost guess where each star would be based on the locations of those he'd already viewed. He felt like this wasn't the first time that he'd traced these particular lines, though definitely not in the sky before. No, his eyes had caressed them on... on...
Skin?
With a sharp intake of breath Castiel realized where he'd seen those stars before and it was indeed on skin. If the sky was the skin, then the stars were the freckles.
Dean's freckles.
"What?" Sam inquired. "What is it?"
"I-" Castiel began, unable to believe it.
Had he truly rearranged the cosmos to reflect the freckles on Dean's body? It seemed almost impossible to believe, but now that he'd figured it out Castiel couldn't help but see it. The stars above them had most definitely been rearranged into the pattern of freckles on Dean's face. But was it just here or everywhere? A few quick stops around the world proved that yes, it really was everywhere. The freckles from Dean's right shoulder covered the sky over Europe, his back over Asia, the other arm Australia and so on. It wasn't until he arrived in the Maldives and glanced past the light of the sun that he realized that he even knew the pattern of freckles on his human's cock.
"Where the hell did you just go?" Sam inquired when he returned to Bobby's junk yard.
"Everywhere," Castiel replied. "I needed to check something."
"And?"
"Think about your brother and look at the sky again."
"Dean? Huh?"
"His face."
Totally confused, Sam nevertheless did as he asked and Castiel wondered if his friend would figure it out. Sam had definitely spent enough time with Dean to do so, but from what his human had said every now and then normal people didn't spend as long looking at each other as he did with his hunter so he supposed it was possible that Sam wouldn't recognize the pattern for what it was. Not that he understood how anyone wouldn't want spend as much time gazing at Dean as they could. His former charge was a masterpiece and he sincerely believed that Dean was one of his Father's most perfect creations if not the most perfect.
"I don't get it," Sam finally replied, frowning as if he'd failed some test.
"It's his freckles, the pattern's the same."
"His freckles? Wait, just hold on a minute here, did you really just say that when you were all-powerful and could do anything that you wanted, you rearranged the stars to show everyone the pattern of freckles on Dean's face?"
"No, it is only this area that sees the pattern on his face, each area of the world sees the pattern from a different part of your brother's body."
Sam goggled at him in disbelief and Castiel frowned. Sure, while he understood that he should never have done it, he didn't understand why his friend found it so hard to believe that he'd drawn his inspiration from Dean. It did result in some gorgeous constellations if he did say so himself. It was as he looked up at the night sky once more that his attention was drawn by the full moon that hung heavy in the sky. His head tilted as a new idea came to him and he considered it. So far all of the soul shards had been found on Earth, but really there was nothing to say that he'd limited himself thus while high on the Purgatory souls. He'd been able to go anywhere and anytime after all, so why hide them just on Earth?
"I'll be right back, I've got to check out the moon," Castiel said before he spread his wings and took off.
/
Visiting the moon while in a vessel was a very peculiar experience for Castiel. He'd not even thought that it would be any different from his previous trips there and so he was caught completely off-guard when he started receiving distress signals from his vessel. Human bodies, it seemed, didn't cope particularly well with the change in gravity and loss of atmosphere of the moon environment. With a thought he expanded his Grace to automatically compensate for the needs of his vessel.
Normally the size of the moon would make the search for a soul shard difficult, but Castiel knew that he had one major advantage here that he didn't possess on Earth. Namely that the moon was barren of life and so there was little to help mask the Light and brilliance of even a shard of an ordinary human soul, let alone one as bright and full of life as Dean's. He only hoped that having been placed here hadn't affected the soul shard as the ruins of Mecca had the other one. Technically there was a difference between the lack of life and the destruction of it and, because even if no human had died in Mecca that day, other creatures most definitely had. He just wasn't sure if that was a distinction that would matter to a soul shard or if lifeless meant lifeless.
Castiel desperately hoped that it didn't as the last thing that he wanted was to find another soul shard like the one that he'd discovered in Mecca. With a brief prayer to his Father which he hoped would be acknowledged for Dean's sake if not his own, he reached out with his Grace and scanned as much of the moon as he could from his current position. Unable to detect even the faintest glimmer of anything, he flew on to another area and repeated his task. He was just starting to think that there was nothing here when he felt it.
Hope rose within Castiel when he realized that what he felt wasn't the dim flickering of the soul shard in Mecca but something far brighter which responded quite eagerly to his presence. He flew to it immediately and was amazed to find that this soul shard wasn't contained in any way whatsoever. If this had happened on Earth he would have found it far earlier as it would have caused events that would no doubt have been viewed as miraculous by the people living nearby. The way the soul shard in Lawrence had already been able to influence the growth of the sapling through it's box was proof enough of that. Unfettered contact between a part of Dean's essence and another living thing would have been amazing to witness and incomprehensible to other humans.
Since it had responded so well to his Grace probing, Castiel knelt down beside the soul shard and carefully reached out to pick it up. As he'd hoped, it didn't try to pull away from him and instead began glowing even more brightly, eagerly reaching back to him. When it brushed against his Grace, he could suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of relief and joy at finally being able to connect to another living creature. The reaction to who he was came secondary but then it beamed even more, eagerly attempting to twine itself with his Grace.
"Sorry," Castiel sent to it, gently rebuffing the effort. "It's not me that you want to bind to."
Disappointment washed through Castiel, but he bathed it instead in comfort and reassurance, trying to let it know that it would soon get what it wanted. The closeness allowed him to pick up some of the soul shard's other emotions and what passed for thoughts and he wasn't all that surprised to find that it had taken up a kind of sentry position. With nothing else to focus on, it had taken to keeping vigils whenever any part of the Earth was in view, watching over it from afar. It had known that it couldn't truly do anything if something were to happen, but the soul shard had ignored that as much as possible to avoid feeling helpless and useless.
Castiel was relieved to have found such an essential part of his human and wondered if that had anything to do with the reason why his evil counterpart had chosen to place this particular soul shard here on the moon. It would be the part of his former charge that would protest any damage he did on Earth the most. It wasn't a pleasant thought and he pushed it aside in favor for wondering what the return of this particular part of Dean would do to the shade. He tried to curb his hope as the return of any single soul shard had yet to make a massive impact, but it was hard to do.
Part of the reason why he kept trying to hope for more than he had any right to expect was because Castiel was desperately attempting to ward off a fear that had started to grow at the back of his mind recently and he knew it. Even now he didn't wish to acknowledge it, but as much as there had been improvements in the shade's behavior and reactions lately, it wasn't enough. At the rate that they were going he would have the entirety of Dean's soul restored and the one thing that they wouldn't have would be Dean.
Not really.
His only hope was that there was a critical soul shard that he'd yet to find which would make all of the difference. That not all of the parts of the soul were equal was proven by the memories that Castiel had already shared with the shade. From those he knew that his hunter had still been mostly himself even after the first few soul shards had been so horribly ripped from him. It gave him the hope that he so desperately needed to keep going with his search to find all of the missing soul shards. He just didn't want to think too closely on what he might have done with that crucial shard.
Had the Purgatory souls convinced him to destroy it out of spite for Dean's continued refusal to submit to him in the way that he'd wanted? The mere idea made Castiel's Grace want to curl up and die so he tried to avoid thinking about it, but it remained there, at the edge of his awareness and thoughts all day, creeping in whenever he wasn't actively distracting himself with something else.
As if sensing the direction of his thoughts, the soul shard began vibrating in his hands and Castiel smiled sadly as he felt its clumsy attempts to try and return the comfort that he'd offered it. Yes, this was definitely a part of his former charge and it would be a joy to return this particular soul shard to its rightful place where it could fuss over the other soul shards and the shade itself. He wouldn't be surprised if the next time he looked closely at the shards within the shade that he'd be unable to distinguish which part of it had been banished to the ruins of Mecca. Not if this particular soul shard had its way with it.
With that cheerful thought, Castiel flew back to Bobby's scrap yard, watching the annoyance on Sam's face morph into ecstatic wonder when his friend caught sight of what it was that he held.
"You found another one," Sam whispered. "Where? On the moon?"
"Yes."
"Why on earth would you put it there?"
"I do not know, but I suspect it might have been because I disliked what this part of your brother was doing," Castiel replied. "It seems to only want to help others."
Sam frowned. "Different parts of the soul represent different personality traits?"
"I had never thought of it like that before, but perhaps. It is not something which has ever been given much thought or looked into, for obvious reasons."
"Yeah."
The tension was suddenly thick in the air and Sam would no longer meet his gaze. Castiel felt the human urge to sigh but resisted. He wasn't entirely sure why both his friend and Bobby had started to treat him better as of late and he was a little afraid to ask. Part of him wanted to believe that it was a combination of them seeing that he was genuinely here to help and the fact that he acknowledged that what he had done was wrong and had been under the influence of the Purgatory souls, but he wasn't sure if that was naive of him. It was always possible that they had only decided to be nice until Dean had been healed and that they'd kick him out then. He really hoped that this wasn't the case, but he wouldn't fault them if it was.
"Let's go find Dean," Sam stated, jumping off the wreck he'd been sitting on.
As usual Castiel bit back the urge to tell Sam that the shade wasn't Dean, but his friend already knew his opinion on the matter. Despite what they'd seen with their own two eyes and the way that the shade behaved, both Bobby and Sam were bound and determined to think of it as Dean. He suspected that it had to do with the human tendency to not want to give up hope or consider the worst possible scenario unless they had no choice but to do so. Add to that the fact that neither of them could see the state of the shade's soul and the fact that each individual soul shard that they'd viewed had to look miraculous all on its own to them, he felt that they didn't truly understand the gravity of what had been done to Dean.
The selfish part of Castiel wanted to keep it that way purely because it feared what they might do or how they might react if they were to really understand the situation. For once, though, he was able to indulge that part of himself because the more logical and newer part of him that had come to understand what it was that drove humans felt it best to keep this information hidden from Bobby and Sam. Not to protect himself, but to protect them and allow them to hope. There was no need to devastate them thus unless he learned for sure that there was no way of bringing Dean- the real Dean- back. It was a kindness which he wouldn't have understood before and which none of his other brethren had ever managed to figure out.
"Where-" Bobby began, eyes widening when they entered the study and he caught sight of what Castiel held.
"The moon," Castiel replied succinctly, turning his attention to the shade which stood in the other doorway. "Sit down on the couch."
"No."
That had rapidly become the shade's favorite word as of late and while Castiel knew that he could get it to obey him with a look or by putting more force behind his command, he decided a different tactic might be better to use here. He flew to the shade's side and held out the soul shard so that they could both sense one another. As he'd hoped, the shard he held began to vibrate in his hands once more when it felt the nearness of so many other parts of itself while the shade's eyes went unfocused as the scared soul shard within detected and yearned for the missing part of itself.
Then the shade reached out to touch the soul shard and Castiel let it, knowing that doing so would only heighten the connection between the two soul shards and through that increasing the longing to be reunited. Slowly he began to back up towards the couch and the shade followed him step for step, refusing to lose its connection with the lunar soul shard. When he took a seat the shade followed, sitting as close to him as possible and looking up after a few moments.
"Please," the shade asked, his voice almost begging.
"Hush," Castiel soothed, bringing his free hand up to brush through its hair. "Of course I'll return it to you."
Relief flooded the shade's face before it closed its eyes and rested its head on his shoulder. Though this blocked Castiel's view of the shade's chest, he'd performed this particular task so often as of late that he could easily do it blind. As gently as he could, he pushed into the shade's body, marveling at the strength of the attraction that he felt between the soul shards and the sheer delight at the thought of being reunited. There was clearly a level of awareness from the scared soul shards now even if it was nothing like what most souls had. It was heartening, though, and his own joy morphed into pleasure when he realized that the lunar soul shard fit into one of the ragged edges of what had been the Mecca shard.
The effect of adding a sliver of his Grace to the mix was explosive and the wave of raw emotions, thoughts and hopes that washed over Castiel were far too much for him and he was pulled under.
"Dude!" Dean exclaimed, eyes widening in amazement when they landed.
All around him was nothing but miles and miles of sun, sand and water. Or well mostly nothing else, when Dean completed his circle he found that the island they appeared to be on extended in that direction into a lush tropical paradise and he could make out the thatched roofs of a set of buildings. A few steps to the right brought more of it into view around some of the plants and he could see a large pool surrounded by deck chairs, parasols and what looked suspiciously like silken curtains blowing out of the patio doors.
The contrast between Michigan and here was so great that Dean could only stare at it all in shock even as he stripped off his over shirt when the heat started to get to him. It had to be like ninety degrees here even without the humidity!
"Well, what do you think?" Castiel inquired, moving to stand behind him, an arm wrapping around his waist to pull him close to the new God.
"Where are we?"
"The Maldives."
"The Mal-what?"
"The Maldives, they're a set of islands stretching across the Indian Ocean."
"We're near India?"
"Yes."
"Uh, why?"
"Because I need a base of operations on Earth."
Dean snorted. "Somewhere to leave me behind when you're in Heaven or busy elsewhere you mean."
"Among other things, yes."
"So it's a fancy prison."
The arm around his waist tightened painfully and Dean winced, going absolutely still. "If you insist on looking at it as such."
"How else am I supposed to look at it?"
"A reward; a paradise where you can rest and relax without fear of being attacked by anyone or anything. A place where you don't need to worry about anything. I've stocked the kitchen with all that you'll need and there are whole suits of entertainment devices indoors in addition to the pool, beach and bowling alley."
"A reward?" Dean repeated before trying to turn around so he could see the new God, surprised when it was allowed. "Cas, come on, you know me better than that. I'll go stir crazy here within a few days!"
"You won't be alone for long stretches of time."
The look that accompanied those words made Dean's mouth go dry as his mind instantly went back to two nights ago. Having been taken into the former angel's bed had been nothing short of amazing and his cock stirred just thinking about it. Part of him wanted to jump his lover to get a repeat performance right here and now on the beach with the tide rising up around them. Just remembering what it had felt like to be pumped so full of cum he felt full and knotted to keep it all in had him hardening in his too tight jeans and it was all that he could do not to moan. He fought it, though, reminding himself that he needed to focus.
"Cas, I can't just sit around and do nothing, even for short stretches of time, when there are people out there who need my help."
"They don't, not anymore," Castiel stated, stepping close, a hand coming up to tilt his head to the side and baring his throat for the new God.
"Huh?"
It was all that Dean could get out that would be semi intelligible as he'd always liked having this throat nibbled on and Castiel did so expertly despite the former angel's lack of experience. It was almost like Castiel could read his mind.
"I've either destroyed or banished everything supernatural. I told you that I'd be a better God."
Dean moaned as hands slipped under his shirt to run over his skin before moving down again and starting to pull up his shirt. There was big difference between fantasy and reality, though. "No, wait, Cas, stop. I- I'll burn and be lobster red within fifteen minutes out here."
"No, you won't."
The statement was all Dean needed to let his lover strip him of his shirt and he jumped in surprise when his jeans and boxers vanished in the same instant. Castiel, the bastard, merely smiled into the kiss the former angel claimed and then proceeded to swallow his yelp as his legs were suddenly knocked out from under him. Instead of falling, though, he was gently lowered to the sand and by the time the kiss ended, he was staring up at an equally naked God.
"Now, I liked your idea of my taking you right here and now," Castiel stated.
His eyes went wide at the proof that the new God had been reading his thoughts, but Dean found he couldn't bring himself to care all that much. Not with the knowledge that it meant that he was about to be fucked again. Just the thought that he'd be filled up again like before was enough to make his hole clench in anticipation and he mewled before he could stop himself.
"Will you knot me again?"
"I'll not only knot you, but take you over and over again until you'll never want to leave here and my cum will be leaking from you for days."
Castiel managed to tear himself from one memory only to be sucked right into another.
Dean resisted the urge to fidget, knowing the new God would only punish him for it later when they were alone, but it was difficult. He'd been standing still for ten minutes already and the rough material of his robes itched the bare skin of his arms, chest and back. He wasn't sure where Castiel had gotten the damn thing, but it felt like the robes were the real deal and not merely some knock-off monk-like costume. Perhaps it simply hadn't occurred to the former angel that they would be uncomfortable? Given that the rest of his new wardrobe consisted of nothing but silks it was entirely possible and he'd have to ask Castiel to change the material when his lover was in a good mood.
In the meantime, though, there was nothing for Dean to do but suck it up. The problem was that he really wasn't any good at either holding still or being quiet, let along keeping his mouth shut when anyone was spouting as much bullshit as he was hearing now. He'd known it would be difficult from the moment that Castiel had said that they were going to the Vatican, but that did nothing to help him bear it now.
To make matters even worse, his lover had taken him only a few hours ago and Dean could feel some of Castiel's cum slowly leaking out of him, wetting his ass and the back of his thighs. He nearly giggled at the thought of what the Vatican officials would think if they noticed or found some divine cum on the ground later. Would it become a new Holy site or would they consider the whole place ruined? Irrevocably tainted?
A hand on his shoulder brought Dean back to the present and grounded him. At the last minute he remembered not to look up or over but to keep his head reverently bowed so the cowl hid his face. Fear also rose within him as he realized just how much control he'd lost but he was thankful that he'd managed to keep quiet and not move. He still wasn't sure what the new God had done to him the other day, but he'd been feeling off kilter and wrong ever since. Just the memory of Castiel reaching into his chest and the absolutely unbearable pain that had followed was enough to make him want to cower and do whatever the former angel wanted him to and that was even without thinking about the bright, shiny thing Castiel had pulled out of him. No, had taken from him.
Dean tried his damnedest not to think too closely on just what that had been, but he'd felt its loss ever since. Try as he might, something ached within him and he had more trouble than usual keeping things together.
The pain and fear that accompanied that memory was enough to allow Castiel to pull himself free even as yet another memory tried to ensnare him in its net even though that one had joy and laughter radiating from it.
The sheer determination with which Castiel pulled himself free from the reach of the soul shards translated into physical movement and the next thing he knew, he was tumbling to the ground beside the couch.
"Cas!" Sam exclaimed, stepping forwards hastily. "What happened? Are you alright? Is Dean alright?"
"I am well," Castiel replied, though he felt shaken to his very core. "It was simply far more intense than usual."
A quick glance over at the shade showed it to be on its side on the couch, a tear rolling down its cheek. It looked a sorry sight but when Castiel peered past the physical to the scared soul shard beyond, he was amazed at what he found. The lunar shard had taken to the Mecca one with all of the enthusiasm and longing he'd felt from it earlier and the two were bonding in a way he hadn't witnessed the other shards doing before.
"No, Sam, leave him alone," Castiel instructed when his friend moved to step towards the shade. "He needs some time alone just now."
"Are you sure?" Bobby asked, coming around his desk.
"Yes. It is for the best."
The emotional maelstrom he'd just been through was still messing with his equilibrium, but Castiel was slowly able to regain full control of himself and with it his vessel. As always it had responded physically to the memory of sexual intimacy with his human and longed to take his hunter now. The longer he resisted, the harder it was becoming to drop the shade into a dream state whenever it attempted to instigate sexual relations with him. The fact that he now had another memory that told him that Dean loved to be taken by him didn't help either but he had to remain firm.
Only if Dean wished to couple after his former charge was himself once more would he allow himself to claim his human again and not before.
"What happened?" Sam inquired. "That didn't look like before."
"That's because it wasn't," Castiel confirmed. "The two soul shards involved had a particularly strong affinity for each other and reacted rather more strongly than I expected them to. Souls do not normally possess the ability to heal, but it seems your brother's has some innate ability in that regard, or at least one shard of it does."
Bobby snorted. "Of course he does."
"So how are we doing?" Sam asked. "How close are we to having found all of the soul shards?"
"I am not entirely sure," Castiel admitted. "Most of the shards have been similar sizes, in which case I'd say that we have quite a few more to go."
"I sense a but there," Bobby said.
"Indeed. Normally the shards we find fit in somewhere at random or they don't fit and orbit around the rest of the shards until we find one that connects the two."
"Yeah, okay," Sam replied uncomfortably. "So?"
"So there is one area that has remained untouched throughout the last few weeks, a place where no soul shard has slotted into place. It's towards the middle of Dean's soul and rather larger than any of the shards that we've found so far."
"You think that there might be one big shard out there somewhere?" Bobby questioned.
"Yes, and I suspect that it is the critical shard. Without it we may never get Dean back."
The silence that followed was tense and extremely uncomfortable. When it was finally broken, though, Castiel experienced another human sensation he had only heard about before. Namely his heart leapt into his throat and hope swelled strong and bright within him.
"Sammy?"
It was so unexpected that it took Castiel a moment to realize that it was the shade who'd spoken, but his friend was on his knees beside the couch in an instant.
"Dean?" Sam asked. "I'm here, I'm right here. You with me man?"
"Sammy," the shade repeated, reaching up to touch one of the anxiety lines on his brother's face.
Bobby wasn't far behind Sam in crowding close to the shade and Castiel used the opportunity to slip out of the room, knowing that they needed a little time to themselves. Besides, unlike his two friends, he knew that this wasn't the breakthrough that they'd been hoping for, but rather just another small show of progress much as the shade's first verbal refusal to follow an order had been. The latest soul shard was compassionate and so allowed the shade some ability in that area and nothing more.
/
The next soul shard took far longer to find and it wasn't until Castiel accidentally caught part of a news report at Bobby's about an amazing discovery a group of marine biologists had made far out at sea that he remembered a place he'd liked to go to contemplate his charge and await further orders before he'd rebelled. It was a shelf partway down the Mariana Trench out in the Pacific Ocean. He hadn't been back there since he'd first gone to the tops of the Himalayas, but he might have thought of it when seeking a hiding place for yet another soul shard.
With a quick goodbye to the shade (apparently it had panicked at his last abrupt departure), Castiel headed straight for his old retreat. The moment that he arrived he knew he'd been right. What was normally only a minimally occupied shelf was now veritably teeming with life of all kinds, both plant and animal. This deep it wasn't particularly colorful, but he couldn't help but admire the uniqueness of the beings nonetheless.
And in the center of it all, shining brightly, was the soul shard. It was an edge one, Castiel saw at once, another one which was rapidly coming to define the outline of Dean's soul. It lent further credence to his theory that what was missing from the middle was one big shard rather than multiple small ones but he was at an utter loss as to where he or the Purgatory souls might have thought to hide something so incredibly important. He absolutely refused to consider the fact that the Purgatory souls might have convinced him to just destroy it. Why go to all of the effort to hide the smaller shards when he simply intended to destroy the most critical one?
Besides, Castiel somehow strongly doubted that his evil twin wouldn't have been arrogant enough to think that, given enough time, he wouldn't be able to come up with a way of taming it or otherwise bending it to his will. It would have been the ultimate triumph and he doubted that the Purgatory souls would have been against an idea like that. Not given how strong and powerful Dean's soul was and what it would mean to restore it and have his hunter then voluntarily bow before them and pledge his love and loyalty. It would have been too much of an ego boost to give up on.
Disentangling the soul shard from the creatures and plants that had latched onto it was difficult, especially since Castiel knew that harming any of them would upset the shard, but he was more determined than they were and finally achieved it. He also found that he couldn't be even a little annoyed with them, not when they'd helped keep this particular soul shard as happy and contented as it was. It had clearly enjoyed both the attention and the ability to help so many other living things.
What surprised Castiel was how little the soul shard protested being separated from the creatures and plants that it had helped. Given the symbiosis that had occurred he'd have expected it to resist him, but found that rather the opposite was true and the soul shard was pleased to see him, wrapping itself willingly and eagerly around his fingers, humming happily and pulsing with pleasure against his Grace. It felt so nice that instead of flying directly back into Bobby's house, he flew instead to the roof and seated himself up there with the soul shard half entwined with his fingers, half cupped in his palm.
Unlike the shards before that had tried sink into him or flee, this one seemed perfectly content where it was, humming and pulsing. Castiel relaxed into the sensation, taking a little time to simply rest and enjoy himself for the first time since he'd woken on the floor in the Maldives. Before the mere thought of doing so had always felt like a betrayal of his human, like he wasn't doing all that he could to help and restore him, but this just now felt different. He wasn't sure how to explain it, but it just was.
Perhaps it was because it was one of Dean's own soul shards that triggered it, acting almost as if it wanted Castiel to take a break. He also couldn't find it in him to do anything to the shard that might make it unhappy. It was by far the healthiest of the soul shards that he'd found and given the sheer number of them his evil twin had torn Dean's soul into, that was saying a lot. Being able to freely interact with his Father's other creations had clearly done wonders for it. To the point where it seemed to have totally forgotten that he was the one who'd mutilated it in the first place.
While he'd been thinking, a part of Castiel had begun to respond to the soul shard and started to return the pulses of emotions and Light it caressed his Grace with. It felt odd, other somehow, and he could only watch in bemusement as the shard and that part of himself hummed and pulsed happily at each other, almost communicating in the way that human twins did, using some language that only the two of them knew. It was pleasing, though, and soothing so he allowed himself to be lulled into a state of partial awareness much like those he'd used to slip into when seeking revelation.
The Darkness within him had been steadily retreating the past few weeks, almost as if it were being driven out and Castiel prayed that it was the only lingering vestige of the Purgatory souls and would soon vanish altogether. The only slightly disturbing thing was that his powers continued to increase in accordance with the retreat of the Darkness and he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. He feared that it would corrupt him and wished for some means to remove it so that he could purge himself of it much as he was doing with the Darkness. Every time he sought to seek the power out, though, he'd been unable to discover anything that wasn't entwined with his Grace, as if it were an integral part of it.
The sudden sense of Dean shocked Castiel out of his stupor and he glanced about, instantly alert. What he'd just felt had been his hunter himself, not merely the shade, but it was already gone like one of those dreams he'd experienced when nearly fully human, slipping through his fingers faster the more that he grasped for it. Although his first instinctive reaction had been unbridled joy and euphoria, it quickly faded when he realized that it hadn't been real. In his unguarded state his Grace must have called up the illusion to try and deceive himself and all that it had accomplished was to make him feel worse than before.
The soul shard in his hand vibrated with mild distress and redoubled its efforts to soothe and comfort him and Castiel forced himself to calm down enough to reassure it. He refused, however, to allow himself to be lulled back into a semi aware state, afraid of what his Grace might do in some desperate bid to please him. Instead he reached out, seeking the shade and was startled to find that it wasn't in the house. Fearful, he reached out further and then relaxed when he sensed it with Sam, moving along one of the nearby roads and he assumed that his friend had taken the shade out for a ride in the Impala.
/
"Okay, I've got nothing else," Sam stated, slamming the atlas he had before him shut.
"There must be something else," Castiel insisted, picking up a sheaf of printouts he'd already looked at. "We're still missing a shard, the most important one."
"Castiel, we've gone over every single public visit that you made as God," Bobby said. "Checked and rechecked every possibility, no matter how small and remote. Hell, we've even looked in all the places that we could think of where we'd hide a soul shard. There's nothing else that we can do here."
No, Castiel absolutely refused to believe that. It just couldn't be true. The urge to shoot to his feet and start pacing the room rose strong and swift within him and the only reason that he didn't give into it was because the shade was curled up beside him on the couch, its head resting on his thigh. It had taken to following him around everywhere as of late and had absolutely refused to budge from its kneeling position beside his chair earlier so he'd moved to the couch so it could be more comfortable. It was ironic, really, as he'd have expected it to want to get further and further away from him the more they pieced together Dean's soul, but of course it had to go and do this.
His human never could do what was expected of him.
"You're sure that we're just missing one big shard?" Sam asked.
"As sure as I can be."
"Sorry, I just... It seems so unlikely that all we're missing is one piece. I mean just look at him."
Almost involuntarily, Castiel's eyes followed Sam's hand as it gestured at the shade. It dozed on, completely oblivious to all of the attention currently being directed its way. He knew what it was that his friend was referring to and it worried him too even if he'd been unable not to draw a certain amount of satisfaction from the shade's current behavior. He still tried to cling to his belief that the final soul shard they were missing was the crucial one (it just had to be!), but he was slowly starting to doubt that assertion. It wasn't that they'd found any evidence to suggest that he might be wrong, but rather that he was starting to doubt himself.
More and more the past few weeks, Castiel had been starting to feel Dean, as if his beloved human were nearby, but every time that he'd tried to follow the feeling, it had faded. At first he'd thought that it had something to do with the shade, perhaps that with all of the soul shards they'd found that the scared thing within it was on the cusp of regaining true awareness, but then it had transpired when he'd been in the Ivory Coast of all places, thousands of miles away from the shade.
Out of nowhere the feeling was back, stronger than ever before and Castiel felt his vessel stop breathing as he tried desperately not to react as he had all of the previous times. That had only resulted in it slipping through his fingers like so many grains of sand, just like the handful of sand had at the beach that one time he remembered going there with Mom and Dad, back before Sammy had been born.
Castiel had gone stock still when the memory faded and he saw the shade before him once more. Only now it wasn't curled up against him anymore but had pushed itself up onto its elbows and was watching him with the most peculiar expression on its face. His eyes locked with the shade's green ones and he found that he couldn't so much as look away anymore. Distantly he was aware of Sam and Bobby speaking, probably to him, but he ignored them. He was utterly numb inside and could only watch as the shade reached up with one shaky hand to touch his face.
Instantly that sensation he'd experienced a few weeks ago, up on the roof with the Mariana Trench shard was back. The scared soul shard within the shade was humming and pulsing wildly in excitement and something within him was responding and he suddenly knew what it was.
And it wasn't him, or rather a part of him as he'd always thought before.
The thought was so huge that Castiel struggled to take it all in. On some level he'd always known, right from the moment that he'd first woken up on the floor in the Maldives- it had been there right from the start- but for the rest of him the revelation was a complete and utter shock and he could hardly believe it.
It made sense, though, both from the point of view of a Purgatory soul high him and in regards to what had happened since.
The Purgatory souls hadn't just up and vanished as Castiel always knew couldn't be the case. No, rather they'd been driven out or even cleansed due to the intimate proximity they'd shared with the last and most important shard of Dean's soul.
Castiel had taken that particular soul shard of Dean into himself.
He'd taken it into his Grace, probably in the hopes of either finally corrupting or dominating it, and instead it had cleansed him of the Purgatory souls. He'd go for the other option, that the soul shard had driven them out, except that wouldn't explain where his new found power had come from. The other option did.
Now that he knew what to look for, when Castiel reached into his own Grace, he could see it clearly. There, buried deep within his Grace, nestled securely within it and so intimately intertwined with himself that he could see how he'd missed it before, was the final soul shard. At the moment it was vibrating and pulsing brilliantly, clearly extremely happy to be so close to the rest of itself. It glowed brightly, almost as brightly as his own Grace and he was awed despite himself. As if aware that its presence had been detected, he was suddenly flooded with the sense of Dean and he just let himself go.
The feeling of his beloved hunter washed over him, stronger than it had ever been before he'd gone on his God trip, stronger even than what he'd experienced when he'd raised Dean from Perdition. Then he'd only been gripping it tight, now the part of it that was most essentially Dean was interwoven within his very Grace. Together with the feeling of his human were a slew of other emotions, love and forgiveness most strongly amongst them and it was all too much for him.
Castiel twisted the rest of his Grace to wrap tightly around the soul shard, absently feeling the wetness on his vessel's face as he clung to Dean as tightly as he could. He poured his own emotions back to his beloved, sharing all of the relief, guilt and love he felt as well as his sincerest intention to ensure that nothing like this ever happened again. His hunter responded instantly and for a short while they became truly one, the emotions and thoughts passing between them freely. It was the sheer relief that his beloved felt at knowing that he was okay that finally pushed him back to himself. As much as he wanted to keep Dean exactly where he was, tucked away within himself where no one else could ever hurt his human, he knew that he couldn't.
Slowly Castiel untangled them, cherishing each and every indication from Dean that this was hard on his hunter and that on some level his human simply wanted to remain with him like this forever as well. When it came to the original connections between them, things got more difficult. Those bonds had been forged long ago and had grown stronger over time. He proceeded as carefully as possible, but he knew that things wouldn't all break off cleanly, not with how intertwined they'd become. He tried to make the breaks on his side, to pry off more slivers of his Grace, but once he realized what was going on, Dean resisted him. Before he could react, his hunter reacted, making the breaks on his end.
Determination met his dismay and Castiel could only watch as the tiny slivers of Dean's soul settled into his Grace precisely where he'd removed slivers of himself before to help the other shards of Dean's soul meld back together again. It was to be a trade then and he honestly couldn't bring himself to regret the soul slivers that settled easily into his Grace, each vibrating with pleasure at being back with him. He bathed them with his affection even as he slowly lifted the rest of his human's soul shard away.
When Castiel opened eyes that he hadn't even been aware of closing, it was to look right back into the eyes of the shade which were now more alive with excitement and anticipation than he'd ever seen them since first waking a few months ago. It was little wonder to him now that the shade had wanted to be so close to him as of late, it had probably been able to sense that the only missing part of itself was inside of him. Why it hadn't said anything he'd probably never know, but perhaps the last soul shard simply hadn't been ready. He knew that Dean would never have remained as quiet and dormant within him if his beloved had been able interact with him, so he figured that now was just the first time had it had been able to remain awake and aware long enough to do so.
Castiel doubted that the fact that the last of the Darkness within him had only vanished a few days ago was mere coincidence. Clearly he owed his human far more than he could ever repay him. The wave of protest and denial that battered against his Grace begged to differ and he couldn't help but smile. Dean was well and truly back, now to just restore his beloved to his rightful place.
"Oh, thank God," Bobby stated when Castiel moved.
Startled, Castiel looked at his friend, having completely forgotten about his presence.
"Sam, get your ass back here! The idjit angel's awake again."
"He is?" Sam's voice called back, relief evident in his tone as he came rushing into the room. "Cas! What happened? You just suddenly checked out on us."
"I found the last soul shard," Castiel replied simply.
"What? Where?" Bobby demanded, astonished.
"Here."
With that Castiel reached up to touch his own chest and when he pulled his hand back, he held the final soul shard in his palm. It was visibly larger and brighter than all of the others he'd held before and it easily eclipsed the light of the noon sun coming in through the windows. The amazed sounds and wondrous looks on Sam and Bobby's faces made it clear that they realized the difference too, but he hardly paid them any attention, focusing instead on the shade. It was looking at the shard in undisguised rapture, clearly able to sense the importance of it. There was absolutely no resistance from it whatsoever when he reached forward and pushed his way into Dean's body.
This time the attraction between the two shards was so great that the scared one came racing towards Castiel even as he brought the one he held towards it. Their meeting was astounding, Light exploding all around before there was a tugging at his Grace, both along their bond and where he was touching the soul, and he was engulfed in the supernova as well.
The slivers of soul within him flared with the melding of the two soul shards and Castiel watched in amazement as they healed on their own, the scars searing brightly before all but melting away until there was absolutely nothing left to mark that they'd ever been there at all. The Light and power danced all along his Grace as well and he suddenly felt and became aware again of the slivers that he'd sacrificed before for his beloved. They were now wholly incorporated into Dean's soul, but their bond with him was reactivated. It gave him an awareness of his beloved that he'd never even known was possible before.
Their bond, too, was rapidly growing, becoming so strong and bright that, profound as it had been before, it now made their previous connection look like a mere thread in comparison. Castiel worried briefly that this was happening without Dean's knowledge or consent, but the delight he then felt from his beloved about the development of their bond soon eased that and he was able to simply bask in its creation and everything that passed hard and fast between them.
When the power and Light finally started to fade, Castiel could do nothing but gaze in awe at the result. Reluctantly he began to physically pull out of his beloved, taking solace in the fact that he would never again be truly apart from Dean. Not like this, not with this new bond. He'd always be as aware of his hunter from now on as he'd been of his brothers and sisters before and he couldn't wait to test just how far the bond went. For now, though, he felt the exhaustion that rose up swiftly within his human and managed to catch Dean when he slumped forward, deep asleep already.
"Did it work, son?" The question startled Castiel and he glanced up to see a very tired looking Bobby Singer sitting on the coffee table pulled up to the couch. "Is Dean...?"
"Yes, he's back," Castiel replied with a smile, strangely exhausted himself even as his Grace continued to sing with the utter joy and delight that he felt at the new bond. "Where's Sam?"
"I finally convinced him to go to sleep a few hours ago. I promised to go wake him as soon as there was any change."
"A few hours ago?" A quick glance at the windows showed that the curtains had been drawn. "What time is it?"
"A little before three am."
"That took fifteen hours?"
"Try thirty-nine."
"Thirt- that took more than a day?"
"Yeah. If we couldn't see some of the light show from here we'd have taken drastic action."
"Light show?" Castiel questioned, lost.
"Both of your eyes and mouths shone with it. Sam said it looked similar to what happened with Anna when she got her Grace back. We assumed that meant it was working."
"It was."
"So you took the last soul shard into yourself, huh?"
"Yes, it's what saved me."
"Excuse me?"
"Dean saved me," Castiel explained. "His soul, or the shard of it, is what overcame the Purgatory souls. He cleansed them of their evil and in doing so freed me from their influence."
"Well I'll be damned," Bobby muttered, removing his cap and running a hand through his hair as he looked at Dean in awe before he laughed. "And in doing so he saved himself."
"Yes."
Bobby shook his head in disbelief but there was a huge smile on the hunter's face. "Well why don't you take the idjit upstairs and I'll go give Sam the good news."
With a nod of consent, Castiel flew his precious burden upstairs and gently lowered Dean onto the bed, shushing him when his hunter sleepily protested being released from his embrace. Not wanting to wake his former charge, he lowered himself onto the bed and sat beside his beloved, gently stroking both his hair and soul. He kept up his attentions even when Sam and Bobby entered the room, his younger friend joining him on the bed and reaching for one of Dean's hands.
"Why is he asleep?" Sam questioned softly.
"He's just been through an extremely taxing ordeal and been returned to his body after an extended absence. He just needs to heal," Castiel replied.
"But you're sure that he'll be fine?"
"Yes."
Part 5