An Icebox where my heart used to be
This is what I saw coming but didn't want to happen. Far from it. Lately Ashley and I have been talking less and less, the reasoning being her now working long days and the fact that it made it hard on her to keep talking to me. We are opposites when it comes to that but that's life.
Yesterday at around 3 pm my time I talked to her to find out why I was no longer on her myspace, only for her to tell me that it's over. Yes I'm caught off guard and it hurts me more then anything I've ever gone through. But it's over, and not a thing I can do about it any more. The way she explained it to me is that she didn't feel anything, here's the catch to it. Not only did she not feel it while she was here with me, but she didn't feel it in Boston either. She only came down to find out if once away from everyone things would change. Apparantly not. I also drive her crazy, but that's yet to be explained really.
I'm not gonna hate Ashley, it was great while it lasted and I don't regret anything so to speak. Of course I wish I could change things. As it stands right now, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I hurt, but I can't let it occupy me with me going downrange soon. If I let it occupy me, I'll end up coming home in a box.
This opens up more things for me so to speak. The only reason I wasn't going to re enlist was because she and I had decided we weren't going to get married till I was out and we set it up ourselves. Now, I will rethink everything YET AGAIN, and may end up staying in.
I'll leave you with a remix I created in my mind. Over the ocean and thru the desert I'm a lonely heart again...
Now the Lyrics to the song that explains how I feel so to speak
Fussin' and fightin', we back at it again
I know that, it's my fault, but you don't understand (no)
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my niggas
I should try, truth is I wanna let u in, but no
Damn these memories, and it's crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this
[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
Why can't I get it right, just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it
And I, I apologize, for makin' you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same
[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, 'cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this
[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold cold world ('cause I don't wanna be) [2x]
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl [6x]
[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this
[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
Always,
SPC Jason Rynders 63B US ARMY